If Microsoft made cars

[Master Chief]

Haha, I ripped this from another forum, thought it was pretty kickass.

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At COMDEX recently, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. Oh yeah, and last but not least . . . you'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off!

 

[Noon]

OH! OH! I want a Macintosh car! go sunlight.....but it would never work where I live

 

[_JayR_]

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.

Lol that is so true. I would love to have a mac, but here i am using Windows..

 

[Kable24]

That's pretty funny.

 

[Grimm Reaper]

Hahahah, MC, I am such a genius.

 

[Super Flight]

there would be more accidents because drivers will be stearing and playing halo 3 at the same time

 

[patrickbateman]

 

[Uncanny Orb]

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
Heh.

 

[redmarvel]

I found some more that are slightly different:

11. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

12. Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.

13. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.

14. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be superb.

15. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

16. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

17. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

18. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

19. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.

20. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!

21. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!

22. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.

23. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganise the ignition for a few days before it worked.

24. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

Goodness, I HATE that.