What do you do if you do not love the girl(boy) who loves you?

[Eggyman]

Yes I am aware but I will have no guilt in one months time if things do not work out. I do have feelings for her even though I have to stop myself from cheating on her at times (not that I am over loaded with opportunities or anything like that). Plus geneva is a very small community with people bumping into each other all the time. I don't want any "bad feelings" between us and this month will prevent that because I will either be ready to build my life with this woman or not. It is simple as that at the end of the day.

I'm an impulsive shopper. I don't walk around a shop for an hour deciding what I'm gonna get. If I see something I like, I buy it. If something doesn't strike me straight away, I don't buy it. Simple as that.

 

[Angry Sentinel]

Listen dude, relationships are all about responsibility. Part of that responsibility is either:

Being dumped and dealing with all the unforseen emotional crap that you
will feel because of the lack of closure, dependency, lonliness, etc.

or

Being the 'dumper' and dealing with the guilt of pulling the rug out from
under your significant other.

As long as there were any real feelings involved, there is no avoiding, downplaying, softening, enjoying, making a clean break, or any of the other
novel ideas that you see in the movies or on tv.

 

[November Rain]

if you're the dumper you can make clean breaks in your eyes but the other party kinda plays it cool and ends up going through all the emotions without you present.

except for both parties mutually falling out of love (to some degree although it's generally always one more than the other), then it's gonna be toof

 

[Eggyman]

There's nothing worse than a slow death . . .

 

[DBella]

Well thanks for the suggestions. Right now, I feel horrible about it and really I guess I am afraid of having the conversation. She is having me meet her parents and I was not able to get out of it.

The telling her I am gay is not an option in my community (there are other girls I am interested in but of course I do not act upon it) and plus she would never believe it as she has seen me outside of our relationship.

At the end of the day, I am almost hoping for an excuse from the outside which could come in the form of a job offer in another city.

In any case, at the end of the day, the situation I am in is wholly my own fault as I led her on a bit in the beginning because I wanted to sleep with her and now I feel real guilty about it.

She went so far as taking me out of town for the weekend on my birthday to a Suite in a 5 star hotel. If I had used an iota of what little intelligence I had, I would have broken it off in September and now I feel I am stuck. The way it is going, I think I am just making it worse.

You can un-stuck yourself by telling her the truth. It will hurt her now but if you led her on further than you already have, it'll be worse. A relationship based on a lie isn't going to last and the more time you spend with each other, the stronger the bond and the love she feels for you, the worse she'll feel if she were to find out much later. I am sure you don't want to make things worse and cause her more pain as she grows more attached to you.

 

[Eggyman]

I wouldn't really be thinking of living with her though if you're not sure you even want to be with her. If you do decide to stick it out, leave the shared accommodation until later, because moving in with someone can be hard work so you'll need to build up some reserves first.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Well the holidays came and went and last thursday I had a discussion with her. And we have now decided that we would give it another month and then decide whether we move in together and she gets rid of her cats or whether we call it quits.

I hate to say it but I was heavily influenced by my mother and her freinds who all told me not to break it off with her when she came and stayed with us in Marrakesh.

On a side note, I spent a night in the desert and it is amazing to see the sun set and rise there. The colors are hard to describe.

You're just making things worse for both of you and being a complete coward.

 

[Metamorpho1977]

Here is the thing. I am not really asking for advice but I would be interested in reading any insights others may have.

The circumstances are 2 mature people (by mature, I mean out of school and livng on their own) who are dating. They are exclusive and obviously, they are sleeping with each other. The girl loves the guy and she is the sweetest person there is, but the guy as much as he likes her, is not in love with her. In addition, add to the fact that they live in a small city.

In such a situation, if you were the individual who is not in love what would you do?

honesty is truly the best policy in a situation like this. it's not just a cliche'

 

[Apollo]

Everytime i like a girl, she doesn't like me, and everygirl that likes me i don't like them. My life is all screwed uP!

*Horrible EmO music plays in bacckground*

 

[Pyroschik]

same here except with guys.

 

[Soundwave]

This sounds like a classic case of a person who doesn't know what they want. This wishy-washy attitude of yours is making it worse. Not only are you hurting her, you're also hurting yourself.

What's ironic is that you're trying to spare her feelings and not hurt her so you don't look like the bad guy but the longer you drag this out and live this lie that's exactly what you're gonna end up being.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

This sounds like a classic case of a person who doesn't know what they want. This wishy-washy attitude of yours is making it worse. Not only are you hurting her, you're also hurting yourself.

What's ironic is that you're trying to spare her feelings and not hurt her so you don't look like the bad guy but the longer you drag this out and live this lie that's exactly what you're gonna end up being.

End up being, he's already the bad guy, dragging this relationship out just so he doesn't hurt her feelings. First it's not to ruin her Christmas and New Year's. Now, it's try to make it work for another month, but what happens in early February? He won't break up with her so she won't be alone on Valentine's Day, then well drinking alone for St. Patty's Day sucks so, you've gotta stick it out another month, then the weather's getting warmer and you need to have someone to go to the beach and bbq's and summer weddings with, then there's labor day and Halloween and then we're right back into the holidays...

 

[Ahura Mazda]

I think you guys did not read my last posts. I did have a discussion with her and she convinced me to let it go on for another month. So really I do not see what the hell you guys are talking about honesty for. I even told her I considerred breaking up during the past 2 months but did not want to ruin her holidays.

Anyways.....it is really moot now as I will do my best during the next 30 days and take it from there.

 

[Captain_BluTac]

I don't see why not loving someone is a problem if you don't love them you won't care enough to stay with them if you are willing to put up with another month of her you obviously do love her so top being dumb

 

[Nightmare]

You tell them as soon as you can, dont let them think that you love them when you dont. Time heals all wounds.

 

[Captain_BluTac]

You tell them as soon as you can, dont let them think that you love them when you dont. Time heals all wounds.

fine how long does it take to get over decapitation?

 

[November Rain]

a few seconds...

 

[Captain_BluTac]

a few seconds...

I'm talking about ordinary people not Claire Bennet or Noel ****ing Edmonds

 

[Ahura Mazda]

You are dead in a few seconds so really you are over with it....

 

[bullets]

a few seconds...

that can seem like along time if your laying there watching a samauri go through your wallet. i want to wink if that happens.

 

[Erzengel]

I think you guys did not read my last posts. I did have a discussion with her and she convinced me to let it go on for another month. So really I do not see what the hell you guys are talking about honesty for. I even told her I considerred breaking up during the past 2 months but did not want to ruin her holidays.

Anyways.....it is really moot now as I will do my best during the next 30 days and take it from there.

You've been dating her for seriously for 8 to 9 months? I'm not really sure how 1 more month will give you some insight of what wasn't obvious before. But good luck, you sound like a decent fellow who doesn't want to really hurt this girl, but honestly, you should really know if this girl is for you by now.

 

[Ahura Mazda]

You've been dating her for seriously for 8 to 9 months? I'm not really sure how 1 more month will give you some insight of what wasn't obvious before. But good luck, you sound like a decent fellow who doesn't want to really hurt this girl, but honestly, you should really know if this girl is for you by now.

I don't know either but I owe it to her to give her the chance to convince me as she is confident of doing. I do love her in a comfortable sort of way but it is not a passionate love (or maybe lust at certain times) that I have felt before. At the end the day, she is the type of girl you build a life with and if I do commit to her, I will do it fully. The next month will determine that.

 

[ANTOINE X]

I hate to feel like I m an expert cause I f*** up a lot of relationship cause of my temper. But the thing I can say is tell the truth, don't try to be a hero and save the day, cause it wont save your a**. Yes relationship it all about sacrifice but to a certain limits. In life what is important is to breed if you can't breed then its not worth living . Also don't say you gonna tell her when you feel to. That could be a trap where you ll end up never telling her the truth. You should set a specific date and stick to it.