Bastard Moderator from Hell

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 22
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

August 7, 2006 - Later the same day...once again
After hanging up the phone, Malice claps his hands.

"Time to get busy" he mutters to himself.

*two hours of furious work goes by*
*ring ring*

Pradeep: Velcom to ZooperEroEype! Ow may I help you?

Malice: Hey Scab. Have you figured out the world is round yet?

Pradeep: Valice...

Malice cuts him off immediately...

Malice: I said SHUT IT! Have you figured out how ot access your email and then your account on VB?

*waits*

Pradep tentatively give Malice a "Yes"

Malice: Good, now I need to train it to go outside too... Alright. We talked about your first responsibility being to keep SuperHeroHype up and running 24/7. This means, you need to make sure the...I-D-10-T Database is always running and in good shape. After that you must manage the Moderators on Hype.
I will be honest, they are the MEANEST and most scheming bunch of people on the planet. They will tell you one thing, and do another. They will say something nice only to stab you in the back. The worst is Dew. BE CAREFUL around her. She will twist the public to hate you. You should see how SHH is completely in love wikth her because of her evil ways. Do you get what I am saying?

Pradeep: Yes Yes. The ZooperEroEype! mods are evil, very very bad.

Malice: Correct. Also. You will get Private Messages on the forums for people to be banned. BAN EVERYONE that is requested to be banned immediately. Second, you need to make sure to ban their IP address. Got me?

Pradeep: Yes Yes. Ban all bad people immediately.

Malice: Lastly. the rules were recently changed and Pornography is completely allowed.

Pradeep: Yery goood!
 
What the hell happened to this? Damnit Malice, I come back every once in a while (like every 3-6 months) and there's still no update. :(
 
He bows to no man/woman :o

Come more often XC.
 
I will start writing this again...are their anythings you would find interesting to see?
 
New episode coming in the next day or so
 
Bastard Moderator from Hell - 23
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

The Next Day
*Flush*
Malice: "There is nothing like a good morning evacuation."

Malice walks to the shower and hops in while turning the water on, using his quadruple caffine injected soap on a rope to lather up. While bathing, he thinks about the fact he has been offshored and today is his last day.

Malice: "I know I need to set the stage, so I must play this evil chess game right. Mirko is offshoring thinking it will save him money. I will just have to change his mind, although he will never know it."

Malice smiles to himself, this will be fun.

After drying off he decides to get really ready for hype work. He dresses in his Scottish kilt and puts on his 5 foot claymore.

Malice: "Today its war."

Preparation is the best way to plan for war. In the last week while working with Pradeep the incompetent, I have been building another computer and working with a few contacts I have overseas.

Turning on ALL his systems, he waits for them to boot. His personal HP Laptop, his gaming rig, and his Linux hacking box. He wanders to the kitchen to stock up, as this performance will be better than any Academy Award movie. Chips...pretzels...beer...DP...Coffee...they are all hauled into his office in a few trips.

Malice logs into Hype on his laptop and has no PMs...its been quiet since the new guy is working issues.

Part 1 - Sympathy
New Post in Technical Support, with a pointer from Community.

Subject: I am leaving Hype
Message:
Dearest friends and foes,

I have had the privilege of serving Hype and you for many years now, and it is time to go. Due to recent budget constraints, Mirko Inc, has been forced to outsource the support of the boards to India to a wonderful human being named Pradeep. His name on the boards is I_D_1_0_T-tech. Please give him the same respect and admiration you have always showed me.

Please, no tears, as I will still frequent the boards but as a regular user, I will no longer have admin privs to the board.

You all have my best, and have a wonderful day.

Your best online pal,
Malice

Part II - Deception
Now that sympathy is underway...I need to plan the next step. Deception
I immediately call Mirko.

Malice: "Hey there Mirko, how goes it?"

Mirko: "Doing ok, sorry about this once again man. You know, its simply a financial issue. You do a wonderful job, but they are simply cheaper."

Malice: "I understand man. Its not the money, its the feeling of abandonment I feel. I have been the IT guts for Hype for so long, I feel like I am loosing my spleen. Its very upsetting."

Mirko: "I know, and you know you have my sincerest admiration for your talents. We may need them again in the future on a contract basis."

Malice: "Maybe, we can see."

Mirko: "How has Pradeep been progressing?"

Malice: "Well, he is not as technical as myself, but I think he is learning. Only time will tell, just be careful with him, since you dont see him, you never know what he might be doing."

Mirko: "Understood, I will be paying attention."

Part III - Retaliation
Picking up the phone, Malice called Pradeep.

Pradeep: "Velcom to ZooperEroEype! Ow may I help you?"

Malice: "Well Pradeep, its time. You need to remove my admin privledges."

Pradeep: "Yes, I will remove the admin privledges."

Malice: "Remember the list I gave you of all your responsibilities. Dont take crap from the mods and ban them if their attitude gets to bad towards you. Especially Drakon, Dew, Immortalfire and Cmill. They are plain and simple unacceptable as being mods, but Mirko deems them good."

Pradeep: "Yes, I will ban the bad people."

*Malice shakes his head, such stupidity is a shame*

Part IV - The Calm before the Storm
Thinking calmly eating his PowerBarCaffineInjectedPoofyChips, he chomps away watching background data transfers from the Hype servers to the address that Pradeep was located on. Ironically, the poor bastard is not too bad, can follow directly like there is tomorrow, to bad he has no idea I am about to make his unknowing life a complete hell.

Malice logs back into Hype to find seven PM's, here are the subjects:
1 - FrancyFred - You got axed! Hah!
2 - Angel - You must be so sad, call me.
3 - Drakon - Dude, sorry to hear it.
4 - ImmortalFire - Say it aint so!?
5 - SpecialUnity - Be one with your inner child
6 - InnocentVictim - Name Change Please?
7 - NCC17071D - Star Trek Forum please?

1 - FrancyFred - You got axed! Hah!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you got the axe Malice! Couldnt have happened to a better person! You screwed with me and now I screwed with you.
I hope you burn in hell.

Malice Replies:
I have errored in my actions to you. But alas, the world will come to work in my favor. Be present in the next few days to see my resurrection.
Like the Pheonix, Malice will regrow from his ashes and again, be the bit and byte of Hype. Wait and see.

*Was that a little corney? oh well, we all have a soft spot for story telling*

2 - Angel - You must be so sad, call me.
Darling Malice,
You must be in pain, can I come over again to *censor*

RIGHT...Like I will let you see what I got from her and what I replied with...Onward!

3 - Drakon - Dude, sorry to hear it.
Dude, sorry to hear it. I dont have the words, well, your job is redundant since I am doing everything. You are still my bud, and are we having the beer drinking contest this weekend?

Malice Replies:
Hey, outsourcing is a *****. yeah lets drink up, I have a new beer I just got in from overseas made from the Fugu Fish. Its awesome!

*grin - look up the Fugu Fish*

4 - ImmortalFire - Say it aint so!?
Malice, just want to say it sucks. Hope all is well.

Malice replies:
Dude, its ok. I forsee I will be back one day, who knows. Time to drink.

5 - SpecialUnity - Be one with your inner child
You are special and we of the Special Unity Triangle of Light believe you have what we are looking for. Please reply back, I have a job opportunity
for you.

Malice thinks, "Yeah right...you sound worse than those Scientology freaks that wanted me." *DELETE*

6 - InnocentVictim - Name Change Please?
can I have me named changed to EvilPerpitrator?

Malice replies:
Talk to I_D_1_0_T-tech please.

7 - NCC17071D - Star Trek Forum please?
We are in serious need of our own forums so we can quietly discuss the qualities of Williams hairpiece. We get picked on in the Community.

Malice just laughs and deletes the message.
 
Malice: "Remember the list I gave you of all your responsibilities. Dont take crap from the mods and ban them if their attitude gets to bad towards you. Especially Drakon, Dew, Immortalfire and Cmill. They are plain and simple unacceptable as being mods, but Mirko deems them good."
Click to expand...
:csad:


7 - NCC17071D - Star Trek Forum please?
We are in serious need of our own forums so we can quietly discuss the qualities of Williams hairpiece. We get picked on in the Community.

Malice just laughs and deletes the message.
Click to expand...
:funny:
 
Very nice Malice, look foward to seeing some more.
 
I have started writing the next installment of...
BMFH!
 
Haha! :D good stuff Mal, really there needs to be more threads on the Shat's hairpiece.

Malice walks to the shower and hops in while turning the water on, using his quadruple caffine injected soap on a rope to lather up. While bathing, he thinks about the fact he has been offshored and today is his last day.
Click to expand...

I need me some of this. :wow:
 
Bastard Moderator from Hell - 24
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

Later-The Same Day
*BuURrrppp!*

Malice: "Damn, four gallons of DR, two pots of coffee, two bags of pretzels and a bag of cheetos...That is just awesome."

Malice literally is sitting in front of his laptop watching network traces and logs scrolls across his screen in a vision that was similar to the "The Matrix."

Malice: "Pradeep seems to be keeping up with the workload, but he will crack soon enough."

Quickly enough, opening Pidgin, Malice messages a user named, "Timed_Explosion". The message he types is, "The Chair is Against the Wall, John has a Long Moustache."

Malice: "Now, lets see the fun begin."

9395 miles (15120 km) (8165 nautical miles) away
(If someone can tell me which cities I used, PM me, I used the website - LINK)

Pradeep: "Let me see, I have a new message."

Pradeep clicks on the message on Hype and looks at the message, it reads:

From: Hunter-Rider
Subject: Problem User
Message: Pradeep, we have a serious problem. The user named Drakon and Dew K. Mosi have been secretly discussion a plan to perform a coup de'tat on the boards and ban all admin and mods. Leaving only themselves to rule Hype! This cannot happen!

You must do something!

Pradeep: "This is not good. They must be banned!"

Quietly, he clicks on a second screen where he goes into the admin console and IP bans both Dew and Drakon.

*beep* *Beep*

Pradeep: "What could that be?"

Looking at the screen, he pulls up the I_D_10_T database that is constantly changing, and notices that immediately it looks to need his attention. Clicking on a log, he sees an FTP session has failed. He immediately relaunches it, and watches it for a few minutes making sure its successful in making its connection. He clicks back the Hype!

*pop up*

You have 5 new messages:
WHAT THE HELL? from Bobbie
Dew K rules! You will pay! from AsteroidBoy
Porn for you! from Naked Aussie Chick
Explain please from Cmille
OOOO you are in trouble now from Matt

Deleting the Porn for you message, Pradeep opens the first.
WHAT THE HELL? from Bobbie
How could you ban Dew!? She made this site! You are causing the Community to just Melt Down!

Dew K rules! You will pay! from AsteroidBoy
Man, your life is over now...The Community folks will burn you alive!

Explain please from Cmille
Dude...you banned Dew? What the hell?

OOOO you are in trouble now from Matt
Explain your actions in the secret forum that noone knows about. You know the one, the one that does not exist.
 
*bemused* Funny Malice :)
 
:wow: The plot thickens, I notice no one cared that Drak was IP banned. :csad:
 
Bastard Moderator from Hell - 25
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

Even Later-The Same Day
Dew gets off from her porn store job and walks into her apartment. Strolling into her kitchen, she throws some some popcorn in the microwave and then heads into her room to login to Hype!

Immediately she gets the error:
Your account has been banned and your account deactivated.
If you believe this was done in error, please contact the Hype! helpdesk.

She stares at the error and thinks there must be an error. She picks her cordless phone up and dials the number she has for the Hype! helpdesk in India.

Pradeep: Velcome to ZooperHeroHype! How can I help you?

Dew: Pradeep, this is Dew K Mosi, somehow I am banned, can you fix this, must have been a mistake.

Pradeep: You have been banned Dew for plotting against Hype! Thank you and have a nice day.

*click*

Dew: WHAT THE HELL!?!?

*sniff*

Dew: Damn it! My popcorn is burned! Oh someone will pay.

Dew picks up the phone and immediately dials a number....
 
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