Z
zaninio
Guest
Lots of questions on various sites about the timing of the birth of Superman’s Kid. The way I see it, the key triggering event is the scientists’ discovery of the remnants of Kryton. I think if we mix a little of our own life experiences, Sex & the City, and a dash of Three’s Company, there’s a very plausible sequence of events regarding the conception of Superbaby. Bear with me people… Here’s how I see it all happening. (remember there is mass agreement to pretend that Superman 3 and 4 never took place.)
Last we saw Superman, he had defeated General Zod and erased Lois’s memory about their first and only sexual tryst. Now that life has returned somewhat to normal, Clark and Lois go about their business as usual at the Daily Planet. Until the day that NASA issues a press release stating that their scientists have found what they believe are the remnants of the planet Krypton. Now that news item is of minor interest to the general public as they already know by now from Lois’s previous interviews with Superman that the planet was destroyed ages ago. Big deal, so NASA scientists find another dead rock out in space. (Really how interested were YOU when scientists recently announced there might be a 10th planet in our solar system). Clark, of course, is rocked to the core by the news. He assumed that Kryton was completely vaporized. He knows he has to see it for himself and cling to the remote hope that perhaps there are some survivors or at least some artifacts left of his home planet. Add to that, the enormous guilt and shame he feels for having let down Jor-el when he insisted on giving up his powers so that he could cuddle the rest of his life with Lois Lane instead of serving mankind in Superman 2.
So Clark Kent immediately gives notice to Perry White that he’s taking some time off to go backpacking with llamas. He leaves the Daily Planet. He flies off to see his mother in Smallville to tell her he’s going. She’s heartbroken but understands. She packs him a PBJ and gives him a long hug. He then flies off to his Fortress of Solitude to make himself a little crystal spaceship. He knows this is a dangerous mission. His spaceship isn’t the souped up “Cadillac Krypton-ade” Jor-el made for him when he was a baby. Remember many of his special crystals were destroyed in Superman 2 when he first relinquished his powers. So he manages to piece together a decent “Toyota Krypt-ius”. But looking at it, Superman knows he stands a very real chance of dying in outer space. As he’s about to step into his little Krypt-ius, he thinks about Lois, the love of his life. He’ll be gone a long time, if he even makes it back alive. I have to see her one last time. I have to say goodbye, he thinks. He flies to Metropolis.
He takes Lois out for one last moonlit ride around Metropolis. When the ride’s over, Superman looks down at Lois and can’t summon the courage to say goodbye. His own heart is breaking. He kisses her. Now Superman remembers everything about their first sexual tryst. Like the soldier who’s going off to war, or the man who knows he’s dying, Superman figures what the hell. He has to be with Lois one last time. Lois is, of course, more than happy to give into Superman’s seduction. She’s been in love with him since the moment they met. Though Lois and Clark are both smart reporters and very responsible, neither one think much about using a condom. Afterall, Superman is an alien. They both believe it would be biologically impossible for Lois to get pregnant by him. So the deed is done. Superman holds Lois until she falls asleep. When she does, he quietly slips back into his cape and leotard. He contemplates waking Lois to tell her he’s going but then he can’t get the words out. His eyes well up with tears, he instead gives her one last light kiss on her sleeping lips, whispers Goodbye and flies off.
(Now for those of you who are screaming, “no no. Superman is way too honorable to boink Lois and then sneak off in the middle of the night like a cheap one night stand. To this I say, Superman may be nearly physically invincible but he has all the emotional frailties of a human. Jor-el berates his son for this act of selfishness in S2. He was ready to let mankind suffer just so he alone could be happy as a mortal with Lois. He’s been chastised for “showing off” by his dad, Pa Kent, as a teenager (Superman 1), he shows jealousy when he spies and eavesdrops on Lois’s family in SR, and his courage fails him every time he’s about to tell Lois he’s Superman. He’s a downright coward when it comes to opening up to Lois. Why wouldn’t lust be one of Superman’s faults as well? Now, you may argue, c’mon! Superman had to be turned into a mortal before he could boink Lois. To that I say, not really. Superman had to be mortal if he had any hope of ever making a real life with Lois. But just straight-up boinking – that could happen even in his all powerful Superman form. Remember, in Superman 1, they show Kalel stark naked, penis and all, as a child when Ma & Pa Kent find him in the field.)
Superman goes back to his fortress changes into that weird grey travel leotard and takes off in his Krypt-ius. As daylight breaks in Lois’s bedroom, she opens her eyes and quickly looks around the room. Superman’s gone. She lays back down with a satisfied smile on her face. She figures Superman probably had to go save someone and took off in the middle of the night. She goes to work in an especially good mood and is positively beaming at Perry White and Jimmy Olson. After work, she hurries home and gets dolled up thinking, surely Superman will be paying her another visit tonight. Afterall they had taken a major step in their relationship. She waits all night. He never shows.
The next day Lois is a bit more on edge. Maybe Superman is busy. There are disasters in other parts of the world she muses. Again she waits at night for the sound of his flapping cape. Nothing. By Day 4, Lois is pissed! (C’mon people, how many days do you wait after a one-night stand before you think, “Damn! This guy’s just not gonna call!) She’s starting to think that perhaps Superman was one of those creeps who are only in it for the chase and loses interest after he gets the woman to bed. Or worse, she was such a lousy lay, Superman decided to just go into hiding. She’s constantly watching the news looking for anything about Superman. Then, there’s a breaking story about a school bus that has broken through the median and is dangling off a bridge. Everyone is shouting where’s Superman? The newscasters on TV are beseeching Superman to save this school bus filled with the cutest little kids you ever saw…and a puppy. A minute later, Lois and the rest of Metropolis watch in stunned horror as the bus plunges 300 feet into the icy waters of the Metropolis river below. No Superman. Nothing. The news cycles then turn the story into “Where’s Superman?!” Everyone knows that there’s no way in the world Superman would let a busload of children just die like that. Lois and the rest of the world begin to wonder if maybe Superman’s dead.
Two weeks later, Lois is morosely looking off into space at her desk at the Daily Planet. All of a sudden she peers a little closer at the calendar in her line of vision. She frantically looks at her daily planner and sees the red circle in her book from the prior week. She’s never been late before. (This is how we know she didn’t get pregnant from that forgotten sex romp in Superman 2). She starts shaking and quickly grabs her purse and runs out the door, past a befuddled Jimmy Olson. Lois goes to three different drugstores and then straight home.
Lois stares at the EPT stick. Blue? What? She can’t believe what she’s seeing. The two lines come up. Must be a mistake. She pulls out the 2nd test. Different brand. Same result. She pulls out the third box. Same thing. She’s dumbfounded. The only person she’s had sex with this whole year was Superman. That night she goes onto the rooftop and stares out into the city. She whispers, “If you can hear me, please come to me. I need you. Please come. I don’t know what to do!” Superman never comes.
The next morning, Lois is at work. She is on the phone. As the receptionist on the other line says, “Planned Parenthood, can I help you?” Lois pauses and then hangs up the phone. She thinks about the implications of carrying Superman’s baby. She watches CNN on the TV set as newscasters report on disasters and tragedies happening all over the world with no sign of Superman. An anchorman comments, “If Superman is dead, that is the end of a very mysterious civilization.” Lois Lane is immediately impacted by that line. She realizes she might very well be carrying the last survivor of Krypton. And if you know you might be carrying the future Savior of mankind or Michael Jordan’s baby, you don’t abort it. Any way you look at it – as a biological fluke, a miracle, or an interesting sidestep on the evolutionary ladder - who knows if it could ever happen again? (Much like the Miranda-one-ovary, Steve-one-ball conception in Sex & the City) And I’m sure the reporter in her is dying with curiosity about what kind of baby this will be. She decides she has to keep the baby.
Now comes the practical question. She’s going to be a single mom with a demanding career. Plus, Lois Lane realizes that she must keep secret who the baby’s father is. She has witnessed first hand the maniacs in the world that wanted to destroy Superman ie. Lex Luthor, General Zod. She knows if anyone ever knew she was carrying Superman’s baby, her life and the life of her child would always be in danger. She also realizes, that everyone knows Lois Lane has had a massive crush on Superman for years and had not been in any romantic relationship for awhile. Plus, how bad would it be for her career to suddenly be knocked up out of wedlock or even a monogamous relationship? No, Lois Lane decides, she needs a “beard” and fast. She looks around the office. Jimmy Olson? No, way – too much like a little brother. Perry White? Too old and he’d never engage in an affair with a reporter. Her eyes briefly flit over Clark Kent’s empty desk. A very good candidate but he’s on leave of absence. Then she sees Richard White. She’s run into him before in professional circles. Strong, trusting, steady and a decent guy. A real gentleman. Richard has made it no secret that he wanted to date Lois in the past but she always demurred because of her strong feelings for Superman. He had recently started here at the Daily Planet. Lois walks into Richard’s office and asks him to dinner. He’s a bit startled but quickly accepts. Richard thinks that perhaps now that Superman is gone Lois is finally willing to give him a chance and is ecstatic. They have dinner a couple of more times that week. And then to Richard’s shock and joy, Lois “succumbs” to his advances. Two weeks later -Ta-Da! She tells Richard she’s late. Richard, being the ultimate decent guy, doesn’t jilt her. Instead, he immediately asks her to marry him to which Lois agrees. Yet, she still pines for Superman and holds out the faintest hope that he’ll reappear so she keeps putting off the wedding, even after the baby is born...6 weeks early of course!
Meanwhile, Superman hurtles through space. Lands on Krypton. Sees for himself that it’s nothing but a barren asteroid now. He makes a little rock shrine and places the teddy bear with the white placard he made back on earth that says “Always in my heart, Love Kal-el.” He tries to light a candle but there’s no oxygen. He sighs and gets back into his Krypt-ius for the 2.5 year journey back to earth.
When Superman returns to earth, 5 years have passed. The year before Lois pens her Pulitzer-prize winning article, “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman.” Like any women who is abandoned by the love of her life (with a baby no less!) she harbors conflicting emotions toward Superman. She’s been silently pining for Superman all those years and also bitter about having been abandoned by him so abruptly. As most women’s reaction when jilted with a baby, girlfriend’s reaction would be to hell with him, we don’t need him, right ladies? Thus the bitter article. Clark reappears at the Daily Planet and is angry when he discovers that Lois is now a mommy to a 5-year old boy. Now Clark assumes that with his alien DNA, he would be incapable of impregnating Lois Lane. So Clark assumes Richard is the child’s father. Clark does the math and figures, “Well she got over Superman pretty quick and allowed herself to get knocked up by Richard fairly soon after her tryst with Superman.” In his anger and jealousy, Clark breaks the picture and spies on Lois and Richard. (Clark’s reaction toward the boy when he first meets him at the Daily Planet, speaks volumes that Clark doesn’t even entertain the possibility that Jason is his son. In SR, he does not look at Jason in any long hard way and instead Clark only shows disappointment that Lois has never talked about Clark during his absence. Even when he spies on Lois at her house, he’s not watching the kid, he’s watching Lois and Richard. Surely, if Superman thought the boy was his, he’d be staring at the kid the whole time.)
It isn’t until Superman is in the hospital and Lois Lane whispers the truth to him that all is revealed. Thus, the father-son bedroom speech at the end of SR. Now even Superman knows given all the enemies he has, that to protect his son, he and Lois will have to keep the boy’s paternity a secret…and they must continue to use poor Richard as the beard.
Last we saw Superman, he had defeated General Zod and erased Lois’s memory about their first and only sexual tryst. Now that life has returned somewhat to normal, Clark and Lois go about their business as usual at the Daily Planet. Until the day that NASA issues a press release stating that their scientists have found what they believe are the remnants of the planet Krypton. Now that news item is of minor interest to the general public as they already know by now from Lois’s previous interviews with Superman that the planet was destroyed ages ago. Big deal, so NASA scientists find another dead rock out in space. (Really how interested were YOU when scientists recently announced there might be a 10th planet in our solar system). Clark, of course, is rocked to the core by the news. He assumed that Kryton was completely vaporized. He knows he has to see it for himself and cling to the remote hope that perhaps there are some survivors or at least some artifacts left of his home planet. Add to that, the enormous guilt and shame he feels for having let down Jor-el when he insisted on giving up his powers so that he could cuddle the rest of his life with Lois Lane instead of serving mankind in Superman 2.
So Clark Kent immediately gives notice to Perry White that he’s taking some time off to go backpacking with llamas. He leaves the Daily Planet. He flies off to see his mother in Smallville to tell her he’s going. She’s heartbroken but understands. She packs him a PBJ and gives him a long hug. He then flies off to his Fortress of Solitude to make himself a little crystal spaceship. He knows this is a dangerous mission. His spaceship isn’t the souped up “Cadillac Krypton-ade” Jor-el made for him when he was a baby. Remember many of his special crystals were destroyed in Superman 2 when he first relinquished his powers. So he manages to piece together a decent “Toyota Krypt-ius”. But looking at it, Superman knows he stands a very real chance of dying in outer space. As he’s about to step into his little Krypt-ius, he thinks about Lois, the love of his life. He’ll be gone a long time, if he even makes it back alive. I have to see her one last time. I have to say goodbye, he thinks. He flies to Metropolis.
He takes Lois out for one last moonlit ride around Metropolis. When the ride’s over, Superman looks down at Lois and can’t summon the courage to say goodbye. His own heart is breaking. He kisses her. Now Superman remembers everything about their first sexual tryst. Like the soldier who’s going off to war, or the man who knows he’s dying, Superman figures what the hell. He has to be with Lois one last time. Lois is, of course, more than happy to give into Superman’s seduction. She’s been in love with him since the moment they met. Though Lois and Clark are both smart reporters and very responsible, neither one think much about using a condom. Afterall, Superman is an alien. They both believe it would be biologically impossible for Lois to get pregnant by him. So the deed is done. Superman holds Lois until she falls asleep. When she does, he quietly slips back into his cape and leotard. He contemplates waking Lois to tell her he’s going but then he can’t get the words out. His eyes well up with tears, he instead gives her one last light kiss on her sleeping lips, whispers Goodbye and flies off.
(Now for those of you who are screaming, “no no. Superman is way too honorable to boink Lois and then sneak off in the middle of the night like a cheap one night stand. To this I say, Superman may be nearly physically invincible but he has all the emotional frailties of a human. Jor-el berates his son for this act of selfishness in S2. He was ready to let mankind suffer just so he alone could be happy as a mortal with Lois. He’s been chastised for “showing off” by his dad, Pa Kent, as a teenager (Superman 1), he shows jealousy when he spies and eavesdrops on Lois’s family in SR, and his courage fails him every time he’s about to tell Lois he’s Superman. He’s a downright coward when it comes to opening up to Lois. Why wouldn’t lust be one of Superman’s faults as well? Now, you may argue, c’mon! Superman had to be turned into a mortal before he could boink Lois. To that I say, not really. Superman had to be mortal if he had any hope of ever making a real life with Lois. But just straight-up boinking – that could happen even in his all powerful Superman form. Remember, in Superman 1, they show Kalel stark naked, penis and all, as a child when Ma & Pa Kent find him in the field.)
Superman goes back to his fortress changes into that weird grey travel leotard and takes off in his Krypt-ius. As daylight breaks in Lois’s bedroom, she opens her eyes and quickly looks around the room. Superman’s gone. She lays back down with a satisfied smile on her face. She figures Superman probably had to go save someone and took off in the middle of the night. She goes to work in an especially good mood and is positively beaming at Perry White and Jimmy Olson. After work, she hurries home and gets dolled up thinking, surely Superman will be paying her another visit tonight. Afterall they had taken a major step in their relationship. She waits all night. He never shows.
The next day Lois is a bit more on edge. Maybe Superman is busy. There are disasters in other parts of the world she muses. Again she waits at night for the sound of his flapping cape. Nothing. By Day 4, Lois is pissed! (C’mon people, how many days do you wait after a one-night stand before you think, “Damn! This guy’s just not gonna call!) She’s starting to think that perhaps Superman was one of those creeps who are only in it for the chase and loses interest after he gets the woman to bed. Or worse, she was such a lousy lay, Superman decided to just go into hiding. She’s constantly watching the news looking for anything about Superman. Then, there’s a breaking story about a school bus that has broken through the median and is dangling off a bridge. Everyone is shouting where’s Superman? The newscasters on TV are beseeching Superman to save this school bus filled with the cutest little kids you ever saw…and a puppy. A minute later, Lois and the rest of Metropolis watch in stunned horror as the bus plunges 300 feet into the icy waters of the Metropolis river below. No Superman. Nothing. The news cycles then turn the story into “Where’s Superman?!” Everyone knows that there’s no way in the world Superman would let a busload of children just die like that. Lois and the rest of the world begin to wonder if maybe Superman’s dead.
Two weeks later, Lois is morosely looking off into space at her desk at the Daily Planet. All of a sudden she peers a little closer at the calendar in her line of vision. She frantically looks at her daily planner and sees the red circle in her book from the prior week. She’s never been late before. (This is how we know she didn’t get pregnant from that forgotten sex romp in Superman 2). She starts shaking and quickly grabs her purse and runs out the door, past a befuddled Jimmy Olson. Lois goes to three different drugstores and then straight home.
Lois stares at the EPT stick. Blue? What? She can’t believe what she’s seeing. The two lines come up. Must be a mistake. She pulls out the 2nd test. Different brand. Same result. She pulls out the third box. Same thing. She’s dumbfounded. The only person she’s had sex with this whole year was Superman. That night she goes onto the rooftop and stares out into the city. She whispers, “If you can hear me, please come to me. I need you. Please come. I don’t know what to do!” Superman never comes.
The next morning, Lois is at work. She is on the phone. As the receptionist on the other line says, “Planned Parenthood, can I help you?” Lois pauses and then hangs up the phone. She thinks about the implications of carrying Superman’s baby. She watches CNN on the TV set as newscasters report on disasters and tragedies happening all over the world with no sign of Superman. An anchorman comments, “If Superman is dead, that is the end of a very mysterious civilization.” Lois Lane is immediately impacted by that line. She realizes she might very well be carrying the last survivor of Krypton. And if you know you might be carrying the future Savior of mankind or Michael Jordan’s baby, you don’t abort it. Any way you look at it – as a biological fluke, a miracle, or an interesting sidestep on the evolutionary ladder - who knows if it could ever happen again? (Much like the Miranda-one-ovary, Steve-one-ball conception in Sex & the City) And I’m sure the reporter in her is dying with curiosity about what kind of baby this will be. She decides she has to keep the baby.
Now comes the practical question. She’s going to be a single mom with a demanding career. Plus, Lois Lane realizes that she must keep secret who the baby’s father is. She has witnessed first hand the maniacs in the world that wanted to destroy Superman ie. Lex Luthor, General Zod. She knows if anyone ever knew she was carrying Superman’s baby, her life and the life of her child would always be in danger. She also realizes, that everyone knows Lois Lane has had a massive crush on Superman for years and had not been in any romantic relationship for awhile. Plus, how bad would it be for her career to suddenly be knocked up out of wedlock or even a monogamous relationship? No, Lois Lane decides, she needs a “beard” and fast. She looks around the office. Jimmy Olson? No, way – too much like a little brother. Perry White? Too old and he’d never engage in an affair with a reporter. Her eyes briefly flit over Clark Kent’s empty desk. A very good candidate but he’s on leave of absence. Then she sees Richard White. She’s run into him before in professional circles. Strong, trusting, steady and a decent guy. A real gentleman. Richard has made it no secret that he wanted to date Lois in the past but she always demurred because of her strong feelings for Superman. He had recently started here at the Daily Planet. Lois walks into Richard’s office and asks him to dinner. He’s a bit startled but quickly accepts. Richard thinks that perhaps now that Superman is gone Lois is finally willing to give him a chance and is ecstatic. They have dinner a couple of more times that week. And then to Richard’s shock and joy, Lois “succumbs” to his advances. Two weeks later -Ta-Da! She tells Richard she’s late. Richard, being the ultimate decent guy, doesn’t jilt her. Instead, he immediately asks her to marry him to which Lois agrees. Yet, she still pines for Superman and holds out the faintest hope that he’ll reappear so she keeps putting off the wedding, even after the baby is born...6 weeks early of course!
Meanwhile, Superman hurtles through space. Lands on Krypton. Sees for himself that it’s nothing but a barren asteroid now. He makes a little rock shrine and places the teddy bear with the white placard he made back on earth that says “Always in my heart, Love Kal-el.” He tries to light a candle but there’s no oxygen. He sighs and gets back into his Krypt-ius for the 2.5 year journey back to earth.
When Superman returns to earth, 5 years have passed. The year before Lois pens her Pulitzer-prize winning article, “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman.” Like any women who is abandoned by the love of her life (with a baby no less!) she harbors conflicting emotions toward Superman. She’s been silently pining for Superman all those years and also bitter about having been abandoned by him so abruptly. As most women’s reaction when jilted with a baby, girlfriend’s reaction would be to hell with him, we don’t need him, right ladies? Thus the bitter article. Clark reappears at the Daily Planet and is angry when he discovers that Lois is now a mommy to a 5-year old boy. Now Clark assumes that with his alien DNA, he would be incapable of impregnating Lois Lane. So Clark assumes Richard is the child’s father. Clark does the math and figures, “Well she got over Superman pretty quick and allowed herself to get knocked up by Richard fairly soon after her tryst with Superman.” In his anger and jealousy, Clark breaks the picture and spies on Lois and Richard. (Clark’s reaction toward the boy when he first meets him at the Daily Planet, speaks volumes that Clark doesn’t even entertain the possibility that Jason is his son. In SR, he does not look at Jason in any long hard way and instead Clark only shows disappointment that Lois has never talked about Clark during his absence. Even when he spies on Lois at her house, he’s not watching the kid, he’s watching Lois and Richard. Surely, if Superman thought the boy was his, he’d be staring at the kid the whole time.)
It isn’t until Superman is in the hospital and Lois Lane whispers the truth to him that all is revealed. Thus, the father-son bedroom speech at the end of SR. Now even Superman knows given all the enemies he has, that to protect his son, he and Lois will have to keep the boy’s paternity a secret…and they must continue to use poor Richard as the beard.
