Informing people about their personality traits

[November Rain]

You've probably all been there with a friend when they are down and you need to confort them or perhaps a partner asks you what you like about them right?

In most cases you tend to inform them about the little things that they do that make you smile or that you find funny but then comes the change in their character.

You see most people when informed about something they do that is either positive or negative will either

1. stop doing the trait altogether

or

2. start doing the trait in a conscience manner which kinda takes awaywhat makes it special in the first place.

so here's my query.


How do you make someone try and feel better about their existence when they are down or flatter a person's ego about a personality trait without risk of losing seeing that trait naturally performed ever again?

 

[Iceman]

People will always become more conscious of their traits that are deemed positive by others. I'm not sure if you can stop them emphasising those traits once they become conscious of them.

 

[Ronny Shade]

Everyone knows the proper way to console a friend when they are depressed is to shut them out of your life completely until they get better on their own.

 

[Danalys]

hugs work. if they are in the mood for one. some things aren't about fixing things. they are just about being there, showing surport, etc. talk about other people. remind people of good times. just be friendly. it's what friends do.

 

[November Rain]

Everyone knows the proper way to console a friend when they are depressed is to shut them out of your life completely until they get better on their own.

not always applicable...especially with a partner...

 

[Ronny Shade]

it works for me. If the friendship doesn't continue, you weren't really friends to begin with.

 

[November Rain]

hugs work. if they are in the mood for one. some things aren't about fixing things. they are just about being there, showing surport, etc. talk about other people. remind people of good times. just be friendly. it's what friends do.

er....some people would consider highlighting someone's good points when they feel like crap as a means of being supportive, especially if they are going down that spiral of saying...

i'm useless, no one likes me, yadda yadda yadda...

basically fishing for a compliment in one form or another and they aren't particularly fussed where they get it from

 

[Danalys]

naw that's just reinforcing negative moods.

 

[November Rain]

it works for me. If the friendship doesn't continue, you weren't really friends to begin with.

hold on a sec....

because someone doesn't like the way you treat them in their time of need based on your views of how they should be treated is the basis of what you use to determine what a friendship is?

that's like saying anyone who doesn't agree with my methods of dealing with things isn't a friend of mine? where is the give and take, especially considering all situations are different?

 

[November Rain]

naw that's just reinforcing negative moods.

please explain, i don't follow.

 

[Ronny Shade]

A real friend wouldn't have put you in that kind of situation

 

[Danalys]

please explain, i don't follow.

it's okay to a certain extent but if it leads to them acting in a way that when confident they are disliked then it's just going to lead to them getting into a bad mood again where people will actually be nice to them. so if you are going to be nice to someone in a bad mood you better be there to surport them in their good mood. hate to say it but human and animal psychology are they same in this regard. rewards and punishment train people to behave in certain ways.

 

[November Rain]

A real friend wouldn't have put you in that kind of situation

if a real friend can't come to you for support,then what is your worth as a friend because they can pretty much hang out with millions of others peeps?

besides, a real friend would be able to cut through the trollocks that people always say to you in life and get down to the nitty gritty hard truths that people generally don't wanna hear.

or on the other side can happily accept your 'querky' ways and things that make you an individual

true there are times when leaving someone is better than smouldering them but i don't think it's that clean cut. how about if your friend has a tendency to be emotionally fragile, or a lil younger and less knowledgeable about the lessons of life or perhaps (dare i stereotype) *gulp* female.

 

[November Rain]

it's okay to a certain extent but if it leads to them acting in a way that when confident they are disliked then it's just going to lead to them getting into a bad mood again where people will actually be nice to them. so if you are going to be nice to someone in a bad mood you better be there to surport them in their good mood. hate to say it but human and animal psychology are they same in this regard. rewards and punishment train people to behave in certain ways.

isn't this kinda a given when it comes to friends and relationships?

 

[Danalys]

no people have a propesity to think people are fine and then go back to jokingly insulting each other in an effort to relieve their own tensions. competivive natures have increased to an extent that every thing is a fight for higher standing in a group and the only way to get that at times is to try to shake someone else confidence. key into peoples prejudices and focus on them etc. i see **** like this going on all the time. half the people doing it don't even recognise what they are doing. the way things are going people are forming groups of people they hate the least rather than they like. because everyone has a front. hiding their true nature.

it's stuff like this that annoy's me.

 

[Ronny Shade]

I hate my life and nobody likes me.














somebody tell me what I'm good at quick!

 

[Danalys]

sarcasm.

 

[SpideyLad]

I hate my life and nobody likes me.

somebody tell me what I'm good at quick!

You're good at hating yourself!

Have a cookie

 

[Ronny Shade]

You're good at hating yourself!

Have a cookie

that's nothing to be proud of.


*ties noose*

 

[SpideyLad]

that's nothing to be proud of.


*ties noose*

Nice knowing you

 

[Abaddon]

sometimes you just have to accept the risk. habits don't die easily, and in most cases things return to the state they were in previously. If it's a positive trait then bonus.