The Gingerbread Man
Deep in a farm, at night, a cold night, like, freakin’ cold as heck….like….20 below…yeah. December the 13th was the date. It was dark, no moon, no stars, just blackness in the sky. Black as Lake Decatur. There was a house, a small house with an older couple living in it. They were cold and hungry. They decided to make a gingerbread man. It was almost Christmas, so they thought it would be fun. They got the gingerbread out, the decorations for the gingerbread man, and started to make it. They made the shape, and it was a crappy looking gingerbread man. They tried their best though, you must understand, they are old. So they put the gum drop buttons on it, decorated it, and it was ready for baking. They turned to their Stonemore (made of real stone!) 130 BC oven, put the fire logs in, put the tray in, and shut the door to the oven. They turned off the lights in the kitchen to save money for power and sat down. Their house was completely dark. (but the moon just came out a minute ago so I could make it shine in their house for a creepy effect) As they sat there, in their rocking chairs that made loud, annoying creaking sounds, the oven slowly, slowly, opened. They looked up, and the man slowly stood up…a brown gingerbread goo creeped out of the oven, to the floor. The man was scared, so he took his wife and moved her in front of him. She screamed and was all like “what?! Do I look like your body guard?! Uh uh, I’m not doing this” and she rambled on like most old people do, while the goo slowly formed into a human-like shape. The goo became about 4 feet tall, the size of a child. It was brown and gooey of gingerbread. (it looked like a mud monster kind of, but it wasn’t all nasty like mud because it’s made of gingerbread. Mud’s nasty) It did form a mouth, it was darkness inside the mouth, no teeth visible. (the creature was gooey because it was half-baked, it’s hot in that oven, he had to leave) The old couple was still fighting. They stopped because they heard a small cry, a screeching growl from the gingerbread thing. They looked at it, it was sad looking. It was all gooey dripping all over, its gumdrop eyes looked at them with deep sadness, and pain, and confusion. The lady had to go say “awww, it’s hurt”, and of course, the man had to go get close like the woman had done. Then…they looked closer, and closer, the man reached out a helping hand slowly, becoming confident in this creature…then *PLOW!* a tendril shot out of the creature’s arm and wrapped around the man’s, spreading and engulfing his whole arm in seconds. The gingerbread creature grew larger and opened it’s mouth, sharp, jagged, yellow teeth were everywhere in it. (not white teeth in straight rows like those over populated people on magazine covers have) It’s gumdrop eyes grew with anger in a second. The woman was wrapped in about 20 tendrils coming out at her and dragging her closer to the monster. Within seconds of the monster’s mood swing, the couple was consumed inside of the monster. The gingerbread monster was feeding on them, draining their life energy, thoughts, brains, and all that good stuff. (Probably for its…enjoyment…and health…and stuff…
It spit them out of its body letting their bodies drop to the floor. The monster formed back into a more human-like shape again. It was about 6 feet tall now. It stood up letting all its tendrils come back in. The couple was pale from death. (its sad because a gingerbread man killed them) The monster growled in a screeching growl really loud. It growled so loud, it literally woke the dead. (because the man and woman seriously woke up) The gingerbread monster left the house in a hurry breaking the door as he left. He ran on all fours hopping against, and pouncing off trees and everything. The man was awake for a minute, just enough to say “it….needs…a name…the…Gingerbread Man…” and then he died again.
*Dramatic main titles roll with super serious music*
The Gingerbread Man went into a town. A small town. It wanted more people to feed on. It was hungry. It was in the streets and it was so dark, nobody could tell it was a monster. It stayed in the shadows anyway. He even ran into a hobo. Hobo Joe was his name, Hobo Joe was sad because he was hungry. People usually are sad when they’re hungry. The Gingerbread Man came closer to him, wanting more life to eat. But Hobo Joe, he just attacked that thing once he smelled the gingerbread and saw it was a big thing made of it. Hobo Joe loves gingerbread. He was all over him, drooling like a starved dog. He was taking bites off him like crazy. Gingerbread Man was screaming in pain and growling trying to force him off. He did eventually, but lost a chunk of himself. He was mad now. It walked towards the hobo, the hobo wasn’t scared though. The gumdrops on the Gingerbread Man’s stomach looked good. He did notice 100 tendrils reaching for him though, so he ran. Gingerbread Man knew how to talk now though. He consumed all the brains and info from the older couple in his origin home. He could talk, but didn’t have a good voice. It was screechy and monster-like. It called out “die!” to that poor hobo. It chased Hobo Joe until he finally ran into a Police Station. The cops were sitting there, eating donuts and drinking coffee (surprise) and Hobo Joe was all “HOLY CRAP! PLEASE HELP ME! I’M GETTING CHASED BY A GINGERBREAD MAN!!!!” the cops laughed. (they knew that the Gingerbread Man was going to come in there and try to kill them, but they wanted to laugh instead because that always happens in movies and stuff) All of a sudden, the Gingerbread Man broke through the window, even though the door was wide-open (dramatic). Gingerbread Man growled, and pounced at the hobo and then the hobo moved. The police pulled out their guns and started to shoot but missed every shot, even though it was right in front of them just walking. They got 4 bullets out total at it before it moved. It jumped to the ceiling used it’s gingery fingers to hold on to it while whipping tendrils around the room seriously whooping the cops. Hobo Joe escaped the Station. The monster knocked the power out and the back up lights came on. They were red and blinking (for a dramatic effect) and the cops were shooting at him. He fell to the floor and landed on his hands and feet doing a spinning kick and getting up. He pushed one cop into the wall while kicking two others with a hook kick. The Gingerbread Man made it up into the vents and was crawling in them really fast. The cops could hear clanging and loud noises in there. Then it got quiet. For about a minute no one moved, then a tendril whipped down around a cop’s neck and then pulled him into the vents. But the cop was too fat so he couldn’t fit. Gingerbread Man had to drop him. Then, one cop got a good idea. Turn on the heat. Then the other cop said “naw, it’s gonna’ fully bake him. He might be stronger if that happens”. The cop was right, (he’s right because I just said he was) and they turned on the air conditioning instead. It started to freeze him. He jumped out of the vents on to the floor with frost on him, half-frozen. He ran to the window and with his messed up voice he said “Run run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, because I’m the Gingerbread Man!” then he jumped out the window to the street. It was morning. The sun was coming up. The cops got in their cars and chased him. The Gingerbread Man got to a river and stopped. “Oh noes!” said the Gingerbread Man “how will I ever get across the river?!” then a bear came. It came out and started talking to him (happens all the time) “You need to cross this river? Get on my back and I will take you across.” The Gingerbread Man said “You won’t eat me? Even though you’re a big, starving, violent animal with a reputation of eating everything it can get its nasty, greasy little paws on?” “Nope” said the bear. “Okay” Gingerbread Man said. He got on his back and they crossed the river. The cops were too lazy and decided to go home instead of walking across a 6 foot wide river that’s only 3 feet deep.
“Thank you” said the Gingerbread Man. “No problem…” said the bear “now die” then the bear ate him up in seconds. But it sucked for the bear because Gingerbread Man was frosty from the air conditioning so the bear hurt his own teeth. (ha ha)
THE END
Now you’ve wasted time of your life reading this…
