Coolest Post On Craigslist

[Cunning Stunts]

Subject: Craigslist: "Message to my Mugger"

Craigslist: "Message to my Mugger"

I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.


I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening.
Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.


I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.


So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.


Peace! Alex

This was in a bulletin on MySpace... I'm still trying to find the link.

This is pure badass.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

Wow, so I hope that guy enjoys sharing a jail cell with the guy who mugged him.

 

[Kable24]

Hilarious. Should have pulled the trigger. One less *****ebag in the world.

 

[Bat Brain]

Seems you're taking that avatar of yours a bit too seriously.

 

[Kable24]

No. I have zero tolerance for crime and I applaud someone who isn't going to be a victim.

 

[Brick]

So why is this called "Message to my Mugger" if he didn't actually get mugged?

 

[ShadowBoxing]

No. I have zero tolerance for crime and I applaud someone who isn't going to be a victim.

Yeah, but unfortunately this guy broke the law several times over to "not be a victim". Charging things on another person's credit card, giving away the dude's money to a homeless man, running up a bill on their cellphone is actually all very illegal. So this guy, no matter how much of a badass he thinks he is, now has to rot in jail because he wanted to be a badass. I feel no pity for him, he should've left it at pointing the gun at him, all this was unnecessary and, quite frankly, completely stupid.

...Oh, and the moron left a signed confession on Craigslist. If this guy died tomorrow he'd win the Darwin award.

 

[Badger]

Yeah, but unfortunately this guy broke the law several times over to "not be a victim". Charging things on another person's credit card, giving away the dude's money to a homeless man, running up a bill on their cellphone is actually all very illegal. So this guy, no matter how much of a badass he thinks he is, now has to rot in jail because he wanted to be a badass. I feel no pity for him, he should've left it at pointing the gun at him, all this was unnecessary and, quite frankly, completely stupid.

...Oh, and the moron left a signed confession on Craigslist. If this guy died tomorrow he'd win the Darwin award.

Completely agreed, their both on the low end of gene pool. He's no better than the guy who tried to mug him. Defend yourself and your loved ones, and leave it at that. I am all for being able to carry a concealed weapon (which I doubt this guy had a permit to do so), but unfortunately this jackass give a perfect reason why people are against it.

 

[Kable24]

Yeah, but unfortunately this guy broke the law several times over to "not be a victim". Charging things on another person's credit card, giving away the dude's money to a homeless man, running up a bill on their cellphone is actually all very illegal. So this guy, no matter how much of a badass he thinks he is, now has to rot in jail because he wanted to be a badass. I feel no pity for him, he should've left it at pointing the gun at him, all this was unnecessary and, quite frankly, completely stupid.

...Oh, and the moron left a signed confession on Craigslist. If this guy died tomorrow he'd win the Darwin award.

I agree he went way to far with it, but he doesn't deserve to rot in jail. More than likely this is all BS anyway.

 

[Motown Marvel]

yeah, the guy that did all this kinda sucks. after he pulled his gun on the guy and run him off, it should have ended with that. admittedly, calling the guys mom and telling her what happened was kinda cool. but everything else was just stupid. i hope he's contacted by the police.

Hilarious. Should have pulled the trigger. One less *****ebag in the world.

if i were you, i wouldnt be so quick to consider being a *****ebag a fatal offense.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

I agree he went way to far with it, but he doesn't deserve to rot in jail. More than likely this is all BS anyway.

Yes, he deserves to go to jail because he broke the law with what he claimed to do. Though, I agree, this is probably all BS, even the story about the mugging itself.

 

[Kable24]

Yes, he deserves to go to jail because he broke the law with what he claimed to do. Though, I agree, this is probably all BS, even the story about the mugging itself.

To me rot in jail implies being there for the rest of your life. If he would go to jail, at most he should get 1 to 3 years for identity theft and robbery.

 

[ross2287]

I laughed.

 

[Spidey-Bat]

"Who needs courage when you have a gun?"

-Prof. Farnsworth

That's actually smart to take his cellphone. Last thing you need is having this guy call his entourage and doing God knows what to you and your girlfriend. The rest was excessive.