Fantastic 4 Five-Minute Fantastic Four

[Mister Sinister]

Love the Fockers reference.

 

[Silverstein]

I love how you referanced your own work at then end. "Ride me, Reed, Ride me like seabiscuit." Amazing. You have to get your own section just for "Five Minute ___"

You should do tvshows too. Like Five minute teen titans, or JLU....You are officially the funniest person I've ever read on a forum. And I've been everywhere.

 

[Cromartie]

Thank you all. It's weird, because on this other board my humor sinks like a stone. I mean, I get NO-THING. Ah well...

Because they are idiots with no sense of humor that's why.

Btw like the FF4 story u rock dude.

 

[Prophet924]

Very Funny. LOL!

I don't know why but the COSMIC RAYS: 'Sup. REST OF CAST: Ahhhhhhhhh section really tickled me.

Good stuff.

Thwipp!

 

[Zev]

I feel it only appropriate to bump this. Now, depending on your point of view, we can either welcome another movie to the Mighty Marvel Movie Pantheon or let the long healing process begin.

 

[Valorman]

i liked it lol

 

[Ratcrawler]

Yeah, that was funny. Can I try to do one or would that just be cramping your style?

 

[Zev]

Well, seeing as how I ripped the format off from someone else, I'd just be an enormous hypocrit if I said you couldn't. Go for it.

 

[Ratcrawler]

Awesome! Thanks This is my F4 parody...

The Quintessential Quartet part 1 of 3

*film starts with Raul Ricardo and Biff Grimace walking into Van *****ebag Industries which resides directly beneath a permanent black storm cloud*

Biff: Do we have to borrow money from this guy? Dan Van *****ebag is pure evil! Remember when he dug up you're grandma and used her as a pinata for his ninth birthday?

Raul: She probably had it coming. Besides, it's the only way I can fund my research ever since I blew all my money investing in those solar powered flashlights.

*In Van *****ebag's office*

Raul: You see, Dan, if I can use your resources to build a church in sPace, I could somehow disProve the theory of evolution and convince the worldwide scientific community that creationism is the real deal and that Charles Darwin was in fact the devil!

Dan: That's the stupidest waste of money I've ever heard of.

Raul: You'd be a shoe-in for the next pope. You can start charging admission to masses in every church in the world.

Dan:...Brilliant idea! Glad I thought of it! I'll have my slaves--er, people get on building this rocket church right away. We'll launch after lunch.

Biff: Can I be the pilot?

Dan: No, you're a wussy. My sexpot girlfriend's flamboyantly gay brother is a pilot.

Raul: Huh. That's funny. I used to have a sexpot girlfriend with a flamboyantly gay brother. I wonder whatever happened to her...

Jenny: Yeah, me too...

Raul: Jenny! You're dating Dan now!?

Jenny: Who?

Dan: Me.

Jenny: Oh yeah!

Dan: *to Raul* Not the sharpest bulb in the sea, but you'd be amazed at what she can do with a goat!

Dan's head slave: Master, we've finished building the rocket-church.

Dan: Already? Did you install radiation shielding?

Slave: We used aluminum foil. It was cheaper.

Dan: Good man! We're off to sPace then!

Jenny: Yay! Can I come?

Dan: Only if you bring that goat. Where's my pilot?

*Simon Tempest rides in on his bicycle*

Simon: I'm walkin' on sunshiiiiiine...whoa-ho-hoa! And don't it feel good, hey! Biff! Raul! Kiss-kiss, boys! We're going to the sun!

Biff: Raul, I have a bad feeling about this...

Raul: That's what you said about my hair growth formula you tested and--uh, nevermind. Let's just go.

Dan: To the rocket-church! Come, Mr. Bigglesworth!

Mr. Bigglesworth: Meow!

*Everybody piles into the rocket-church and take off into sPace*

Raul: One small step for man, one giant leap for Christian science!

Si: Wow! Zero gravity is super! I feel like a pretty butterfly! And look! There's sParkly glitter outside!

Biff: *looks out stain-glass window* Hey, guys, there's a menacing cloud of stardust outside the ship and it's getting closer!

Raul: Biff, you think waffles are menacing.

Biff: AGH! Waffles! *runs off*

Raul: Hmm. I wonder where Dan and Jenny are?

*In the bell tower*

Jenny: Why am I dressed like an alter boy?

Dan: Don't talk. You'll sPoil the moment. Jenny, I've met alot of hot pieces of boo-tay in my day, but they were all "smart" and "in-de-pen-dent". Bleh. But you, my dear...you're as hot as you are stupid. And because of that, I want you to wear this...*opens ring box*

Jenny: Oooh...shiny...what is it?

Dan: It's a twenty four karat diamond ring.

Jenny: Yay! I love carrots! *Eats the box, ring and all*

Raul: *runs up to them* Guys! We have a serious problem! Somebody ate all the wafers!

*everybody looks at Jenny's goat eating the wafers*

Dan: I have potato chips and french fries. Will those do?

Raul: BlasPhemy!

Dan: Fine! More for me, then! *greedily eats his fries and potato chips*

*Suddenly, the sPace-church is bombarded by magical, glittery sPace radiation*

Biff: Sweet Uncle Porky!

Si: Jeethuth Chrytht!

Raul: We're going down!

Jenny: If you say so! *unzips Raul's pants*

*the church get's caught in the Earth's gravitational pull and begins to descend*

To Be Continued...?...!

 

[Spidey-Bat]

That was better than the actual movie.

 

[Ratcrawler]

THE QUINTESSTIAL QUARTET part 2

*Back on Earth, a suicidal man is threatening to jump off of the Williamsburg Bridge*

Suicidal man: I’m gonna do it! I swear to God I’m gonna jump off this thing!

Crowd of sPectators: JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!--

*Suddenly, a plummeting church falls from the sky and crushes all the sPectators. The impact sends the suicidal man flying backwards and he lands in the subway tracks in the middle of the bridge as a train approaches in the distance. In the middle of the sPace-church’s rubble, a miniature tornado protects Raul, Biff, Si and Jenny. It soon dissipates and Jenny loses consciousness*

Jenny: Did I do that…? *plop*

Si: Did she?

Raul: I don’t know, Si but we all seem to be alright. Except for Dan. Where did he go?

Biff: Hey look. That man is asleep on those train tracks. Somebody should wake him up and tell him how dangerous that is. *goes over* Hey. Buddy. Hey. Hey. Out of bed, sleepy -head.

Suicidal Man: Wha--oh, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that all the cable news channels kept diverting the viewing public from the atrocities our government is committing with depressing human interest stories and all the sheep were eating it up with sPoons. Hey man, there’s a train behind you.

Biff: Hmm? *turns around to see said train ten feet away from him showing no sign of slowing down* AAAAGH!!!

*Suddenly Biff Grimace craps his pants changes and changes into an enormous monster covered in what appears to be petrified fecal matter and shaped like McDonalds’ long unused purple mascot. The train hits him head-on and whiplashes it’s self up though the air and is about to land on Raul, Si and the unconscious Jenny when Si raises his hand and fires a blast of plasma from it. He melts a hole through the train which lands around the trio. The rest of the sPrawled out train crushes hundreds of cars on the roads sided next to the tracks and knocks even more into the water*

Raul: Simon! You’re flaming!

Si: That’s old news, sugarplum. Right now, we need to focus on this bridge. It’s breaking apart.

*The middle of the bridge cracks open and Raul falls through. But while he plummets, he shoots his arm upwards and grabs onto the dipping mega-structure. His body continues to stretch to ridiculous proportions when he snaps beck up. His elastic body wraps it’s self around beams and wires holding the collapsing bridge together*

Jenny: *yawn* I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that all the cable news channels kept diverting the viewing public from the atrocities our government is committing with depressing human interest stories and all the sheep were eating it up with sPoons. What’d I miss?

Raul: Not now, Jenny! The men and girly-men are talking! Simon, I have an idea. Melt this train into the gap!

Simon: Shouldn’t I wait for the people to get out?

Raul: No time! *Simon does as he’s told* Jenny! Where are you?

*Raul sees two floating silicone boob implants bouncing up and down on one of his outstretched segments*

Jenny: Bouncy! Bouncy! Yay!

Raul: By God! Jenny, you can not only apparently manipulate air pressure but you can copy it’s visual charicteristics. Can you bring forth a cold front from the atmosPhere to cool the heated metal?

Jenny: Uhhhh…okey dokey!

*Jenny turns visible, gets down on all fours and blows on the melting metal like it was hot soup*

Raul: Not what I had in mind, but don’t stop. Biff! Holy smokes, what happened to you?

Biff: Holy crap is more like it! What a repulsive thing to happen! I’ve become an ever-lovin’ brown eyed Turd!

Raul: Biff, I swear to you, I will not rest until I find some way to change you back…as soon as I feel like getting around to it. I’ve been putting off writing my novel for a while so I should probably get to that first. And building that hemp powered robot sidekick of mines, Hydroponics Energized Robot Buddy And Liaison or “HERBAL”.

Si: Hey captain, we finished fixing this bridge. About five hundred people died in the process, but we saved the day.

Jenny: Just like Mighty Mouse!

Biff: Well, at least I saved that one mook asleep in the train tracks.

Suicidal man: Oh my God! All these people died and it’s all my fault! WAHHH!!! *jumps off bridge*

Raul: Well, you can’t save everybody. Look, it’s the media.

The Media: Hello, we’re the media.

Jenny: Hi!

Raul: Listen, I’d like to explain the events which trasPired just now. You see, we built a church in sPace with generous help from DVD Industries and…

The Media: That’s great. Can you tell us what your superhero names are and would the hot girl strip down to her undies while using this hula hoop?

Jenny: Will I ever! *takes off clothes and sPins hula hoop*

Si: Well, I’ve always been positively flaming so now I’m the Human Solar Panel. Biff here is a chicken$#!+ so now he’s the Turd. Raul here had the fantastic idea of sending us to into sPace so he’s Sr. Fantas-- no wait, Sr. Bombastic! Like the song. And my air-headed sister here became the Translucent Chick.

Jenny: *stops swiveling* Hey! I’m not a cross dresser!

Si: Hush, sweetie. And together, I guess we’re the Quintessential Quartet!

The Media: Wow! This’ll knock that story about Dick Cheny choking that kindergartener to death right off the headlines!

Raul: What?

The Media: Uh, nothing!

*The newly fixed bridge collapses into the water with everybody still on it*

TO BE CONCLUDED!

 

[shigsy2003]

Hi

LOL LOL LOL LOL

That was pure quality and officially the best one you have done. The Ioan section nearly killed me. I also loved Chilkis' comic quotes.

 

[Jennifer Walters]

Lmfao. The cosmic storm going ''Sup" killed me.