Pregnency Question

[Kyalesyin]

Damn.. not sure if congrats are in order or not. Whatever happens to the baby though, really its her choice first and foremost. It might not stay. A vast number of pregnancies miscarry naturally before three months. I know that for a fact. Thats why you never formally announce it before then.

Whatever happens, don't make a choice you'll regret because it seems like what you should do. Make a choice that feels right to you.

 

[Son Of Logan]

Whatever happens to the baby though, really its her choice first and foremost.

Why do people always say this? If a woman has more right to make the decision than the man then how is it we can be held responsible for child support? The man has just as much right and just as much say to something that is his flesh too!

 

[Dew k. Mosi]

don't know what we are going to do.... right now, I just graduated college, and am working at a entry level, so i don't make decent money yet.... I'm 23, and honestly, I'm not mature enough to handle raising a child.

Then, you weren't mature enough to have unprotected sex, even with her taking the pill (which I assume atthe time you thought she was taking it properly.) Sex is great. It feels good and it's fun to do when done right. But it is not without risks, and if you aren't prepared for the consequences then the risks are too great. You will have to do what needs to be done. Your life is no longer your own. It belongs to that child and you will have to do what it takes to make it right. If that means a second job, if that means you can't spend your money on beer and comic books, if that means getting married, if that means being a grown up, you BOTH have to do it, end of story.

 

[Crazy Venom]

Then, you weren't mature enough to have unprotected sex, even with her taking the pill (which I assume atthe time you thought she was taking it properly.) Sex is great. It feels good and it's fun to do when done right. But it is not without risks, and if you aren't prepared for the consequences then the risks are too great. You will have to do what needs to be done. Your life is no longer your own. It belongs to that child and you will have to do what it takes to make it right. If that means a second job, if that means you can't spend your money on beer and comic books, if that means getting married, if that means being a grown up, you BOTH have to do it, end of story.

That's really easier said then done.... we are engaged, and have been for the past 3 months, and we have lived together for more then a year...

If it was soley up to me, and I know it's not, I would have her have an abortion, I have beer pro-life my whole life, except for extreme circumstances; life threatening, rape, incest. But like I said, I can not support a child right now, I'm paying back around 40grand worth of student loans, paying rent, car payment, insurance, all that good stuff, and I'm sure plenty of you know what that's like. It sounds selfish, and maybe in a way it is, but I don't want to be making the choice of paying the electric bill or buying diapers.... she is unsure right now what she want's to do, and I can understand, it's her body, her life.... abortion can cause serious mental problems as well as serious bodily harm.... what if she has it and is unable to get pregnent again because of it? what if she suffers from serious post partem depression?.... that's why, I told her we need to first sit down and discuss everything.... there are so many issues to take into account...

if we decide to have it... money issues? daycare? family, since her's is deeply religious? if we decide to go the abortion route, all the issues I stated above plus more I probably haven't even thought of...

it's just hard, right now I don't even know who I am... and whoever said it was right, my life will be his, and vice-versa...... so much to think about,

 

[Kyalesyin]

Why do people always say this? If a woman has more right to make the decision than the man then how is it we can be held responsible for child support? The man has just as much right and just as much say to something that is his flesh too!

Because she's the one that has to carry it and she's the one that has to squeeze it out. I'm not saying men should be absolved of the responsibility but the mother is the one getting put through the emotional wringer on a much deeper level. The father can say 'go on, keep it' but he isn't the one putting up with being pregnant, giving birth and all the stuff that goes along with it. At the end of the day, its her body.

 

[Crazy Venom]

by the way, my name is an Alias, I'm not a n00b... I think my other SN is at over 6,000 posts..... FYI... just trying to show this is not a joke....

 

[Kyalesyin]

So, why use the alias?

 

[Crazy Venom]

So, why use the alias?

just seemed like a good idea at the time, in retrospect, it didn't matter because everyone's name is an alias on here, it's not like anyone here know's me personaly.... but whatever... not really the point anymore

 

[Kyalesyin]

just seemed like a good idea at the time, in retrospect, it didn't matter because everyone's name is an alias on here, it's not like anyone here know's me personaly.... but whatever... not really the point anymore

So, effectively you didn't want this hampering the way the regular posters look at 'you' under your other alias? Lame.

 

[Crazy Venom]

So, effectively you didn't want this hampering the way the regular posters look at 'you' under your other alias? Lame.

agreed... but, if i did use my other SN, people would have thought I was joking.... but anyways, back to topic....

has anyone ever heard of mifepristone.....? Like I said, we are unsure of what we will do, I just want every option layed out in front of us.... I looked up stuff on this drug, and really didn't find anything of use... not going to go by what wikipedia says

 

[Kyalesyin]

agreed... but, if i did use my other SN, people would have thought I was joking.... but anyways, back to topic....

I think I can repeat that lame...

Back on topic- made any life-changing decisions yet?

 

[Crazy Venom]

I think I can repeat that lame...

Back on topic- made any life-changing decisions yet?

no, my mother (OBGYN) and my fiance went out for dinner tonight to discuss the hole situation......

 

[Gotendbz-2]

 

[Kyalesyin]

no, my mother (OBGYN) and my fiance went out for dinner tonight to discuss the hole situation......

And you aren't with them why?

 

[Crazy Venom]

And you aren't with them why?

lets just say i broke the news to my mom this morning, and she isn't too thrilled to say the least.... she said she wants to talk to Katie alone... and the truth is, I rather have them do it.. she can become some submissive around me, and not be as vocal with her feelings (trust me, something we are working on), so I rather let her discuss it alone, female to female, plus, there is no one better to talk to then my mom, since she is knowlegable in the field....

 

[Angry Sentinel]

let's be honest... it's not the JUST the financial burden that you are not ready for. A child means, your life is not your own anymore. Which in reality it was always that way, but for some reason a child helps us to understand that like nothing else can. So what you really don't want is the responsibility. I won't try to tell you what to do, but you are going to have to be REALLY, BRUTALLY, HONEST with yourself and then that young woman about how you see yourself measuring up. THIS WILL NOT BE EASY, but if you do it right things will eventually be good again.

 

[Kyalesyin]

lets just say i broke the news to my mom this morning, and she isn't too thrilled to say the least.... she said she wants to talk to Katie alone... and the truth is, I rather have them do it.. she can become some submissive around me, and not be as vocal with her feelings (trust me, something we are working on), so I rather let her discuss it alone, female to female, plus, there is no one better to talk to then my mom, since she is knowlegable in the field....

Fair enough. I must admit I wouldn't subject anyone to my mother if she was in the wrong mood. Hope it goes well, to be honest. This isn't a nice situation to be in. I had a similar situation when I was fifteen.

 

[Scarlett]

I'm on the shot, and it works great.

 

[Kyalesyin]

I wish it did the same for me. Gave me morning sickness.

 

[triplefive]

good luck with whatever you end up doing, JN!

 

[triplefive]

I wish it did the same for me. Gave me morning sickness.

i hope you don't mind my asking, but why do you need birth control anyway?

 

[Kyalesyin]

i hope you don't mind my asking, but why do you need birth control anyway?

I wasn't born married you know.

Actually, its because I was in competitive martial arts. Periods on competition day? Not good when you're wearing white. Worked fine for stopping them. Gave me morning sickness instead. I know which I prefer.

 

[Crazy Venom]

let's be honest... it's not the JUST the financial burden that you are not ready for. A child means, your life is not your own anymore. Which in reality it was always that way, but for some reason a child helps us to understand that like nothing else can. So what you really don't want is the responsibility. I won't try to tell you what to do, but you are going to have to be REALLY, BRUTALLY, HONEST with yourself and then that young woman about how you see yourself measuring up. THIS WILL NOT BE EASY, but if you do it right things will eventually be good again.

that's the issue.... I am not responsible enough right now, and I thik it would be iresponsible for me to raise someone right now... in a few years maybe, but right now I am not ready... how can someone, who has no idea who they are, raise someone correctly.... and that's just me... my fiance, couldn't even remember to take her BC.... how is she going to be able to get the child up, dress him, get him to wherever, then get to work, she can't, she has trouble right now, she's your typical 21 year old girl.... right now in her life, I couldn't trust her taking care of the baby while I'm away... I start work at 6am ussualy, and work till 6pm or later....

and yes, budget is an issue... the world revolved around money sadly..... if I can't afford food one week, WTF... I can live off a Raman Noodles, but a baby can't... what about daycare, my parents are in there mid 40s and both work over 60 hours a week, so they can't take care of them, plus, they have a five year old........ who is taken care of by my grandparents while they work... two 80 year olds can't handle a baby, so what should I do, pay for sub par child care, and wait for the call that they left my child in the van on a summer day.... it's not feasable right now.... I may seem selfish, but I see myself as being realalistic....

adobtion will never fly with her.....

 

[triplefive]

I wasn't born married you know.

Actually, its because I was in competitive martial arts. Periods on competition day? Not good when you're wearing white. Worked fine for stopping them. Gave me morning sickness instead. I know which I prefer.

ah.. how many kinds of pills have you tried? i went through 3 before i found one that worked for me.

 

[Kyalesyin]

ah.. how many kinds of pills have you tried? i went through 3 before i found one that worked for me.

Five or six. Nice for control and good for skirting periods around key training sessions and competiton matches but all gave me morning sickness and with three of them my body was overring the pill and back on my regular cycle after four months. I always ended up overriding the pill and I'd be on in the high hormone week and not get anything during the off week, all that ****.