Y'know, there are still a couple of folk on here starting to make out that I am some kind of out of control drunken alcoholic, or at least will go back to being that way.
All they are doing is revealing themselves to be getting desperate with the character assassinations, and are actually scared of me now, haha.
anyway, maybe it's about time i spoke about this.
Now, I had a serious psychological problems with body dysmorphia, sometimes when I had to leave the house I found it impossible due to mindpain, and I would go get a drink to sort that out, I also suffered from depression cause of that, couldn't bear the mindpain and drank to drown that out too.
It was never my 'drug of choice', if i had enough money for marajuana, I'd spend it on that over booze every time, it's just that mj is more difficult to get ahold of.
And of course, booze kills mind pain, so I'd sometimes combine the two, but for the main, I always wanted to get off it, and would stick to smoking as much as i could.
Now, when I got off the booze, I chose to do it, why? Because I got over the body dysmorphia, once that was out of my mind, I did not feel the need to drink in public or in private because the mind pain had gone.
You get that bozos? I *chose* to quit drinking, that was *before* I started my job which I have nowadays, that dictates that I can't drink at all.
I have only slipped twice in the last three and a half years, the first time i don't count cause i had an asthma type attack, could not breathe, and the booze sorted that out, that was a real bad one. I wouldn't do that agaian though, i'd try and wait it out, was maybe too hasty that time.
Second time, extreme mind pain, breaking point, i snapped, being pushed too far for too long, metally and physically.
I am actually a very strong person, it's just, well, I have a lot of enemies who like to try and make out that i am weak, they either have no idea what I'm going through, or don't care, bit of both in most cases.
anyway, I am looking forward to a life without hangovers in the future.
When my job is over I'm gonna stick to a bit of a nighttime smoke of mj without overdoing it, ie not every night, not all the time, and will drink when i'm at parties or social occasions. The reason? Cause I like myself, and I like being sober, i don't want to lose touch with myself ever again. The thought of going to the pub a couple of times a week disgusts me now, and i wouldn't want to be smoking as much as I used to either.
the last time I got drunk hammered home how crap a drug it is, the high doesn't last long really, you have to keep drinking, you do yourself in physically, can more easily make a fool of yourself, killer hangover in the morning...forget about it.
also, in case anyone else is gonna start defaming my name in other ways, trying to say i get into fights..eh, I have never started a fight in my life, mayeb one time when I was a child at school, but it was not anything serious, just kid's stuff.
I don't get into all that physical carrying on fight crap even when drunk, a couple of my friends were like that and i didn't like it, that was always boring to me, I am more into talking with people when high and socialising.
the only reason i get into arguments on the net is because I have *so many* people gunning for me, so it's gonna happen sometimes when i defend myslef from a partiularly bad attack on my character.
anyway, these folk know who i am talking about, and i laugh and scoff at your weak and feeble attempts to wind me up or defame my name.
i'm feelin real good right now, sorry to disapoint you all, I'm not miserable, I know what I'm gonna do, what i have to do, getting myself more in focus, building up my stamina, getting ready.
everything is going to be a walk in the park after the health problems i have been suffering from the last two years. My enemies feel like ghosts i can easily walk right through now.