Snakes on a Starship.

[enterthemadness]

EXT. STARSHIP HYPE - SPACE

The STARSHIP HYPE blazes through space.

INT. STARSHIP HYPE - BRIDGE

CAPTAIN DRAKON sits in the command chair.

Drakon: How much longer until we kick Reptilian ass, first mate Dog Lips?

Dog Lips: Just under an hour, Captain Drakon.

ENTERTHEMADNESS appears on the video screen in front of Drakon. Screams are heard in the background.

Enterthemadness: Captain Dreken, there's a problem here in security!

Drakon: It's Drakon and why is there screaming?

Enterthemadness: Well, remember my mail order bride?

Drakon: Of course, the one from Planet ****s.

Dew. K: They should really change their name.

Enterthemadness: Turns out she is a Reptilian in disguise, and she secretly brought snakes onto the ship!

Erz: Sweet Zombie Jesus!

Drakon: Damn it, Enter! Why is it everytime you bring a mail order bride onto the ship, she causes chaos and mass destruction?!

Enterthemadness: They're on their periods?

Holly Goodhead: Remind me to slap you next time I see you in person.

Dew. K: Ditto.

A giant PYTHON bites Enterthemadness in the stomach and pulls him off screen! The video screen turns to static.

Jag: Oh, my god!

Jag.

Dew. K: Damn it, he owed me twenty bucks!

Dog Lips: Captain Drakon, what do we do?

Drakon: I call dibs on his porn collection!

Darth Elektra: I was about to call dibs on it!

Drakon: You don't even have thumbs, Darth!

Darth looks at his hands. Four fingers on each hand, but no thumbs.

Darth Elektra:

Dog Lips: Sir, about the snakes...

Drakon: Captain...

Dog Lips: Captain Drakon, we have mother****ing snakes on this mother****ing starship. What do we do?

Drakon: We could do what Erz does and scream like a girl.

Erz:

Drakon: Or we could fight these cold blooded snakes.

End of Part 1 of 4.

 

[enterthemadness]

Darren Daring: Are you suggesting we go out there and face that big ass python?

Drakon: No, we're going to make peace and have a tea party.

Darren Daring:

Drakon: I was being sarcastic.

Darren Daring:

Jag: We only have our laser blasters, Captain.

Jag.

Drakon: So?

Drake.

Jag:

Drakon: Ha! You didn't end a sentence saying your name!

Jag:

Jag explodes. Limbs, bolts, and other crap go everywhere.

Bored: Holy mother of pearl, Jag was a cyborg all this time!

Dog Lips: Err...Captain Drakon, I think before Jag exploded, he was talking about the fact our laser blasters have only ten shots each. That isn't enough to fend off the snakes.

Drakon: Kill...

Dog Lips: Kill them, Captain Drakon.

Drakon: Our only chance is to make it to the security deck. We should find some more powerful weapons there. Now, lets head out there.

Everyone walks over to the door with their blasters drawn out, except for Darth who can't hold one. The door opens before they get to it. It is Enterthemadness!

Enterthemadness: I cameback to life guys! Turns out I can't die unless if my head is disconnected from my body.

Bored: There can be only one Highlander!

Bored grabs a sword out of thin air and beheads Enterthemadness!

Lightning strikes Bored, who drops his sword.

Bored(Cont'd): I'M THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THE UNIVERSE!

Erz, Dog Lips, Darth, Dew, Darren, and Holly:

Drakon: Witchcraft! Witchcraft!

EXT. SPACESHIP HYPE - SPACE - CONTINOUS

The power goes out on the spaceship hype.

 

[enterthemadness]

INT. SPACESHIP HYPE - BRIDGE

The lights are out in the bridge. A flashlight shines, providing some light in the darkness.

Dog Lips: Captain Drakon and Bored, are you in here?

No answer.

Dew. K: I don't think they are here. They must have went to the security deck.

Darren Daring: Why isn't the backup power on?

Dog Lips: The electrical storm must have fired the ships circuits.

Holly Goodhead: You're telling us we're a dead ship floating in space, and no way to contact for help?

Dog Lips: Afraid so.

INT. STARSHIP HYPE - HALLWAY

Bored and Drakon walk down the hallway. Boreds sword brightens the dark hallway up, with its glowing white light.

Drakon: How can your sword do that? Witchcraft?

Bored: What's more important here? The glowing sword or the snakes, reptilian, and python?

Drakon: You make a good point.

They reach the door to the security deck.

*Guess which quote this movie is from readers.*

Bored: Stand back, Drakon. It's time to blow this joint!

Drakon steps back. Bored swings the sword at the door. Before it hits the door, the python bursts through the door!

The door falls onto Bored, nearly curshing him. The sword slides over to Drakon. The python strikes at Bored, biting his head off. Blood squirts onto the wall.

Drakon picks up the sowrd.

Drakon: No one kills my crew members but me!

The python strikes at Drakon, but Drakon dodges and cuts off its head.

Drakon(Cont'd): *****!

A glowing green light comes from inside the security deck. Drakon walks over to the door and enters.

INT. SPACESHIP HYPE - SECURITY DECK - CONTINOUS

Drakon(Cont'd): I better get laid after this!

A swarm of SNAKES slither towards Drakon. Standing on top of a pile of dead SECURITY GUARDS is the Reptilian mail order bride, who glows a glow-in-the-dark green.

Part 4 coming soon!

 

[Mee]

Eh, not bad.

 

[enterthemadness]

Finally a reply! I thought I was going to finish the whole story with no comments!

 

[Malice]

Where is the Red Shirted Malice?

 

[enterthemadness]

you may or may not make an apperance in the end. Just have to read the funny installment early Sunday Morning.

 

[enterthemadness]

Drakon swings the sword at the snakes, cutting them either in half or their heads off.

Lasers hit the army of slithering snakes! It's Dog Lips, Erz, Dew, Darth, Darren, and Holly who join Drakon in fighting the snakes.

Dog Lips: Erz and Darth! Run over to the weapons cabinet and get us more guns! I'll cover you!

Erz and Darth run towards the weapons cabinet. Erz shoots at the snakes keeping them at bay. Dog Lips shoots at the snakes jumping up to attack Darth. Erz and Darth make it over to the weapons cabinet. Erz opens the cabinet.

ON WEAPONS CABINET

Five handguns with ammo and three assault rifles with ammo, sit in the cabinet.

Erz hands Darth a assault rifle. Darth cradles it in his arms and turns around.

DARTH P.O.V

A snake jumps up at Darth and bites him in the right eye!

BACK TO SCENE

Erz loads a clip into a handgun.

Erz: I don't hear any firing, Darth!

Erz turns around and sees Darth fall to the ground dead. A snake jumps up at Erz, but he ducks just in time. The snake lands in the weapons cabinet. Erz fires at the snakes.

The Reptilian mail order bride hisses. The snakes stop attacking and fall back.

Reptilian: Not only are you all killing my snakes, but I'm having no fun. The only fun I can think of is killing you all myself.

The Reptilian mail order bride breaks off her tail. A new tail instantly grows back.

Drakon: Witchcraft!

Reptilian: Ah, you must be the dumbass Captain Drakon.

Drakon:

Reptilain: I'm going to enjoy killing you. You and me. One-on-one. Fight to the death. What do you say?

Drakon: I accept, you ugly smelly pile of ****!

Reptilian: Just for that remark, I'll add some rules to our little death fight.

Erz fires at the Reptilian mail order bride with an assault rifle. She turns and spits acid at Erz, which hits him in the face! Erz howls in pain and drops the assault rifle. Erz falls to the ground dead.

Drakon runs at the Reptilian mail order bride and swings the sword at her head. She turns and ducks, and takes the feet out underneath him with her tail. Drakon falls to the ground. He blocks her tail-sword with his sword.

Dew. K(O.S): Hey, *****!

The Reptilian mail order bride looks up.

INTERCUT

Dew.K fires Boreds laser blaster.

The Reptilians head snaps back as all ten shots hit her in the head. She drops her tail-sword.

Drakon drives his sword into her chest!

Drakon: Yeah, what now mother...

The Reptilian blows up! Green blood and gore go everywhere.

Everyone rushes over to Drakon.

Dog Lips: Captain, are you okay?

Drakon: Except for smelling like **** and being covered in this green ****, yeah, I'm fine.

Malice(O.S): What's all this noise and what happened?

Dog Lips: Malice!? We thought you were dead!

Malice walks into the security deck.

Malice: Nope, just got done taking a painful crap. What did I miss?

The End.

so, everybody, how was my first fan fiction story? I feel like I wrote a entertaining--in a positive way--fan fiction story.

 

[bored]

That snake that killed me didn't experience The Quickening. That means I survive after all!

 

[enterthemadness]

No, you're dead. You could get cloned...but I dunno.

 

[Cyrusbales]

SEQUEL TO SNAKES ON A PLANE ANNOUNCED!!!:

Bears on a submarine

 

[Cyrusbales]

^

well, it would be funny at least, lol

 

[SuperFerret]

Jag: Oh, my god!

Jag.

t: t:

 

[Asteroid-Man]

Please put me in somewhere

 

[bored]

SEQUEL TO SNAKES ON A PLANE ANNOUNCED!!!:

Bears on a submarine

There will be many sequels to "Snakes", and they will be as follows:
"Scorpions on a Boat"
"Spiders on a Spaceship"
"Crocodiles on a Subway"
"Tics on a Zeppelin"
"Sharks in a Car"
"Tigers on a Gondola"
"Mosquitoes on a Surfboard"

 

[enterthemadness]

Please put me in somewhere

Maybe in the next one!

 

[Asteroid-Man]

There will be many sequels to "Snakes", and they will be as follows:
"Scorpions on a Boat"
"Spiders on a Spaceship"
"Crocodiles on a Subway"
"Tics on a Zeppelin"
"Sharks in a Car"
"Tigers on a Gondola"
"Mosquitoes on a Surfboard"

Don't forget cows on a train