http://www.fiyastarter.com/fs-pages/fs-sports-nbarank05-6.htm
FIYA NBA Rankings #6
Rank Team FIYA Analysis
1 Pistons
Chauncey had more assists last week than he has teeth. When the hell did he become a young Gary Payton?
2 Spurs
In his first game after getting some Sista Ass in Atlanta, Timmy drops 27 and 22 on Elton Brand as the Spurs beat the Clippers and everyone else they played last week. That Sista Ass, y'all. It's the stuff of champions. Ask Barry Bonds. People say it's the 'roids. NOPE! It's Sista Ass.
3 Mavs
I hope Josh Howard relishes his new role as The ***** That Does All The Dirty Work And Gets Blamed in June When Dirk Shoots 38% in the WCF. Finley never liked it very much.
4 Clippers
They finally get back Livingston. Now, they just need Maggs to stay healthy and they'll have a legit chance to get booted by the Spurs in June.
5 Warriors
You ever wonder how many groupies have changed their ways after waking up next to Adonal Foyle?
6 Grizzlies
Shane Battier's expletive-laden pep talk inspired his team to go out and defeat Phoenix. Wanna know what would have happened immediately after Shane's speech if Bonzi and J-Will were still there? Bonzi would have said: "*****, shut your sorry ***** ass up! Duke ass *****. Nobody wanna hear that Coach K ****!" And J-Will would have co-signed by laughing and the team would've gone out and gotten destroyed by the Suns, with Marion droppin 60 on an unfocused Battier. And that, my friends, is why Bonzi Well and Jason Williams are losers that Jerry West had to ship.
7 Pacers
"It's like saying, 'Magic, should your wife give you another chance?" Artest said "He's saying Ron Artest should have no more second chances. What's worse -- me saying I want to be traded or you cheating on your wife?"
(I'm sorry, but I can't top that. Why try?)
8 Suns
Steve Nash is starting to get the Brett Favre treatment from announcers. They even marvel at his bad passes now.
9 Bucks
Williams, Ford and Redd is the best guard rotation in the league. Go on
think of a better one and BE WRONG!
10 T-Wolves
People who blame KG for not coming up big in the 4th quarter are the same type of people who would blame a real-life Superman for not being prevent every catastrophe in the world.
Hater #1: "All them lives he saved don't mean **** if he couldn't save all those people from that tsumani."
Hater #2: "So what if that ***** can fly. That don't mean ****. You seen Katrina get in that ***** ass didn't you? I'm telling you, Superman is so ****ing overrated, dogg. He's a choker. He never saves lives when it matters."
You people make me sick.
11 Cavs
To the people of Cleveland: I hate all of you. You threw batteries at Albert Belle and threated to kill Boozer. When LeBron leaves in two years, remember this
God hates you, too. It's not just me. And God made Ernest Byner fumble. Suffer.
12 Lakers
Watching the national media ignore Kobe and the Lakers' surge is funnier than watching replays of Kobe (smiling and looking like a complete *******) walking past a subdued Iverson into the press room after he won his second ring.
13 Heat
Just because Shaq's back, they're gonna stop giving Zo burn? That's some bull****! I wanna see Zo act stupid with that Zoflex. It's the the most Fiya comedy in all of sports.
14 76ers
I think Ann Iverson had sex with Wolverine in Fall of '74, because A.I. gets over an injury quicker than Lawrence Taylor did after a few snorts.
15 Bulls
If this were a Shakespearean drama, Ben Gordon would have poisoned the **** outta Chris Duhon by now. But, it's not. So, Ben remains a backup to a second-rounder who just keeps getting better and better and better. That's gotta suck.
16 Nuggets
Camby missed a couple of games with an injured pinkie, huh? It has begun. *Fantasy league trade*
17 Jazz
I'm pretty sure Okur's startling improvement will be used by the media (i.e. white folks) to justify the influx of European talent. It doesn't matter. There's still Darko.
18 Sonics
I think Ray Allen should be demoted from the NBA's elite and be called "Hezekiah Buttersworth" until the Sonics make a run.
19 Nets
If Richard Jefferson's floor game was as strong as his face, the Nets would be a serious contender.
20 Kings
My Hollywood sources tell me that Mike Bibby is up for the role of Dr. Evil's estranged son in the new Austin Powers.
21 Wizards
When asked if he'd like to hear some poetry, Arenas responded to Etan with:
A) "Sure, brotha. I'd love to hear some of your new work."
B) "**** no, *****. I'd like to hear your big ass getting some boards and making a layup. That's what I'd *like* to hear."
C) "You don't get paid 6 mil a year to be sensitive, ya know? You do know that, right?"
D) "I don't want to have sex with you, Etan. Please, just leave me alone."
E) "No. Hey, how many shots you think I should take tonight? I'm thinking 30."
22 Magic
Trade Steve Francis while he can still jump, because once that goes he has no value at all.
23 Rockets
So, the masterplan has finally been revealed. The only reason China has a sixth of the world's population is to ensure Yao starts every damn All-Star game. And here I thought they were plotting to overtake America as the world's sole superpower by the year 2030. Silly me.
24 Celtics
Raef Lafrentz needs to get some diamond-encrusted knee pads for all the money he's making.
25 Hornets
P.J. Brown got one of the mouths that looks like he talked back to his mother under his breath all the time. Seriously, look at that dude and then imagine him as a kid, getting cursed out and walking away smacking his lips and ****
LMAO. Hahahahaha
yeah, lil' P.J.
26 Knicks
One of our spies overheard a heated argument between Isiah Thomas and Larry Brown. Our spy couldn't make out everything, but one portion was very clear. Brown laughed and said, "Isiah, what does it matter? I'm getting paid and everyone is gonna blame you anyway. Why should I care?"
27 Blazers
I'm sorry, and I know it's wrong to say, but Ruben Patterson just looks like a ***** that belongs in a prison yard, wearing a Carnhartt coat, a knit hat and some Caterpillar workboots. You know I'm right.
28 Bobcats
When asked why starting small forward Gerald Wallace was unable to maintain the high level of play he showed during the first two weeks of the season, a confused and angry Bernie Bickerstaff responded, "Because he's Gerald Wallace, dumb ass. Next question."
29 Hawks
They can get some consistency out of the small forward spot if they'd just call up 'Nique.
30 Raptors
Does anyone else find it sad that the only improvement Jalen has made since he's been in the league is to his teeth?