THE JOKER: Batman your my little ****e hahahahhaha now eat dirt!
The joker throws some dirt into Batman eyes and Batman falls off the rooftop into a glass ceiling. Batman gets up and shoots his batgrapple as he goes up he sees joker and batman says
BATMAN:
I'm from dirty jersey son you don't know me, EAST SIDE!!!
kewl, kewl. as u coulda probably guest im sumthing of a riter myself. hair r sum snippets from the skript i snet to chris noland over the summer. may b theyll make it in the movie. u never kno!
skarekrow: fear is natur e's insect batman. its like a worm or a bug. it crawls.
--
joker: pus h me out of a helicopter will u batman?
batman: as i remembr you pushed yourself, joker.
joker: thats the funny thing about memory...
(pulls out a gun)
it' s to die for!
--
komishner gordon: gotham city is going to the dogs.
bat man: dogs komishner?
kosmishner gordon: its an old expression.
bat man: mm.
komishner gordon: ... it means...
(long silenc)
were lost.
--
alfred: master bruse, i wish u would stop being batman as it is very very dangerous and you may get hurt.
kewl, kewl. as u coulda probably guest im sumthing of a riter myself. hair r sum snippets from the skript i snet to chris noland over the summer. may b theyll make it in the movie. u never kno!
skarekrow: fear is natur e's insect batman. its like a worm or a bug. it crawls.
--
joker: pus h me out of a helicopter will u batman?
batman: as i remembr you pushed yourself, joker.
joker: thats the funny thing about memory...
(pulls out a gun)
it' s to die for!
--
komishner gordon: gotham city is going to the dogs.
bat man: dogs komishner?
kosmishner gordon: its an old expression.
bat man: mm.
komishner gordon: ... it means...
(long silenc)
were lost.
--
alfred: master bruse, i wish u would stop being batman as it is very very dangerous and you may get hurt.
Batman: You like my costume?
Alfred: It needs nipples.
Batman: Well here, let me take my costume off and you can feel my real nipples.
Alfred: I think this is a job for Dick Grayson.
Batman - Stop Joker!
Joker - t: Who me?
Batman - No, the other pyscho with purple hair and a creepy pedo smile...
Joker - I do not have a pedo smile!
Batman - t: LOL
Joker - Stop...*sob* laughing at me!!
kewl, kewl. as u coulda probably guest im sumthing of a riter myself. hair r sum snippets from the skript i snet to chris noland over the summer. may b theyll make it in the movie. u never kno!
skarekrow: fear is natur e's insect batman. its like a worm or a bug. it crawls.
--
joker: pus h me out of a helicopter will u batman?
batman: as i remembr you pushed yourself, joker.
joker: thats the funny thing about memory...
(pulls out a gun)
it' s to die for!
--
komishner gordon: gotham city is going to the dogs.
bat man: dogs komishner?
kosmishner gordon: its an old expression.
bat man: mm.
komishner gordon: ... it means...
(long silenc)
were lost.
--
alfred: master bruse, i wish u would stop being batman as it is very very dangerous and you may get hurt.
Joker: Hey, Batman.
Batman : Hey, Joker.
Joker : Bye, Batman.
Batman : ...
Joker : You never said "bye"
Batman : And I'll never have to. *leaps off building*
Batman: Visited her at hopsital...yesterday. Spine...shattered...into a thousand bone shards...rrr.
Gordon: Geez. That Joker. What an ******** eh?
Batman: There is....nothing wrong with him...I can't fix...with my own...hands.
Gordon: You know we can talk after you've finished taking a crap ok?
******
Tenant: Hey landlord thanks for getting my ceiling fixed so soon. Totally collaped into my bedroom! The traffic is wild these days huh!
Landlord: No problem sugar.
Tenant: Um....but, I noticed my rooftop garden isn't up there any more...
Landlord: Yep.
Tenant: And there's um...like...a road up there instead? With a ramp. And a giveway sign? On the top of our building?
Landlord: Yeah?
Tenant: Well WTF! Are you serious?
Landlord: What, are you dense? Are you ******ed or something? The goddam Batman! He's paying ME to use MY rooftop garden as a goddam friggin highway! Sorry toots but your plants can get stuffed!
Tenant: .....What did you say about my plants?
Landlord: I said forgetaboutdem, money don't grow on your roses, sweet cheecks!
Tenant: Okay. Well. You know you really are quite attractive, landlord. Gimme a kiss! *smooch*
SETTING. The rooftop at night. Captain Gordon and DA Dent shiver in the cold. The Bat Signal shines into the sky.
*********************************
Dent: Where the hell is he?
Gordon: Probably finding a park for that friggin Tumbler....somewhere hidden. Last week a kid tried to steal his rims...Bats wasn't happy, kid copped a hiding.
Dent: Street justice eh?
Gordon: Well maybe he went a bit overboard, but those rims look expens....
Batman: Kid would've beaten the courts. Underage. Needed a lesson.
Dent: Geez!
Gordon: Yeah, he does that. Hey Batman. Meet Harvey Dent, he's our new DA.
Dent: I've heard alot about you Batman. Good things, I think.
Batman: ......
Gordon: Um.....Yeah, well. About this Joker. He's a mystery all right. You look into this guy yet Batman?
Batman: .........
Gordon: Batman?
Dent: Uh, maybe I should leave....
Gordon: No, it's okay. Batman....the Joker case!?
Batman: ......
Dent: 'the hell is he doin!
Gordon: You alright Batman?
Batman: ......
Dent: Geezus christ. He got nothin! Some circus maniac shoots my assistant and this freak does nothing! I thought you said he cared about justice Gordon!
Gordon: Dent cool it goddamit he's just thinking...
Batman: That's not Harvey Dent.
Dent: ...?
Gordon: Excuse me?
Dent: WTF!
Batman: You're not Harvey Dent.
Gordon: Batman?
Dent: Don't listen to him! He's a godamn racist cracker!
Batman: No, I'm the goddamn Batman. And Harvey Dent is a male caucasian in his mid 20's. Everybody knows that, it's goddamn canon. So who the hell are you?
Gordon: Whoa. Um.
Dent: What you think I can't be Dent huh? Justice my ass! All you see is my colour! You don't see the real me you crazy motherfuc...
Gordon: ....Dent has a canon?
Batman: Sicilian I can deal with. Hispanic? Maybe.
Gordon: Dent, you know I can't allow you to keep a canon
Dent: In canon Gordon! In canon!
Batman: But does it come in black? No. Never. You're not Dent.
Gordon: I don't get it. What's the difference....
Kingpin: A ***** got game. We bring it hard-up.
Batman: But he's ruining the aesthetic. Dosn't match.
Gordon: Wait, Dent was inside a canon?
Dent: Dammit I could be purple! I could green I'm still Dent! Top dog! Youngest DA in tha hood, bringing hell on tha hood!
Batman: You're gonna confuse the kids. You're gonna confuse anyone who remembers Batman Forever. You're messing with canon, in my city.
Tommy Lee Jones: Yeah and all the good actors are white see! I was trained at Juliard! And then I dressed up in tiger print, with a pink face, and I wiggled my ass...
Billy Dee Williams: Fuuuuck yoooou Tom!
Gordon: Okay this is weird.
Dent: Why do you judge me by my face!
Batman: Weird? Hhmmp. Last time I had white guy instead of an Arab. And once I had a mutant freak instead of a portly aristocrat. Now that was weird.
Dent: Yin and yang! Black and white! Michael Jackson!
Gordon: Now there's a fu*ked up aesthetic...
Batman: Hmmm. Alright Dent. I'm an ******** sometimes, I know that. But I guess if you're an honest lawman, you're okay. Even if you don't match.
Gordon: He's certainly unconventional, but hey at least he's handsome right?
Dent: Don't match? Your head don't match with reality Batfreak! I bust thugs without dressing like a queer!
Batman: Now you're pushing it, shorty.
Dent: Shawty? I'll kill ya!
Gordon: Okay that's just low Batman.
Batman: Look, he's short. Like you didn't notice?
Gordon: Of course I noticed. He fits inside a canon....
Batman: Yes, so when he gets to the trial, make sure he gets a cushion. In the witness stand. Otherwise he wont be able to see over the bar. And then the Joker won't be able to get him with the acid.
Gordon: Acid?
Dent: ....?
Batman: Sure. When the Joker throws the acid. It has to get him in the face. Won't work if he can't see over the bar. Gotta plan for these things Gordon.
Gordon: Oh, I'm sure they have special seats for short, unconventional witnesses...
^^Okay, the swearing was overkill, but the lines were inanely funny. As for serious dialogue, though, here's my take on the matter...
Lt. Gordon: "Batman, meet Harvey Dent, recently transferred from the D.A.'s offices in Bludhaven. Harvey, our very own rooftop crusader."
[Dent simply nods his head, while bringing a lit cigarette to his lips.]
Dent: "Heard the rumors; nice to have someone on our side for a change. So, what's the deal on this Joker character?"
Gordon: "Well, he's exactly that; one hell of a character. So far as we can tell, he's commited 17 murders, over 50 robberies, and inumerable other offenses in the last 2 years alone. That was just after his escape from Arkham."
Dent: "During the whole Scarecrow debacle."
Batman: "He's highly intelligent, a master planner, entering any given situation with multiple routes of escape. His pattern is his downfall. His crimes center on jokes that only he finds amusing. In order to trap him, we must learn to think as he does."
Batman: "Got the pencils in my pocket, try to push me down, wanna go out, wanna go down to the playground wanna go down the the playground, yeah, wanna go out...next mother----gonna get my metal next mother----gonna get my metal, next mother-----gonna get my metal, next mother-----
He'd be saying this while beating the piss out of some eggs for an omelette. Exactly what kind of omelette is still a mystery, but one thing is for damn sure: there will be sausage in it.
I can tell there are no news about DK today huh....Whatever, I'll join in with my f***ed up boring story:
"BATMAN: It's over clown.
JOKER: LOL *** n git me. **Throws acid on Bats' cape**
BATMAN: You dick!
JOKER: *** n git me n00b. **Dances in the pale moonlight**
BATMAN: I SAID IT'S OVER CLOWN, I'M TIRED OF YOUR SICK GAMES.
JOKER: hOoOOO da bat is *****in' da bat is gonna kill me HOOoooO! HIHIHI!
**Gordon CRASHES the tumbler nearby and enters the scene**
BATMAN: WTF are you doing here. I told you to stay home and take care of the investigation.
JOKER: HOME?
GORDON:: I want to be your partner Batman.
BATMAN: Not you, not now...
GORDON: LISTEN! I have the means, the skillz, and the determination. Together we'll be invincible!
JOKER: im a killa! i killad yir folks bats! **Puts on glasses** now hit me batty, HIT ME!
BATMAN: Shut up. Jim, I want you out of here, we'll discuss this later, like adults.
GORDON: But you treat me like a kid. **Looks to the floor, his feet playing with the dirt, hands behind his back, sad**
BATMAN: GET OUT!!
GORDON: **Sobbing** I HATE YOU! I wish you didn't exist so I wouldn't be so miserable, so alone....
JOKER: **Eating popcorn** batz?
BATMAN: Yes???
JOKER: can i keep him? pliiiizzzzzzz....
BATMAN: Why, you sicko....
GORDON: **Angry** I'm not a sidekick! **Shoots JOKER**
JOKER: HAHAHAHA ARGHHH YOU BASTARRD! **Dies**
BATMAN: Why did you do that?
GORDON: So you would pay attention to me! I resigned the force to free Gotham of eeeevil, to shine a light--
BATMAN: Whatever. Let's go.
GORDON: Wait! we have to get rid of the body!
BATMAN Oh, s***.... YOU DO IT. **Leaves**
GORDON: Come back, you prick! oh great.....**THE LITTLE KID FROM ''BATMAN BEGINS'' MAKES A COMEBACK**
JASON TODD: Well hello, sir.
GORDON: Who the f*** are you.
JASON TODD: I'm Batman's new sidekick. Batman rules! He saved me from the horseman who was stalking Katie Holmes.
GORDON: Oh....Where did you come from?
JASON TODD: **Points to Batwing** I ride the Batwing sirrrr.
GORDON: But that's Batman's new personal ride.
JASON TODD: ...Yup. **eats candy**
GORDON: But he told me works alone, and he wouldn't let me get on that thing....WHY WON'T HE TAKE ME WITH HIM?
JASON TODD: Cuz I don't know. Want candy?
**JASON LANE appears, FLYING**
JASON LANE: Well well, what have we here?
JASON TODD: F*** off super kid.
JASON LANE: Ohhh look at me, I can fly by musself, and you need a stupid dinosaur thing haha you no better than me kid.
JASON TODD: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
JASON LANE: Wanna race? I'll race ya bat boy.
GORDON: OOOKAY. I'll see myself out, nice to meet you kiddos.
JASON TODD: RHAR! come get me you bastard child!
JASON LANE: How dare you! Look at you, you are an underfed dwarf, and you work for a pedophile!
**JASON LANE FLYES DOWN ON TODD, READY TO KILL HIM, WHILE TODD TAKES SOME GREEN CRAP OUT OF HIS POCKET....**
TO BE CONTINUED.........NOT!"
Batman : Why do people even find stuff like this amusing? **** like this isn't even REMOTEDLY funny. It just cloggs up the board. Go take your childish rants someplace else, buddy.
Joker : **** hater! You **** ***!!
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Stop Joker!
t: Who me?
No, the other pyscho with purple hair and a creepy pedo smile...
I do not have a pedo smile!
Stop...*sob* laughing at me!!
Acid? On my face!.... 
