What do you do if you do not love the girl(boy) who loves you?

[Ahura Mazda]

Here is the thing. I am not really asking for advice but I would be interested in reading any insights others may have.

The circumstances are 2 mature people (by mature, I mean out of school and livng on their own) who are dating. They are exclusive and obviously, they are sleeping with each other. The girl loves the guy and she is the sweetest person there is, but the guy as much as he likes her, is not in love with her. In addition, add to the fact that they live in a small city.

In such a situation, if you were the individual who is not in love what would you do?

 

[Cylon]

First!

 

[hippy fascist]

tell her the truth but be gentle

if you drag it out she'll look back and realise you've been living a charade for a long time

be honest but not brutal.

Look at it this way, say she meets another potential love of her life in the six months while you make your mind up, if she turns that guy down because she thinks you are still in love with her you've just cost a potential chance at REAL happiness, for the sake of avoiding an awkward conversation

That's my take anyway

 

[The Amazing Lee]

The truth will come out eventually...as a relationship without the love... Will slowly deteriorate over time.

The fact is...that you won't realise what you've got until she's gone...

...and it'll be harder.

Relationships are under appreciated at times and it's not until you're under hard times that you realize where that love is.

Trust me, I know these things.

 

[November Rain]

Love is a tangle that is hard to get out of. I would say to save her soul, I would shatter her very core.

In the short term, it may devastate her but in the long run, i think it'd stop her forever having feelings for the person or start blaming herself for why her feelings were reciprocated. It'll leave her a stronger person in the long run...

The other way out of this would be to tell her you're gay, that normally works but you may have to take a winky in your poo poo for the sake of the team.

 

[Cylon]

I would say to save her soul, I would shatter her very core.

LOL Are you always that melodramatic?

 

[November Rain]

The truth will come out eventually...as a relationship without the love... Will slowly deteriorate over time.

The fact is...that you won't realise what you've got until she's gone...

...and it'll be harder.

Relationships are under appreciated at times and it's not until you're under hard times that you realize where that love is.

Trust me, I know these things.

YOu're asking a man in his 30s to trust a teenager in the ways of experienced love and relationships?

 

[November Rain]

LOL Are you always that melodramatic?

YOu should hear me having a monologue while i wipe my arse after a morning poo.

Spoiler

And here i take the spirit of a dead piece of mother earth, reincarnated as as the most gracious of tools. so unloved, so overlooked, yet so well modelled and irreplaceable in our society, to grace the cheeks of my buttocks and slowly wipe the sticky unwanted poo off my life of my hairy rectum. I hope this poo and paper (and some butt hair) travel on their journy down the toilet together and find meaning in their harmounious lives and realised sometime ago....they were both loved'

:heart:

 

[Ahura Mazda]

Well thanks for the suggestions. Right now, I feel horrible about it and really I guess I am afraid of having the conversation. She is having me meet her parents and I was not able to get out of it.

The telling her I am gay is not an option in my community (there are other girls I am interested in but of course I do not act upon it) and plus she would never believe it as she has seen me outside of our relationship.

At the end of the day, I am almost hoping for an excuse from the outside which could come in the form of a job offer in another city.

In any case, at the end of the day, the situation I am in is wholly my own fault as I led her on a bit in the beginning because I wanted to sleep with her and now I feel real guilty about it.

She went so far as taking me out of town for the weekend on my birthday to a Suite in a 5 star hotel. If I had used an iota of what little intelligence I had, I would have broken it off in September and now I feel I am stuck. The way it is going, I think I am just making it worse.

 

[bullets]

First!

wtf?????






anyway in my last relationship the girl treated me better than anyone else had and was completely in love with me , i on the other hand cared for her alot and enjoyed her company but at the same was wanted to date other girls . i wasnt in love with her but couldn't break up with her because im an idiot , so i started fights. we eventually broke up and i'm not proud of how i acted . so i say you gotta let her go otherwise your just wasting hers and your own time.

 

[November Rain]

quick question ahura, how long have you been seeing this person for?

you might be able to ride the storm a lil bit longer

 

[Ahura Mazda]

quick question ahura, how long have you been seeing this person for?

you might be able to ride the storm a lil bit longer

I met her in March/April of this year and have been dating her as of April/May. When I say dating I do mean sleeping with her.

 

[November Rain]

So why is the term 'love' been thrown around if it's only been a couple of months?

 

[Ahura Mazda]

anyway in my last relationship the girl treated me better than anyone else had and was completely in love with me , i on the other hand cared for her alot and enjoyed her company but at the same was wanted to date other girls . i wasnt in love with her but couldn't break up with her because im an idiot , so i started fights. we eventually broke up and i'm not proud of how i acted . so i say you gotta let her go otherwise your just wasting hers and your own time.

That sounds allot like what i am living through except we never have any fights. I know at the first one I will probably find myself ending the relationship.

 

[Ahura Mazda]

So why is the term 'love' been thrown around if it's only been a couple of months?

Because she has told me she loves me and then has suggested we move in together. Not to mention she added that I am the first guy she envisages having children with.

 

[Sloth7d]

I avoid those females that get "feelings". Best thing is to not answer their calls or see them in public. It's worked 3 times for me already.

 

[Erzengel]

Eh, you can't help how you feel.

If you don't feel you're in love with her, then you're not.

I wouldn't be honest with her per se, but I would say something like "I don't see this relationship progressing".

 

[November Rain]

Because she has told me she loves me and then has suggested we move in together. Not to mention she added that I am the first guy she envisages having children with.

You are so screwed....

 

[PaulGilbert]

First quit being a coward, secondly tell her. Stringing her along is not cool.

 

[Ahura Mazda]

You are so screwed....

I know

First quit being a coward, secondly tell her. Stringing her along is not cool.

You are right and I am not proud of myself. I just end up keep delaying hoping that I get a job that forces me to leave the country just so I have an excuse. It just seems never the good moment.

 

[November Rain]

+

=

+

 

[PaulGilbert]

I know



You are right and I am not proud of myself. I just end up keep delaying hoping that I get a job that forces me to leave the country just so I have an excuse. It just seems never the good moment.

Wasnt being an ass about it btw - its just got to be done. There isnt a good moment, do it tonight. Personal experiance.

 

[Ahura Mazda]

Eh, you can't help how you feel.

If you don't feel you're in love with her, then you're not.

I wouldn't be honest with her per se, but I would say something like "I don't see this relationship progressing".

That is what I am going to end up saying but it still will not change the fact that I have lead her along. I guess I just have to get ready for a very uncomfortable discussion. I have also delayed hoping my feelings could change. I do like the sex and she is really nice to me.

Of course, I have left it for too late given her parents are here visiting and I could not get out of having dinner with them plus she bought a plane ticket to join me during New Years.

 

[Erzengel]

You might want to do it soon, no sense ruining her Christmas.

 

[Sloth7d]

Hmmm.... Dude, you should totally wait and see what she gives you for christmas first.