Law and Order: Hype Victims Unit

[Swordmaster]

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinus. But, given the nature of the criminals featured here, that's highly irrelevant. When nerds go crazy...erm, crazier...the undedicated, lazy detectives who investigate these often hilarious crimes are part of a "special" group known as the Hype Victims Unit. These are their stories.

Cast

Swordmaster
DOG LIPS
Master Bruce
Flexo
DBella
J'Alba's Lover
Holly Goodhead
jaguuar
Jessica Alba

And lots of other people​

 

[DOG LIPS]

Ha ha ha. JAL and Jessica Alba in the cast. Uh-oh.

 

[Swordmaster]

Ha ha ha. JAL and Jessica Alba in the cast. Uh-oh.

Spoiler

More like Jessica Alba's Corpse

 

[Swordmaster]

Episode 1: Obsession

BUM BUM

Along the streets of Hype City, Snipershot, an escaped mental patient, was walking down the street.

Snipershot: i luv boobyz!!!!1!

Person walking past him: *runs away*

Snipershot:

The special person walked down the street when he found a dead female body.

Snipershot:...pretty...

He turned her over and when he saw her face he screamed.

Snipershot: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sniershot took out his cell phone.

Snipershot: I gotsta call the police. Now what was the number? 1-1-9? 1-9-1? 9-1-1? No, that's not it...
***
In the Hype City Police Department Building, three detectives, Swordmaster, DBella, and Flexo, sat around doing absolutely nothing. Until their Captain, DOG LIPS walked in on them.

DL: Attention, ladies!

DBella: Was that supposed to be an insult? Because, you know, I am a lady.

DL:...

DL: Well played, DBella. Anyway, apparently Mayor Dew said we have to actually ""work" to earn our pay.

Flexo: WHAT?!

Swordmaster: NO F***ING WAY!

DBella: Bulls**t!

DL: That's exactly what I said, not that it had an effect. All she said was we better start working our asses off or we're all getting fed to those damned penguins

ALL: ...

ALL:

DL: Anyway, we have a case. And I think it's a biggy. *sigh* They found the corpse of...JESSICA ALBA!

Swordmaster: *drinks coffee* *spit it in Flexo's face*

Flexo:

Swordmaster: The...the Alba...is dead?

DL: Yes, she is, unfortunately. You guys need to go to work.

Flexo: And what're you gonna do, you ****e monger?

DL:...I have to return some videotapes

ALL:

DBella: What about Master Bruce? Shouldn't he be helping us? Or is he too busy being a Videogame Online RPG ****e?

DL: It's probable. I'll call his cell, and I'll make sure he meets you there.

Swordmaster: I don't wanna know how you'll manage that.

DL:

 

[Batman]

Swordmaster: *drinks coffee* *spit it in Flexo's face*

Flexo:

Just like I do.

Good stuff so far.

 

[Flexo]

Just like I do.

Good stuff so far.

PS. And I just found out the secret of the sig.

 

[bored]

It says something good that Snipershot's first instinct was to call the police.

 

[skorponok]

Hmmm seeing as how I"ve been on the actual Law & Order...

 

[Spidey-Bat]

Looks very promising

 

[hippie_hunter]

It lacks one very important element: me

 

[Swordmaster]

It lacks one very important element: me

Judge hippie hunter does have a nice ring to it

 

[hippie_hunter]

Judge hippie hunter does have a nice ring to it

GUILTY!

I like the ring of that

 

[Mee]

So far so good.

 

[Asteroid-Man]

I'd love for you to include me

 

[Swordmaster]

Heh didn't realize this would be so populer (for me this is popular )

Be assred, if you are not included in Episode 1, you will surely have a spot in future episodes

 

[Asteroid-Man]

Hallelula halle hallrlluya HALLEUYA how do u spell that?

 

[Swordmaster]

Hallelula halle hallrlluya HALLEUYA how do u spell that?

Helljujah, I believe.

























I'm wrong, I know it

 

[Swordmaster]

The three detectives arrived at the crime scene. Surrounding the corpse were crime analysts, forensic analysts, and horny bastards.

Swordmaster: Okay, everyone who doesn't want to be here, leave now!

Within the next minute, everyone, including DBella and Flexo, left the scene, leaving Swordmaster alone.

Swordmaster: F**k, I knew I worded that wrong

Suddenly, dark and dramatic music played in the background.

Swordmaster: Ah hell.

He looked up to the roof and saw a detective standing triumphantly on the roof. The detective jumped off and promptly landed in a pile of garbage, before quickly rising.

Master Bruce: The Captain lit the MB signal. I came as fast as I could.

Swordmaster: *sigh* THERE IS NO MB SIGNAL! THE CAPTAIN CALLED YOUR ****ING CELL PHONE! ****!

MB:...

MB: You're mean

Swordmaster: Oh def. Now, the corpse of Jessica Alba has been found...

MB: Wait, she's DEAD!?

Swordmaster:...How'd you even become a detective?

MB: The details are too horrid for your young ears, Padawan.

Swordmaster:

Swordmaster: I'm two years older than you!

***

Dumb and Dumber went to interview Snipershot, who, though still in his straight-jacket, was looking at Maxim Magazine. When he saw MB and Swordmaster, he grinned and gestured at the magazine.

Snipershot: lookerz! boobeyzz!!!!111!

Without saying anything, Master Bruce took out his gun and blasted the Maxim to smithereens.

Snipershot:

Swordmaster:

Swordmaster: Now, Snipershot, we just want to ask you a few questions.

Snipershot: okey-day

MB: WHERE WERE THE OTHER DRUGS GOING!?

Snipershot: ...

Swordmaster: ...

MB: Sorry

MB: WHERE WERE YOU THE NIGHT OF FEBRUARY 13TH, 1901?!

Swordmaster: Dude, let me handle this: Now then, Snipershot, do you know how his happened?

Snipershot: boobeyzz!!!1

Master Bruce: Well, he knows nothing. Let's kill him.

Swordmaster: No no. He's a special person.

Master Bruce: You mean...

Swordmaster: That's right. He's a leprechaun.

Snipershot: teh golld!

Detectives: ...

DBella: Any luck?

Flexo: Donuts?

Swordmaster and MB stared at their counterparts speechlessly while Snipershot drooled over DBella.

Snipershot: boobz!

Flexo: Yes dumbass. Boobs. Breasts.

MB: Wow you're descriptive.

Snipershot: I think I may possibly know who killed Jessica Alba. If that lovely young detective shows me her breasts, I would be more than happy to oblige in telling you.

MB, Flexo, and Swordmaster: He speaks! And his idea's genius!

DBella: *lifts up shirt*

Males: *faint*

 

[Batman]

...That ending rocks.

Great chapter once again.

Master Bruce: The Captain lit the MB signal. I came as fast as I could.

Swordmaster: *sigh* THERE IS NO MB SIGNAL! THE CAPTAIN CALLED YOUR ****ING CELL PHONE! ****!

LIES!!!

 

[DOG LIPS]

DBella: *lifts up shirt*

Sorry, this is all I read. :heart: Was the rest any good?

 

[enterthemadness]

This new chapter was funny. Keep up the funny good work, man.

 

[DBella]

DBella: *lifts up shirt*

Males: *faint*

The things I have to do around here to get some answers. *sigh*

Spoiler

But anyway, wonderful work, Dante! It made me laugh so I enjoy it very much. Also, I have always dreamed of becoming a detective and I used to love this show... so thank you for including me in this fan fic of yours. When will you put up the next chapter?

 

[bored]

Why am I never written into scenes like that?

 

[Swordmaster]

The things I have to do around here to get some answers. *sigh*

Spoiler

But anyway, wonderful work, Dante! It made me laugh so I enjoy it very much. Also, I have always dreamed of becoming a detective and I used to love this show... so thank you for including me in this fan fic of yours. When will you put up the next chapter?

Well, I meant to put it up on Friday...but then my COmp busted its balls, so I had to fix it. It'll be up...as soon as Writer's Block goes Bye Bye

 

[DBella]

Well, I meant to put it up on Friday...but then my COmp busted its balls, so I had to fix it. It'll be up...as soon as Writer's Block goes Bye Bye

Writer's block sucks. I hope you'll get to post the next chapter soon. I look forward to it.