Racism/Bullying in Schools

[Destructus86]

Recently there was an issue at a local school near me and after hearing about it I decided to look more into this sort of thing to see if it's a rare issue or a much larger problem. I had assumed school officials had this sort of thing under better control but sadly that's not the case and this issue like the one linked below is fairly common.

As someone who has a child that will be going into grade school in a few years this has become something of a more personal issue and i'm actually pretty outraged by the complete failure of many school districts lack of response towards racist behavior and general bullying. (especially when it so often becomes physical) I feel like I can't depend on officials to do anything and would need to take action myself if this sort of thing happened to my child. Going so far as to confront the parents themselves with legal action in order for them to take responsibility for their child.

Does anyone else have these same concerns about sending their child to school? Or perhaps you already have one at school...and they have been bullied. How did you respond and was the situation resolved?

http://www.king5.com/story/news/loc...bercrest-junior-high-racist-threats/27998455/

 

[Warhammer]

When I have a child and raise him, I hope that racism isn't a huge issue. It's upsetting that while our society is getting better with racism, it is still prevelant.

And I blame 90% of racism on parents. When you were in elementary school, you didn't give a f*** what the other kids looked like. It's only when one gets older that their outlook becomes polluted. That is the fault of parents either by not informing their children or by reinforcing their own ignorance.

 

[Shikamaru]

From my experience, most teachers don't give two ****s over bullying or are completely aloof to it.

A lot of bullying get shrugged off as "kids just being kids". Then there's the old stereotype of bullies being the "bad" students of the school. The idea they often get in trouble, do drugs, dress unconventionally, are going through personal issues at home and thus need something to take out their frustration on, etc...while that's all true to a certain extent, the worst bullies are often the most stable, most intelligent and most manipulative students. They know when and where to instill fear in their victims, how to get the adults to like them, and overall keep people in line. Hell, as a kid, I even got in trouble a lot of times for the very actions that they did.

 

[NYR94]

As a father of two small boys ages 10 and 7, first and foremost, the type of school makes about 95% of the difference when it comes to bullying. Both my kids attend a charter school that has a controlled number of students and teachers who know most of the kids on a first name basis. Believe me, when a bully rears his or her head, they are squashed IMMEDIATELY. There is zero tolerance for that nonsense at their school. Bullying and racism starts at home with the parents. You can either raise an ignorant bully, or not. It's that simple.

 

[Teelie]

I found teachers would actively ignore bullying too, right up to someone throwing a punch or getting similarly violent when suddenly they notice it might impact their jobs for ignoring a fist fight and decide then to intervene, or call the police (which makes an otherwise mild or moderate problem a serious one).

Rarely did I see a teacher actually take the bully to task. At best it was whoever was doing the bullying and whoever was being bullied were both somehow "equally" responsible for the incident and at times it was the victim who instigated it somehow, despite the teacher's willful ignoring of the problem from the start.

 

[TeeKay]

From my experience, most teachers don't give two ****s over bullying or are completely aloof to it.

A lot of bullying get shrugged off as "kids just being kids". Then there's the old stereotype of bullies being the "bad" students of the school. The idea they often get in trouble, do drugs, dress unconventionally, are going through personal issues at home and thus need something to take out their frustration on, etc...while that's all true to a certain extent, the worst bullies are often the most stable, most intelligent and most manipulative students. They know when and where to instill fear in their victims, how to get the adults to like them, and overall keep people in line. Hell, as a kid, I even got in trouble a lot of times for the very actions that they did.

All this.

 

[chamber-music]

The bully sounds like a psycho. The fact he said he was going to shoot up the school should send of red flags.

Bullying would be dealt with in my school if it is reported to a teacher. Snitching was not seen as cool though.

 

[Shikamaru]

Rarely did I see a teacher actually take the bully to task. At best it was whoever was doing the bullying and whoever was being bullied were both somehow "equally" responsible for the incident and at times it was the victim who instigated it somehow, despite the teacher's willful ignoring of the problem from the start.

It's the classic "blaming the victim" card. A lot of the time when kids bring up they were bullied to an adult, they were asked "What did you do?" As if they brought it on themselves or were asking for it. It's a disgusting mentality to instill into a child that only leads to self-loathe and social anxiety.

It's sadly present even within families. As a kid, I told some of my family members kids were picking on me because "I was acting stupid". Their response? "Well, maybe you should stop acting stupid." I knew this other guy who got literally jumped and kicked repeatedly by an entire group for being overweight. He reported it to the school. Their response? "Well, maybe you should lose some weight". Granted in the latter case is probably a bit more extreme and less common as they were the kids of parents in the faculty, but still.

 

[Destructus86]

As a father of two small boys ages 10 and 7, first and foremost, the type of school makes about 95% of the difference when it comes to bullying. Both my kids attend a charter school that has a controlled number of students and teachers who know most of the kids on a first name basis. Believe me, when a bully rears his or her head, they are squashed IMMEDIATELY. There is zero tolerance for that nonsense at their school. Bullying and racism starts at home with the parents. You can either raise an ignorant bully, or not. It's that simple.

That may be an option we will look into when it comes time for our son to to to school....finances willing Hadn't considered charter school before but it may be worth the extra cost.

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

Teachers either ignore bullying because they view it as rite of passage or a necessary way for weirdos and misfits to learn their place.

Maybe a little bit of both.

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

That may be an option we will look into when it comes time for our son to to to school....finances willing Hadn't considered charter school before but it may be worth the extra cost.

You also might want to consider cyber schooling.

But if your school doesn't meet state standards you might be able to get the district to pay for a charter school for your child.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I was a victim of bullying in high school ( class of 2006) and it got so bad that I went into deep depression and was on the verge of killing myself. I never had anyone physically bully me because of my size, I was 6,2 and about 218 pounds (not really fat BTW). People bullied me verbally because I was this big shy/ nerdy guy that let people walk all over him. They called me ugly, dumb, nerd, racial slurs, and anything else you could find nasty to call someone. I even had a teacher publicly make a "joke" in front of the class saying I was dumb as rocks and wouldn't amount to anything in life. Thankfully, I can say they were very wrong and I am a college graduate working in a field that I am passionate about. Anyway, the bullying went on until the middle of my junior year when I finally had enough and I started to dish out what people were giving to me. Needless to say people didn't bother me anymore after that, because I could be just as nasty and ruthless as they could. I was disappointed in myself for dropping down to their level, but it had to be done. Later, I wrote a inspirational speech and shared it was family, friends, people in the community, and it changed things for me and other people that had dealt with bullying. My senior year was actually decent as I met some solid friends and had fun for a change.

But to this day, I share my experiences with teens who are victims of bullying and try to encourage them. There is more to my story that what I said here, but It would be pretty long to cover everything. To put it simply,I HATE bully's and I quickly step up for anyone I see being treated unfairly by someone else. I wish more teachers would actually give a crap about students who have to deal with bullying. Provide some sort of safe haven for them during school hours or something. I also encourage parents to monitor their kids, because some parents of bullies think they kids are sweet and innocent but in reality they are ruthless *****ebags that torment others to the brink of suicide or worse bring a gun to school and kill others and themselves. So parents of bullied kids and kids that are bullies need to step up as well.

 

[Schlosser85]

I had teachers who would pretend to not hear anything as bullying went on right under their noses, loudly enough that there was no way they didn't hear it.

 

[Warhammer]

Sometimes, though tough to do, the bullied person speaking up does wonders. The bully will be like "Oh s***, I'm going to ease up now."

...or they will be like "Oh s***, somebody's about to get their ass beat."

 

[KalMart]

There's also a school (excuse pun) of thought that kids need to learn to toughen up and deal with it, so as to better prepare for more of it in adolescence and adulthood, not accept being a victim. But you also risk raising a pretty angry, untrusting and vindictive kid depending on their unique makeup. I think there's a combination of both in there somewhere. You need to prepare your kid…within his/her level of understanding…to be above things and stay strong, but also let them know that you're behind them 100% and will not tolerate administrative ignorance and passivity in the matter either….the places where you can step in.

This is coming from someone who grew up the only Asian in an almost all-white school/community. Trust me, I've seen and experienced it all with the exception of actual death threats. My folks didn't really know how to deal with it since they were new to this country themselves…I don't blame them for that, they just didn't have the experience or perspective. But we all do now, and we should all be proactive with generations moving forward.

 

[Immortalfire]

My parents always gave me their blessing that if I ever got hit by a bully at school, I was to hit them back. Didn't matter what the teachers or principal said.

Fortunately, it was never a problem.

 

[KalMart]

Oh, my dad would have been all for me fighting. In fact, he probably wished I was more belligerent and confrontational. Right to some extent, rather too blunt and unsophisticated in other ways. Toughness is a good thing, but it needs balance and perspective to not become anger/hate….and something that becomes part of your makeup.

 

[Warhammer]

My parents did too. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best philosophy but it gave me the motivation to not get hit and do nothing aboht it.

 

[KalMart]

Also…parents, if you're going to take action/issue with the school or parents of an offending child…do it dispassionately, even mechanically and technically as possible. You keep the straight face and leave the emotional outbursts out of it…..have and exhibit confidence in that you have what's right on your side (even if, understandably, you're outraged). The schools will be more receptive, they'll be less apt to see you as a whiny parent, and ultimately you'll be taking the high road in a more professional manner. This is practicing the kind of dignity you're trying to teach your kid.

Even if like me you dealt with a lot of it as a child, all the more reason not to be vengeful or the like for that, but handle it the right way like it should have been back then. If the school is uncooperative, then calmly let them know that you'll proceed to take action against them as well. If you mean business, then handle it like business.

 

[Shikamaru]

In retrospect, there were times my dad only made the situation worse. He was always a popular student back when he was in school, was very social plus he grew up under Communism where bullying in schools was taken very seriously (too seriously the point it was counter-intuitive). To him, the concept of bullying as we know it was almost completely foreign.

Thus as he's never actually experienced it, the ways he'd try to help me would often only add fuel to the fire. Several times when I would go out with "friends" to chill at the park in front of my house (back then I used to think **** friends were better than no friends at all), he'd notice me getting pushed around and would blatantly intervene in front of large crowds of kids without even approaching me first. I remember it being some of the most embarrassing moments of my childhood. Other times when I would do my level best to avoid social interactions with kids I knew for a fact would bully me, he would pressure me into hanging out with them. "What's wrong with you? All you do is sit home on the computer. See those kids at the park? Go outside and get some fresh air." At the same time, I didn't want to tell him about the bullying as every kid viewed it degrading and it would just open up a can of worms.

I know he never intended to cause me any harm and genuinely just wanted to help me, so I'm not angry at him over it. He also stopped doing it eventually once my mom clued him in on what was going on, and later apologized, but it created some very stressful moments for me in which I had to think of something fast or risk being bullied.

 

[KalMart]

Kids definitely need to deal with adversities and learn some self-reliance and toughness. But let them know there's also a good support system out there if they want and need it. That's balance.

 

[Shikamaru]

Contrary to popular belief, bullying doesn't build character. It could just as easily weaken you and scar you for life as it can give you a positive attribute. And even when it "succeeds", there are much healthier methods of achieving the exact same results without the victimization element that comes with it.

 

[KalMart]

Contrary to popular belief, bullying doesn't build character.

Who is suggesting that?

 

[Shikamaru]

No one here in particular, but it's a common belief in general.

 

[KalMart]

As I mentioned earlier, learning toughness/resilience/etc. is good, but it should be done within he scope of a kid's understanding/abilities. Otherwise it can breed anger and such…and look what can happen sometimes with kids who were bullied.

It's also a whole new game with social media/mobile devices, etc. Easy to feel a bit overwhelmed as an adult trying to watch out for things.