Kevin Roegele
Do you mind if I don't?
- Joined
- May 2, 2000
- Messages
- 23,882
- Reaction score
- 76
- Points
- 73
1. INT. BRUCE'S BEDROOM. MORNING.
BRUCE wakes up with a start.
ALFRED: Master Bruce, what is it?
BRUCE: Alfred, I had the most horrible nightmare. I took my anger too far....I-I killed a man. A criminal.
ALFRED: Dreams can act as our guide, Master Bruce.
BRUCE: That's the sort of encouraging motto my father used to say.
ALFRED: Father or father figure, it's all the same, sir.
A knock at the door. KATIE HOLMES enters in a very thin shirt. Let's call it the Kirsten Dunst effect.
ALFRED (leaving): I shall leave the pair of you to it.
KATIE climbs onto the bed. BRUCE grins.
KATIE: Bruce, you've got such a big, expensive bed......it's the perfect place for us to go over last years' financial reports.
BRUCE: Can't you get someone else....
KATIE: Bruce, as your moral compass, I can't believe you'd ever get someone else to do something for you! Righteous indignation from me here. I'm a hard-working person-on-the-street which you need to anchor you.
BRUCE: And a bit of a sourpuss.
KATIE slaps BRUCE. Twice.
2. WAYNE ENTERPRISES. AFTERNOON.
BRUCE is in WAYNE ENTERPRISES with MORGAN FREEMAN.
BRUCE: Got any cool gizmos for me?
MORGAN: I have this glider, which was developed by the US military. (Note: Add paragraph of technical jargon here) I guess it vaguely resembles the shape of a bat....
BRUCE: Yeah, vaguely, and we could paint it black, but don't go round calling it the 'Batwing'. And my car isn't the 'Batmobile' either. Those names aren't believable.
MORGAN: Whatever. I also have this rebreather, which you can slip into any utility belt, and it gives you three minutes of oxygen.
BRUCE: You know, no matter how ridiculous these things are, they always sound believable when you describe them.
MORGAN: That's why I was hired......er, for Wayne Enterprises. Not for the film. Erm.....whatever that is....
Suddenly, we hear via a nearby radio that KATIE HOLMES has been kidnapped by THE JOKER.
BRUCE: Phew, I was wondering if there would even be a big showdown at the end of the movie.
3. GRITTY DOCKS. NIGHT.
We are by THE JOKER'S hideout, a warehouse, which is not, repeat not, campy in any way. It's a realistic warehouse. That's all. THE JOKER and his thugs have KATIE HOLMES hostage.
JOKER: I guess I'll need some half-assed 'destroy Gotham' plan for the climax....
CHRISTOPHER NOLAN: Oh, go on then. Make it quick.
JOKER: I'm going to spread laughing gas thu the whole city.
Suddenly, BATMAN arrives in his black glider shaped like a bat. It's not called the Batwing.
BATMAN (over radio): Lucius, do you hear me? Can you quickly knock up an antidote for the Joker's.....
LUCIOUS (over radio): Done and done.
BATMAN leaps out of the glider. He fights the THUGS in a scene cut so fast, we can splice in shots of Batman & Robin and no-one will know.
Somehow BATMAN is still standing. While the audience is throwing up from motion sickness, the JOKER holds a gun to KATIE'S head.
JOKER: What you never learned, Batman, is that you and I are so alike. One bad day makes all the difference. I bet one bad day is why you exist. It's why I exist.
BATMAN: Do you have some logical and believable origin story to tell me?
JOKER: Yes, I was a downtrodden failed comedian with a young family.....
BATMAN jumps on the JOKER and we have another fight scene cut so fast, we can splice in shots of that Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee video and no-one will know.
BATMAN is holding the bloody, beaten JOKER ready to kill him.
BATMAN: This was my dream......how do I overcome this....
KATIE: Because you're a good person, and the difference between you and him is that he tries to inflict his pain on others while you try and spare others your pain.
BATMAN: Good call.
BATMAN drops the JOKER. POLICE arrive.
BATMAN talks to COMMISIONER GORDON.
GORDON: Mumble.....mumble....
BATMAN: Harsh whisper.....
GORDON looks up and BATMAN is gone.
4. WAYNE MANOR GARDENS. NIGHT.
KATIE HOLMES and BRUCE sit on a bench.
BRUCE: Katie, are we going to have sex, finally?
KATIE: Are you kidding? We have to create some real sexual tension first. What about the next film? And the one after that?
KATIE slaps BRUCE.
KATIE: This is a franchise, Bruce!
KATIE slaps BRUCE again.
THE END
BRUCE wakes up with a start.
ALFRED: Master Bruce, what is it?
BRUCE: Alfred, I had the most horrible nightmare. I took my anger too far....I-I killed a man. A criminal.
ALFRED: Dreams can act as our guide, Master Bruce.
BRUCE: That's the sort of encouraging motto my father used to say.
ALFRED: Father or father figure, it's all the same, sir.
A knock at the door. KATIE HOLMES enters in a very thin shirt. Let's call it the Kirsten Dunst effect.
ALFRED (leaving): I shall leave the pair of you to it.
KATIE climbs onto the bed. BRUCE grins.
KATIE: Bruce, you've got such a big, expensive bed......it's the perfect place for us to go over last years' financial reports.
BRUCE: Can't you get someone else....
KATIE: Bruce, as your moral compass, I can't believe you'd ever get someone else to do something for you! Righteous indignation from me here. I'm a hard-working person-on-the-street which you need to anchor you.
BRUCE: And a bit of a sourpuss.
KATIE slaps BRUCE. Twice.
2. WAYNE ENTERPRISES. AFTERNOON.
BRUCE is in WAYNE ENTERPRISES with MORGAN FREEMAN.
BRUCE: Got any cool gizmos for me?
MORGAN: I have this glider, which was developed by the US military. (Note: Add paragraph of technical jargon here) I guess it vaguely resembles the shape of a bat....
BRUCE: Yeah, vaguely, and we could paint it black, but don't go round calling it the 'Batwing'. And my car isn't the 'Batmobile' either. Those names aren't believable.
MORGAN: Whatever. I also have this rebreather, which you can slip into any utility belt, and it gives you three minutes of oxygen.
BRUCE: You know, no matter how ridiculous these things are, they always sound believable when you describe them.
MORGAN: That's why I was hired......er, for Wayne Enterprises. Not for the film. Erm.....whatever that is....
Suddenly, we hear via a nearby radio that KATIE HOLMES has been kidnapped by THE JOKER.
BRUCE: Phew, I was wondering if there would even be a big showdown at the end of the movie.
3. GRITTY DOCKS. NIGHT.
We are by THE JOKER'S hideout, a warehouse, which is not, repeat not, campy in any way. It's a realistic warehouse. That's all. THE JOKER and his thugs have KATIE HOLMES hostage.
JOKER: I guess I'll need some half-assed 'destroy Gotham' plan for the climax....
CHRISTOPHER NOLAN: Oh, go on then. Make it quick.
JOKER: I'm going to spread laughing gas thu the whole city.
Suddenly, BATMAN arrives in his black glider shaped like a bat. It's not called the Batwing.
BATMAN (over radio): Lucius, do you hear me? Can you quickly knock up an antidote for the Joker's.....
LUCIOUS (over radio): Done and done.
BATMAN leaps out of the glider. He fights the THUGS in a scene cut so fast, we can splice in shots of Batman & Robin and no-one will know.
Somehow BATMAN is still standing. While the audience is throwing up from motion sickness, the JOKER holds a gun to KATIE'S head.
JOKER: What you never learned, Batman, is that you and I are so alike. One bad day makes all the difference. I bet one bad day is why you exist. It's why I exist.
BATMAN: Do you have some logical and believable origin story to tell me?
JOKER: Yes, I was a downtrodden failed comedian with a young family.....
BATMAN jumps on the JOKER and we have another fight scene cut so fast, we can splice in shots of that Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee video and no-one will know.
BATMAN is holding the bloody, beaten JOKER ready to kill him.
BATMAN: This was my dream......how do I overcome this....
KATIE: Because you're a good person, and the difference between you and him is that he tries to inflict his pain on others while you try and spare others your pain.
BATMAN: Good call.
BATMAN drops the JOKER. POLICE arrive.
BATMAN talks to COMMISIONER GORDON.
GORDON: Mumble.....mumble....
BATMAN: Harsh whisper.....
GORDON looks up and BATMAN is gone.
4. WAYNE MANOR GARDENS. NIGHT.
KATIE HOLMES and BRUCE sit on a bench.
BRUCE: Katie, are we going to have sex, finally?
KATIE: Are you kidding? We have to create some real sexual tension first. What about the next film? And the one after that?
KATIE slaps BRUCE.
KATIE: This is a franchise, Bruce!
KATIE slaps BRUCE again.
THE END
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