Twenty Sunless Years: An X-Men fanfic

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction & Films' started by Deep Thinkin'!, May 19, 2006.

  1. Deep Thinkin'! show meh dem fangs

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2006
    Messages:
    7,019
    Likes Received:
    0
    Alright, my first fan fic was Twenty Sunless Years, but to get people to know my OC I wanted to make a prelude story so people could really find out who she was. I know most people don't like any other characters but the originals, but I thought I'd at least try. If you don't think it's a good idea let me know, but here is the first part which I wrote today. Pretty much no mutants in this part of the story, but there will be if I continue. Most likely in the next chapter. Tell me what you think. I'm going to try and connect it to the comics with the original characters, but I had to start off somewhere so people knew exactly what happened with my character.

    The next chapter will be more interesting.

    Also, here are the fanfics I've made from the same character.
    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2938981/1/
    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3101623/1/
    The first story is basically what will happen after this fic (Twenty Sunless Years) and Unwanted Reunion is what happens after that.
    My first story wasn't written too well... at all :(

    On with the story!


    x---Chapter 1---x
    Sirens shrilled at an intersection twenty four years in the past at an ordinary intersection in a small little town of Texas. It was near ten o’clock at night, in the middle of summer.

    A car accident had just taken place, an awful one… one that people didn’t walk away from without nearly dying.

    Over a dozen were rushed into ambulances, bleeding to no tomorrow. While on the street, paramedics were looking at two already dead men. It was all too obvious that there was nothing to be done except begin digging and calling the families.

    One of the deceased had been beer gut truck driver controlling a sixteen wheeler. He had been a father of a few, a brother of three, and a divorced husband twice. He was the cause of this accident… he ran a red light, why he had no one knew …

    The other was a simple man who had been in the passenger seat with four other males in the car. He had been killed on impact. The five of them had been returning from a fishing trip in another state, and had only been a few minutes from arriving home when this horrid affair occurred.

    Citizens had been driving through the intersection when hit from the left. On that intersection, the left was a blind spot, so you had to trust that everyone would obey the light.

    All of the people injured or killed in this had different pasts, different lives and such, though now they were all connected by this one event. True, things like this happened to a lot of people, and it would change lives, but this accident was different.

    Yes, this had been just an accident, but it would change the life of a young girl that was not even near this accident. Her father had been one of the two killed, the simple man of the five returning from a fishing trip.

    At the home of this young girl was great mourning and depression. People wore black, and this was odd being the warm part of July. It was too warm, too blazing hot to wear such dark colors, for it was the dry baking Texas…

    “Deary me,” one family member of the dead spoke. “Where is your mother?” asked a Scottish blonde headed Nina Kinsey, aunt of the little girl.

    “I don’t know,” muttered Rosette Parker, a five year old blonde. Her high pitch voice was thick in youth, and her cerulean little eyes did not make contact with the adult as she sat on the ground in the den of the house, spinning her little soccer ball in her black dress lap.

    “Did she go to the kitchen?” Nina was persistent but calm.

    Rosette shrugged her tiny shoulders and pouted her petite lips.

    “What about her room?”

    Rosette looked at her aunt with her small and sharp blue eyes and Nina let a dim smile appear on her face once she saw Rosette’s head nod.

    “Yeah?”

    Rosette nodded more noticeably.

    “OK, thank you deary,” Nina whispered nicely, then she leant over to kiss the soft pink skin on Rosette’s forehead.

    Nearing the door of the master bedroom she heard a soft crying through the door.

    Nina knocked. “Cassidy love.”

    “Who-who?”

    “Your sister, aye, now let me in sweetie,” Nina requested calmly, as she heard the door unlock a saddened smile rose on her face.

    Opening the door, Nina looked into Cassidy’s red and puffy eyes, and Nina quickly embraced her. Nina had no trouble to wrap her small plump arms around Cassidy’s petite body.

    “Stop your greetin,” she muffled and patted her sister’s back “and let’s get ye something to eat. Looking skinnier than a broomstick you are!”

    “What am I going to do Nina?” Cassidy interrupted sulkily before Nina had a chance to bring her out of the room.

    “When daddy died we all tout’ we’d neva live through it, but we here ain’t we?” her Scottish voice was quite pleasant to listen to, while Cassidy’s accent had faded over time.

    “But it wasn’t like this. He died from old age. Walter died from an accident. There’s a difference Nin.”

    “Aye, there is, but we were all mighty sad weren’t we? I feel the same sadness fo’ Walta as I did fo’ dear ole daddy.”

    “But we were all grown… what about Rosie? She was close to him… I’m a stay at home mother… I’m going to have to get a job, and dear lord…”

    “Now, now. I’m moving to the states. Living in Scott does no more good when the kin is here and in great sorrow. Ye be needin’ help now, an I’m here to assist. Besides, Rosette is young, almost so young that she don’t understand what happened.”

    “But, you’ve seen her yourself.”

    “Nobody likes to be around sad people. It is the atmosphere she’s in at the moment. When this crowd is gone she’ll be more concerned about fillin’ her belly. There is no denyin’ that she’ll miss’em, but she’ll be alright.”

    x------x




    Short, I know, but I was scared to continue not knowing if I should focus on an entirely new character. Think I should give it a go? And please feel free to critique me. I need advice on my writing style.
     
  2. Deep Thinkin'! show meh dem fangs

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2006
    Messages:
    7,019
    Likes Received:
    0
    since this thing is months old, and I didn't want to make a new thread, I'll bump it. Please read. I need help. :(
     
  3. Deep Thinkin'! show meh dem fangs

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2006
    Messages:
    7,019
    Likes Received:
    0
    anyone? You all can't be heartless souls can you? :(
     
  4. PhoenixRisen Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2006
    Messages:
    2,131
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think your writing style is great and very polished with nice details and word choice! And of course you should continue about the character Rosette. The only thing I am wondering about is, is she a mutant? (I have only read the part posted here.) If so, what are her powers? You may not want to fully explain them but I wonder if you could have a hint or glimmer as to what they might be. (When her aunt was asking where her mother was I was wondering if the girl could "see" where other people were or something?) Did the accident catalyze her powers? If you gave a hint or even some foreshadowing of her powers it might add some suspense and add a "hook" that will make readers wonder what will become of her. But please continue, good job!! :D
     
  5. Deep Thinkin'! show meh dem fangs

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2006
    Messages:
    7,019
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you very much, and thanks for reading.
    And yes she's a mutant, but see I have two fanfics of her in the links above. I'm just wanting to write her beginning in hope of helping people learn about her past.

    And her powers will be explained later on... I'm not sure when, but it should be soon.
     
  6. Deep Thinkin'! show meh dem fangs

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2006
    Messages:
    7,019
    Likes Received:
    0
    Here is the second part that I just whipped up a few minutes ago.
    The grammar isn't perfect, but this is when Rosette's powers begin to emerge. :)
    I'm making these chapters short for a reason.



    x---Chapter 2---x
    “Momma! Momma!”

    Cassidy’s eyes opened from her deep sleep to hear her daughter calling from down the hall.

    In a daze she kicked the covers off and ran towards her daughter’s room.

    “Rosie!?”

    The sound of a child crying filled Cassidy’s ears as she opened the door. Automatically she went to the aid of the young one by wrapping her arms around her.

    The sobbing from the child tore Cassidy’s heart to tiny pieces as she held her in her lap, rocking her back and forth.

    Taking a jagged breath Rosette let out another sob clinging to her mother’s night gown as if death was upon her.

    “Shsh sweetie… tell me what’s wrong,” Cassidy’s mothering voice soothed.

    “The-the-the,” Rosette couldn’t mutter the words under her cries though she mumbled something of a “D” word.

    “What? Tell me again…”

    “Dark! That dark – wanted” she gasped a breath “wanted ta eat meeee,” and she began to cry again. “wanted to eat meee.”

    “It’s ok baby, it was just a nightmare.”

    “No it wasnnnn,” Rosette argued. “It ate my hands and my hands hurt really bad!” her voice peaked in a shrill as she told her mother about the painful dream.

    Cassidy laid a hand on Rosette’s and heard another loud shriek when she did. “Don’t!” Rosette cried. “Don’t touch meee!” her voice grinding as she pulled away from her mother.

    “Rosie! Baby! It’s alright! Shhh,” Cassidy tried her best to calm her daughter as Rosette went to lie down on the floor, her eyes closed tightly.

    “Thee darrrk! The darrrrrk!”

    Cassidy went to turn the lights on and suddenly Rosette’s cries ceased and she was left merely breathing on the floor.

    Cassidy tried her best to comfort her daughter. Her mind told her that the funeral which had occurred earlier that day was the reason of Rosette’s nightmare, but something else was bugging her, that something odd was going on, though her human mind was oblivious to what was really going on with her child….
    x------x
     
  7. PhoenixRisen Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2006
    Messages:
    2,131
    Likes Received:
    0
    ^^
    Wow really good, and scary/mysterious too!! I feel the suspense kicking in!! :D
     
  8. Deep Thinkin'! show meh dem fangs

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2006
    Messages:
    7,019
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah, took me a while. Hopefully you all will recognize where they are here. :) I wanted to tie this story with the original X-Men as much as possible.

    x---Chapter 3---x
    Sure enough, the week passed along with the funeral. Rosette, being the child that she was, merely asked the question of why her father was gone and wouldn’t be coming back. When Cassidy had told her that he had passed on the young child had sobbed, but only an hour later she was happy. Most five year olds lived in a fantasy world in all their innocence.

    From that moment on, Cassidy attempted to move on with her life along with the rest of the family. Whether they succeeded in doing so was a whole different matter.

    A year later the family began to relax from the loss, though still had a great impact on their lives, mostly Cassidy’s. Currently, they were visiting the Senior Finlay family, Cassidy’s parents.

    “Bam, bang! Bang, bang!” Rosette’s cousin Aaron pointed a plastic gun at her forehead.

    “Aaron! Stop it!” she told him, swatting the plastic gun away from her head. He was Nina’s only son and was born a few months before Rosette, though the two of them didn’t get along. He had a very round face and was a little pudgy from eating a little too much.

    “Yer dead!” Aaron yelled at her.

    “Go away!” Rosette yelled back at him.

    “Aaron, Rosette! Quiet down!” Grandmother Leslie Finlay scolded them in a harsh like whisper.

    “Come on, let’s go play outside,” Grandma told him, guiding them to the backyard. She felt confident that the two children would stay in the backyard and not cause any trouble. They couldn’t hurt themselves on tools for they were locked up in a shed, and the backyard had a swing set.

    Nina’s husband Lennox Kinsey happily chatted with Grandfather Athol Finlay about their days in the military back in the den. Athol had been in the previous world war, while Lennox had served as a soldier in Scotland.

    Leslie entered the room again and sat down on a stool in front of her. Waving her hand as a signal to ignore the men, she smiled at Cassidy and Nina.

    “I had invited your young brothers, but of course their busy men…” Leslie told her daughters. There were three other siblings of Cassidy other than Nina, which were young brothers, two were twins and the other was the youngest of the group, Nina was the eldest of all the siblings. “They don’t want to help their parents move…”

    “May I ask why you both decided to move?” Cassidy questioned her mother.

    “Oh… well… you know the Grey family? They live in the gray house in the cul-de-sac?”

    “That nice family that you invited over for your lawn party?” Nina questioned with a smile.

    “Yes, they were very pleasant, but we have reason to believe that their child Jean is literally demonized. The parents were wonderful people and so was their daughter, but that young girl has changed… I swear a demon has taken over her.”

    “Now Mum, I doubt that she ez that horrible,” Nina said, her voice thick with the Scottish accent.

    “Deary, you have not seen the things I have…” Leslie told her.

    Outside, Aaron was playing soldier with his gun, Rosette being the enemy.

    “Put yer hands up, or I’ll shoot ya!” he threatened as Rosette sat on one of the two swings.

    “I don’t care!” Rosette yelled not really sure what would be a good comeback. Aaron really annoyed her. She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted her lips.

    “Okaaaaay! You asked for it! Bang, bang, bang!” pointing and pretended to shoot, Rosette covered her ears and flinched.

    “Don’t be loud like that, it hurts my ears!”

    “Live with it! Papa said I gotta get used ta loud noises, I’m gonna be in the army just like he was!”

    “Can’t we play another game?” Rosette asked once Aaron stopped “shooting”.

    “Like what?”

    “Hide ‘n go seek!” she smiled at saying that. It was one of her favorite games.

    “How about this, you hide and I hunt you!” this was expected from him.

    “UGH! Okay… count to thirty,” it was close enough to Hide and Seek to please her.

    “’Kay, now go hide!” he said turning around heading for a nearby tree to count.

    Rosette quickly ran to the nearby gate that led to the front lawn. Her sneakers skipping through the green freshly cut grass.

    Seeing some nearby bushes, she guessed that that would be a good place to hide. So she got down on her knees and crawled next to the house behind the bushes while settling in a spot in the dirt. Getting dirty wasn’t any problem for her.

    She could faintly hear her cousin counting in the backyard. Looking through the bushes there was Lennox’s little yellow car parked. Nina, Cassidy, Aaron and herself had come in another car which was parked in the garage behind the house. Lennox had arrived later because had work and wasn’t going to stay the night like the others were.

    Across the street there was a man watering the lawn, and another was mowing. The neighborhood her grandparents lived in was quaint and sweet, very well developed with nice little one story houses.

    She heard him yell “Ready or not, here I come!” hearing him open the gate from the backyard to the front, she knew that when she had exited earlier Aaron had probably heard her, but then she heard him gasp and looked in his direction to see that he was staring at the street.

    Curiously, Rosette looked in the same way to see Lennox’s car floating in the air, not only that one, but all the cars in the road. Looking at the old man watering the grass, she noticed him gazing at the water which flowed to the sky. She then turned her head to see a lawn mower also heading for the clouds.

    Rosette and Aaron’s mouths were gaping at the sight they saw, but then they ran for the front door.

    Back inside the house the parents and grandparents were still talking nicely only to hear four small feet come running in from the front door, both of the children calling for their mothers.

    “Momma, the cars are flying!” Rosette told her mother who was sitting on the couch in front of a window.

    “Yeah! Papa’s is too!”

    Thinking it was her daughter’s imagination Cassidy rubbed Rosette’s head and nodded. “Of course Rosie.”

    “Look!” Rosette encouraged.

    Playing along with it she looked out the window to see the cars indeed up in the air. The group looked out the window in pure amazement.

    “I said the child is demonized…” Leslie muttered softly.

    The next second, the cars dropped down to the ground with a loud thud.

    Gasping for air they looked at the vehicles in shock.

    “My car!” Lennox yelled.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice
monitoring_string = "afb8e5d7348ab9e99f73cba908f10802"