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A Stephen Colbert Nightmare: When Bears Attack

Son Of Logan

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BENTON, Tenn. - Using traps baited with honey buns and doughnuts, officials Friday tried to track down a black bear that killed a 6-year-old girl and critically injured her mother and 2-year-old brother.
The family had been at a pool below a waterfall in the Cherokee National Forest on Thursday afternoon when the bear attacked, the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency said.
Witnesses said the bear snatched up the boy in its mouth as the mother and other visitors tried to fend it off with sticks and rocks, said Dan Hicks, a spokesman for the agency.ad_dap(250,300,'&PG=NBCMSN&AP=1089');
The 6-year-old girl ran away but was later found dead about 100 yards down the trail, with a bear standing over her, authorities said.
“Allegedly, after the rescue squad found the little girl, one of the squad members fired a shot from a small caliber handgun,” Hicks said Friday. “We don’t know whether the bear was hit or not. There was no blood, but it chased it off.”
Mother too injured to talk
Officials were still trying to piece together exactly what happened to spur the attack, forestry spokeswoman Sharon Moore said.
Both the mother and boy were listed in critical condition Friday at a Chattanooga hospital, but Hicks said both are expected to recover.
Hicks said the boy had puncture wounds on his head and claw marks on his body. The mother also suffered puncture wounds when she was picked up and dragged by the bear.
“We have not been able to talk to her. She may not remember the attack at all,” Hicks said.
The little girl’s body was taken to a mortuary in Cleveland, funeral home owner Ralph Buckner said. He declined to release her identity and no family members were at the funeral home. Authorities have also declined to release the names but have said the family was from Ohio.
The attack occurred in an isolated mountainous area, 10 miles from the nearest highway, in the 640,000-acre national forest, which runs along the Tennessee-North Carolina line southwest of Great Smoky Mountains National Park.
Authorities first tried to search the rugged terrain for the bear but called off that effort early Friday to concentrate on trying to trap the animal in a 1,000-acre area around the campground.
“We may never find it,” Hicks said. “It may be on the top of another mountain by now.”
If found, bear will be killed
Authorities are asking anyone who was at the campground and saw the attack to come forward because witness accounts could help find the bear. If the animal is captured it will be killed so tests can be done to determine if it was ill.
“It’s a pretty rare thing, black bears generally don’t attack people. I can’t think of any time other than — just really rare circumstances,” said Monty Williams, park ranger.
The campground had only six of its 88 campsites filled at the time of the attack, officials said. Terry McDonald of the U.S. Forest Service said the family members were believed to be day visitors, not overnight campers.
The campground was evacuated after the attack and the witnesses have now scattered, Hicks said.
Hicks said there have been 42 bear sightings in the area in the past couple of weeks, but this is the time of year when bears are usually active.
In May 2000, a woman was killed by a black bear near Gatlinburg. Glena Ann Bradley, a schoolteacher from Cosby, was attacked by two female bears when she took a walk on a trail near a Smoky Mountains campground.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12309606/
 
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My dad once ran outside in his underwear and shot a bear with his shotgun. I really wish I were joking, but I'm not.

My dad is a true hillbilly.
 
My dad used to dropkick barn cats off our back porch. In his underwear.
 
My dad also put some narcotics in eggs in order to make some skunks overdose and die, but it backfired and the skunks got stoned and started spraying everywhere.
 
JLBats said:
My dad also put some narcotics in eggs in order to make some skunks overdose and die, but it backfired and the skunks got stoned and started spraying everywhere.

:eek:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

:D
 
JLBats said:
My dad also put some narcotics in eggs in order to make some skunks overdose and die, but it backfired and the skunks got stoned and started spraying everywhere.
Ha! :D

You win. :(
 
Even funnier! :D Sorry to laugh at your pain, though.
 
rdh007 said:
Even funnier! :D Sorry to laugh at your pain, though.

It's okay, I'm already cold and dead inside. It's great, you should join me.:O:up:
 
Colbert is great, at least as the brilliant voice of Phil Ken Sebben in Harvey Birdman attorney at law.

also he plays a bear on that show.
 
The whole bear hatred thing stemmed from his childhood where he had a recurring nightmare about being mauled by bears
 
JLBats said:
My dad once ran outside in his underwear and shot a bear with his shotgun. I really wish I were joking, but I'm not.

My dad is a true hillbilly.

did he scream "tarnation!" before he ran outside?
 

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