Write A Movie Summary Referring to Everyone As Their Other Characters

[Airwings]

Gretchen once got scared to death by Kayako. Or was it because she's old, and old people die? The main character's boyfriend claims so (in that film).
Anyway, Gretchen was resurrected in the future. Now she's marrying the director behind Clockstoppers and the Thunderbirds live action remake. She is very happy. Why so?
Who wouldn't be when they get a second chance at life? Or it could simply be because she's marrying such a handsome and (by future standards) acclaimed director.

A lot of people are invited.
The nightclub singer Deloris, who ocassionally dresses up as a nun and brings gospel music and soul (and havok) to the monastery, is noted among the guests. She was the one to discover Lauryn Hill. Is she looking for new musical talents?
Or is it in fact Oda Mae Brown? Does she try to contact something dead, like Patrick Swayze's film career? (It was by this point. Don't be mad at me)
We never find out, she disappears soon.

Oh, there's Gordie Lachance.
Didn't he grow up to be a guy called Hooper and hunt killer sharks?
Then barely surviving, he changed his name to Roy Neary and settled down with a family.
After a close encounter with little greys, he went mad and became a writer. Then a cop, then a dead pilot (well, this could explain Oda Mae's involvement here)
Talk about multiple personalities!
Now that we're on it, what's the deal between you and Steven Spielberg? Is it a bromance or something else going on? All I know is that he needed you from time to time and you were always there for him when he wanted you.

Well, don't fool us Gordie/Hooper/Roy/whatever code name you use, we know you're actually Stephen King. It's was evident from start!
You're twisted! Already as a kid you became obsessed with death and dead bodies. Not to forget your love for guns at an early age.
What are you doing here? Marriage ceremonies are hardly material for your books?
Go away, take your demons and clowns with you!

Later, the newly wed couple, the handsome acclaimed director & resurrected Gretchen, go to space with a staff consisting of nobodies.
Wait. I spotted Brakish Okun. Almost didn't recognize him with his painted face (is he trying to be Joker?). The doctor surely had to wait a long time before he could leave earth! Several hundred years! Must be sad for him. He seemed so eager about fighting aliens and go kicking their butts.

Charles Xavier is the leader. Amazing!
Is this a school for gifted people, in space? Then why is the majority nobodies? Where are all the mutants?
Is it really Xavier? Maybe he did transfer his consciousness to a great great great great great grandson, who just happens to be a look-alike? Very immoral of him!!!!!
I believe it IS Xavier. But why does Gretchen now have his mental powers? Did he finally come to grip with the fact he's not worthy of them and gave it away?

Xavier is happy. The strugges and hardship appear to be over. Long since the days troubbles were everywhere. Four years have passed without anything to worry about.
Remember the old days when you couldn't handle the former sadistic gang leader Alex? His painful eye treatment didn't remove his manical side and he was a such handfull. You had to find TJ Hooker and ask him for help

Now it's all fun. You have dropped the wheelchair. Future science managed to help you walk again.
Go on, drive race cars on desert planets and laugh a lot. Enjoy life!
Soon, reality will come back to you. There will never be peace in the galaxy.

Dark forces are on the move, again. As always.
This time they tried to make a copy of Xavier.
But it ended up becoming a clone of... Bane. It seems that science hasn't perfected yet, after all.
It's a young Bane, before he joined The League and became a tyrannt.
But he's still evil. It's like it's a very part of his DNA. No, science definitely isn't perfect if it couldn't be removed.
So, he's brought back to life and everything but behaves like a whiny teenager. Nothing is good enough for him.
So Bane, you say you aren't all muscular and super strong? You are actually physically ill, and dying? Look at it from the bright side. You can't terrorize the citizens of Gotham a second time. They're grateful for it.

 

[Airwings]

Kid Thor witnesses his father dying by the hand of a mob (No, it's not Odin... Odin is revealed to be his grandfather).
He knows the future has other plans for him than dancing with robots. So he grows up to be... Jor-El.

In a harsh barren landscape with no growth, he takes Betty Ross to be his wife.
Bruce Banner is nowhere to be seen but his father David has adjusted to the surroundings by becoming a stone humanoid. He's also given a number of other people the same power. Finally he could complete his work without interference by the military.

Jor-El and Betty get kids. Jor-El receives a vision from God (no, not Odin)

Jor-El visits grandfather Odin with his son, little arch-angel Gabriel, for advice. Odin claims Kid Gabriel doesn't look like his father (hint hint! Betty has been with someone else)
Odin puts kid Gabriel to sleep because only Thor (sorry... Jor-El) is allowed to hear what he has to say.

Jor-El and his family finds an injured little girl and adopts her without any legal approval. She later turns out to be Hermione. Maybe it means that Voldemort is somewhere around?

Kid Gabriel grows up into Romeo. Not the best guy to be because he's meant to die in the end.
But there's no priest with poison bottles here so there might be hope for him.

Romeo can't locate Juliet anywhere so he gets on with Hermione instead (bummer, Ron!)

Second son is no other than Percy Jackson.
One can wonder why he's not named after his father, as Percy Noahson. But why should we complain about such a insignificant little detail? It could be much worse. Percy could have been called Ham instead. But then, who the heck is naming a son Ham?


Overall. Not bad of a family, after all. But the oldest should probably have remained Gabriel.

Then there's the third kid. He is....well, how should I put it? He's just a uncredited giggling boy for heaven's sake!!
Nobody cares about him.
It's even mentioned in the dialogue. Something along the lines of "X only wants to please others"
Oh, it has a nasty ring to it. LOL

Jor-El and his family build a huge tree boat. How did they even find all the wood they needed for that?

The menancing clan leader Beowulf dislikes Jor-El and his family. He threatens them.

Odin wants one last time to taste human flesh (sorry wrong character).... Odin wants one last time to taste berries before the end comes.

It starts to rain.

All kinds of animals shows up from nowhere. Were did they come from? How have they been able to survive in this devastated land?

It rains

The animals walk inside the boat, two by two

It rains

Beowulf wants to get on the boat.

It rains

Jor-El asks David Banner and the other stone giants to protect the boat.

It rains

Percy Jackson tries to get himself a Juliet from within enemy's land. She falls, he fails.

It rains

Battle scene with stone giants and human army.

It rains

The stone giants change shape and fly away. To Asgard or Olympus.

Beowulf manages to get on the boat. Percy Jackson betrays his family. Betrayal is found out. Beowulf is thrown into the roaring water.

Jor-El suffers from post traumatic stress and wants to kill a new born baby.
Thankfully he didn't want that on Krypton

Dry land appears.

The family settle on a beach.
Noah tells his family they should be fruitful and bring new life.
They're the only humans still alive which means incest and inbreeds will be common among them. Jor-El with Hermione, the sons with both Hermione AND their mother.
And then again with next generation.

Percy Jackson leaves the family before this happens. He wanders off. What the heck is he planning to do? There can't be any other surviving greek demigods out there. Is he looking for water nymphs to mate with?

THE END

This is written for fun. Hope you can overlook if I have some details wrong

 

[Schlosser85]

Sin City

That Yellow Bastard

John McClane spends his last day on the force saving a little girl from John Connor 2.0, who I guess finally went crazy from all those nightmares about killer robots and getting chased around by Mr. Freeze spouting endless terrible puns about ice, but then he gets shot a bunch of times by Mr. Blonde and Reverend Jim Jones frames him to take the fall for everything.

But he saves the little girl. And that little girl grows up to be Susan Storm.

After a few years in prison, McClane gets a visit from John Connor 2.0, who's yellow now (cue title!) and majorly ticked off at John McClane. McClane gets out on parole afraid John Connor 2.0 is after Susan Storm, only to find it was a trap and he's led him straight to her! Oh, and Susan Storm is an exotic dancer, because I guess superheroing doesn't pay the bills on its own, and she's also thirsty af for his Nakatomi Tower, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, so John Connor 2.0 ends up kidnapping Susan Storm and leaving John McClane to hang, but he gets free, gets the drop on Ron Swanson, and makes him give directions to the Connor family farm. There, he saves Susan Storm and kills John Connor 2.0, but then he sends her back into the arms of The Human Torch, Detective Vic Mackey, and Horatio Hornblower and blows his own head off so Jim Jones can't make her drink the Kool-Aid to get revenge on him. And that, my friends, is how John McClane does indeed finally....Die Hard.

The Hard Goodbye

Ivan Vanko has the night of his life in the throes of passion with Aurra Sing, but when he wakes up in the morning, she's deader than his dreams of killing Sherlock Holmes. So he sets out to find out whodunit, and give them.....The Hard Goodbye (cue title!). Along the way he drops in on the OG Silk Spectre who tries to get him to calm his ****, but he's mad as hell and he's not gonna take it anymore.

After killing a few fools, he rolls up on the guy who wrote The Dark Knight Returns, because you know that dude's into some shady stuff (why, he could have even written a story like this one!), who points him toward......the Connor family farm! Except there after knocking out a wolf with one hand, Ivan gets ambushed by Five Time Undefeated Hobbiton Kickboxing Champion Frodo Baggins, who's already kidnapped Silk Spectre and gnawed off her hand. Mister Frodo only eats two things, people and lembas bread, and he's all outta lembas bread.

So anyway, Silk Spectre gets killed by crooked cops, but Ivan gets away and finds out Frodo Baggins is in a cannibal ring with Roy Batty. So he teams up with Mimi Marquez, Rory Gilmore, and Aurra Sing's twin sister (let's just call her Aurra Sang) and goes to give Frodo the what for. After a little rumble and a tumble and a tussle, Mister Frodo's kickboxing winning streak is over and Ivan feeds him to the wolf. Then he drops Aurra Sang off at Susan Storm's place and rolls up on Roy Batty and drops Frodo's severed head like a hot mic and is all "you gon die fam". And Roy is all "yea I ate *****es and it was great, and all those things will now be lost like tears in rain", and then he ded. And Ivan gets riddled by cops, but he not ded, 'cuz this thing has more climaxes than The Return of the King and Frodo's already been dead for like ten minutes now. He takes the fall for the whole thing, and gets sent to Old Sparky. But first he gets a conjugal visit from Aurra Sang. Pimp.

The Big Fat Kill

So The Collector drops by Luanne Platter's place for a booty call with his bros, except she's got a new man.....Sir Walter Raleigh. Who's already banged Galadriel, so you know he's got game. The Collector hits Luanne for having the gall to accuse him of hitting her---what a lying hoe---but then Raleigh gives him a swirly in the bathroom and sends him packing. Except he goes out on the town with the homies, and Raleigh sets sail in hot pursuit because he's a pirate in the sheets but a gentleman in the streets.

The Collector intrudes on the turf of Raleigh's on off booty call Mimi Marquez, Rory Gilmore, and Suki, but when he acts out the "get in loser" meme with Rory, Suki opens a can of ninja whoop-ass and slaughters all the bros. Except afterward while committing acts of piracy upon their sliced and diced corpses, Raleigh finds out The Collector was a cop, which means errrreybody gon be in a world of trouble. Rory freaks out and rats everyone out which gets Mimi muscled in on by John Coffey, while Mimi sends Raleigh to throw The Collector's body in the tar pits. Except his corpse and proof of his death is now a hot commodity, and the head gets stolen by Chibs Telford. But Raleigh and Suki manage to kill him and get it back.

Raleigh sails back to John Coffey, where he swaps The Collector's severed head for his best girl Mimi, but Coffey plans to kill them anyway. But Raleigh isn't the scourge of the seas for nothing, and he's brought an armada to open fire and wipe out Coffey's whole gang. Then he and Mimi make out, because Raleigh's a pimp.

Oh, and Rory tries to get out of dodge, but before she can make it back to Stars Hollow, she gets wacked in an elevator by Slevin Kalevra.

 

[Schlosser85]

Jesus Christ is betrayed by his best friend Aldrich Killian, convicted of treason by Thomas Cromwell who's married to Polly Shelby, and imprisoned by Guy of Gisbourne, but he gets taught philosophy and swordfighting in prison by Marcus Aurelius. Oh, and he's the father of Clark Kent.

 

[Schlosser85]

Hanna runs off to New York City to be a writer, leaving behind her parents Saul Goodman and Ellie Sattler, her aunt Julia Child, and her sisters Hermione Granger and Yelena Belova, the latter of whom marries Paul Atreides.

 

[Schlosser85]

Erik Killmonger determines to bust Electro out of prison with the help of Captain Marvel after learning he was falsely imprisoned on the testimony of The Leader.

 

[Schlosser85]

Tommen Baratheon and his faithful comrade Ned Kelly are sent on a dangerous mission by King George VI to tell Sherlock Holmes about an ambush that's gonna kill Robb Stark. Along the way, they meet James Moriarty and hitch a ride with Sinestro.

 

[Schlosser85]

Jason Bourne is approached by Frank Castle and Glenn Talbot to get them a race car and a winning driver, and recruits his friend Bruce Wayne.

 

[Schlosser85]

Bruce Banner is working as a corporate lawyer for Andy Dufresne and married to Selina Kyle, but his life is turned upside down one day when Gerald Ford hires him as a client to work with President Thomas Whitmore and investigate a chemical company run by Jack Bristow.

 

[Schlosser85]

King Orm tries to warn Cletus Casady and Doc Holliday about an impending ocean attack. Meanwhile, Francis, Gaston, and Andrew Cunanan face Hogun in battle while Harvey Dent gets lost in China.

 

[Airwings]

Right after the sadistic tyrant Zod tried to kill a weak earthly family with his powerful laser eyes and got his neck snapped by Superman, he's brought to another universe.
Destiny has a sense for irony. Zod is now a powerless human himself and he must protect his son from harm.
If that wasn't enough, now it's the kid who's a "Cyclops" and can shoot beams from his eyes. Something he can't do himself anymore.
But the kid's powers aren't destructive here. It's rather a glow of blue (much stronger than E.T.'s finger light)
Believe it or not, the boy is no other than Bill Denbrough!

You may think the threat here is Pennywise. It isn't but the kid's blue glow is surely a tease lol
A religious cult lead by law professor Thomas Callahan (who was brought here after being killed by a bomb in another universe) want to sacrifice the boy in a ritual.

The government is also after the boy. Would you have thought something else? They dislike anything that even vaguely appears to be a mutant or an alien. As usual, they need control of these beings.
Kylo Ren is pretending to be a mild-mannered NSA agent who's is different from his colleagues. He acts kinda similar to Fox Mulder in his curiosity for the supernatural and his open-minded view on possible otherworldy intelligence.
Kylo has got a special interest in Bill. Does he suspect that the boy could be another chosen one, created by the midi-chlorians? The force is strong in that one

Zod has asked Ramses II for help, as he's got first-hand experience with divine matters (when he was on the wrong side).
Just when Bill, conveniently enough, is reading a comic book, the two former villains grab him and run off.
Zod hates when the boy reads about Superman, by the way. One can always wonder why

Together, the trio must travel a long distance in their car before they come to the boy's mother, which turns out to be Mary Jane Watson.
Hmm, the kid DOES look more like Ramiverse-Spidey than Zod!! So I must ask, WHO IS THE FATHER?
Never mind.

They travel another long distance. The adults don't really know where to go or what will happen when they get there. Only that it has something to do with the kid and finding answers.
Perhaps Bill wants to "phone home"?

They stop the car and run out in a field, only to find out that a Tomorrowland-esque "civilization in another realm" exists in this world. Bill is the same kind of being as them. Not a human child but disguised as one.

A lot of people witness when the dimensional curtains are pulled aside and it's revealed. But it's later hinted that the government people deny it happening, and instead they press Zod & Ramses II for answers.
(well, this time the government didn't claim it's only an optical illusion / a weather
phenomenon).

Sorry for getting details in wrong order.

This film is a mindblowing example of a multiverse. No, a MULTI-multiverse.
All films ever made can cross-over with each other. They CAN!!!!

 

[Schlosser85]

SPOILER WARNING FOR THE DEVIL ALL THE TIME

After his dad Pennywise goes crazy and starts sacrificing dogs at this cross in the woods (and that's in the early days before he goes to live in the sewer and start eating kids), Peter Parker goes to live with Grandma and his stepsister Beth March. But he can't get away from the evulz of the world, because she gets seduced and deflowered and knocked up by Edward Cullen, leading Peter to go all vampire slayer on his ass. But then Peter has to get out of dodge, and hitchhikes with Elvis' granddaughter, who's now driving around with John Connor instead of driving around with Bane and Aileen Wuornos. Which might sound like an improvement, except John Connor went crazy from all those nightmares about killer robots and nuclear holocaust and getting chased around by Mr. Freeze constantly spouting terrible puns about ice, and is on a murder spree killing hitchhikers because I guess maybe he's gone so paranoid he thinks they're Terminators or something. They already murdered Cousin Dudley (who's gonna tell Harry?)! Anyway, they're all "you gon die, fam", but Peter activates Instant Kill and puts an end to their road trip faster than you can say "Hasta La Vista". But there's no rest for the weary, because Peter gets Bucky after him. Luckily for Peter, Bucky's realllllly fallen out of shape since his Winter Soldier days, and Peter caps his ass too. Then he hitchhikes again and falls asleep in a stranger's van, because I guess nothing in the last two and a half hours taught him people really can't be trusted.

 

[Schlosser85]

Tony Blair joins forces with Justin Hammer, The Joker's friend Paprizzio, and Mr. Darcy to interview the deposed Skeletor and try to corner him into confessing to his crimes.