The commissioner's award for coolness goes to....El_Citrus! The weekly damns all year always gave me a laugh
I present the best cool prize..a pair of Silhouette TMA 8658. David Caruso glasses, if you will.
I am nearly at a loss for words. I say nearly because, hey, I wouldn't be winning an award for coolness if I could be rendered speechless. What else could a man ask for than a pair of Silhouette TMA 8658's? I shall proudly add it to my collection of pastel shirts with white suits, Members Only Jackets, Ugg Boots, and Hipster Skinny Jeans.
To win the Comissioner's Award for Coolness is an honor that I hold just as highly as actually winning the entire competition. Hell, Paul the Octopus would've made kalamari out of just about everyone in the league this year. I know that some will say that I am merely the Commissioner's Jester, to dance and damn as he sees fit, and to those I would say "**** YOU ************* ********** SONS OF *********** *********** ******* and have a nice day." I take my Damns seriously, and everyone and everything that I Damned, including myself, deserved their Damn fate of being shamed by my Damning.
Now, with that said, I could not accept those Silhouette TMA 8658's if I did not finish with my Week 17 Damns. And on that note:
Damn Joe Webb for looking like a rookie out there against the Lions of all people...Wait, Webb actually IS a rookie and the Lions had won three straight coming into the game? Umm...Damnit Favre, you couldn't stop sending text messages long enough to give Webb some pointers out there?
Damn Kansas City for allowing Matt Cassel to get sacked more times than Brett Favre's cell phone.
Damn Tampa Bay for thinking they actually had something to play for with their outside shot at the playoffs. The last time you were relevant, your star players had yet to hit puberty.
Damn Philly. First, you get your game moved because of a "Blizzard" and still lose to the Vikings, and then you have to go and rest your star players against a division rival because you're "In the playoffs already". You could have put your stsrters out there for one play against Dallas to take the lead in win. That's all it takes against their defense these days. To top it off, it you'd actually manned up and won this game despite your whole "Looking at the big picture" motto, you would have broken the three way tie I'm in and put me in the top 10!
...**** you, Vick.Damn San Fr....Damn Ari.......**** it. Actually, damn both of you for being two ****** teams and forcing me to behead a chicken and see which team's logo its dismembered body ran, fell, and bled onto first to make my choice. Damn that beheaded chicken, too.
And with that, it seems...Nah, I'm too cool for a Horatio joke.
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