Random Simpsons Quotes Thread

[Mdizzle]

"I can't promise I'll try. But I'll try to try."

And similar...

"Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. Lesson is, never try."

 

[Obi-Ron]

BURNS: "It was the best of times...it was the BLURST of times?!? You stupid monkeys!"

 

[nite-owl]

'I'm not Pie Man. I murdered your father'

 

[Mdizzle]

"Weeeellll, if it isn't the leader of the Wiener Patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons!"

 

[Drakon]

"I am evil Homer!"

 

[Darkness Falls]

*grampa, homer and marge in car outside a retirement home*

Marge: hey i've got a neat idea, why don't u go in and pick up my mother and we'll all go out to dinner

Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy

*grampa runs in and wheels out a woman who kind of resembles marge's family*

Marge: That's not my mother

Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy

*grampa runs back in leaving the woman outside the car*

Woman: Can i come too ?

*marge and homer make no eye contact as they inconspicuously wind up the window, woman looks down discouraged*

Woman: awwww

 

[Darkness Falls]

Bart: Oh Yuck meatloaf, my most hated of all loafs
*Bart feeds meatloaf to slh*
Homer: *gasp* But that was the end piece..... THAT's IT being abusive to ur family is one thing , but i will not stand idley by and watch you feed a hungry dog...GO TO YOUR ROOM

Bart: this family stinks, mr burns nurtures my destructive side, I'm SUFFOCATING HERE

Homer: *points* BARRRTT, YOOUUU LISSTENN

Bart: Oh, go eat some flowers

*bart chucks flowers at homer*

Homer: *squeals*..... my secret shame

 

[ARROGANCE]

Grandpa
"Homer you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly, If a stranger offers you a ride I say take it!"

 

[Mdizzle]

"I'm going outside to....stalk....Lenny and Carl........d'oh!"

 

[Drakon]

"Nobody's gay for Moleman"

 

[Flare]

Lyle Lanley: Y'know, a town with money is like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it!
(audience laughs)

Homer: ...Heh heh! Mule...

That one always has me dying for some reason.

 

[nite-owl]

What you all came to see hardcore nudity!!!

 

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

Not really a quote but I did happen to see this on TV the other night:

[YT]RJDLio9Th_Q[/YT]

& I just read that this Sunday (July 5th) they'll be re-airing the episode with MJ on FOX.

 

[Darkness Falls]

*homer on patty and selma*

Homer: Marge we had a deal, patty and selma don't come here after 6 and i stop eating your lipstick

*homer turns away and rubs lipstick off his teeth*

 

[Dr. Evil]

Monty Burns: "Were you saying boo or boo urns?"
(The crowd boos and throws stuff)
Hans Moleman: "I was saying boo urns."

 

[Obi-Ron]

Marge: There's no shame in being a pariah!

 

[Darkness Falls]

Mr. Burns: Make yourselves at home
Bart: Hey dad did u hear that, u can lay around in your underwear and scratch yourself
Homer: *goes to strangle bart* NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME
Burns: Trouble.... simpson.... ?
Homer: *fake laugh* eerr ahh no sir, just the boy cracking a joke about his old man *pats bart on the head*

 

[Dr. Evil]

Lord Palmerston!

 

[Dr. Evil]

Well Mr. Burns had done it,
The power plant had won it,
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while,
Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile,
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile...

We're talkin' softball...
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin' softball...
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer... Ozzie and the Straw.

We're talkin' softball...
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin' softball...
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer... Ozzie and the Straw.

 

[Darkness Falls]

ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVOURITES


Homer holds up magazine cover of bbq

Homer: That's one fine lookin bbq pit..... *pulls it away to reveal a mangled pit* WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT

*homer sobs and screams, bashing his mangled bbq pit*

Cut to:
Bart inside eating a ice-crean, marge walks in

Marge: How's your fathers project coming along ?
Bart: *looks out window* I think he's almost done

*homer screams while charging at the pit with a umbrella, he rebounds and the umbrella pops up as he hits the ground*

Bart: yea he's done

 

[Dr. Evil]

Barney: [in Moe's Tavern] And I say, that England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!
Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!
Barney: Lord Palmerston!
Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!
Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs!
[punches him out]
Moe: Yeah, that's showing him, Barn'!
[disbelieving]
Moe: Pitt the Elder...
Barney: Lord Palmerston!
[punches him out]

 

[Dr. Evil]

Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe Szyslak: [not very interested] Yeah.
Homer: See, I got this friend, Joey Jo-Jo Junior... Shabadoo?
Moe Szyslak: That's the worst name I ever heard.
[a man runs out of Moe's crying]
Barney Gumble: Hey, Joey Jo-Jo!

 

[Drizzle]

"Bonjourrrrrrrr, ya cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!"