Lighthouse
Fairness, Equality, Bacon
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2003
- Messages
- 14,809
- Reaction score
- 2,044
- Points
- 78
I've been watching the first 3 seasons of Scrubs for the last few months, and I have to say I've very rarely laughed so hard. I think Dr. Perry Cox is right up in the ranks with Homer Simpson in terms of hilarity. Anyone else agree?
Heres some of my favorite Cox quotes.
"You'd better go ahead and enjoy this while you can, Bob, because if your evil genie goes ahead and grants your wish and I'm gone forever then the only one you're going to be able to contend with around here is yourself, and when you really get to know that person, oh dear God, you'll scream so loud that Satan will want to tear up that contract he made with you at birth just so he can get some sleep."
"You know Bob, I've been thinking of all the times you manipulated me and toyed with me and I can't help but recall that children's fable about that race between the tortoise and the pain-in-the-ass-chief-of-medicine-that-everybody-hates. You see, Bob, the pain-in-the-ass-chief-of-medicine-that-everybody-hates kept running out in front of the tortoise and taunting him, but right at the end... Oh, gosh I'm sure you remember what happened Bob. The tortoise bit clean through the Chief of Medicine's calf muscle and dragged him to the ground where he and all the other turtles devoured him alive right there on the racetrack. It's a disturbing children's book, Bob, I know, but it's one that stuck with me nonetheless."
"Lemme ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody's clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is--oh, I don't know--go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I'm supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God's honest truth? And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?"
"Oh, my God; I care so little, I almost passed out."
"Listen Vanessa Janice Tiffany Amber [in a sing-song voice] Thiessen. I'm gonna go ahead and give ya a little something I call Perry's Perspective. 1: If the guy in front of me in the coffee shop can't decide what he wants in the 30 minutes it takes for him to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill him. 2: I'm fairly sure that if they took all the porn off the Internet, there'd only be 1 website left and it would be called "Bring Back The Porn". 3rd, and most important: to be respected as a doctor, nay, a man, you must be an ocean. You're born alone, you damn sure die alone, [turns to a cadaver rolling by] isn't that right Spike? My point is, and you may want to jot this down: only the weak need help."
t:
