Texts From Last Night

[Alex The Great]

I ****ing love this site, I obviously can't post the link for bad language that will infect the children of the Hype cmad

Here's a few gems

(510): I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
(415): yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

And...

(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that's not the point.

So much better than FML

Note: The Numbers are Area Codes

 

[Majic Walrus]

This will not end well.

 

[Maximum Carnage]

LOL! I ****ing love TFLN. I got one submitted myself. ;D

 

[Alex The Great]

(316): You love me.
(785): That's because, tragically, I adore ****es.

 

[Maximum Carnage]

Lol!!

 

[Alex The Great]

(419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a ****ing *******" Why is she so pissed at me?
(937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
(419): Is that considered a cock block?

An awesome Cock Block

 

[Maximum Carnage]

:P Lol.

 

[Alex The Great]

(845): We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
(1-845): Who won mens moguls?
(845): That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.

hahahahaha, I once met a girl and she was obsessed with sports. We wouldn't kiss or anything, just watch football

And she was hot, but she never focused on me

 

[Harls]

That site is both entertaining and mildly sad, because this is what people have come down to.

But it does make me lol.

 

[Alex The Great]

(845): Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
(1-845): then get some ugly ones...

hahaha, I think I told this to a girl once

 

[Alex The Great]

Triple Posts FTL

 

[Alex The Great]

Triple Posts are the worst

 

[Harry_Lime02]

(513):
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and ****.

(317):
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

Good stuff.

 

[Harry_Lime02]

(862):
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"

 

[Motown Marvel]

i made this thread a long time ago and got nothing but ridiculed for it. sigh.

 

[terry78]

i made this thread a long time ago and got nothing but ridiculed for it. sigh.

All about the presentation.

 

[Alex The Great]

(703): She's allergic to latex.
(678): Lucky bastard.

 

[Motown Marvel]

All about the presentation.

i was wearing my best slacks when i posted it! what more do you want?


anyways, some favorites:

(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.


(205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
(1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started *****in about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....


(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
(1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.


(847): dude, osama threatened the US again
(1-847): dude. i slept with your sister last night
(847): what?
(1-847) I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news


(216): Where the f*** is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
(216): Holy s*** r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

 

[Maximum Carnage]

Lol! I loved the 5th one.

 

[SuperFerret]

(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
(1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

Death to the pink interlopers!

 

[Maximum Carnage]

Lmfao!!!!!

 

[ComicChick]

love this site. follow it on twitter too

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

(949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

(1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message

(949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you.




(cleaned up the language for the next one)

(813):

I'm banging your sister right now.

(1-813):

You motherlover

(813):

She's next.



(203):

I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about s**t that doesnt matter.




(843):

happy early fathers day!!!

(829):

im not a father

(843):

about that...




(308):

I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad



(303):

I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

(510):

YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Spider-Vader]

What site is this? This is f***ing awesome.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

We can't post it because of the language so you'll have to google it and you will find it.