Police Find Entire Jewelry Store Inside Teen's Rectum

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

A teenager who crashed into a tree while allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol was found to have stashed an unusually large quantity of stolen jewelry inside his rectum, police in Pennsylvania said.
Christopher Scheller, 18, came to an abrupt stop after driving off the road in Heidelberg Township and striking a tree.
He was taken to a nearby hospital where doctors X-rayed him and found "an abnormality" inside his rectum, according to the police report.
The "unusual find" — which Scheller initially refused to allow hospital staff to remove — consisted of four bracelets, four necklaces, 11 ladies rings, a socket wrench, and a bag of synthetic marijuana for good measure.
Authorities detemined that Scheller had stolen the items from a home and quickly stuffed them up his rectum when he saw an officer approaching his car following the crash.
The teen was subsequently charged with theft and DUI, among other charges. He remains in jail in lieu of $75,000 bail.

All I want to know is HOW?

 

[Pink Ranger]

The DJ comes through again! Combining education and making people squirm!

 

[Teelie]

At least this time they only had to x-ray his ass once to find the hidden drugs and jewelry.

 

[Pink Ranger]

I'll send the police my curried lentils recipe; they'll get every last gemstone out of that kid.

 

[charl_huntress]

I like the fact he had a socket wrench... because you never know when you might need one.

 

[Drizzle]

This reminds me of the scene in The Goonies where Corey Feldman was trying to smuggle some of the treasure in his mouth....only, you know, out the other end.

 

[NickNitro]

A socket wrench!? The rings I understand...but wtf man

 

[Teelie]

My hopeful guess is he used it as a tool to break the glass on a window to gain entry into whatever house he robbed.

 

[Hotwire]

Talk about a sh**ty hiding spot!

 

[Pink Ranger]

Of all the worst places to hide your stuff, that's gotta be number two.

 

[Sex]

Oh dear.

 

[Pink Ranger]

Yeah, that was kind of too far, no ifs, ands or butts.

 

[Mike_D202]

Of all the worst places to hide your stuff, that's gotta be number two.

 

[Hotwire]

Of all the worst places to hide your stuff, that's gotta be number two.

Hey, the kid's just anal about keeping things close to him.

 

[Monsieur Xavier]

That makes me think about this French saying when someone ask "where is my stuff", the snarky answer is "dans ton cul", literally "in your ass".

 

[NickNitro]

I don't always rob a jewelry store, but when I do, butt plugs.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Now that's what I call constipation.

 

[ThePowerCosmic]

Blood diamonds...literally.

 

[Endeavor]

LMAO

So he just shoved all that stuff in there after the accident?
That's some talent... Ouch