Fortune Cookies

[Manic]

So I cracked open a fortune cookie a few minutes ago, and it said "You are unaware of the effect you have on others." What the hell? That's not a fortune; that's an insight. Even worse, there have been times I've gotten cookies that give advice, like "save money" and "be kind to others."

They can do better than that. BS me, fortune cookie writers. Tell me I'm going to win the lottery. Tell me I'm going to make an important decision. Tell me I'm going to meet new people. Tell me the sun will come out tomorrow.

Does anyone else bother reading their fortune cookies? Accidentally ate the paper? Don't even like the taste of the cookies?

 

[knowsbleed]

Fortune cookies are a FRAUD...they're all made by these guys:

 

[Abaddon]

All men should try to learn before they die
what they are running from, and to, and why.

 

[Jspider13]

Fortune cookies are a FRAUD...they're all made by these guys:

lmao this clip was exactly what I was thinking about

 

[knowsbleed]

lmao this clip was exactly what I was thinking about

great minds and whatnot

[chineseaccent]Take a hike...coolbreeze[/HAH!]

 

[Manic]

Fortune cookies are a FRAUD...they're all made by these guys:

Oh, I know you didn't just bust out a Last Dragon clip. t:

 

[Lightning Strykez!]

Always add "In bed" to any fortune cookie message you read and watch the laughs roll. For example:

"You will experience great luck!"--in bed.

"You have the courage of a mountain lion"--in bed.


Or better yet...

""You are unaware of the effect you have on others"...in bed.

Haw!

 

[Silverstein]

...Fortune cookies. They taste like crap and can give you a cold if you ball them up and swallow the fortunes.

 

[AlteredEgo]

haha, funny there should be a thread on this. my brother just had a fortune cookie, he breaks it open and it says something like "Today is almost perfect." and he's like, "almost? why almost?" and then he accidently dropped his cookie in the trash can. eeerie.

 

[XFanTim]

Yeah, I'm a big believer that every fortune cookie should tell your future.

My favorite fortune-cookie fortune was the one that said "You will be hungry in an hour. Order takeout now."

 

[X-Chick]

Yeah, I'm a big believer that every fortune cookie should tell your future.

My favorite fortune-cookie fortune was the one that said "You will be hungry in an hour. Order takeout now."

Ha, that's awesome.

So, we ordered Chinese last night, like we do once a week or so. Instead of the typical two fortune cookies we get with our meals, we get four. So I was like okay, neat, I get two fortunes.

I open the first one: Something great will happen tomorrow. (Okay, typical fortune, no big deal.)
My husband's first one: Tomorrow you will meet an important person. (Kinda weak, but okay.)
My second: Soon you will cross paths with someone who will cause great change. (So now, I'm like what the hell? Did they all come out of the same batch or something.)
My husband's second: Change will bring you fortune.

So today my husband called me a couple hours ago and said he met the VP of his company who offered him a promotion with a rather nice raise.

Creepy.

 

[Kahoot]

No one has done the Simpsons joke

 

[terry78]

You know these things are created in a factory in Newark.

 

[redmarvel]

Always add "In bed" to any fortune cookie message you read and watch the laughs roll. For example:

"You will experience great luck!"--in bed.

"You have the courage of a mountain lion"--in bed.


Or better yet...

""You are unaware of the effect you have on others"...in bed.

Haw!

Blast, you beat me to it.

That said, I always read mine and I have noticed they don't often give you a fortune. Insight / Advice / Compliments seem to occur more often than an actual fortune.

"Beware the one armed man" - now that would be a fortune

 

[knowsbleed]

You know these things are created in a factory in Newark.

They are made by these guys.

Fortune cookies are a FRAUD...they're all made by these guys:

 

[XFanTim]

One time my friend got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it. He got all freaked out, saying this meant he was about to die. I told him to look on the bright side -- at least he gets to die "in bed".

 

[TNC9852002]

-TNC

 

[terry78]

Confucious say, never dip noodle in another man's sweet and sour bowl.

 

[SLVRSR4]

...Fortune cookies. They taste like crap and can give you a cold if you ball them up and swallow the fortunes.

Most things that aren't meant to be digested make you sick

 

[SapphirePrima]

I like the ones that have the hint of lemon.


I hate when they don't have my lucky numbers or learn chinesse with my fortune.

 

[Anguissette1979]

My step dad got a fortune once that said "You will be hungry again in one hour."

I'm not kidding. It's not even funny when you add "in bed" after it

 

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

My parents ate chinese food the other day. My sister & I ate the fortune cookies. My sister's said "It is a sunny day." It actually was. No lie.

My fortune said "From now on your kindness will lead to your success." That's the best fortune I've ever read. I'm keeping it.

 

[murdock_matt]

I once had a Penn and Teller book with a sheet of fake fortunes to cut out and place in other people's cookies.

I remember two of them were:

"The chef spit in your food"

and

"That lump is cancer."

Gotta love Penn and Teller.

 

[The Geek Vault]

I collect fortune cookies

 

[murdock_matt]

The cookies?
Or the fortunes?