A man turned up at a hospital wearing an overcoat,
and with blood dripping down his leg. When he removed
the coat, the doctor saw he had a geranium
inserted in his penis. The man had got the flower
in without any difficulty, but when he tried to remove it,
the hairs on the stem of the flower had dug into the urethra
and ripped it to shreds.
A policeman in Staffordshire returned home from a
night shift to his wife preparing breakfast.
For some unknown reason, he wrapped a slice of bread
around his penis, at which point the dog leapt up
and took a bite out of it. The man needed cosmetic surgery
to restore the damage.
When a mate was studying in Ireland, he took up
rugby. As his first season wore on, the lads and
him were eventually scheduled to play a team which
had a reputation for violent play. Considering that
they weren't the most talented outfit to have ever taken the field,
they decided to accept the challenge with a "do or die" attitude,
hoping things would eventually swing their way.
They didn't, and to make matters worse their star player
dislocated his hip after a particularly ferocious tackle.
He was clearly in a lot of pain, so they all stood back to allow the
medic to, in one swift movement, slot the hip back into its socket.
Then Alan began a long blood curdling scream.
To their horror, they realised that one of his testicles
had also been jammed into the socket and was now
firmly held in place by the hip.
Incidentally, he also managed to rip a vocal chord with his screaming.
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