Saint553
Superhero
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2005
- Messages
- 5,833
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 31
Got bored at work and heard a radio ad for those "Bud light" Real Men of Genius Commercials, and wrote my own for action figures or related type things. Let me know what you think!
(The sentences in () are in the voice of the background rocker guy or the back up female chorus, go here for examples: http://www.contemporaryinsanity.org/audio-video/bud-light-real-men-of-genius.html)
Reeeeeeeal people of *****ebaggery!
Today we salute you, Mr. Action Figure scalper guy.
(Mr. Action Figure Scalper guy!)
You’ve given us the real American Dream, buying up all
of the popular and hard to find action figures and
re-selling them at outrageous prices.
(I have no other job skills!)
Waking up at dawn, pounding down three mountain dews,
and beating everyone to walmart, you push the
limits of human endurance.
(Attention shoppers: Sweaty guy in the toy aisle!)
Hey Champ, knock over those kids over on the way to
the toy aisle like they were Rex Grossman. Silly
children, toys are for 28 year old men!
(Hey kid, Paws off my figgys!)
So crack open another 6 Mountain Dews, big boy. This
walmart may not have the variant Iron Man without his
helmet on, but maybe the next 23 places you check
today will....
Mr. Action Figure Scalper!!!!
---------------------------------
Today we salute you, Miss Soft Core Porn Model at
Comic
Conventions!
(Miss Soft Core Porn Model At Comic Conventions!)
You, Madam, despite never being heard of before
complete all comic cons with your amply fake bossoms
and $25 polaroids.
(Digital is cheaper!)
Of all the places to make a buck, you pick the one
place where 90% of attendees are men who are still
afraid to talk to women.
(I’m not scared, just really picky!)
You may be 35 and filled with more plastic than the
action figures in the star wars booth next to you, but
you still
manage to catch the eye of the geek in a chewbacca
costume.
(Raaaaaaargh!) *chewbacca groan*
So crack open another mountain dew, Miss Soft Core
Porn Model at Comic Conventions. You’ve got a long
day of making daddy proud.
Miss Soft Core Porn Model at comic conventions!
--------------------
Mr. Truly Unfair Action figure trader
Today, we salute you, Mr. Truly Unfair Action Figure
Trader.
(Mr. Truly Unfair Action figure trader!)
Without you, online trading forums would lack your
grace of demanding a Dark Phoenix, Stealth Iron Man,
and a first born child for a Bobby Drake figure.
(Do you really want my little Billy?)
No, your wants aren’t unreasonable. You’re offering a
service to the common person. Instead of selling it
on ebay, you’re putting it up for trade!
(Now you want my kidney?)
You, sir, are a regular angel compared to average
scalpers.
(Ever hear of Lucifer?)
So crack open another mountain dew, Mr. Truly unfair
actoin figure trader, you may not be a scalper, but
you are still a genuine person of *****ebaggery.
(The sentences in () are in the voice of the background rocker guy or the back up female chorus, go here for examples: http://www.contemporaryinsanity.org/audio-video/bud-light-real-men-of-genius.html)
Reeeeeeeal people of *****ebaggery!
Today we salute you, Mr. Action Figure scalper guy.
(Mr. Action Figure Scalper guy!)
You’ve given us the real American Dream, buying up all
of the popular and hard to find action figures and
re-selling them at outrageous prices.
(I have no other job skills!)
Waking up at dawn, pounding down three mountain dews,
and beating everyone to walmart, you push the
limits of human endurance.
(Attention shoppers: Sweaty guy in the toy aisle!)
Hey Champ, knock over those kids over on the way to
the toy aisle like they were Rex Grossman. Silly
children, toys are for 28 year old men!
(Hey kid, Paws off my figgys!)
So crack open another 6 Mountain Dews, big boy. This
walmart may not have the variant Iron Man without his
helmet on, but maybe the next 23 places you check
today will....
Mr. Action Figure Scalper!!!!
---------------------------------
Today we salute you, Miss Soft Core Porn Model at
Comic
Conventions!
(Miss Soft Core Porn Model At Comic Conventions!)
You, Madam, despite never being heard of before
complete all comic cons with your amply fake bossoms
and $25 polaroids.
(Digital is cheaper!)
Of all the places to make a buck, you pick the one
place where 90% of attendees are men who are still
afraid to talk to women.
(I’m not scared, just really picky!)
You may be 35 and filled with more plastic than the
action figures in the star wars booth next to you, but
you still
manage to catch the eye of the geek in a chewbacca
costume.
(Raaaaaaargh!) *chewbacca groan*
So crack open another mountain dew, Miss Soft Core
Porn Model at Comic Conventions. You’ve got a long
day of making daddy proud.
Miss Soft Core Porn Model at comic conventions!
--------------------
Mr. Truly Unfair Action figure trader
Today, we salute you, Mr. Truly Unfair Action Figure
Trader.
(Mr. Truly Unfair Action figure trader!)
Without you, online trading forums would lack your
grace of demanding a Dark Phoenix, Stealth Iron Man,
and a first born child for a Bobby Drake figure.
(Do you really want my little Billy?)
No, your wants aren’t unreasonable. You’re offering a
service to the common person. Instead of selling it
on ebay, you’re putting it up for trade!
(Now you want my kidney?)
You, sir, are a regular angel compared to average
scalpers.
(Ever hear of Lucifer?)
So crack open another mountain dew, Mr. Truly unfair
actoin figure trader, you may not be a scalper, but
you are still a genuine person of *****ebaggery.
