1
181319
Guest
I know that and the story I have written down is only if a movie were to be created opon my story or characthers, the stuff I have in my head would LITERALLY take years for me to write down.
I know that and the story I have written down is only if a movie were to be created opon my story or characthers, the stuff I have in my head would LITERALLY take years for me to write down.
1
181319
Guest
I've just registered my work at "writers guild of America".
So I've got a few questions now.
Should I start a new thread and write it there?
So would it be safe now to release some of my work in here? and if some of you like it than just ask me and I will write more of it down a bring it in here.
So I've got a few questions now.
Should I start a new thread and write it there?
So would it be safe now to release some of my work in here? and if some of you like it than just ask me and I will write more of it down a bring it in here.
Spider-Girl
Mayday Parker
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2006
- Messages
- 917
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 36
Generally you would just keep posting in this thread unless you get a mods permission to shut this one and open a new one.
1
181319
Guest
Alright then, what should I first write? a quick summary or the litlle script I made?
UltimateJustin
The Hype's Black Purist
- Joined
- May 11, 2005
- Messages
- 1,982
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 31
The dream, a lonely road to nowhere.
1
181319
Guest
1
181319
Guest
Here is a logline from my story:
Synopsis:
When Adams class are in Paris for a study trip, Adam and his friend George gets kidnapped they find themselves at an unidentified Farsi speaking country, where they both at a certain time receive special powers.
Synopsis:
When Adams class are in Paris for a study trip, Adam and his friend George gets kidnapped they find themselves at an unidentified Farsi speaking country, where they both at a certain time receive special powers.
1
181319
Guest
In the streets of Paris George and Adam are walking around seeing some of the sights for themselves, George and Adam are listening to some music while they enjoy the sights. Adam is listening to Kylie Minogue: spinning around, and George to Dr. Dre. Bad intension. After their tour in the city they make a stop at a café, they sit down at a table when a waiter comes to the table. The waiter asks in French what they want, Adam orders a Sunday in his poor French.
George: you know that it isnt good for you.
Adam: [looking a bit guilty] yeah guess your right, but you should know that it is hard to quit.
George: [a little frustrated] I know, but I took actions and look at me know and if I didnt helped you, you would still be sitting back at your couch in the states.
Adam: And I appreciate your help me, and I promise this will be my last.
George: [sighs] ok but Ill be watching, [smiles to Adam and the turns to the waiter, and says in French] I will have a red wine.
Adam: So what do you advise me to do, how should I ask her?
George: [George looks like hes going to laugh] well first off shes blind, so your chances should be slightly better [George is LOL]
Adam: Come on Im serious.
George: [still laughing a bit] well you cant take her to a museum, the tower, or a cinema. But what about a café or restaurant?
The waiter is back with their orders, George and Adam: merci.
Adam: Okay but which one?
George: [nipping at his wine] thats details, but I would recommend a more sophisticated café and for gods sake do not order a Sunday.
Adam: Ill try to find a restaurant were I can eat too.
George: Then lets go know, come one Ill help you. [George takes his drink and starts to leave the table]
Adam: wait but what about my Sunday?
George: Come on, eat it while your walking. [George pays for the order]
As They leave to find a different type of restaurant a type where Adam also can eat the food [he is a Muslim], the sun sets and they found themselves in a different part of the Paris from where they are staying at their hotel. George asks for directing to their hotel and is shown direction to where they should head on. They walk and find themselves in a maze of the older part of Paris, in an alley they are approached by a beggar.
Beggar: [in French] please Sir, I am in need give me some money.
George: [looking in slight disgust and says in a French/English voice] we dont have any money.
Beggar: [in poor English] money me [points towards himself]
George: [in French] are you deaf [becoming angry] I told you to get the hell out.
Beggar: [looking stunned and becoming angry as well] Why do you lie? I want some money. [He pulls out a gun]
George reacts quick and knocks the beggar down, with some garbage cans, but the beggar is raged and starts to get up.
Adam: [looking scared to death] oohh
George pulls Adam and they run towards the end of the ally the can hear the sound of cars.
George: [looks at Adam] Come on I can hear the streets.
Adam: [looks tired but with his eyes wide open] Im right behind you.
As they are about to leave the alley several black SUVs stops in front of them and block their way out of the alley.
George: [looking nervous and surprised] What the h
Masked men jump out of the SUVs and pounds Adam and George to the ground, pacifies them and they are blinded with a hood over their heads.
[FONT="]George: [with the hood over his head, covering his face] what the hell is going h [he and Adam receives a needle to their neck and they blackout].
So what do you think so far???
[/FONT]
George: you know that it isnt good for you.
Adam: [looking a bit guilty] yeah guess your right, but you should know that it is hard to quit.
George: [a little frustrated] I know, but I took actions and look at me know and if I didnt helped you, you would still be sitting back at your couch in the states.
Adam: And I appreciate your help me, and I promise this will be my last.
George: [sighs] ok but Ill be watching, [smiles to Adam and the turns to the waiter, and says in French] I will have a red wine.
Adam: So what do you advise me to do, how should I ask her?
George: [George looks like hes going to laugh] well first off shes blind, so your chances should be slightly better [George is LOL]
Adam: Come on Im serious.
George: [still laughing a bit] well you cant take her to a museum, the tower, or a cinema. But what about a café or restaurant?
The waiter is back with their orders, George and Adam: merci.
Adam: Okay but which one?
George: [nipping at his wine] thats details, but I would recommend a more sophisticated café and for gods sake do not order a Sunday.
Adam: Ill try to find a restaurant were I can eat too.
George: Then lets go know, come one Ill help you. [George takes his drink and starts to leave the table]
Adam: wait but what about my Sunday?
George: Come on, eat it while your walking. [George pays for the order]
As They leave to find a different type of restaurant a type where Adam also can eat the food [he is a Muslim], the sun sets and they found themselves in a different part of the Paris from where they are staying at their hotel. George asks for directing to their hotel and is shown direction to where they should head on. They walk and find themselves in a maze of the older part of Paris, in an alley they are approached by a beggar.
Beggar: [in French] please Sir, I am in need give me some money.
George: [looking in slight disgust and says in a French/English voice] we dont have any money.
Beggar: [in poor English] money me [points towards himself]
George: [in French] are you deaf [becoming angry] I told you to get the hell out.
Beggar: [looking stunned and becoming angry as well] Why do you lie? I want some money. [He pulls out a gun]
George reacts quick and knocks the beggar down, with some garbage cans, but the beggar is raged and starts to get up.
Adam: [looking scared to death] oohh
George pulls Adam and they run towards the end of the ally the can hear the sound of cars.
George: [looks at Adam] Come on I can hear the streets.
Adam: [looks tired but with his eyes wide open] Im right behind you.
As they are about to leave the alley several black SUVs stops in front of them and block their way out of the alley.
George: [looking nervous and surprised] What the h
Masked men jump out of the SUVs and pounds Adam and George to the ground, pacifies them and they are blinded with a hood over their heads.
[FONT="]George: [with the hood over his head, covering his face] what the hell is going h [he and Adam receives a needle to their neck and they blackout].
So what do you think so far???
[/FONT]
1
181319
Guest
Some time later the anaesthetic starts to wear off, Adam can barely hear anything he tries to open his eyes but only manages to open his left eye so much that he can see a silhouette everything appears greyish, Adam can hear someone:
Unknown: [blurry voice] waking up
Adam feel a pinch and is gone.
SPLASH!!!
Its hot and moist, Adam wakes up in a instant and screams from the ice cold water, it drips from his exposed upper body.
He is tied to a chair with his hood on.
Interrogator: [in a dominant and teasing tone] Wake up FATTY.
Adam: [in a state of shock] Stop please stop
Interrogator: [Walking around in the room] you do not give the orders around here, and if you want your friend any good you better start talking.
Adam: [hyperventilating] wwhhe whheere is George?
The interrogator pulls off Adams hood.
Adam: [in a hige pitch tone] aah
Adam sees the interrogator, he is holding a wet bucket
Interrogator: Dont worry about him we are taking care of him. [moves over to a tank and poors in some water]
Adam: please my heart
The interrogator throws more water on Adam who screams in pain
Interrogator: your what?...
Adam: [in pain] my heart I cant
Adam receives a seizure.
Interrogator: [looking serious] kid?... [runs to the door] medic!!! I need medic.
Adam wakes up at a local hospital, there are guards inside and George is sitting beside him, (SKRIV AT GEORGE HAR OPLEVET NOGET GRUSOMT DER HAR ÆNDRET HAM) George doesnt notice that he is up, George just stares at the ground with a facial expression that could only be described as he has witness something terrible.
Guard: [talks to into his radio] Hes up.
George sees that Adam is up and gives Adam a relieved smile.
Adam: (Skriv at Adam redde dem fra døden og George vil gengælde senere) where am I?
George: I dont know but I think we are safe now.
Some men in suits enters the room, they look very serious, one of the men in the suits stands out hes a older and looks like the one in charge.
Man in charge: We want to express how sorry we are for putting you through this. Let me assure you that you are safe and will be released in a short time.
George: [looking defeated] how do we get home?
Man in charge: you will be escorted back to Paris and can return to America.
George: why did you take us?
Man in charge: Its classified but I can tell you this, the man you met in the alley is the brother of Malik Aziz, a terrorist who we believe is a part of a terrorist group. Malik has many innocent deaths in his hands, we werent able to locate him but we got a tip that his brother was in Paris and when we saw you with him we took no chances, he holds valuable information. [He steps forward] one of our agents saw you being attacked by him and combined with the information we got from George here (pointing at George) we found out that you werent involved.
George: [starring at the floor again and in a low tone] can we go now?
Man in charge: yes you will be escorted and released again a few hours, you will be transported to a military airbase alongside Maliks brother.
Adam: [looking relieved] thank you.
Man in charge: I must warn You, this is not something you are allowed to discus with others, or we WILL keep you here. Understood?
George: yeah whatever.
A convoy of several black SUVs are crossing the desert a bird view shows a village that the black SUVs are going to cross, then the camera zooms into one of the SUVs in the back. There are 3 guards beside Adam and George.
Adam: [talking to George] what did they do to you?
Guard: youre not allowed to talk!
George: Ill do whatever I want.
Guard: whats that tough guy? You are lucky your still breathing.
George: [gives the guard the finger]
Adam: just stop, I want to go home.
There approaching the village when they see some of the locals, one of them has no teeth and has a rash on his right cheek.
Guard: we could just drop you off here.
George:[very angry] We have a deal with your superior, so why dont you just shut the
BOOM
This is going to be the last post of my story if I do not get any comments.
Unknown: [blurry voice] waking up
Adam feel a pinch and is gone.
SPLASH!!!
Its hot and moist, Adam wakes up in a instant and screams from the ice cold water, it drips from his exposed upper body.
He is tied to a chair with his hood on.
Interrogator: [in a dominant and teasing tone] Wake up FATTY.
Adam: [in a state of shock] Stop please stop
Interrogator: [Walking around in the room] you do not give the orders around here, and if you want your friend any good you better start talking.
Adam: [hyperventilating] wwhhe whheere is George?
The interrogator pulls off Adams hood.
Adam: [in a hige pitch tone] aah
Adam sees the interrogator, he is holding a wet bucket
Interrogator: Dont worry about him we are taking care of him. [moves over to a tank and poors in some water]
Adam: please my heart
The interrogator throws more water on Adam who screams in pain
Interrogator: your what?...
Adam: [in pain] my heart I cant
Adam receives a seizure.
Interrogator: [looking serious] kid?... [runs to the door] medic!!! I need medic.
Adam wakes up at a local hospital, there are guards inside and George is sitting beside him, (SKRIV AT GEORGE HAR OPLEVET NOGET GRUSOMT DER HAR ÆNDRET HAM) George doesnt notice that he is up, George just stares at the ground with a facial expression that could only be described as he has witness something terrible.
Guard: [talks to into his radio] Hes up.
George sees that Adam is up and gives Adam a relieved smile.
Adam: (Skriv at Adam redde dem fra døden og George vil gengælde senere) where am I?
George: I dont know but I think we are safe now.
Some men in suits enters the room, they look very serious, one of the men in the suits stands out hes a older and looks like the one in charge.
Man in charge: We want to express how sorry we are for putting you through this. Let me assure you that you are safe and will be released in a short time.
George: [looking defeated] how do we get home?
Man in charge: you will be escorted back to Paris and can return to America.
George: why did you take us?
Man in charge: Its classified but I can tell you this, the man you met in the alley is the brother of Malik Aziz, a terrorist who we believe is a part of a terrorist group. Malik has many innocent deaths in his hands, we werent able to locate him but we got a tip that his brother was in Paris and when we saw you with him we took no chances, he holds valuable information. [He steps forward] one of our agents saw you being attacked by him and combined with the information we got from George here (pointing at George) we found out that you werent involved.
George: [starring at the floor again and in a low tone] can we go now?
Man in charge: yes you will be escorted and released again a few hours, you will be transported to a military airbase alongside Maliks brother.
Adam: [looking relieved] thank you.
Man in charge: I must warn You, this is not something you are allowed to discus with others, or we WILL keep you here. Understood?
George: yeah whatever.
A convoy of several black SUVs are crossing the desert a bird view shows a village that the black SUVs are going to cross, then the camera zooms into one of the SUVs in the back. There are 3 guards beside Adam and George.
Adam: [talking to George] what did they do to you?
Guard: youre not allowed to talk!
George: Ill do whatever I want.
Guard: whats that tough guy? You are lucky your still breathing.
George: [gives the guard the finger]
Adam: just stop, I want to go home.
There approaching the village when they see some of the locals, one of them has no teeth and has a rash on his right cheek.
Guard: we could just drop you off here.
George:[very angry] We have a deal with your superior, so why dont you just shut the
BOOM
This is going to be the last post of my story if I do not get any comments.
N
N.Sef
Guest
Alright I'm going to give you my honest opinion of your work. At the moment it is written as a cliche wrapped around a piece of cheese. The characters are workable but I'm not really seeing why I should care about what is happening to them (perhaps later chapters might tell me why). Also you have given them unrealistic feelings on the situation, George's simple 'Yeah whatever' line is giving me the impression that he is extremely detached from the situation.
Overall the pacing is good but those are my main gripes with it, if I sounded overly critical it's because I'm trying to give you an honest impression. I've only read it once, perhaps I missed something. At the moment I don't have the time to reread and strip it apart, though I might do that at a later date if/when you post more story.
Overall the pacing is good but those are my main gripes with it, if I sounded overly critical it's because I'm trying to give you an honest impression. I've only read it once, perhaps I missed something. At the moment I don't have the time to reread and strip it apart, though I might do that at a later date if/when you post more story.
1
181319
Guest
First, thanks for your honest opinion I apreciate it.
Second, I know that some of the story seems odd, it's because I have worked on this story for about 5 years and it's hard to write it all down and choose what I should include. I think I'll post everything I written so far and then you can ask me questions.
And thanks again for the comment
1
181319
Guest
Here is everything I've written so far.
In the streets of Paris George and Adam are walking around seeing some of the sights for themselves, George and Adam are listening to some music while they enjoy the sights. Adam is listening to Kylie Minogue: spinning around, and George to Dr. Dre. Bad intension. After their tour in the city they make a stop at a café, they sit down at a table when a waiter comes to the table. The waiter asks in French what they want, Adam orders a Sunday in his poor French.
George: you know that it isnt good for you.
Adam: [looking a bit guilty] yeah guess your right, but you should know that it is hard to quit.
George: [a little frustrated] I know, but I took actions and look at me know and if I didnt helped you, you would still be sitting back at your couch in the states.
Adam: And I appreciate your help me, and I promise this will be my last.
George: [sighs] ok but Ill be watching, [smiles to Adam and the turns to the waiter, and says in French] I will have a red wine.
Adam: So what do you advise me to do, how should I ask her?
George: [George looks like hes going to laugh] well first off shes blind, so your chances should be slightly better [George is LOL]
Adam: Come on Im serious.
George: [still laughing a bit] well you cant take her to a museum, the tower, or a cinema. But what about a café or restaurant?
The waiter is back with their orders, George and Adam: merci.
Adam: Okay but which one?
George: [nipping at his wine] thats details, but I would recommend a more sophisticated café and for gods sake do not order a Sunday.
Adam: Ill try to find a restaurant were I can eat too.
George: Then lets go know, come one Ill help you. [George takes his drink and starts to leave the table]
Adam: wait but what about my Sunday?
George: Come on, eat it while your walking. [George pays for the order]
As They leave to find a different type of restaurant a type where Adam also can eat the food [he is a Muslim], the sun sets and they found themselves in a different part of the Paris from where they are staying at their hotel. George asks for directing to their hotel and is shown direction to where they should head on. They walk and find themselves in a maze of the older part of Paris, in an alley they are approached by a beggar.
Beggar: [in French] please Sir, I am in need give me some money.
George: [looking in slight disgust and says in a French/English voice] we dont have any money.
Beggar: [in poor English] money me [points towards himself]
George: [in French] are you deaf [becoming angry] I told you to get the hell out.
Beggar: [looking stunned and becoming angry as well] Why do you lie? I want some money. [He pulls out a gun]
George reacts quick and knocks the beggar down, with some garbage cans, but the beggar is raged and starts to get up.
Adam: [looking scared to death] oohh
George pulls Adam and they run towards the end of the ally the can hear the sound of cars.
George: [looks at Adam] Come on I can hear the streets.
Adam: [looks tired but with his eyes wide open] Im right behind you.
As they are about to leave the alley several black SUVs stops in front of them and block their way out of the alley.
George: [looking nervous and surprised] What the h
Masked men jump out of the SUVs and pounds Adam and George to the ground, pacifies them and they are blinded with a hood over their heads.
George: [with the hood over his head, covering his face] what the hell is going h [he and Adam receives a needle to their neck and they blackout].
Some time later the anaesthetic starts to wear off, Adam can barely hear anything he tries to open his eyes but only manages to open his left eye so much that he can see a silhouette everything appears greyish, Adam can hear someone:
Unknown: [blurry voice] waking up
Adam feel a pinch and is gone.
SPLASH!!!
Its hot and moist, Adam wakes up in a instant and screams from the ice cold water, it drips from his exposed upper body.
He is tied to a chair with his hood on.
Interrogator: [in a dominant and teasing tone] Wake up FATTY.
Adam: [in a state of shock] Stop please stop
Interrogator: [Walking around in the room] you do not give the orders around here, and if you want your friend any good you better start talking.
Adam: [hyperventilating] wwhhe whheere is George?
The interrogator pulls off Adams hood.
Adam: [in a hige pitch tone] aah
Adam sees the interrogator, he is holding a wet bucket
Interrogator: Dont worry about him we are taking care of him. [moves over to a tank and poors in some water]
Adam: please my heart
The interrogator throws more water on Adam who screams in pain
Interrogator: your what?...
Adam: [in pain] my heart I cant
Adam receives a seizure.
Interrogator: [looking serious] kid?... [runs to the door] medic!!! I need medic.
Adam wakes up at a local hospital, there are guards inside and George is sitting beside him, (SKRIV AT GEORGE HAR OPLEVET NOGET GRUSOMT DER HAR ÆNDRET HAM) George doesnt notice that he is up, George just stares at the ground with a facial expression that could only be described as he has witness something terrible.
Guard: [talks to into his radio] Hes up.
George sees that Adam is up and gives Adam a relieved smile.
Adam: (Skriv at Adam redde dem fra døden og George vil gengælde senere) where am I?
George: I dont know but I think we are safe now.
Some men in suits enters the room, they look very serious, one of the men in the suits stands out hes a older and looks like the one in charge.
Man in charge: We want to express how sorry we are for putting you through this. Let me assure you that you are safe and will be released in a short time.
George: [looking defeated] how do we get home?
Man in charge: you will be escorted back to Paris and can return to America.
George: why did you take us?
Man in charge: Its classified but I can tell you this, the man you met in the alley is the brother of Malik Aziz, a terrorist who we believe is a part of a terrorist group. Malik has many innocent deaths in his hands, we werent able to locate him but we got a tip that his brother was in Paris and when we saw you with him we took no chances, he holds valuable information. [He steps forward] one of our agents saw you being attacked by him and combined with the information we got from George here (pointing at George) we found out that you werent involved.
George: [starring at the floor again and in a low tone] can we go now?
Man in charge: yes you will be escorted and released again a few hours, you will be transported to a military airbase alongside Maliks brother.
Adam: [looking relieved] thank you.
Man in charge: I must warn You, this is not something you are allowed to discus with others, or we WILL keep you here. Understood?
George: yeah whatever.
A convoy of several black SUVs are crossing the desert a bird view shows a village that the black SUVs are going to cross, then the camera zooms into one of the SUVs in the back. There are 3 guards beside Adam and George.
Adam: [talking to George] what did they do to you?
Guard: youre not allowed to talk!
George: Ill do whatever I want.
Guard: whats that tough guy? You are lucky your still breathing.
George: [gives the guard the finger]
Adam: just stop, I want to go home.
There approaching the village when they see some of the locals, one of them has no teeth and has a rash on his right cheek.
Guard: we could just drop you off here.
George:[very angry] We have a deal with your superior, so why dont you just shut the
BOOM
There is dust and fragment flying in every direction. The SUV rolls over and lands on it roof top. Adam and George are lying on the road still at conscious and able to move, they see some men running towards them with weapons, yelling and screaming, the men shoots the uniformed guards and take George and Adam as hostages. George and Adam are both disorientated, and cant fight back as they are being blindfolded and moved inside a van. They are taken at a remote desert at place that looks like its being used for excavation. George and Adam can feel that they are moving down in an elevator, they are forced to forward by some armed men.
Malik: [in Farsi] bring them here.
Adam and George are forced down to sit on chairs.
Malik: [in Farsi] remove the hoods.
Adam and George are still a bit disorientated but they seem to understand what is going.
Malik: [in English] who are you?
Adam and George arent able to respond.
Malik nods and one of the armed men hits Adam on the head with his machinegun.
Adam: [in pain] stop, we are Americans.
Malik: who do you work for? CIA? FBI?
Adam: we are civilians, tourist.
Malik nods again and Adam gets hit again.
Adam [coughing violently] we we are civilians.
Malik: [throws some ID at Adam] then what is this? [The ID states CIA, with the guard from the SUVs name and picture].
Malik: you work for CIA!
Adam: no we dont, we were mistakenly captured by CIA.
Malik: [in Farsi] Abdul! Come here.
A man approaches from behind Adam, the man walks and greet Malik, the man turns his head and Adam recognize him as the beggar from Paris. Adam looks stunned.
Abdul: [in Farsi] its been a long time brother how are you?
Malik: [in Farsi] fine, do you recognize these men? (points to Adam and George)
Abdul: [in Farsi] yes these men attacked me, I think the work for the non belivers.
Malik: [in Farsi] thank you brother, what do you want their fate to be?
Abdul: [in Farsi] they tried to kill me, I want them to experience hell and then kill them.
Malik: [in Farsi] good we will kill them soon, but let me show them something first.
Malik commands the men to pick up Adam and George and bring them further deeper to the underground facility. As they take Adam and George to their fate, Adam notices several barrels with Farsi markings, stickers are showing symbol that indicates chemical, biological and nuclear content in them. They are moved over to a massive container.
Malik: [in English, in a victorious voice] so my American friends you have seen what I am capable of, but I have not showed you the best yet. [in Farsi] bring the Cleanser
Some of the men steps inside the container and pulls out a large object covered with a black sheet.
Malik: [smiling and is proud, speaks in English] I got a surprise for you two and your country, [he looks at the guards and nods]
The sheet is removed and there it is a nuclear bomb.
Malik: [talking to Adam and George] I will use this to cleanse your country from non believers and American pigs, [Malik punches some numbers in and the bomb is armed]. Malik looks awkward at Adam, where are you from?
Adam: I was born in USA.
Malik: No, are you one of us? A true Muslim?
Adam: my mother was, and I am to, its you, you could never be one.
Malik: [looking at Adam angrily] I will make sure you meet your mother in hell.
Malik steps towards a guard and reaches for his gun. A man runs franticly inside the room shouting.
Crazy man: [in Farsi] they are attacking!!!
Malik takes the gun and points it to Adam. But suddenly a loud explosion and debris fill the room.
George is up on his feet and yells for Adam to run, Adam gets to his feet and humps towards the door. They run inside the room with the marked barrels and lock the door, outside the door Malik and his men can see that there is a missile inside the room and it is making a sound like it is counting down faster and faster.
Malik: [frantic and in Farsi] OUT. OUT.
They run outside the door and BOOOOM. The door that holds Adams and Georges room closed flies off and hits a barrel with the chemicals, the barrels leaks and theres fire inside the room Adam and George run back but cant get out, they go back to the room were they were held by Malik. The room is falling apart and they cant escape, the nuclear bomb has become unstable by the blast and the fire. The different chemicals has mixed with the other biological and nuclear content, Adam and George start to feel pain, they are coughing and cant breathe, the mixture is killing them. The room gets filled with the mixture and Adam has a heart attack before he drowns, George is still holding on but eventually he drowns too. Adam sinks to the bottom near the bomb. The bomb goes off. [Everything is going in matrix style] Adams heart starts again, but it beats franticly and out of control, this is the first time we see that his heart is very small. His heart is going berserk and it grow bigger and bigger, it looks like it his heart his dividing and suddenly there are two large hearts inside him, the hearts are on each side and starts to beat at a slower speed. Meanwhile we see Adam and George flying through several layers of rock and out of the underground facility, they are both unconscious and lands about the same spot but several hundred miles from the explosion.
Adam wakes up theres sand and dust on him, he stands up and looks at himself, his clothes are torn and ripped many places and the logo on his shirt has changed to something else, he cant see it quite right because its dirty. Adam looks around himself and he spots a small airfield, he heads out and he thinks to himself, what had happened and where George is. As he approaches the airfield, he is met by George and the same man from the hospital.
Adam: [happy to see George] Hey are you okay?
George: [shifts his shoulder] Im alright.
Man in charge: We have to evacuate you know, there has been an incident.
Adam and George are taken with the away and put in a plane and flown back to Paris. They are asked what had happened to them, George says they were attacked taken as hostages, but escaped before the bomb went off. Again they are told not to talk or discuss this with anyone. They are dropped off at their hotel with their class and the suited men take off, the teacher comes out looking relived and angry.
Teacher: [frustrated] where have you been? We phoned the police, your parents and [gets real mad] didnt I tell you to that you were supposed to meet at the hotel at 11.00pm? and now youve been gone for 6 days. Can any of you answer me?
Adam and George are speechless.
Adam: [hesitating] aaah weee
A man interrupts
Man in charge: Excuse me Ms ?
Teacher: [looking at the man] Ms. May.
Man in charge: Ms. May, my name is agent Mulder I work for a classified bureau. These two men are they from your class?
Ms. May: Yes.
Agent Mulder: These two men, have been helping us catching one of the most dangerous men on this earth, we are all in their debt so if you wouldnt mind I wouldnt be angry at them, in fact without their help you probably wouldnt be alive Ms. May.
Ms. May is looking shocked, while Adam and George are speechless..
Agent Mulder: this is of coursed classified, but I just wanted to thank you two personally. [he shakes hands with Adam and George and leaves again]. Ms. May is still in shook but comes to herself after a few seconds, the all three steps inside the hotel.
Ms. May: [talking to Adam and George] Could I get you something food or drink?
Adam: how about a Sunday and a medal?
Name: Adam Ali. (The name can be changed to something else)
Aliases: Have to come up with one.
Abilities:
Ability to control every function in his body (heartbeat, immune system) and his body is constantly creating new cells and matter making him able to heal himself and others trough touch and by simply controlling some of the cells that leaves his body with his breath and sweat. The most significant ability he has at his disposal is the organic fusion that is creating heat inside him and makes him able to withstand immense low temperatures, however the fusion does not allow him to heat up over the normal core temperature of a normal human. The organic fusion converts almost everything that Adam eats to energy that fuels him and thereby gives him powers that makes him able to lift or press far more than 100tons. Later in the story Adam is pushed to the limit where his powers are drained, from there Adam experiences something that brings a new and darker side of Adam and the organic fusion starts up again and lights up, the organic fusion has somehow turned into a real fusion and all of Adams muscles start to light and the two hearts acts like suns and melts together and emits a gamma glimpse (the second most powerful display of energy after Big Bang). The gamma glimpse forms into a sphere and heads of from his chest at the speed of light and is controlled by Adams emotions.
I wont tell yet, but there is a normal state, and a well, lets just say if you ask me Ill tell you. You should have an idea on one of his powers (survived a severe underground nuclear blast)
Statistic:
Age: 21
Height: 1,68cm or approximate 5.6-5.7
Weight: 105kg. or approximate 234 lbs.
Dark hair, brown eyes, fat/obese.
Keywords describing Adam:
Naïve, funny, a thinker, brave, honest.
Story:
Adam is a nice guy who is afraid of most things, therefore his only friend is George who likes to tease him sometimes but just for fun. Adams mother died of cancer when he was very young, but he lives with his father and brothers and sisters. Adams life changes the day a new woman (Sara) starts at his class, she is almost a decade older than Adam and she is blind, but Adam falls in love with her, and when he gets the chance to sit next to her on a trip to Paris, he conquers his fear of flying with help from George. At Paris Adam and George comes up on idea on how to be with Sara, but they are arrested by a mistake and flown to an unidentified Farsi speaking country. Adam and George are tortured, Adam gets a heart attack because of the fact that his heart was smaller when he was born, George is also tortured and he has changed into a new man, although we never see what happened to him. Adam and George are released but taken hostage by a terrorist leader (Malik) under their way back to an airbase, Malik shows Adam and George is weapon arsenal in an underground facility, but they are interrupt by a missile that buries into the the facility and sets of and nuclear bomb Adam has a heart attack and drowns in a mixture of weapons of mass destruction before this happens, his body is revived and he shoots out of the facility like a missile along with George and crashes in an unknown area. Eventually George and Adam are found and flown back to Paris. From there Adam discovers his powers and also that the terrorist that held him and George as hostages are more than alive, they have also changed. Through the few memories of his mother and a sentence his mother said to him: You cant prevent death, but you can prevent pain Adam chooses to defend others against harm fighting back against the man who holds many peoples lives on his conscious. But the battle between good and evil still awaits, and Adam has to make the toughest decisions ever to protect the one he loves.
Synopsis:
When Adams class are in Paris for a study trip, Adam and his friend George gets kidnapped they find themselves at an unidentified Farsi speaking language, where they both at a certain time receive special powers.
[FONT="]
[/FONT]
In the streets of Paris George and Adam are walking around seeing some of the sights for themselves, George and Adam are listening to some music while they enjoy the sights. Adam is listening to Kylie Minogue: spinning around, and George to Dr. Dre. Bad intension. After their tour in the city they make a stop at a café, they sit down at a table when a waiter comes to the table. The waiter asks in French what they want, Adam orders a Sunday in his poor French.
George: you know that it isnt good for you.
Adam: [looking a bit guilty] yeah guess your right, but you should know that it is hard to quit.
George: [a little frustrated] I know, but I took actions and look at me know and if I didnt helped you, you would still be sitting back at your couch in the states.
Adam: And I appreciate your help me, and I promise this will be my last.
George: [sighs] ok but Ill be watching, [smiles to Adam and the turns to the waiter, and says in French] I will have a red wine.
Adam: So what do you advise me to do, how should I ask her?
George: [George looks like hes going to laugh] well first off shes blind, so your chances should be slightly better [George is LOL]
Adam: Come on Im serious.
George: [still laughing a bit] well you cant take her to a museum, the tower, or a cinema. But what about a café or restaurant?
The waiter is back with their orders, George and Adam: merci.
Adam: Okay but which one?
George: [nipping at his wine] thats details, but I would recommend a more sophisticated café and for gods sake do not order a Sunday.
Adam: Ill try to find a restaurant were I can eat too.
George: Then lets go know, come one Ill help you. [George takes his drink and starts to leave the table]
Adam: wait but what about my Sunday?
George: Come on, eat it while your walking. [George pays for the order]
As They leave to find a different type of restaurant a type where Adam also can eat the food [he is a Muslim], the sun sets and they found themselves in a different part of the Paris from where they are staying at their hotel. George asks for directing to their hotel and is shown direction to where they should head on. They walk and find themselves in a maze of the older part of Paris, in an alley they are approached by a beggar.
Beggar: [in French] please Sir, I am in need give me some money.
George: [looking in slight disgust and says in a French/English voice] we dont have any money.
Beggar: [in poor English] money me [points towards himself]
George: [in French] are you deaf [becoming angry] I told you to get the hell out.
Beggar: [looking stunned and becoming angry as well] Why do you lie? I want some money. [He pulls out a gun]
George reacts quick and knocks the beggar down, with some garbage cans, but the beggar is raged and starts to get up.
Adam: [looking scared to death] oohh
George pulls Adam and they run towards the end of the ally the can hear the sound of cars.
George: [looks at Adam] Come on I can hear the streets.
Adam: [looks tired but with his eyes wide open] Im right behind you.
As they are about to leave the alley several black SUVs stops in front of them and block their way out of the alley.
George: [looking nervous and surprised] What the h
Masked men jump out of the SUVs and pounds Adam and George to the ground, pacifies them and they are blinded with a hood over their heads.
George: [with the hood over his head, covering his face] what the hell is going h [he and Adam receives a needle to their neck and they blackout].
Some time later the anaesthetic starts to wear off, Adam can barely hear anything he tries to open his eyes but only manages to open his left eye so much that he can see a silhouette everything appears greyish, Adam can hear someone:
Unknown: [blurry voice] waking up
Adam feel a pinch and is gone.
SPLASH!!!
Its hot and moist, Adam wakes up in a instant and screams from the ice cold water, it drips from his exposed upper body.
He is tied to a chair with his hood on.
Interrogator: [in a dominant and teasing tone] Wake up FATTY.
Adam: [in a state of shock] Stop please stop
Interrogator: [Walking around in the room] you do not give the orders around here, and if you want your friend any good you better start talking.
Adam: [hyperventilating] wwhhe whheere is George?
The interrogator pulls off Adams hood.
Adam: [in a hige pitch tone] aah
Adam sees the interrogator, he is holding a wet bucket
Interrogator: Dont worry about him we are taking care of him. [moves over to a tank and poors in some water]
Adam: please my heart
The interrogator throws more water on Adam who screams in pain
Interrogator: your what?...
Adam: [in pain] my heart I cant
Adam receives a seizure.
Interrogator: [looking serious] kid?... [runs to the door] medic!!! I need medic.
Adam wakes up at a local hospital, there are guards inside and George is sitting beside him, (SKRIV AT GEORGE HAR OPLEVET NOGET GRUSOMT DER HAR ÆNDRET HAM) George doesnt notice that he is up, George just stares at the ground with a facial expression that could only be described as he has witness something terrible.
Guard: [talks to into his radio] Hes up.
George sees that Adam is up and gives Adam a relieved smile.
Adam: (Skriv at Adam redde dem fra døden og George vil gengælde senere) where am I?
George: I dont know but I think we are safe now.
Some men in suits enters the room, they look very serious, one of the men in the suits stands out hes a older and looks like the one in charge.
Man in charge: We want to express how sorry we are for putting you through this. Let me assure you that you are safe and will be released in a short time.
George: [looking defeated] how do we get home?
Man in charge: you will be escorted back to Paris and can return to America.
George: why did you take us?
Man in charge: Its classified but I can tell you this, the man you met in the alley is the brother of Malik Aziz, a terrorist who we believe is a part of a terrorist group. Malik has many innocent deaths in his hands, we werent able to locate him but we got a tip that his brother was in Paris and when we saw you with him we took no chances, he holds valuable information. [He steps forward] one of our agents saw you being attacked by him and combined with the information we got from George here (pointing at George) we found out that you werent involved.
George: [starring at the floor again and in a low tone] can we go now?
Man in charge: yes you will be escorted and released again a few hours, you will be transported to a military airbase alongside Maliks brother.
Adam: [looking relieved] thank you.
Man in charge: I must warn You, this is not something you are allowed to discus with others, or we WILL keep you here. Understood?
George: yeah whatever.
A convoy of several black SUVs are crossing the desert a bird view shows a village that the black SUVs are going to cross, then the camera zooms into one of the SUVs in the back. There are 3 guards beside Adam and George.
Adam: [talking to George] what did they do to you?
Guard: youre not allowed to talk!
George: Ill do whatever I want.
Guard: whats that tough guy? You are lucky your still breathing.
George: [gives the guard the finger]
Adam: just stop, I want to go home.
There approaching the village when they see some of the locals, one of them has no teeth and has a rash on his right cheek.
Guard: we could just drop you off here.
George:[very angry] We have a deal with your superior, so why dont you just shut the
BOOM
There is dust and fragment flying in every direction. The SUV rolls over and lands on it roof top. Adam and George are lying on the road still at conscious and able to move, they see some men running towards them with weapons, yelling and screaming, the men shoots the uniformed guards and take George and Adam as hostages. George and Adam are both disorientated, and cant fight back as they are being blindfolded and moved inside a van. They are taken at a remote desert at place that looks like its being used for excavation. George and Adam can feel that they are moving down in an elevator, they are forced to forward by some armed men.
Malik: [in Farsi] bring them here.
Adam and George are forced down to sit on chairs.
Malik: [in Farsi] remove the hoods.
Adam and George are still a bit disorientated but they seem to understand what is going.
Malik: [in English] who are you?
Adam and George arent able to respond.
Malik nods and one of the armed men hits Adam on the head with his machinegun.
Adam: [in pain] stop, we are Americans.
Malik: who do you work for? CIA? FBI?
Adam: we are civilians, tourist.
Malik nods again and Adam gets hit again.
Adam [coughing violently] we we are civilians.
Malik: [throws some ID at Adam] then what is this? [The ID states CIA, with the guard from the SUVs name and picture].
Malik: you work for CIA!
Adam: no we dont, we were mistakenly captured by CIA.
Malik: [in Farsi] Abdul! Come here.
A man approaches from behind Adam, the man walks and greet Malik, the man turns his head and Adam recognize him as the beggar from Paris. Adam looks stunned.
Abdul: [in Farsi] its been a long time brother how are you?
Malik: [in Farsi] fine, do you recognize these men? (points to Adam and George)
Abdul: [in Farsi] yes these men attacked me, I think the work for the non belivers.
Malik: [in Farsi] thank you brother, what do you want their fate to be?
Abdul: [in Farsi] they tried to kill me, I want them to experience hell and then kill them.
Malik: [in Farsi] good we will kill them soon, but let me show them something first.
Malik commands the men to pick up Adam and George and bring them further deeper to the underground facility. As they take Adam and George to their fate, Adam notices several barrels with Farsi markings, stickers are showing symbol that indicates chemical, biological and nuclear content in them. They are moved over to a massive container.
Malik: [in English, in a victorious voice] so my American friends you have seen what I am capable of, but I have not showed you the best yet. [in Farsi] bring the Cleanser
Some of the men steps inside the container and pulls out a large object covered with a black sheet.
Malik: [smiling and is proud, speaks in English] I got a surprise for you two and your country, [he looks at the guards and nods]
The sheet is removed and there it is a nuclear bomb.
Malik: [talking to Adam and George] I will use this to cleanse your country from non believers and American pigs, [Malik punches some numbers in and the bomb is armed]. Malik looks awkward at Adam, where are you from?
Adam: I was born in USA.
Malik: No, are you one of us? A true Muslim?
Adam: my mother was, and I am to, its you, you could never be one.
Malik: [looking at Adam angrily] I will make sure you meet your mother in hell.
Malik steps towards a guard and reaches for his gun. A man runs franticly inside the room shouting.
Crazy man: [in Farsi] they are attacking!!!
Malik takes the gun and points it to Adam. But suddenly a loud explosion and debris fill the room.
George is up on his feet and yells for Adam to run, Adam gets to his feet and humps towards the door. They run inside the room with the marked barrels and lock the door, outside the door Malik and his men can see that there is a missile inside the room and it is making a sound like it is counting down faster and faster.
Malik: [frantic and in Farsi] OUT. OUT.
They run outside the door and BOOOOM. The door that holds Adams and Georges room closed flies off and hits a barrel with the chemicals, the barrels leaks and theres fire inside the room Adam and George run back but cant get out, they go back to the room were they were held by Malik. The room is falling apart and they cant escape, the nuclear bomb has become unstable by the blast and the fire. The different chemicals has mixed with the other biological and nuclear content, Adam and George start to feel pain, they are coughing and cant breathe, the mixture is killing them. The room gets filled with the mixture and Adam has a heart attack before he drowns, George is still holding on but eventually he drowns too. Adam sinks to the bottom near the bomb. The bomb goes off. [Everything is going in matrix style] Adams heart starts again, but it beats franticly and out of control, this is the first time we see that his heart is very small. His heart is going berserk and it grow bigger and bigger, it looks like it his heart his dividing and suddenly there are two large hearts inside him, the hearts are on each side and starts to beat at a slower speed. Meanwhile we see Adam and George flying through several layers of rock and out of the underground facility, they are both unconscious and lands about the same spot but several hundred miles from the explosion.
Adam wakes up theres sand and dust on him, he stands up and looks at himself, his clothes are torn and ripped many places and the logo on his shirt has changed to something else, he cant see it quite right because its dirty. Adam looks around himself and he spots a small airfield, he heads out and he thinks to himself, what had happened and where George is. As he approaches the airfield, he is met by George and the same man from the hospital.
Adam: [happy to see George] Hey are you okay?
George: [shifts his shoulder] Im alright.
Man in charge: We have to evacuate you know, there has been an incident.
Adam and George are taken with the away and put in a plane and flown back to Paris. They are asked what had happened to them, George says they were attacked taken as hostages, but escaped before the bomb went off. Again they are told not to talk or discuss this with anyone. They are dropped off at their hotel with their class and the suited men take off, the teacher comes out looking relived and angry.
Teacher: [frustrated] where have you been? We phoned the police, your parents and [gets real mad] didnt I tell you to that you were supposed to meet at the hotel at 11.00pm? and now youve been gone for 6 days. Can any of you answer me?
Adam and George are speechless.
Adam: [hesitating] aaah weee
A man interrupts
Man in charge: Excuse me Ms ?
Teacher: [looking at the man] Ms. May.
Man in charge: Ms. May, my name is agent Mulder I work for a classified bureau. These two men are they from your class?
Ms. May: Yes.
Agent Mulder: These two men, have been helping us catching one of the most dangerous men on this earth, we are all in their debt so if you wouldnt mind I wouldnt be angry at them, in fact without their help you probably wouldnt be alive Ms. May.
Ms. May is looking shocked, while Adam and George are speechless..
Agent Mulder: this is of coursed classified, but I just wanted to thank you two personally. [he shakes hands with Adam and George and leaves again]. Ms. May is still in shook but comes to herself after a few seconds, the all three steps inside the hotel.
Ms. May: [talking to Adam and George] Could I get you something food or drink?
Adam: how about a Sunday and a medal?
Name: Adam Ali. (The name can be changed to something else)
Aliases: Have to come up with one.
Abilities:
Ability to control every function in his body (heartbeat, immune system) and his body is constantly creating new cells and matter making him able to heal himself and others trough touch and by simply controlling some of the cells that leaves his body with his breath and sweat. The most significant ability he has at his disposal is the organic fusion that is creating heat inside him and makes him able to withstand immense low temperatures, however the fusion does not allow him to heat up over the normal core temperature of a normal human. The organic fusion converts almost everything that Adam eats to energy that fuels him and thereby gives him powers that makes him able to lift or press far more than 100tons. Later in the story Adam is pushed to the limit where his powers are drained, from there Adam experiences something that brings a new and darker side of Adam and the organic fusion starts up again and lights up, the organic fusion has somehow turned into a real fusion and all of Adams muscles start to light and the two hearts acts like suns and melts together and emits a gamma glimpse (the second most powerful display of energy after Big Bang). The gamma glimpse forms into a sphere and heads of from his chest at the speed of light and is controlled by Adams emotions.
I wont tell yet, but there is a normal state, and a well, lets just say if you ask me Ill tell you. You should have an idea on one of his powers (survived a severe underground nuclear blast)
Statistic:
Age: 21
Height: 1,68cm or approximate 5.6-5.7
Weight: 105kg. or approximate 234 lbs.
Dark hair, brown eyes, fat/obese.
Keywords describing Adam:
Naïve, funny, a thinker, brave, honest.
Story:
Adam is a nice guy who is afraid of most things, therefore his only friend is George who likes to tease him sometimes but just for fun. Adams mother died of cancer when he was very young, but he lives with his father and brothers and sisters. Adams life changes the day a new woman (Sara) starts at his class, she is almost a decade older than Adam and she is blind, but Adam falls in love with her, and when he gets the chance to sit next to her on a trip to Paris, he conquers his fear of flying with help from George. At Paris Adam and George comes up on idea on how to be with Sara, but they are arrested by a mistake and flown to an unidentified Farsi speaking country. Adam and George are tortured, Adam gets a heart attack because of the fact that his heart was smaller when he was born, George is also tortured and he has changed into a new man, although we never see what happened to him. Adam and George are released but taken hostage by a terrorist leader (Malik) under their way back to an airbase, Malik shows Adam and George is weapon arsenal in an underground facility, but they are interrupt by a missile that buries into the the facility and sets of and nuclear bomb Adam has a heart attack and drowns in a mixture of weapons of mass destruction before this happens, his body is revived and he shoots out of the facility like a missile along with George and crashes in an unknown area. Eventually George and Adam are found and flown back to Paris. From there Adam discovers his powers and also that the terrorist that held him and George as hostages are more than alive, they have also changed. Through the few memories of his mother and a sentence his mother said to him: You cant prevent death, but you can prevent pain Adam chooses to defend others against harm fighting back against the man who holds many peoples lives on his conscious. But the battle between good and evil still awaits, and Adam has to make the toughest decisions ever to protect the one he loves.
Synopsis:
When Adams class are in Paris for a study trip, Adam and his friend George gets kidnapped they find themselves at an unidentified Farsi speaking language, where they both at a certain time receive special powers.
[FONT="]
[/FONT]
1
181319
Guest
Scenes I need to write:
Final battle:
Adams gamma glimpse attack (heart attack) hits George and George is hammered into the core of Jupiter at the speed of light, from there the planet Jupiter reacts to the tremendous energy and the planet increases in size and turns into a star, making earth lie in a constant light. Adam gets back to earth where he crashes at Sarahs side
Many more scenes
That's all but I will write more down if someone wants to read more
Final battle:
Adams gamma glimpse attack (heart attack) hits George and George is hammered into the core of Jupiter at the speed of light, from there the planet Jupiter reacts to the tremendous energy and the planet increases in size and turns into a star, making earth lie in a constant light. Adam gets back to earth where he crashes at Sarahs side
Many more scenes
That's all but I will write more down if someone wants to read more
Kevin Roegele
Do you mind if I don't?
- Joined
- May 2, 2000
- Messages
- 23,882
- Reaction score
- 77
- Points
- 73
I'm not saying this dude did come up with he basis of Heroes, but it makes sense that wheoever did come up with it would visit Superhero Hype!
1
181319
Guest
I am sorry but I do not understand what you are saying, can you say it with other words?
Tanks
Similar threads
- crappyatticus
- Fan Fiction & Films
- MeisterRexIII
- Fan Fiction & Films
