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http://uk.movies.ign.com/articles/802/802330p1.html
Favorite Action Movie Yawners: Part 1
We list the first five over hyped snoozers. Prepare yourself for mediocrity.
by IGN Staff
showUSloc=(checkLocale('uk')||checkLocale('au'));document.writeln(showUSloc ? 'US, ' : '');US, July 9, 2007 - Once in a while, a summer film comes along that exceeds all expectations. These are the movies we swoon about to our friends and relive on home video with relish. Unfortunately, we're not here to talk about those movies.
Theaters fill up during the summer largely because it gives people a chance to cool off indoors and have a good time doing it. Film companies know this and make it a point to produce the flashiest, loudest, most explosion filled movies during this time because they appeal to practically everyone. Thing is, usually that's all they have going for them, and instead of an epic film of Armageddonean proportions we end up with a My Super Sweet 16 hissy fit.
Thanks to Diet Pepsi Max we've been able to come up with a three-part list of 15 of our favorite action movie yawnersbig-budget blockbuster wannabes that promised us a full-course meal but delivered rancid crap on a stick. Let this serve as a reminder of that classic adage: you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him watch Alone in the Dark.
Cutthroat Island
Renny Harlin's 1995 film about the celebrated pirate life is largely touted as one of film history's priciest box office bombs. Geena Davis, his wife at the time, saw her career take a turn for the worse when this tepid, on-the-high-seas farce debuted to sparse crowds and low returns, most likely due to the film's cliche-ridden hunt for lost treasure plot. Suffice it to say that Renny Harlin (most popularly known at the time for directing Cliff Hanger) never saw his career recover fully from this shipwreck.
Welcome to Snoozeville. Population: These two.
Torque
It's largely telling when a film's plot synopsis on IMDB states, "This plot synopsis is empty", although it couldn't be more apt for Joseph Kahn's ludicrous 2004 movie about bike riders on the lam. Eye candy was prevalent throughout this movie, both from those acting and from Kahn's trained music video director eyes, but not even pretty pictures could save this outrageously off-the-wall feature from being picked apart by critics and non-biker fanboys everywhere.
Bike jousting. 'Nuff said.
Mission to Mars
Barely a faint memory borne of that historic year when the world became obsessed with Mars travel, Mission to Mars undoubtedly was party to the fact that there hasn't been another Mars-based film since that turbulent era. Despite high-profile director Brian De Palma and actors Gary Sinise, Tim Robbins, and Don Cheadle having their names splashed across the posters for this film, this so-called film was primarily an exercise in restraint for filmgoers everywhere restraint from demanding their money back. Maybe it was Gary Sinise's eyeliner that did it.
This is one mission we wish had never been funded.
House of the Dead
Most people know that video games often don't make for very good cinema, and thanks to infamous director Uwe Boll, that trend doesn't seem likely to change anytime soon. Already based on a relatively plot-thin arcade shooter, House of the Dead wasn't even capable of descending to cult status with its cast of hapless ravers doomed to die on a cursed island. Unfortunately, this film didn't keep Boll from torturing gamers with follow-ups like Alone in the Dark and Bloodrayne.
Yeah, we were pretty scarred by this movie too.
Spider-Man 3
The biggest question anyone ever asked after seeing this movie was, "Why?" Why would Sam Raimi follow 2004's impressive sequel Spider-Man 2 with this hodge-podge of inept acting, slipshod storytelling, and misplaced dance sequences? As if dooming the film series to a horrific end wasn't bad enough, the obviously half-hearted promotion the movie's actors made before its release pretty much said that this film wasn't worth the celluloid it was printed on.
This is what watching Spider-Man 3 feels like.
Watch out for Part 2 of this three-part series.
Favorite Action Movie Yawners: Part 1
We list the first five over hyped snoozers. Prepare yourself for mediocrity.
by IGN Staff
showUSloc=(checkLocale('uk')||checkLocale('au'));document.writeln(showUSloc ? 'US, ' : '');US, July 9, 2007 - Once in a while, a summer film comes along that exceeds all expectations. These are the movies we swoon about to our friends and relive on home video with relish. Unfortunately, we're not here to talk about those movies.
Theaters fill up during the summer largely because it gives people a chance to cool off indoors and have a good time doing it. Film companies know this and make it a point to produce the flashiest, loudest, most explosion filled movies during this time because they appeal to practically everyone. Thing is, usually that's all they have going for them, and instead of an epic film of Armageddonean proportions we end up with a My Super Sweet 16 hissy fit.
Thanks to Diet Pepsi Max we've been able to come up with a three-part list of 15 of our favorite action movie yawnersbig-budget blockbuster wannabes that promised us a full-course meal but delivered rancid crap on a stick. Let this serve as a reminder of that classic adage: you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him watch Alone in the Dark.
Cutthroat Island
Renny Harlin's 1995 film about the celebrated pirate life is largely touted as one of film history's priciest box office bombs. Geena Davis, his wife at the time, saw her career take a turn for the worse when this tepid, on-the-high-seas farce debuted to sparse crowds and low returns, most likely due to the film's cliche-ridden hunt for lost treasure plot. Suffice it to say that Renny Harlin (most popularly known at the time for directing Cliff Hanger) never saw his career recover fully from this shipwreck.
Torque
It's largely telling when a film's plot synopsis on IMDB states, "This plot synopsis is empty", although it couldn't be more apt for Joseph Kahn's ludicrous 2004 movie about bike riders on the lam. Eye candy was prevalent throughout this movie, both from those acting and from Kahn's trained music video director eyes, but not even pretty pictures could save this outrageously off-the-wall feature from being picked apart by critics and non-biker fanboys everywhere.
Mission to Mars
Barely a faint memory borne of that historic year when the world became obsessed with Mars travel, Mission to Mars undoubtedly was party to the fact that there hasn't been another Mars-based film since that turbulent era. Despite high-profile director Brian De Palma and actors Gary Sinise, Tim Robbins, and Don Cheadle having their names splashed across the posters for this film, this so-called film was primarily an exercise in restraint for filmgoers everywhere restraint from demanding their money back. Maybe it was Gary Sinise's eyeliner that did it.
House of the Dead
Most people know that video games often don't make for very good cinema, and thanks to infamous director Uwe Boll, that trend doesn't seem likely to change anytime soon. Already based on a relatively plot-thin arcade shooter, House of the Dead wasn't even capable of descending to cult status with its cast of hapless ravers doomed to die on a cursed island. Unfortunately, this film didn't keep Boll from torturing gamers with follow-ups like Alone in the Dark and Bloodrayne.
Spider-Man 3
The biggest question anyone ever asked after seeing this movie was, "Why?" Why would Sam Raimi follow 2004's impressive sequel Spider-Man 2 with this hodge-podge of inept acting, slipshod storytelling, and misplaced dance sequences? As if dooming the film series to a horrific end wasn't bad enough, the obviously half-hearted promotion the movie's actors made before its release pretty much said that this film wasn't worth the celluloid it was printed on.
Watch out for Part 2 of this three-part series.
t: Sorry catman
