ASTEROID-MAN!-the story of asteroid-man!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction & Films' started by Asteroid-Man, Mar 21, 2006.

  1. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    UPDATED: Pg. 1-2
    Chapter One

    This story is a true story. Not many people know about it (as you will find out later on). It is not the story of your typical super hero who flies around saving laves. No, this one does much more! Now as you will see in a bit, Joseph O’Neil (our hero) is a police officer. Joe and his partner Peter Jackson (not the director) have gone on many… lets say adventures. That reminds me of one very important one. Now let’s join in on the partners on hot pursuit of a robber on his getaway trail.
    “What the hell Pete! You can’t drive! Let me take the wheel!”
    “Too risky bro,” replied Peter. “You already crashed six times while on duty, one more time and you know you will be suspended.”
    “Well at least I caught them every time. When was your last catching Pete?” He remained silent. Joe used to be a gang lord. Don’t worry he was a righteous one. Never the less he did things against the law. Like street racing, this is where his driving skills got so good. Now Pete, he is like one of those old men on the road. You know, those really slow and bad drivers who never like going even a bit over the speed limit.
    “If you won’t let me drive,” continued Joe, “then I guess you’re not a real ‘partner’ now are you? So long!” Joseph jumped right out of the car and began running down an alley or two.
    “Hey Josh! I am coming down the alley by 5th and 19th. Where is your closest garage? ...ok thanks.” And with that he reached a dead end. The wall opened and out came his old street racing car, blue Lamborghini with two white stripes over the top. Oh, how much he loved that car! If only he still had his Supra! That thing crashed so many times that it could get fixed anymore. So he jumped in and drove down the narrow alley, turned a couple times and went off a jump. His heart was pounding crazily. Feet bellow him was an empty road, but just before he hit the ground, the robber drove right under him. He had landed on the robber’s car! Seconds later, Pete came with his cop car.
    “What did I tell ya Pete?”
    “What did I tell you Joe? That was your last chance,” he was right and Joe knew it.

    We join Joe leaving the NYPD after being suspended
    Joe noticed Pete coming up behind him.
    “Look Joe,” he began, “if there is anything I can do for you?”
    “Unless you can get me my job back, get lost.”
    That night, full of rage Joe got back into his car and went street racing. He met with some of his old friends like Steve Sylvester. Steve usually did the math to see who would win, or track the cops and make sure they didn’t show up. But one thing he was exceptionally good at was break dancing. However, he was horrible in astrology, Pete was not. At the time, in fact was looking up at the moon through a telescope, when he noticed that out of no where, hundreds of little comets, tens of big meteors and one giant asteroid all coming strait for earth!
     
  2. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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  3. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    someone plz!
     
  4. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    bumpedybumpbump
     
  5. DeGenerate10

    DeGenerate10 Br Ba

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    Some times no criticism is the best criticism
     
  6. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    lol so should I continue?
     
  7. dozer2025

    dozer2025 Registered

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    Sorry man, it needs work.

    Why would a cop have a lambourgini hidden behind a wall (that just happened to be nearby)?

    The story moved too fast and made little sense. Stretch it out and explain things in more detail. Now, if he jumped out, ran a block, and fired up his sports or muscle car (like a Supra or a Camaro-not a $250,000 Italian racecar), that would be cool.

    Also, you want us to criticize your superhero story, but where's the hero? Is he the crazy, super-rich (soon to be ex)cop?

    I'm not trying to be a @$$-But try rewriting this, and I'm sure people will like it.
     
  8. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    lol thanks. i get what ur saying. I was actually fixing stuff when you said that. and he does run down a couple alleys to his old garage. It explains latter on that thats where he used to street race. and he isnt rich. It will explain everything latter. when I am done re writting I will edit the post. And please not I need to slowly develope the characters powers. It is a novel not a story.
     
  9. dozer2025

    dozer2025 Registered

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    Is this inspired by Meteorman?

    Just wondering. I love that movie.
     
  10. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    wats meteor man?
    edit: whos meteor man?
     
  11. dozer2025

    dozer2025 Registered

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  12. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    i remember that! and no. Asteroid-man is a comic by me. I am making a novel out of it
     
  13. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    Pg. 3-4
    “Jack,” Pete said to his fifteen year old son, “Get over here and look at this!” Suddenly, it started to rain.
    “Oh, great,” said Joe. “Now there’s thunder! What could be worse!” a cop car was seen through the rear view mirror. “I am not going back to jail after twelve years of correction!” He wasn’t in jail for street racing, surprisingly. He was in jail for attempted murder on a mugger on the side of the road who was trying to mug a woman. While in jail, the woman, Jane came to see him many times. But before he got out of jail something happened. For this reason he despised prisons more than anything. With tears in his eyes and memories on his mind, he hit the gas, jumped the dock and landed on a harbour boat.
    “Eat it!” He called back to the cops. He then looked to right and saw metal crates with the words ‘U. S. Plutonium: DANGER SLIGHTEST PRICK WILL CAUSE EXPLOSION’
    “Knowing my luck,” he began “I was pretty damn close!” Suddenly an asteroid came right down and smashed into the boat.
    “Oh-” BOOM! Glowing yellow, Joe went flying into the water. The wave from the explosion went out to Pete’s home as well as a comet. Pete was pinned against a wall glowing white and his son unconscious on the floor glowing blue.


    Joseph O’Neil wakes up in a hospital bed to find Pete standing beside him.
    “Hello old friend!” said Pete. Joseph was very upset with Pete calling him his friend. Really, who does he think he is? It’s his fault I lost my job! If only he had let me drive I wouldn’t have been suspended from the force!
    “I’m not your friend” Joe replied. Pete’s face looked confused.
    “Funny, I thought maybe if we were partners-” Pete was cut off by Joe.
    “You’re right,” a smile came on Pete’s face, “we were,”
    “Look,” began Pete, “you said if I could get your job back then we would be good. So I am here for that.” Joe saw a bit of hope.
    “Keep talking,”
    “There is a menace vaguely known around the south east parts of downtown. His name is Ambassador Cobra. He is selling this new drug known as ‘Zahr’. This drug changes you. Not only mentally, but also physically and this is permanent. Oh and not to mention you become the guy’s internal slave. So basically this is a drug bust. In addition to getting your job back, your name will be cleared; you will receive twenty-thousand dollars (five of that in advance) and a free haircut.”
    Joe thought for a minute.
    “Well I have wanting cornrows.”

    He was finally let out of the hospital. The first thing he did after getting back, he ran over to Mc Donald’s and ordered some ‘real’ food. After that he took a cab (man this bugged him) south east. He got out of the cab and started going down these allies. Suddenly, the walls seem to close in around him. He had a flash back of the jail.
    “O’Neil,” the cop said, “you’ve got a visitor.”
    Just then Jane came.
     
  14. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    Pg. 5-6
    “Joseph, I got the sheriff to let you come out. It’s only for a day though.” This was great. Finally a date (not to mention some fresh air)! Then he was relieved to see the cell door open.
    He came to his senses and kept down the next alley. Suddenly…
    “Hey! Ye’ want something?” Bullets were flying towards him. Surprisingly none hit him. He jumped behind a dumpster, pulled out his gun and shot back. He had bad aim! Finally he shot the guy right in the center of his forehead. When he came out from hiding he saw that the other man was… half of a snake! If there were more of these people he would have to reload. Too bad he spent all his bullets on the one snake. He was so disappointed. His only chance to set things right and he had already messed it up.
    “Don’t move!” There was another snake man looking right at him with a shotgun of his own. He had no choice but to keep his hands up. Then he remembered her. Eyes filled with burning tears, he began opening and closing his hands.
    “Stop that!” He kept his hand open shaking. The snake man was terrified! Then Joe looked at his hand and he saw a rock that was on fire!
    “Aaaah! A burning rock!” yelled Joe. And with that he threw the rock at the snake man. He was dead. Ok so, that night I got hit with an asteroid on the nuclear boat I must’ve gotten some weird ‘powers’. It doesn’t make sense. There’s gotta be more then that right? Well, there are many of heroes in the cities; it’s time for one GALACTIC HERO! Well Cobra. No matter where you are. No matter how strong you are, I will stop you and I will bring you down! I AM ASTEROID-MAN!!!
    He returned home and began designing a costume. His first sketch was a little lame but it was ok for now. It was basically spandex. Red top, blue bottom. Black gloves, red boots. Black cap (worn backwards), blue sunglasses. One black ‘X’ on each arm, an asteroid going upwards diagonally to tight on the center of his chest and a golden belt with an asteroid in the center. He was set for now.
    So back to the scene he went now ‘prepared’ as he liked to say. It wasn’t too hard to trigger his power. All he needed to do was create its shape in his hand and really need to need it. Also a great amount of emotions inside him triggered it. So he came back and noticed a warehouse with a snake on the door. Through the doors with an asteroid in each hand. There were snake guards everywhere! He threw one at each. One snake in the back was speaking on a walky-talky. Asteroid-Man tried his hardest to hear. Surprisingly his senses were slightly better. So he listened.
    “Get ready sir!”
    “For what? Intruders? Feds?” replied the other end.
    “A guy in spandex.”
    “Ha! I will crush him!” With that the walky-talky was disconnected. It was Cobra. I just know it! But how could these enormous snakes have such respect for him? Unless he is a gigantic snake himself! Finally the area was cleared.
    “It’s time for blood,” he said aloud.

    End Chapter One
     
  15. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    Pg. 7-8.5
    Chapter Two

    He continued through the warehouse and into one of its metallic halls until it reached a stop. There were three doors. The two doors on the sides had a restricted sign on them. The middle sign had an exit sign. The first door was door to a safe. The second resembled a fire exit. And the last door was an office door. Let’s see what’s behind door number one! He threw an asteroid at the safe door and he crept inside. In there he found mountains of money and drugs. He got his walky-talky and called for Peter.
    “Pete, I found the drugs,”
    “Nice,”
    “I am sending the co-ordinates,”
    “Good, we will be there shortly,” with that he disconnected. Now for door number two! He threw an asteroid at that door. It fell into an office and our hero walked in.
    There stood a giant snake man like the others. Only difference was they had the Cobra ‘ears’, but this guy didn’t. Instead of that he had a black cape that went past his head and created fake ‘ears’ with a gold snake image on each side. He did not have hands however. He had three claws, sharp as knives. He wore (what looked like) a potato bag with sleeves and a blue circle in the middle. And in the center of that was the image of a golden snake. He then spoke.
    “Please do use the door next time. I did enjoy that door. It gave me privacy.”
    “I don’t give a damn about you or your stupid privacy.”
    “So, why are you here if you don’t even care? I heard your thoughts ‘Asteroid-Man’ the first time you came to these parts. But I must tell you. Every hero cares about their job. I myself am a hero on my own planet. You seem confused. Well, let me tell you something that will change your life forever. There are three galaxies parallel to this one. The only difference is the third planet. In galaxy one there is an entire planet of ice and water. The Empress of that planet is our sister. She is a Mermaid (half human, half fish). In galaxy two, there is a planet of rock and wind, where our brother rules as emperor. He is a Gollum (half human, half rock). In the fourth galaxy is a planet of jungles, forests and gardens where lies the Kunia (half human, half snake). I am not emperor yet, but my master is dying. When he dies I take over. You are the hero of the third galaxy who lives on the third planet. Earth. It is very confusing I know. It was what I intended Asteroid-Man. Our destinies have already been written. You will understand later. Now that you are confused, the next piece of information will emotionally break you. Then I will kill you!” This doesn’t make any sense. I truly am confused. But if he is right and I will be emotionally broken and he will kill me, I must act first! Before he even expects it! He then threw an asteroid at Cobra. Something then happened that he did not expect. Cobra knew he was going to attack! He actually countered it too! He shot fire out of his mouth at Asteroid-Man. There was a small explosion. The walls began to crumble and the police could be heard. That’s right Cobra, the cops are coming your toast!
    “What are they going to do?” Cobra had read his mind! “That’s right you idiot, I told you I could read your mind. Why did you doubt me? That’s how I knew you were going to attack. And you want to know a secret?” He closed his eyes and into Asteroid-Man’s mind came: You can read my mind too! This was too much for him. None of this made sense! He had to stop this, now! He charged his asteroid and it grew. But Cobra did the same with a ball of flame. They shot them at each other and the entire and the entire building blown up and gone. They had both lost all power. But Cobra still had a weapon that Asteroid-Man had over looked. My claws, you fool! Cobra’s thought came to him. He tried to out run him but he was stabbed in the back by six claws. Before Cobra could finish him off, the police were shooting at him. Cobra flew away and Asteroid-Man was knocked out.

    * * *
     
  16. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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  17. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    I Dub Thee... BUMP!
     
  18. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    Bump it, Louda!
     
  19. The Phantom

    The Phantom Dredknight

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    Perdy good so far!
     
  20. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    sorry about the typos, I will put on some more soon
     
  21. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    almost done next part
     
  22. ObakeTora

    ObakeTora vThe "real" Ghost-Tiger!v

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  23. Kevin Roegele

    Kevin Roegele Do you mind if I don't?

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    Post the comic!
     
  24. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    YOU DO NOT want to see it. Trust me, bad drawings and alot of spelling mistakes, I might scan 2 pages so you can see my original ideas.
     
  25. Kevin Roegele

    Kevin Roegele Do you mind if I don't?

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    The quality of the drawings is not important, only that they tell the story. Steve Ditko's artwork is no way near as gorgeous as some of the stuff being printed today, but in most cases it tells the story far better.
     

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