I Was Molested By a 300lb. Woman Pirate

[DV8]

So I went to this new joint for karaoke last night, and much to my dismay I ended up being molested by the karaoke lady, whom happened to be a 300lb. large-breasted pirate

She had a patch over one eye, and was more than friendly with me after I flossed the karaoke-singing skills . . . . what's worse, is her fiance man's the karaoke machine while she molests unsuspecting karaoke-ers . . .

The molestation occurred during what should have been a routine rendition of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" . . . . the pirate approached me . . . seemingly to help tighten my 'skills' . . . . I was trying not to pay attention, and block her out until she grabbed me from behind, firmly planting her over-sized pirate-breasts against my back, grazed my ass and then put her piratey clutches around my waist . . . .

she then grinded behind me, telling me to go slower, slower, slower . . . dance slower she says . . . OH GOD THE HORROR!!!!!

she later invited me to her and her fiance's bday party this weekend she explained how much fun it would be, because she would be there w/ her friend sitting on the bar, and doing 'blow job' shots from one anothers cleavage

has anyone else ever been molested by a pirate?

 

[Ice-man]

i dont speak of that night......

 

[arachnid-guy]

Owned!

 

[DV8]

Owned!

Pwnd=Pirate-owned

 

[DV8]

I would like to add that my night actually ended up pretty stellar . . . . I took this woman home that I've been seeing, and she fkd the pirate-thoughts out of my head until 5am . . .

 

[arachnid-guy]

I was molested once.

Though not by a pirate.








By a f***ing man.

 

[DV8]

I was molested once.

Though not by a pirate.








By a f***ing man.

that's even worse! was he actually fuacking when he molested you? cuz that would make it much, much worse

 

[arachnid-guy]

that's even worse! was he actually fuacking when he molested you? cuz that would make it much, much worse

Yes. He multi-tasked.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

I've never been molested by pirates but I have been molested several times by fat women/girls...seriously molested in, like, ways where, if it was a man doing it to a female, she'd call the cops and he'd be arrested.

Such a double standard in our society.

 

[Dope Nose]

I would like to add that my night actually ended up pretty stellar . . . . I took this woman home that I've been seeing, and she fkd the pirate-thoughts out of my head until 5am . . .

so she shivered your timbers?

 

[L.A.]

she explained how much fun it would be, because she would be there w/ her friend sitting on the bar, and doing 'blow job' shots from one anothers cleavage

Sounds like a typical Friday night for me!

 

[DV8]

arachnid guy actually makes me remember another occassion where I was molested by a man!!! I was at this bar, and he sat in w/ the band playing there on guitar . . . I complimented dude, and he thought that meant some kind of homosexual open-invitation . . . . after a few moments of awkward banter, I realized dude was getting REAL close . . . too close, and I tried to end to convo . . . . dude tried to KISS ME!!!! he got me on the cheek *runs away crying*

 

[arachnid-guy]

so she shivered your timbers?

More like she walked his plank.

 

[November Rain]

I've been molested by a pie i ate, but not a pirate

 

[DV8]

so she shivered your timbers?

yes. yes she did . . . but this wasn't the pirate lady, keep in mind . . .

 

[DV8]

More like she walked his plank.

tee-hee

seriously, my dick feels like it ran a marathon last night . . . .

 

[arachnid-guy]

arachnid guy actually makes me remember another occassion where I was molested by a man!!! I was at this bar, and he sat in w/ the band playing there on guitar . . . I complimented dude, and he thought that meant some kind of homosexual open-invitation . . . . after a few moments of awkward banter, I realized dude was getting REAL close . . . too close, and I tried to end to convo . . . . dude tried to KISS ME!!!! he got me on the cheek *runs away crying*

AHAHA!

Dude, I was joking. But...jeezus....that's funny. t:

That's something to tell the grandchildren, I suppose.

 

[DV8]

AHAHA!

Dude, I was joking. But...jeezus....that's funny. t:

That's something to tell the grandchildren, I suppose.

it's not funny




ok, yeah it's pretty funny now in hindsight

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

haha, "let it all hang out" is gross.

 

[DV8]

Because it HAD to be done...

Are you gonna take me home tonight
Ah down beside that red firelight
Are you gonna let it all hang out
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rockin world go round

Hey I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery
Left alone with big fat fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me
Hey hey!

Ive been singing with my band
Across the wire across the land
I seen evry blue eyed floozy on the way
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them dirty ladies every time

Oh wont you take me home tonight?
Oh down beside your red firelight
Oh and you give it all you got
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round

Hey listen here
Now your mortgages and homes
I got stiffness in the bones
Aint no beauty queens in this locality (I tell you)
Oh but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
Heap big woman you gonna make a big man out of me
Now get this

Oh you gonna take me home tonight (please)
Oh down beside your red firelight
Oh you gonna let it all hang out
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Get on your bikes and ride

Oooh yeah them fat bottomed girls
Fat bottomed girls
Yeah yeah yeah
Fat bottomed girls
Yes yes


jag

Lol! I'm totally singing that one next time I go (wow, I just admitted that I'm going back there )

 

[DV8]

I truly believe that song documents what happened to Freddie Mercury to turn him gay.

jag

you speak the truth, but I bet the fat-bottomed perpetrator didn't have a goddam eyepatch to boot!!

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

I truly believe that song documents what happened to Freddie Mercury to turn him gay.

jag

It's pretty clear.

 

[DV8]

I think you should go back there and sing it and then report back here and let us know how your new girlfriend reacts, because I think she's going to take that song as a direct invitation to ride you blue.

jag

*barfs*

 

[DV8]

^wow . . . . just, wow . . . yous one sick puppy, Jag . . . that's why we :heart: you . . .

 

[The Original Bamfer]

Oh, good. She'll have something to snack on while she's got you pinned beneath her.

jag

This makes jag my hero.