The Official Writing Help Thread

DC/MARVEL said:
Also, how's the dialouge? I think it's the best I've written. What do you guys think?

Hey thanks for the insight, I'll try and do that.

The dialogue, except the lines about skipping out on the cheque which needs to be rewritten to sound a bit more naturalistic, is pretty damn good. You have pretty good flow, I just think you need something to spice up the long scene, keep the story kinetic, flowing. That's what I think a little flashback would do. Otherwise, wow, damn good.
 
Thanks. Say...you think I have potential...you know...hollywood. Don't get me wrong, I like to go indy a little too.
 
DC/MARVEL said:
Thanks. Say...you think I have potential...you know...hollywood. Don't get me wrong, I like to go indy a little too.

Honestly, none of us will ever make it in Hollywood without severely dumbing ourselves down and making movies that have no appeal to ourselves. Go indy. Indy is more respectable, smarter, and just better.

But, dumb all your work down and make it real set-up punchline type humor with no substance and weak characters... you got a Hollywood hit:up:
 
A wise choice. And if it makes a splash a Hollywood studio might wake up and purchase it off you.
 
Oh, and can I recommend, if you have people acting in this... have them play it fairly straight. If they punch it up too much you've got a sitcom on your hands.
 
Thanx for the advise. Hey I never told you guys the plot. ( IT'S COPYWRITED!!!) Okay, I have nothing to fear, I have witnesses.

here it is.

Luke has been deeply in love with his girlfriend, Veronica. Feeling that she's the women he wants to spend the rest of his life with, Luke decides to propose to her. She agrees to get married and they begin to make preperations. After telling his friends, Eric and Kyle, about the good news. Kyle decides to throw a bachelor party, the same night Veronica's sisters are due to come and visit/ meet Luke at his apartment. Choas ensues, when Veronica finds Luke in a compromising situation with a striper. She walks out and leaves the next day, to go back to her parent's house with her sisters. Desperate to salvage the wedding and most importantly, the relationship, Luke and his friend embark on a journey to set things right. Will Luke and Veronica be together once more? Will he when her heart back? Or will all his efforts be completely wasted?

That's what I had in mind. What do you guys think?
 
It sounds decent, but it's one of those ideas that could end up stupid flick no one will see, or Annie Hall style masterpeace. It'll come down to the execution. Don't make it dumb. That's one of the problems you see with comedy today, the writer's think comedy=dumb. Make it have layers, subplots, great characters, humour that actually comes from character and not one-liners.

It'll all come down to the execution.
 
Ah. So doing it Kevin Smith style is out of the question?




Just kidding. BTW, for you who have no clue who that is, buy clerks, mallrats, chasing amy, dogma (wait, don't), and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Don't go anywhere near Jersey Girl!
 
DC/MARVEL said:
Who's Annie Hall?

It was a comedy in the seventies, excellent movie, my sig is a quote from it. And Kevin Smith does some smart things in his movies. Do it in your own style. Just remember, all in the execution.
 
JLBats said:
It sounds decent, but it's one of those ideas that could end up stupid flick no one will see, or Annie Hall style masterpeace. It'll come down to the execution. Don't make it dumb. That's one of the problems you see with comedy today, the writer's think comedy=dumb. Make it have layers, subplots, great characters, humour that actually comes from character and not one-liners.

It'll all come down to the execution.


Think American Wedding meets The Bachelor Party meets Wedding Crashers meets Slackers. (it'll be better.)
 
DC/MARVEL said:
Think American Wedding meets The Bachelor Party meets Wedding Crashers meets Slackers. (it'll be better.)

I don't know, when I see those movies... sometimes it's like they don't want you to be stimulated by them. Please put some layers and intelligence in for the higher IQ viewers. It'll have a broader appeal and be better for it.
 
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna make it a smart mixture of these. Don't worry, I've invested a lot of time with these characters and the plot to not make them sterotypical and guitared.
 
DC/MARVEL said:
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna make it a smart mixture of these. Don't worry, I've invested a lot of time with these characters and the plot to not make them sterotypical and guitared.

:up: :up: :up:

My idea:

I'm making a mockumentary about teenage life. The problems follow a similar pattern to Seinfeld. Very meager things get blown out of porportion. The whole show is inspired by my own troubles and the way I noticed teens today are basically cynical, apathetic and completely irresponsible. I have two characters who are archetypes of an intellectual teen and also based on different philosophical archetypes. One, Doggie Moore, is the Nietzche archetype. A negative, cynical, intelligent and cultured child. He's been so surrounded by bull**** all his life that he can't take it. He's jaded, and he doesn't hide the fact. At the same time, he is incredibly well cultured and smart. He is just frustrated that most teens aren't like him. The other intellectual is Becky, a Socrates archetype. She is hopeful, cheery, giving. She loves life, but she is just as smart and cultured as Doggie. The difference is, she doesn't have his hopeless apathy. She is more a child of the radical sixties. The other three main characters are more pop cultural archetypes. Mac is the typical Brit mod rocker. The only thing that keeps his life from being perfect is his listless worrying about karma. The next is B.B., a totally self involved ***** who only really cares about herself and her dad's awful coffee shop business. Finally, there's Joe. Joe is based on a typical Aspergers syndrome child. He swings about topics wildly and is always one step behind others in thinking. He is caring, but at the same time he is insane to Rain Man porportions.

What does everyone think?
 
:up: :up: :up:

Awesome as well man. I like Doggie, he seems cool. The other characters do aswell. I'd like to see excerpt of it too, I liked Seinfield, so...
 
DC/MARVEL said:
:up: :up: :up:

Awesome as well man. I like Doggie, he seems cool. The other characters do aswell. I'd like to see excerpt of it too, I liked Seinfield, so...

I only have a few scripts complete, going through editing right now. The first one I ever made involved them finding a bag after gym practice and not knowing what to do with it. Seems simple, but... the plot thickens eventually. I'll admit, it occasionally takes steps into the surreal.
 
If you ideas for stories, they'd always be appreciated. I have one that I'm doing right now about a really crappy and badly done roadtrip. Basically, no booze, no partying, no fun whatsoever. They go stay in a hotel, and then they watch some tv. Should be fun. It's basically a spoof of the movie I Wanna Hold Your Hand.
 
If anybody has suggestions or story ideas, more than open to 'em.
 
This was my idea for the start of an ELEKTRA origin triolgy.

ELEKTRA ASSASSIN (1)
We open with Elektra starting college. She is a political science major. She meets Matt Murdock, and Foggy Nelsonn as she is getting a tour of the campus. Matt asks her out, and after being rejected, he decides he won't give up so he amazes her, and asks her again. One year passes, and on Elektra's 20th birthday, she and her father are being held up in the Admistration Building of Columbia. Matt is supose to meet Elektra here, so when he sees what is going on he goes to help. The scene plays out exactly like in the comics. (Act 1 is based off of Daredevil 168 when she is introduced and Elektra Minus 1, where we see that Matt and Elektra are told by Stick to stay away from each other.) Elektra leaves Matt to go back to Greece, and figure out her life.
Act 2
Another year passes and Elektra is training to hopfully work for the Order of the Hand. She passes with amazing scores, and Roshi accepts her aplication. She goes to work for them as an assassin. 2 years later she is given the assignment of CAPTURING (remember capturing) Dennis O'Calihan, an associate of Stone's (Stick is mentioned as his patner), if Stone is there, then he must be brought in too. She is told that she must complete this task with his son & right hand man Kirigi, and Typhoid Mary (This is a more realistic version of her, she kisses her victims, and in the prosess of kissing them, she ultimatly kiss them -- stab, shoot, etc). They head to London, England where the meeting between the two is to take place (Tower Bridge). Typhoid keeps track of him O'Calihan calls Stone and tells him that the date is moved up tomorrow night, and to Kings Cross Typhoid is spotted without knowing it. O'Calihan calls Stone and tells him it is still tomorrow but with take place at the Tower Bridge. Typhoid briefs Kirigi and Elektra about it, but Elektra is told to go to the Tower Bridge just in case. Elektra goes, and O'Calihan, and Stone arrive. She KILLS O'Calihan after hearing the information needed. Stone gets away. Back in Tokyo, Elektra is debriefed, and is completly killed with the board. This scene is very much like the one between Sydney and Director Chase in Alias 4x1. At the end like in Alias, Elektra quits.
Act 3
Elektra goes back to New York to see Matt. She talks to him, and their relationship picks back up, 1 year later, they come for Elektra. Elektra has moved in with Matt, and he has proposed, when she start seeing Kirigi and Typhoid all over the place. They taunt her, sending her notes, and calling her. Finally, she comes home with Matt one night, and the house seems all too quiet. Elektra puts her things in the bedroom, and comes out looking for Matt but instead, she finds him with a knife to his throat, and Typhoid holding it. Kirigi is sitting in a chair next to Matt. He greets her, and matt asks what is going on, Kirigi tells Matt about Elektra's skeletons, and we found out she didn't tell him everything. Matt is upset with her. Typhoid kisses Matt, and is ready to stab him, when Elektra jumps and gets her out of the way. Kirigi sits and watches. Matt is knocked out in the corner. Typhoid and Elektra battle it out, and Elektra is barely alive with Kirigi comes, and slices her stomach. Then he picks her up, like in the comics and kills her. We cut to: 2 hours later, Matt wakes up and sees Elektra, an ambulace comes and takes her. She is dead. A day later, a rade (spelling) falls over the hospital where is is being held, andStick ressustes her. The last words are from stick to Elektra "I am doing this for one reason,... I need your help."
TO BE CONTINUED.

I wrote a bit of a treatment already (it was like a first draft) but I had decided then that it would be one movie but I have decided to break it up. I will post part if you want?
 
BATMAN

THE LAST LAUGH

ISSUE GUIDE




ISSUE 1



ACT 1
We start out on the first page as a news report about The Joker kidnapping a young boy. The police have no information at all. The young boy is called James Lindsay. He was kidnapped from his bed three hours prior to the report.

After that we zoom out to see we are actually in the apartment of one of the Joker’s old thugs. His name is Alex. Suddenly Alex feels a breeze. He looks at his window. It’s open, and he didn’t do that. Alex is scared for a second. He grabs a gun of the nightstand and puts it in his pockets. He slowly goes to the window. He puts one of his hands on the gun and the other on the window to close it. A cable grabs his hand. Alex cries for help. He is pulled outside and up. We see a black panel.

Alex wakes up. He screams! He’s being held by a black figure. The Batman. He looks down. The cars look like toys. He screams again. Batman pulls him in closer. He tells him something threatening. He then throws him off the roof. Alex screams but a cable catches his foot. He is pulled up. Batman grabs him by his hair and reels him in. He interrogates him about where The Joker would hide young James. Every time he doesn’t corporate Batman drops him until he’s inches from the pavement. He then brings him up and continues the interrogation. Alex eventually tells Batman that Joker probably has James in an old apartment that he used to hide drugs in. Alex closes his eyes and begs to be let go. He falls on the roof and looks around. Batman’s gone.



ACT 2



The Joker sits on a chair smoking a cigarette. He thinks about his life. We catch a quick glimpse of him as the Red Hood. He looks angry, and yet, happy. He remembers falling into the acid. He then hears crying. He throws the cigarette on the floor and steps on it. He proceeds on to a door. We now see the apartment. It’s made of wood entirely and it’s empty save for a table and a chair. The Joker walks in the door. James hangs by chains on the wall. He’s almost naked except for a pair of boxers. The Joker sees him crying. He laughs. His demented mind enjoys every second of it. He approaches a surgical table next to poor James. He grabs a knife off it. “I think the doctor’s ready to begin kid” he chuckles.
We see the Batmobile tearing through the streets of Gotham. Batman is driving at full speed almost hitting the other cars. He parks in front of the apartment building. Batman gets out of the car and uses his grappling cable to get into a window. He’s in the apartment. He hears screaming coming through the door. Batman rushes and breaks in. The Joker is just about to begin. The two fight. Batman doesn’t pull his punches! The Joker falls down easily. Batman frees the kid.




ACT 3



Through the rest of the issue were in Arkham Asylum. We go through the Joker’s regular day. It should be pretty long. We finally end up in The Joker’s cell where he has a flashback: He remembers torturing Jason Todd, the second Robin. He then remembers asking him to tell him who Batman is, and threatening to kill his already wounded mom. Jason tells him. And we end the issue with The Joker laughing.[/center]
 
Wow, some great ideas here. I'll go through them and offer suggestions if I get a chance.
 
Cool idea except I did it before and it didn't get many replys but who cares.

Good that this one has.:up:
 
Here's a little Gathering of Ideas for a story I'm developing. I'm no where near done, but this is what I got so far.





LYCAN
(Werewolves in Space!)

Premises

a) Paul G. Toole was a miner for Sectora Corp. He was a resident of the Zedra Quadrant. He had a family, but his daughter died in a freak accident, while the two were stargazing on a space walk. After that, Paul's relationship with his wife grew stale. With their thread of connection now gone, she left and got remarried to a pilot of a starliner. Paul never recovered. And then he found God, the most unlikely of people he thought he'd ever meet. He began to contemplate a change in careers. Maybe spend his time serving this new church that he now attended. And then when everything seemed to fall into place, a new offer came from Sectora Corp. Paul agreed to take it as his last job before moving on with his life.

b) Sectora Issue Product: Probe Hopper 7545X91 comes across an interesting object. It is the size of a planet. And shares many of the characteristics of a planet. Yet it is not organic. It is entirely machine made. The metals are mixture of hues. Blues and grays and dark shadows. Steel cold blue. Probe Hopper takes a couple of orbital pictures, and then sends off a probe to the planet. But just before it begins its departure from the strange planet, a slithery, venomous ray of darkmatter shoots from the core of the planet and ensnares the probe hopper and pulls back to the planet. Despite it's struggle, the probe hopper can't fight off the pull of darkmatter, and descends back to the surface of this alien planet, where it knows its chances of surviving a crash are nil to none. So as a desparate measure, it immedately sends off the files of the pics it has taken back to Sectora Corp. capitol suite on the planet Turgis of the Zedra Quadrant. The boardroom of officials of the corporation hold a meeting upon receiving this photos of this planet.They're the only mining company with the knowledge of such a planet, and they intend to take advantage of the financial possibilities. The decision is made to send off a sweep team to go to the planet and retrieve as much data as they can before an actual mining project can be setup upon the planet.

Characters

Mr. Ned - lead scientist of R&D, the maverick geezer.

Dr. Carrie Estavado - Sectora Corp. psychiatrist and anthropologist, dreamer.

Paul G. Toole - Sectora Corp. lead miner, holy man.

Lance Ford - Sectora Corp. miner, the mediator.

Frank Drake - Sectora Corp. miner, the old friend.

Destin McNamara - Sweep team leader, *******.

Yori Kowalski - Sweep team commando, obnoxious risk taker.

Gordy Monroe - Sweep team commando, thinker.

Vicky Tamahori - Sweep team commando, punk rebel and grunt.

Tyrone Angelgard - Sweep team commando, the poetic brute.

 

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