Post Here to Find Out Your Totem! - Version 2.0

[chaseter]

Well, things in your life may have changed, you need a new totem. So, I sent off for a Shaman do it yourself kit and it just got in today! This is the new thread to find out what your totem is. Just post in here that you want your totem and I will take some peyote and fire water, go into a hot tent with Steve, and find out what your totem is. Or, your knives from a year ago may be dull and you need new ones Jag isn't coming back so I feel obligated to carry on his legacy.

A totem is a symbol of that which you are most tied directly to in the natural world. It's characteristics, strengths and weaknesses define you and the totem itself serves as a natural guardian for you. Totems can be animals, plants, or other natural object. Many, many moons ago, A Sioux Shaman saw the jaguar within me and connected our consciousness together. When he did this, he also bequeathed me with the great powah to see other people's totems. Now, I bring this great powah to you, the masses. For the low, low price of your soul after you die, I will tell you what your totem is and what that means. I will do this only for as long as it entertains me, so hurry and act now! The first ten callers will also receive a pair of Ginshoe knives. They're the knives that you can wear like a shoe!

*Disclaimer: Anyone injured, maimed, killed or otherwise offended by any content in this post or any subsequent posts by this author should seek counseling on their own dime or just blend in with the dirt. These posts may cause vertigo, delerium, headaches, stretch marks, gender confusion, crows feet, back acne, elevated blood pressure and/or trichotillomania. Warning: do NOT taunt this post. If it begins to glow, vibrate and shake, run away. The author is not responsible for any injuries or traumas sustained by the reader while reading this post.

jag

This is Steve, he will be assisting me in determining your totem.

 

[Majic Walrus]

I'm pretty sure I know what mine is... but can you check to make sure?

 

[chaseter]

You may be surprised. Give Steve and myself a few minutes.

 

[SuBe]

Do they make a FairTax Turtle? I'm probably one of those.

 

[Shemtov]

Do Me!

 

[chaseter]

Just post "I want a totem" so I know you are open to the idea which will give Steve and me the ability to see your aura with hallucinogens.

 

[Shemtov]

I want a totem.

 

[Majic Walrus]

I want a totem!

Chase wants an excuse to trip on acid I think.

 

[Watson]

Do me!!!



...I mean, I want a totem

 

[Matt Murdock]

Totemize me, cap'n.

 

[AndThePickles]

Ooo, ooo, I want a totem!

 

[chaseter]

Do me!!!



...I mean, I want a totem

Too late, meet me and Steve in the back of the McDonalds by the dumpster

 

[AlteredEgo]

Better get in on this early. I want a totem!

 

[Zaron]

I'm game.

 

[Jennifer Walters]

I'm in it for my totem. I better be a beaver or some ****. Wait...is that what a totem is?

 

[Venom 1988]

Ooooo me! I want a totem

 

[chaseter]

I'm pretty sure I know what mine is... but can you check to make sure?

Steve and myself have talked to the spirit gods. You are a:

Walrus

You are the loveable Walrus. You are very akward and slow moving but very graceful in the water. You like physical contact to heat up those cold nights. You have street smarts and you love to hear jokes but when you laugh, you are very loud. You have thick skin and a little extra padding in the belly so that you don't freeze in the winter. You like to keep your finger and toe nails longer to easily grasp things, but that is gross. Some say you may look like Dr. Phil??? The walrus has a huge wiener according to 50 First Dates...be proud Your enemy is the polar bear.

 

[chaseter]

Do they make a FairTax Turtle? I'm probably one of those.

Steve and I have done some more peyote and drank some stolen whiskey. We have consulted the gods once again. You SuBe are:

Bald Eagle

You are the magnificent bald eagle. You don't have much hair, hence the predecessor, bald. You are clean shaven and presentable. You are a sacred messenger of many things. You have a powerful presence where ever you go and you let people know that you are there. You are patient but you are quick to defend yourself with sharp claws. You don't have a fear of flying, you have good eyesight, and you like to do things on your own. You poop a lot and it is messy and smelly...too much protein. You also probably need to cut your fingernails. Your enemy is the rattlesnake.

 

[SuperFerret]

I know what totem suits me best, but I'll bite. Give me a totem.

 

[chaseter]

You better stay away from SuBe. You would be a nice treat for him.

 

[TEDDY]

TEDDY demands TOTEM!!!

 

[SuperFerret]

You better stay away from SuBe. You would be a nice treat for him.

Bald eagles primarily eat fish, so I have nothing to fear.

 

[chaseter]

Do Me!

I am totally wasted Steve will do this one.

Mneck chack lop dwo...

Okay, maybe I will do this one too.

Thor Odinson, you are the:

Erect Crested Penguin

You are unusual and unique. You also like the water and you like colder weather. You exude an air of properness and good manners. You are very faithful to your family, friends, and loved ones. You are social but don't mind doing things alone. You dress nice and you can rock a tuxedo. You have a funny hairdo and bushy eyebrows. You also like to eat fish and vomit it up to offer it to other people. That is seriously gross dude. The erect in your name can mean many things, you will have to ask Steve about that. Your enemy is the killer whale.

 

[Prison Mike]

I want a totem

 

[Specter313]

Sign me up.