"Friends with benefits"

[DoomsdayApex]

It's not necessarily the dark side, it's at 23 years old of age, you already acting like someone who's been through a slew of divorces and breakups of years of relationship.

I just remember being as over dramatic about relationships when I was 23.

I've been cynical for years. It has nothing to do with age or a flawed philosophy. You have your cards and I have mine.

I've only been in one relationship but I've studied enough human behavior to understand the contradictions and lies. It's a reason why I avoided relationships before I decided (against my better judgement) to jump in feet first.

I've heard it all before.

"Not everyone is the same..." - that statement coming from the exact individuals who either cheat, deceive, use, etc.

It's great that you and various other members are now positive and relationship-coping individuals at an older age, but please don't try to proclaim it's merely a phase for me. My sociopathic and cynical traits have gotten me where I am today.

No pain, no distractions, no hesitation. The odds and percentage of succeeding are always in my favor.

 

[Raiden]

How about BFF (Buddies For F******). t:

 

[Hound55]

Amigos with all-anatomy access..

 

[SpideyVille]

There totally should be a poll for the names.

 

[JStorm]

Hijacked:

I'm a tall girl, looking for a Halloween costume idea. Last year, I was Jessica Rabbit and the year before I was the Silk Spectre II. But I can't think of a good, original comic book character to be this year. Preferably, not Poison Ivy, since my best friends has dibs.

 

[Erzengel]

I've been cynical for years. It has nothing to do with age or a flawed philosophy. You have your cards and I have mine.

I've only been in one relationship but I've studied enough human behavior to understand the contradictions and lies. It's a reason why I avoided relationships before I decided (against my better judgement) to jump in feet first.

I've heard it all before.

"Not everyone is the same..." - that statement coming from the exact individuals who either cheat, deceive, use, etc.

It's great that you and various other members are now positive and relationship-coping individuals at an older age, but please don't try to proclaim it's merely a phase for me. My sociopathic and cynical traits have gotten me where I am today.

No pain, no distractions, no hesitation. The odds and percentage of succeeding are always in my favor.

I'm not saying relationships are for everyone. But most have more of a tract record than a 8-9 month relationship to totally give up on relationships. People have had magazine subscriptions that lasted longer. It's the equivalent of a 16-17 year old telling you, he's giving up on relationships after being with a girl for 1-2 months.

And I guess that I'm giving you a bit of rib because, while it's fine to not want to be in a relationship. Some of us think it's funny how you keep having to remind us how sullen, sociopathic and cynical you are.

I suppose. I also notice that my personality has become more cynical and 'darker' since.

I'm just too negative minded or cynical (and I subconsciously tell myself that I don't know what I want to do) to believe I can accomplish the impossible?

He had me for a half an hour, but then my cynical nature took over

I confess, even as a dark and angry cynical being, I hold some optimistic traits underneath. However, the people around my environment shall never know.

Although I'm a cynical a**hole, I must admit.

Now that I'm detached and cynical, I really don't give a damn

I mean we get it. You think you're cynical but I have to wonder, if you keep having to tell everyone, are you trying to convince us or yourself?

 

[moviedoors]

In my experience, people who loudly declare themselves to be "cynical *******s" are depressing sad sacks and attention ****es.

And do we really need to dig very deep with a statement like this:

"Not everyone is the same..." - that statement coming from the exact individuals who either cheat, deceive, use, etc.

So you went into the relationship with a piss poor attitude, got cheated on, and went "I'll always be cheated on, everyone's the same." Yeah, way to be reasonable.

-----

I had a **** buddy once. That lasted for about three days. Then we just admitted that we we were crazy about each other. We've been together almost three years now. As soon as gay marriage is made legal nation-wide, we'll get married (ha! Almost didn't clarify. I'm straight, but I won't indulge in a legal institution that is discriminatory. My uncle can't marry the man he's been with for over 20 years, then I can't marry Heather).

 

[November Rain]

bizzaro world sparring partner

 

[November Rain]

speaking of **** buddies, i've got a kinda weird one at the moment where she doesn't wanna kiss because it will be too intimate.

does anyone else find sex without kissing weird because it freaks the living piss outta me

 

[Erzengel]

I call it prostitute sex.

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

I've only heard of porn stars and prostitutes say no kissing. Personally I've never had a **** Buddy say that.

 

[Erzengel]

Well, if one is too lazy to go brush their teeth in the morning, I can see sex without kissing.

 

[November Rain]

I call it prostitute sex.

i know, it all feels as if she's been watched pretty woman a few too many times.

i can't get how i can put 'it' 'there' and not kiss her.

i mean there is clearly no emotional attachment from my side but kissing enhances the whole thing.

she also tries to stop before enjoying it 'too much', which leaves both parties kinda unsatisfied.

it boggles the mind, she keeps saying we are just friends and she never wants it to get sexual but always initiates it.

lucky i'm a cold soul or i would be all over teh place.

 

[November Rain]

I've only heard of porn stars and prostitutes say no kissing. Personally I've never had a **** Buddy say that.

what makes it worse is that we have really good kissing chemistry, it happened au naturel the first time and then said 'a line had been crossed' etc.

Well, if one is too lazy to go brush their teeth in the morning, I can see sex without kissing.

this is unacceptable, you either both go brush or both handle each other's bad breath

morning sex is too good to make do with, without kissing

 

[moviedoors]

Yeah, morning breath is very small price to pay for engaging in the wonderful activity of morning sex.

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

If it's just a **** Buddy then I can agree. But now that I'm married with kids, you get it in however you can and if you have morning sex you aint thinking about getting up to brush your teeth or kissing. You're just trying to enjoy it before the kids wake up! LOL!

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I've had a few banging buddies before... In fact i'd say the majority of my sex life has been with friends.

I'm gonna give the context. Bit personal, but I've always been the open book type.

Didn't have sex till I was 19. Said no to plenty of people, got very close with a guy who I was totally smitten with - but I wanted it to be in a relationship, and I wanted to be in love.

Finally fell in love, and after a 2 year dance of on off relationsip while trying to do long distance (I went to uni), we slept together. Totally sober, planned and I was incredibly happy about it.

It turned out that a week before that, he'd slept with one of my friends. My male friend.

The next few months of my life really screwed me up. Because he made no moves to do it again. I think we did it 4 times in the whole relationship, but it was the most boring sex of my life. I wasn't allowed to stay over, but male friends were. He was constantly unavailable.

And then people started to tell me. Little bits at first, and then full on outright 'he's gay'.

I guess I was too afraid for it to be true, so I kept pretending it wasn't. And he kept denying it.

I properly found out the truth when my friend who he'd slept with finally came forward in a drunken bout of guilt.

After that, I had a lot of anger towards him. But I became a bit of a flirt.

That lead me to my first bang buddy, a guy 11 years older than me, ex heroin addict and flirty pretty boy. Sounds bad I know. But I swear, it was one of the best relationships of my life.

At first we were just good company. I'd stay at his most nights, we'd just watch tv and laugh and talk and fall asleep. No funny business.

And then it just sort of happened. And kept happening. And it was great because I had no expectations of him, I had no dreams of our future, no intention whatsoever of being with him. And he actually made me feel sexy again - something I'd completely lost after my first relationship became sexless. It ended pretty naturally, and we are still friends today.

I've never been one for one night stands with strangers. Had a few, but they make me feel icky.

I've had a few bang buddies since (an old flame, a guy I was living with and 2 others), but I'm 24 now and I've not had a boyfriend since.

I just never wanna feel as pathetic as I did back then. And the only way I can do that is to never fall in love again unless the person really earns it.

Unfortunately, I haven't met anyone who makes me wanna give up my independance. And maybe I never will.

Personally I'm fine with that. I don't believe that I need another person to make my life complete or meaningful.

Finding true love would be nice. But so would finding a big wad of cash on the floor. Neither are destined to happen. It'll be all about luck, timing etc if it happens. There is no point scouring the streets looking for it or constantly putting myself in places were money is likely to be.

But that doesn't mean you can't have fun in the meantime

 

[terry78]

And that's all she wrote.

Live and learn though.

 

[moviedoors]

Friends with horizontal advantages.

And the winner is...

 

[moviedoors]

It doesn't strike me as Alpha behavior to let someone have complete possession of you body and soul. Alpha usually means leader, if you give someone that much power you're not the leader. A good relationship means you're equal partners, no one take ownership or possession of the other person.

I don't know. No one is on top in my relationship, but really, the both of us are wannabe Doms. We like taking control. It works for us because it makes for the hottest tension on the planet. But I totally get that the give and take of a relationship varies wildly and I accept it completely. Ever read about people in S&M/bondage type of relationships? The subs almost always say they feel sexy, in control, powerful. Who am I to argue with what gets their rocks off?

 

[November Rain]

gotta say hopeful that while it's good to not need anyone in your life, keeping the gates up is a subliminal subconcious message you send out to people, so the probability of findnig someone is less.

unless of course you do it as a kinda trial by fire to see if someone is worthy of penetrating your barriers so to speak.

purely in the sexual context i would recommend it as sex with someon in a great relationship is infinitely better.

and also allowing yourself to be vulnerable with someone is pretty much the definition of a good relationship, as they will haev every opportunity to hurt you and most of the time won't.

if you cut yourself off to the darkness, you'll never really be able to captivate the beauty of the light.

but at 24, you have plenty of time to realise that.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

gotta say hopeful that while it's good to not need anyone in your life, keeping the gates up is a subliminal subconcious message you send out to people, so the probability of findnig someone is less.

unless of course you do it as a kinda trial by fire to see if someone is worthy of penetrating your barriers so to speak.

purely in the sexual context i would recommend it as sex with someon in a great relationship is infinitely better.

and also allowing yourself to be vulnerable with someone is pretty much the definition of a good relationship, as they will haev every opportunity to hurt you and most of the time won't.

if you cut yourself off to the darkness, you'll never really be able to captivate the beauty of the light.

but at 24, you have plenty of time to realise that.

I'm sure it would be better.

But I definitely think 'friends with benefits' is a better option than falling in love with a cheating *******/in the closet gay guy, or sleeping with total strangers while your drunk at a club.

If you and a friend both find each other attractive, and are both horny... why not?

 

[November Rain]

meh, i'd rather have finite love, that burns brightly and fades rather than monotomy.

but then again, i'm a sadist

edit,

you are right though, one night stand is at the bottom of the pile, although a planned escapade away for a long weekend with a stranger does have its advantages

diffeernt strokes for different folks

 

[hopefuldreamer]

What I was talking about wasn't finite love that burns brightly and fades.

I'd describe it more as finite love that burns, and burns hotter and then the flames start to consume you until you realise your actually on fire and then someone throws petrol on you and you explode, leaving behind a charred carcass.

Which to me, makes monotony sound rather lovely.

But i'd also argue that friends with benefits isn't monotonous.

It's two people who care about each other and find each other attractive, providing a comfort and connection that is missing from both of their lives, without committing to a future or a social status of 'relationship'.

And it's fun! It's in some ways more fun than a new relationship because you can completely and utterly be yourself. The person knows you already. There is no holding back, no worrying about what might happen when they really get to know you.

It's just so easy!

 

[The Guard]

If it was called monotony, I don't think anyone would practice it.