I Wrote and am Directing a Batman Musical

[drillmaster]

Yes. It's true. I wrote a Batman Musical. I wrote the script for fun, but did not expect anyone to care. Then all my friends came to me and asked if we could actually do it. I couldnt say no. This break, hopefully, my pals who go to Berklee College of music will finish compsoing the music so we can record the soundtrack to it. Yes, there will be a soundtrack.

There are references to Batman cartoons and movies. In particular, look for a blatant Batman Beyond reference.

Without further adieu, my script to Batman the Musical:

Batman the Musical

SCENE ONE:

Curtain opens to a completely dark stage. A choir dressed in black enter. Half of them are stage left. The other stage right. Center stage should be empty. A black light hangs above Center Stage.

SONG: Origin of the Knight

Choir: In Gotham City on a dark Cold Night The Waynes saw a movie like any family might. But no one could foretell how that night went to hell.

Enter stage right to stage left THOMAS and MARTHA WAYNE. Thomas has a white rose on his jacket and Martha has incredibly white pearls. They are followed by BRUCE, a young boy. They walk toward Center stage. Coming stage right is JOE CHILL, a robber with a gun.

Choir: They walked down in an alley and encountered Joseph Chill. Demanding pearls and cash he went in for the kill.

The four people meet under the blacklight. A shot is heard. Martha and Thomas fall. Bruce lies at his fallen parents. Joe exits stage left.

Choir: Bruce Wayne was just a boy when his parents were shot, and to make it worse Chill was never caught.

Enter ALFRED PENNYWORTH stage right. He moves to center stage, with Bruce.

Choir: Left alone with Alfred, he made a solemn vow. He’ll bring them to justice and he will do it now. After years of training in the land, he is vengeance and the night for he is Batman!

Enter BATMAN.

Choir: He is Gotham’s darkest knight, the villains cower in fright turn on the signal light for Batman! They try to kill him slow, to Arkham they all go. Even Joker is too slow for Batman!

Fade to Black.

END PROLOGUE

SCENE 1

The setting is ARKHAM ASYLUM. It is the recreation area. There are Gotham City Police Officers on every corner of the stage. In center stage there are various costumed criminals.

Guard 1: Alright you whackos, you have one half hour in the recreation area. Use it wisely. Remember, if one of you crazies messes up here, all of you lose this privilege for a week. Now enjoy.

Poison Ivy: We shall Raymond. Who’s your partner?

Guard 2: I am Mitchell Barker.

Poison Ivy: New in town…

POISON IVY moves closer to Mitchell.

Poison Ivy: Why don’t I show you around? My cell is big enough for two.

Guard 1: Watch her Mitchell. She and the other crazies will kill you if you give them the chance.

Guard 2: I don’t know who all these guys are. I mean, everyone knows Joker and Two Face, but what about the guy with the dummy, or the question mark guy?

Poison Ivy: Who are we? Who are we? We are the inmates of Arkham Asylum!

SONG: The Residents of Arkham

Inmates: We are residents of Arkham, as crazy as we seem. Kill a guy, rob a bank, but we each have our own themes. We have a gimmick so you see that makes us stand in front the rest! When you see what I usually do you’ll know that I’m the best.

Poison Ivy: Look at you, so nice and lively, you been introduced to Poison Ivy. I control flora, that is plants, I can even control men using my sweet pheromones their minds do I bend.

Mr. Zazsz: See the restraints, you want to know why for I am Mr. Zazsz! See the scars that run from my feet to my hands? They each represent a victim that I killed, for deep inside me I know my mission was fulfilled.

Inmates: Their residents of Arkham, do you see what we all mean? We share no allegiance to a higher power’s team. Our gimmick lists are long and lasting continuing ever more, for every crazy in Arkham has become part of Folk Lore.

Two Face: Well I heard you’ve heard of me, but I’m not exactly what I seem. My mind’s in two, evenly split, it’s always been that way, so when you see me guns a blazing you best run away.

Scarface: Don’t you know who I am, Scarface and Ventriloquist of Arkham. He’s my dummy, I run the show for if you mess with Scarface you’ll have a death blow.

Riddler: Riddle me this, and riddle me that, who’s afraid of a big black bat. Riddle me high and riddle me low, guess how long my dance will go!

Riddler performs a tapdance number.

Inmates: We live in Arkham, but there is one we all avoid. He’ll turn the corner, kill you and say “Heavens to murgatroid!” Unpredictable, very crazy, and a cheat at even poker. We advise you to stay away from that maniac the Joker! Heed our warning very well, you poor cigarette smoker! If you had any sense at all, you’d stay away from Joker!

Guard 1: All right, very cute. Let’s move it along.

Guard 2: Hey wait, where is the Joker?

Guard 1: He is in the television room with his girlfriend. Don’t worry Mitch, he’s being guarded. There is no way he can do anything.

Poison Ivy: Are you sure about that honey?

Guard 1: For Gotham’s sake, I hope so.

END SCENE

SCENE 2

Scene: Television Room. A couch (or some chairs) is in the middle of the stage. Besides the various guards, there are two other occupants in the room. They are THE JOKER, a white skinned terror with green hair, red lips, and a giant grin, and HARLEY QUINN, a blonde haired woman who is completely smitten with the Joker.

Joker: Did you hear something outside Harley?

Harley: I think I heard them saying something about a toker or something Puddin!

Joker: Poor girl. Cant understand the lyrics for anything. No you idiot, it was an invitation!

Harley: An invitation?

Joker: Quite right Pooh! It was a challenge to outdo myself in the most spectacular way possible! But how?

Harley: The laughing fish bit?

Joker: Hello! The keyword was “outdo!” Something new! Original! Yes the Laughing Fish was fine back in the day, but that’s to be expected!

Harley: Well what are you gonna do Puddin?

Joker: THAT’S WHAt I’m THINKING OF YOU NITWIT! (Hits her) Wait…I got it! Oh this will be spectacular! HAHAHAHAHA!

Harley: What’s the plan Mistah J?

Joker: I think in order to keep up with Pammy’s little song outside I shall join in on my own little ditty. Hit it Maestro!

SONG: Light up the Town

Joker: How often do I, the Clown Prince of Crime think of a brilliant plan?

Harley: All the time my big man!

Joker: And how many times do they work my sweet?

Harley: Um..I can count them on the toes on my feet!

Joker: Well this one Pooh will blow them all away, so take a listen to what I have to say. It is time to Light up the town!

Harley: Light up the town?

Joker: Light up the town! Turn their frowns upside down.

Harley: But how will ya do it?

Joker: My laughing gas will do the job well, it’ll have them laughing straight to Hell! Then out from the night will come dear Batsy, try as he might he’ll never catch me. For I am the Clown Prince of Crime. Gotham City is mine!

Harley: But we gotta get out of the Nut house first Mista J!

Joker: Quite right! But don’t you worry Harley Quinn, I know exactly where to begin. For half these guards are my men, now take em out boys! This is the end for them!

The guards proceed to shoot each other, not knowing which guard worked for which.

Harley: Puddin, they are all dead!

Joker: Well I lied. None of them were my men. Let us go Light up the town!

Harley: Light up the Town!

Joker: My laughing gas will do the job well for sending Batman straight to hell! For you see I am the man, and now let us start my master plan!

The Joker looks around. He goes to the guard closest to him and takes a set of keys.

Joker: Well that was fun. Who’s up for Chinese?

The Joker and Harley exit stage right. As he leaves, the Joker laughs. The laugh continues even as the curtain is closed.

END SCENE

SCENE 3

The setting is Wayne Manor. The stage is full of various women. The two lone men are ALFRED PENNYWORTH AND BRUCE WAYNE.

Alfred: Having fun sir?

Bruce: Of course Alfred! You remember Rhonda right?

Girl 1: Ashley.

Bruce: Have another drink.

Alfred: Master Bruce, I haven’t seen you acting this way in such a long time. It brings joy to my heart.

Bruce: Thank you Alfred.

Girl 2: Hey Brucie…have a drink with me.

Girl 3: And me!

All Women: And me!

Bruce: Ladies, ladies please. Alfred, get me a keg, my personal Champagne bottle, and whatever else these women want!

All: Aw Brucie!

Bruce (To Alfred): Alfred, you have to help me get out of here!

Alfred: Sir, perhaps if you pretend to have fun you might actually enjoy yourself for once.

Bruce: Fine Alfred. Just get the Champagne bottle with the club soda in it.

Alfred: Of course Master Bruce. I know your distaste with Liquor.

Girl 4: Come on Bruce, let’s go skinny dipping in your pool!

All women rush off stage left. Bruce stares at the sight and sighs.

Bruce: Coming ladies.

Bruce follows the horde of women. Alfred exits stage right, chuckling to himself.

END SCENE

SCENE 4

The curtain opens to reveal the Jolly Jack Factory. There are numerous workers putting together Clown Dolls.

Man 1: So how’s your kid doing?

Man 2: So-so. Wife keeps nagging me to take him to go see the Gotham Knights.

Man 1: Take him. A baseball game is always good fun.

Man 2: But on this salary?

Man 1: Hey, it beats living on the street.

Man 2: True. At least nothing ever happens here.

Suddenly a door is heard opening. Enter from stage right HARLEY QUINN.

Harley: Hiya ladies and germs howya doing?

Man 1: Who’s the broad?

Man 2: Wait…isn’t she the…

Harley hits the man over the head with a rubber chicken. He falls to the ground.

Harley: Hey wise guy! Introductions are my shtick! Ahem. Introducing the Clown Prince of Crime, the Harlequin of hate! The one, the only JOKER!

The Joker enters from stage right.

Joker: Hello Jolly Jack Factory, it’s good to be here today! Wow what a crowd!

Harley: Knock em dead Puddin!

Joker: Why Harley, what a great idea! The crowbar please.

Joker is handed a crowbar from Harley. The Joker then proceeds to kill every person on stage, laughing while he does it. In the background, the instrumental of Light Up the Town plays. Soon the stage is full of corpses.

Joker: They loved me! They really loved me!

Harley: Good job Mista J!

Joker: But Harley…I noticed you struck a man before I entered.

Harley becomes visibly nervous.

Harley: Well…he was trying to…my shtick…

Joker: Your shtick? YOUR SHTICK! I’LL SHOW YOU A SHTICK!

Harley runs off stage yelling. The Joker runs after her. He exits the stage, but then comes back out.

Joker: Stay tuned kids, we have a lot more carnage planned for you. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Joker reexits stage left.

END SCENE

 

[drillmaster]

SCENE 5

The setting is the Batcave. A computer should be in the corner of the stage. Alone at the computer is BRUCE WAYNE.

Bruce: So he escaped again.

Entering upper stage left is ALFRED. He is carrying a sandwich.

Alfred: Who escaped sir?

Bruce: Joker and Harley Quinn. The security at Arkham is pathetic. The place is a revolving door for them!

Alfred: Sir, may I persuade you to calm down and eat? You haven’t slept in a week and your food intake is most unhealthy.

Bruce: Fine Alfred.

Alfred: So Master Bruce, how will you approach this new development.

Bruce: The same way I do every time one of them escape, I patrol the city until either I find them or they find me.

Alfred: Sir, if I may, the Bat Computer is blinking. Dare I assume that means Commissioner Gordon has lit the Bat Signal.

Bruce: So it seems Alfred. Let me suit up and head over to the Gotham Police Building.

Alfred: Um…sir?

Bruce: Yes?

Alfred: Your sandwich sir.

Bruce: (Sigh) If it wasn’t for you I’d die of starvation.

Alfred: I’d like to think that of myself from time to time Master Bruce.

Bruce exits stage right to get changed into the costume.

Alfred: Master Bruce is working himself to death. I do pray he returns home fine.

Song: Do Take Care

Alfred: The innocence was lost some time ago, the Master Bruce I knew then was lost although I still know he’s ready to get things done, sending his villains on the run, but I sigh.

Alfred sits down at the chair.

Alfred: Do take care Master Bruce hear my prayer. My doctoring skills cannot be here and there! Do not stress yourself too much, oh can you hear me now? I wish you were safe and sound. Night after night you take up your solemn vow. You strike terror in your foes, and then you show them how you deal with the scum on these Gotham streets but your track record is excellent so few major defeats. But even then you come back changed, cold, and self contained, you keep all of your pain pent up inside you brain. But I will be here for you, until I go and die, but until that day I shall remain and in the dark I’ll cry “Do take car Master Bruce hear my prayer! My medical skills cannot be here and there! Do not stress yourself too much, oh can you hear me now? I hope you are safe and sound.”

Alfred gets up and walks toward stage left.

Alfred: Do take Care.

Alfred exits stage left.

END SCENE

SCENE 6

Setting: The rooftop of GPD. There is a searchlight with a bat emblem on the light, THE BAT SIGNAL. On the roof are two men, HARVEY BULLOCK, an overweight detective, and COMMISSIONER GORDON, a man with white hair, glasses, a moustache, and a pipe.

SONG: Light the Sky

Gordon: Batsignal, I turn you on, shine through the night. In the darkness we need you to cast an important light. For we need help that he can help and we need him today. Please Batman come and save us all so we can fight another day. So Light the Sky, and shine it in the air! We’ll show the people of this city that we care! Light our darkest hour, and make him hear our call, for if Batman doesn’t answer then Gotham City shall surely fall.

Harvey: As much as I hate to say it, we need the help of the Bat. He’s stopped the clown, the old DA, and the girl dressed as a cat! So I stand with you Commissioner and here is where I’ll stay. Please Batman come and save us all so we can live another day.

Both: So Light the Sky! Shine it in the air! We’ll show the people of this city that we care! Light our darkest hour, and make him hear our call, for if Batman doesn’t answer then Gotham City shall surely fall!

Harvey crosses around the Batsignal and moves next to Commissioner Gordon.

Harvey: Commish, how long are we gonna stay and wait for him?

Gordon: As long as it takes Bullock, you know that.

Harvey: If I’d have known the Bat would be late, I would have brought a chocolate mousse or something.

Batman: Well you don’t need to wait anymore detective.

Gordon: Batman, thank god you are here. Can I assume you know about the Joker and Harley?

Batman: Indeed.

Harvey: Well Mr. Clown and Clownette are going on a rampage. They been out for what, Commish, four hours and they already killed ten people, not counting the guards.

Batman: With the Joker, never expect anything. He is unpredictable.

Harvey: Maybe we’ll get lucky and just have that Laughing Fish bit again.

Gordon: I don’t think luck and the Joker mix.

Batman: I’ll do my best to find him.

Suddenly, a young woman of Spanish heritage, RENEE MONTOYA, rushes toward the trio from stage left.

Gordon: Officer Montoya, what is the matter?

Montoya: Joker. He’s on TV!

Gordon: What! Let’s go!

The trio of men and Montoya run stage left.

END SCENE

SCENE 7

GCPD Gordon’s office. There is a desk and a television set. From off stage, THE JOKER makes a speech.

Joker (VA): Well Gothamites, that’s right, I’m BACK!

Harley (VA): Tell em Puddin!

Joker (VA): Quiet you! Tonight at the stroke of Midnight, if Batman, Gordon, and the one who looks like he’s eaten too much spam don’t show up at the Jolly Jack Candy Factory, I start to kill the little children of Gotham. How do I know where they live? Maybe I do, maybe I don’t! But Batsy, do you want to risk it? Toodles!

Gordon: The city will be in a panic. We have to leave immediately Batman.

Batman: You take your car, I’ll take mine. Let’s go!

All exit stage right

END SCENE

SCENE 8

Batman is alone on the stage.

Batman: Can I finally defeat my greatest foe? I have to. Who else would save this city if not Batman.

Song: It is Time

Batman: It is time to take action in my hands. I will have to stop the Joker’s plans! It is time I do what needed to be done, no more laughing while on the run. Joker you will feel my wrath before youstart another blood bath!

Alfred walks on stage. A light shines on him.

Alfred: Please take care Master Bruce, sir.

Batman: On my parent’s grave I swore.

Alfred: You must stop that laughing cur!

Batman: Gotham City is in war!

Alfred: I do hope you make it here.

Batman: I shall win it now!

Alfred: Hurry sir you’re in the clear!

Gordon and Harvey enter the stage now. A light is on each of them now as well.

Gordon: As I speed toward the plant.

Harvey: We have got to stop that clown!

Gordon: I wont let him win, I can’t!

Harvey: I’ll turn his frown upside down!

Gordon: Come on Bullock don’t just stare!

Harvey: I’ll be here Commissioner.

Both: Let us get right down there!

As this occurs, the Joker and Harley make their way on stage. Lights shine on them.

Joker: It is time to Light the Town up their time limit’s almost through soon dear Batsy and old Gordon will die when I do what I do.

Harley: Look at Mista J, isn’t he so grand, he makes the greatest evil plans! I hope he beats Ratman and the man, so we can spread their corpses across the land!

Gordon and Harvey: We are nearing the factory!

Batman: I am just pulling near the door!

Gordon: I think I see your machinery!

Batman: Yes the Batmobile of course!

The Trio: It is time to stop the clown!

At this point all are unison

Joker: So they seem to be right outside, I shall simply have my fun. When I light up this town they will have nowhere to run! *repeat*

Harley: Mista J! Is okay! He’s so sweet! And petite!

Batman: I made that madman! I will stop him again!

Alfred: Please be okay Master Bruce!

Gordon: We are ready Batman. It is time to stop his master plan.

All: It is time to see what everyone has to show. It is time…the time is prime…let it blow!

A sound of a door crashing is heard. The lights go off and the curtain closes.

END SCENE

SCENE 9

The Jolly Jack Factory. There is a clown statue in the corner and the JOKER smoking a pipe in a chair with his face on it.

Joker: Oh Batsy, Gordo welcome to my humble home! I had to kill the previous owners and workers, but it was worth every penny!

Batman, Gordon, and Harvey enter Stage Right.

Batman: This ends here Joker!

Joker: But don’t you want to know about my plan? How I plan to

*Music starts*

Joker: Light up the to…

In midsentence, Batman his Joker in the gut. Joker gasps for air.

Joker: Hey, that’s my theme song in this musical! You can’t do that!

Batman: Watch me.

Batman proceeds to beat Joker into a pulp.

Joker: Well just don’t stand there Harley, get the Rubber Chicken or something and help me!

Harley: Right away Puddin! Oh Fatso, meet Mista Cluck!

Harley swings the Rubber Chicken ar Bullock, which he manages to avoid.

Harvey: Crap, maybe I shouldn’t have eaten that mousse.

Harley: No fair! The rocks would have pulverized him! Come back here!

They run off stage.

Gordon: Batman, try to get the Joker into a position so I can cuff him.

Joker: *Cough* How’s your daughter Commissioner?

Batman punches him in the face. The Joker drops to the floor.

Joker: Can’t take a joke?

Meanwhile a female yell is heard off stage. Harvey enters with a cuffed Harley, as well as Montoya.

Gordon: Montoya, you followed us?

Montoya: I thought you would need backup Commissioner.

Joker: She crashed the party! No fair! This was an invitation only event!

Montoya: I didn’t think you would mind.

She kicks him in the face.

Joker: Uncle! Uncle! I’ll light the town up next time!

Gordon cuffs the Joker. He then hands the clown to Harvey and Montoya, who takes him and Harley off stage.

Gordon: We did it Batman. The Joker is on his way back to Arkham and all is at peace.

Batman: For now. Which one will be next though? Two Face, Poison Ivy, Hush?

Gordon: We’ll worry about that when it happens.

Batman disappears offstage.

Gordon: Batman? I hate it when he does that.

END SCENE

SCENE 10

We return to Arkham Asylum. The Joker is now in Hannibal Lecter restraints.

Poison Ivy: Well well well look who returned so fast.

Joker: I just can’t get enough of you Pammy.

Two Face: Heh, the Clown is now in a cage.

Joker: Hey Harv, can you get theses restraints off? It’s killing me!

Two Face: Sorry, have to flip the coin.

Joker: Well you have it there! FLIP IT!

Two Face: I don’t know what you are talking about.

Riddler: Nice one Harvey.

Joker: You two timing pest! HARLEY! HELP ME!

Poison Ivy: Harl, I don’t understand why you still fall head over heels for this creep.

Joker: HEY! That’s Mr. Creep to you!

Harley: Well Red, Joker is my Puddin, and I’ll always love him!

Poison Ivy: Uh huh. Tell me, how many times did he abuse you this time?

Harley: Uh…12!

Poison Ivy: *Sigh* You defiantly belong here Harley.

Song: Residents of Arkham reprise.

Poison Ivy: You belong here at Arkham, you’re loonier then a loon. Everytime he escapes you sing the Joker’s tune. Why don’t you forget about him, my precious Harley Quinn? Come ride with me and there you’ll see it’s a great way to begin.

Harley: While I like it at Arkham, but you have to hear me Red! The Joker is a great guy, especially in bed! Oh Mista J is really the best, he knows how to make me smile.

Riddler: Here’s a Riddle my dear who would he send to float down the river Nile?

Harley: Uh…Batman?

Poison Ivy: He’s talking about you Harl,

Riddler: Correct! JOYGASM!

Two Face: You’re back here at Arkham, you miserable clown. You thought you plan would really work to light up this town. Well guess what you miserable freak you will never do that as long as this city is still protected by bat.

Joker: I may be at Arkham, but all three of you are wrong. I will escape, kill the bat while singing my theme song! Watch out Gotham, I’ll be back you’ll simply have to wait! But can someone get me out of these damn restraints!

All: No!

Joker: Eh Party Poopers. Oh well…I’ll be back for the next performance! HahahahaHAHAHAHA!

Guard 1: That’s it, enough out of you.

The guard maces Joker.

Joker: OUCH! GAH! That’s not funny! AH!

The curtain closes with all the inmates laughing at Joker. After the curtain closes, the Joker sticks his head out of the curtain.

Joker: Don’t worry folks. I always have the last laugh! Ha ha!

Guard 1 (VA): Hey, get him back here!

Joker: Mommy!

The Joker is pulled back through the curtain.

END SCENE

EPILOGUE

Setting: The Batcave. Bruce enters stage left, his batsuit still on, except his mask.

Alfred: Sir, you have returned in one piece. Is that a good sign?

Bruce: If you mean did we stop the Joker, yes. But bringing him back to that Asylum is never a good sign. He’ll always be found not guilty by reason of insanity and he will escape once again.

Alfred: Sometimes Master Bruce, it is the smaller victories that mean the most. This is one of those smaller victories.

Bruce: Perhaps you are right Alfred.

Alfred: Now come one sir, I shall prepare us a nice snack before you decide to retire.

At that moment a sound is heard.

Bruce: It will have to wait Alfred. It seems there is more trouble.

Alfred: Then Batman needs to be there to stop it.

Bruce: Correct Alfred.

Song: Origin Reprise

Choir: He is Gotham’s Darkest Knight, the villains cower in fright when Gordon turns on the signal light for Batman! He is vengeance he’s a protector of the Gotham City sector. And he will do what he can…for he is BATMAN! BATMAN! BATMAN!

THE END

 

[:-}]

i approve i look forward to being invited to the youtube premier

 

[SmileOnMyFACE]

This is interesting and silly. In a good way. If it's done the right way.
Do this well. PLEASE.
I'd like to see a video of this sometime.

 

[SmileOnMyFACE]

*double post*

 

[The_Riddler?]

As fun as this may be, I'm afraid it will be met with much critisizm.

 

[HarleenQuinzel]

Well tiddlywinks. Someone beat me to it. I didn't think someone really was going to do it. I should've known better! Haha

 

[tomstoyz2]

This sounds like a great project. Please keep us informed. Oh yeah, and BREAK A LEG!

 

[drillmaster]

http://rapidshare.com/files/181243493/Opening_Theme.mp3.html

The Overture.

 

[drillmaster]

[YT]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgGhFVODc1M[/YT]

Here is the overture set to BB and TDK

 

[Shemtov]

it wont let me download the overture.

 

[Goldenkiwi2095]

I love the script and it's beautifully written and the dialogue is just perfect and this is just the sort of live musical theatre show that will have to get onto broadway and the west end because I would definitely consider a Batman musical that should be something I have ever dreamed of

 

[Breogan]

Shared in the - Superhero Musicals! thread