The Marriage Race

[AndThePickles]

One subject that I find to be quite perplexing nowadays is many people's attitude regarding marriage. It seems like people I went to school with are constantly getting married, getting engaged, or getting pregnant. At the age of 22, I can't help but wonder, what's the rush? For the women out there who say they really want children, it's not like their biological clock is ticking very fast when they're under 25 years old.

It truly does feel like some regard it as a race...very "who's going to get engaged/married/knocked up first?!" Ever since the first couple I knew got engaged, people have been saying, "Oh, you and your boyfriend are next!" And I'm consistently going, "Um, not likely." The people I know who are married or engaged have been dating (including the being married time) for a shorter amount of time than I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend. I know a couple that got engaged after only ONE month of dating! Some people seem to expect me to hold the attitude that I've "fallen behind" in the race, but instead, I just feel like some of the people I know are forcing things forward for themselves.

With each passing year, comments such as, "Oh, so have you and your boyfriend talked about getting married?" Me- "Yup, for a long time now." Them- "Oooo, so are you getting engaged soon?!" Me- "Probably not." *awkward silence*

I fully trust and love my partner. We are completely dedicated to each other, and I am excited for marriage, but I think it's smart to wait until the time feels right and both people are financially prepared. One married couple I know ended up moving back in with her parents because they can't afford to live together with their children. So, why not be careful to wait and have kids until you can afford it? (Or, just not have them at all, ever But I understand that most people actually enjoy kids )

For those who are married, how long did you wait to do so? What made you decide to when you did? For everyone- do you feel that this "marriage race" is a generational issue and only applies to the current generation?

 

[Wylie Times]

One subject that I find to be quite perplexing nowadays is many people's attitude regarding marriage. It seems like people I went to school with are constantly getting married, getting engaged, or getting pregnant. At the age of 22, I can't help but wonder, what's the rush? For the women out there who say they really want children, it's not like their biological clock is ticking very fast when they're under 25 years old.

It truly does feel like some regard it as a race...very "who's going to get engaged/married/knocked up first?!" Ever since the first couple I knew got engaged, people have been saying, "Oh, you and your boyfriend are next!" And I'm consistently going, "Um, not likely." The people I know who are married or engaged have been dating (including the being married time) for a shorter amount of time than I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend. I know a couple that got engaged after only ONE month of dating! Some people seem to expect me to hold the attitude that I've "fallen behind" in the race, but instead, I just feel like some of the people I know are forcing things forward for themselves.

With each passing year, comments such as, "Oh, so have you and your boyfriend talked about getting married?" Me- "Yup, for a long time now." Them- "Oooo, so are you getting engaged soon?!" Me- "Probably not." *awkward silence*

I fully trust and love my partner. We are completely dedicated to each other, and I am excited for marriage, but I think it's smart to wait until the time feels right and both people are financially prepared. One married couple I know ended up moving back in with her parents because they can't afford to live together with their children. So, why not be careful to wait and have kids until you can afford it? (Or, just not have them at all, ever But I understand that most people actually enjoy kids )

For those who are married, how long did you wait to do so? What made you decide to when you did? For everyone- do you feel that this "marriage race" is a generational issue and only applies to the current generation?

NO.

Typically other generations got married when they were that young also and in larger numbers. if anything things have slowed down, what with women not feeling obligated to marry the first dope that asks them.

I think typically this is a problem with women, who seem to be in a rush to get married and have babies before they've even lived a life on their own, for some people this is fine, but more often than not it leads to divorce.

 

[Cunning Stunts]

I think that it's becoming more and more expected because of the vying for a "storybook romance" scenario, and it's becoming more and more rampant. My parents dated for 5 years before marrying, and married at 20/21. Naturally, I grew up expecting to do the same because that's what I was used to...

I'm now 20-years old, and I must say, I have no intention of getting married until I am AT THE VERY LEAST out of college. A good portion of my friends have been or are getting married, and have done or are doing so after only a few months of courtship- which I find ******ed. I don't understand what makes them all think their husbands are the only "knights in shining armor" in the world (I say this because most of my friends who have done this are females), and that they're going to live happily ever after in a great and romantic life after dating a guy for three months... It just doesn't happen that way.

I'm afraid that this may become worse and worse throughout the next generation. In Alabama, the legal age to marry is 14 (at least from what I learned when I lived there), and as far as I know, other states' ages aren't too much higher. I'm not saying marriage should be illegal until 25 or anything, but I think it should have much stricter guidelines than it does now.

 

[Cunning Stunts]

With each passing year, comments such as, "Oh, so have you and your boyfriend talked about getting married?" Me- "Yup, for a long time now." Them- "Oooo, so are you getting engaged soon?!" Me- "Probably not." *awkward silence*

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the same thing... It's almost funny, to me anyway. My parents even asked when I'll be getting married (then again, they're just shocked because I'm going on two years with my girlfriend now, when before this relationship, the longest I've dated a girl was about a month)- jokingly, although they have asked me if we've talked about marriage.

My answer? We have... And I told her not any time soon, and I'm not promising her that we're getting married. I'm not even thinking about marriage or children until I'm out of college, and even then- as arrogant as this may sound- these years are my years, and with my field of work that I'm attempted to get deeper into, I need to dedicate these years to myself and working on my career.

 

[The Guard]

People got married much younger even a few decades ago. This is nothing new. It's definitely smart to wait until you're somewhat mature enough to make it work, but that differs for everyone. I dated my wife for about four years before we got married, and did so at age 25.

 

[Noon]

It feel exactly the same as you Pickles. I've been with my partner for over 3 years now, and we're both happy with the way things are. We're both twenty and doing our own things with our lives and there is no need to be married, and we both don't want kids. Meanwhile our friends are having kids and getting engaged after dating for a seemingly very short time, and me and the man both are just like :facepalm

Also it sucks, because you can't tell them you think they are making a mistake unless you want to risk losing a friend. One very close friend of mine got engaged to a girl after about four months of dating and I didn't say anything, then very soon it all fell apart and he ended up not having anywhere to live.

 

[Paradoxium]

Misery loves company

 

[Hobgoblin]

I've actually been getting this a lot lately. My physician even said the other day that most people my age must be married by now. The she kinda backtracked and said it really isnt unusual for people to get married in their 30's or even 40's. I was thinking "My parents were in their 30's when they got married. Dad was nearly 40 when I came along. I see no need to rush. I'm only 28."

At a friends wedding reception two years ago, another (married) buddy asked me when I was going to "man up and get a girlfriend." I told him it would happen when I was damn good and ready. Sheesh, people gotta get married ASAP or something...

 

[Drakon]

One subject that I find to be quite perplexing nowadays is many people's attitude regarding marriage. It seems like people I went to school with are constantly getting married, getting engaged, or getting pregnant. At the age of 22, I can't help but wonder, what's the rush? For the women out there who say they really want children, it's not like their biological clock is ticking very fast when they're under 25 years old.

It truly does feel like some regard it as a race...very "who's going to get engaged/married/knocked up first?!" Ever since the first couple I knew got engaged, people have been saying, "Oh, you and your boyfriend are next!" And I'm consistently going, "Um, not likely." The people I know who are married or engaged have been dating (including the being married time) for a shorter amount of time than I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend. I know a couple that got engaged after only ONE month of dating! Some people seem to expect me to hold the attitude that I've "fallen behind" in the race, but instead, I just feel like some of the people I know are forcing things forward for themselves.

With each passing year, comments such as, "Oh, so have you and your boyfriend talked about getting married?" Me- "Yup, for a long time now." Them- "Oooo, so are you getting engaged soon?!" Me- "Probably not." *awkward silence*

I fully trust and love my partner. We are completely dedicated to each other, and I am excited for marriage, but I think it's smart to wait until the time feels right and both people are financially prepared. One married couple I know ended up moving back in with her parents because they can't afford to live together with their children. So, why not be careful to wait and have kids until you can afford it? (Or, just not have them at all, ever But I understand that most people actually enjoy kids )

For those who are married, how long did you wait to do so? What made you decide to when you did? For everyone- do you feel that this "marriage race" is a generational issue and only applies to the current generation?

I love you. I just want you to know that. :heart:

 

[Cunning Stunts]

You two should date for three months and then get married!

 

[AndThePickles]

You two should date for three months and then get married!

Make that three weeks so I can win the prize for quickest marriage!

 

[Wylie Times]

You two should date for three months and then get married!

Heh, I almost actually did that once...

 

[Prison Mike]

Over the summer, I found out two old friends of mine (who are my age, 23) got married. I had a "WTF" look when I heard it. Early 20s is just too young for marriage or pregnancy or to start a family, IMO.

 

[AndThePickles]

Over the summer, I found out two old friends of mine (who are my age, 23) got married. I had a "WTF" look when I heard it. Early 20s is just too young for marriage or pregnancy or to start a family, IMO.

Now, that I don't think is necessarily true. It's not always a matter of age; I think it depends on the maturity level and how well you know someone a lot more. Some people in their early 20's may be ready for marriage, some may not.

 

[Prison Mike]

I just don't know why rush though. they had only known each other for 6 months...

 

[AndThePickles]

Well yeah, I'd say it's the 6 months part that makes it rushed How can you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone that you've only known for 6 months?

 

[Wylie Times]

I just don't know why rush though. they had only known each other for 6 months...

As cliched as it may sounds, when you know you've found that right person why wait?

Mind you a lot of people swear up and down the KNOW things are gonna work out and they don't, but some folks get married quickly and stay together for decades.

 

[Drakon]

I dunno. My best friend, at 24, was married twice and divorced once.

 

[AndThePickles]

As cliched as it may sounds, when you know you've found that right person why wait?

Mind you a lot of people swear up and down the KNOW things are gonna work out and they don't, but some folks get married quickly and stay together for decades.

There are definitely exceptions, and it's nice to see those marriages work out. To me, I think the hardest part about a lot of "quick marriages" is they're based off of the "infatuation stage" and not true love.

 

[Hobgoblin]

I dunno. My best friend, at 24, was married twice and divorced once.

And Joe Q says Spidey couldnt divorce MJ cause it would age him.[/whiny fanboy]

 

[Prison Mike]

There are definitely exceptions, and it's nice to see those marriages work out. To me, I think the hardest part about a lot of "quick marriages" is they're based off of the "infatuation stage" and not true love.

yeah I agree. that's why I would wait 1-2 years before even thinking about marriage when I'm with someone.

 

[Wylie Times]

There are definitely exceptions, and it's nice to see those marriages work out. To me, I think the hardest part about a lot of "quick marriages" is they're based off of the "infatuation stage" and not true love.

Totally agree, part of the reason I never went through with asking my ex to marry me after a few months was becasue I was worried it was just a really intense infatuation but three years later we were still together and things had just gotten better.

Conversly one of my friends was dating a girl for 5 year, they got engaged, married and then they divorced 5 months later....

A person just needs to be able to accurately gauge their feelings and compare them to past experiences and more often than not when you're in your early 20's you don't have much to compare with other than puppy love.

 

[I'm Old Greg]

pickles are you in some hick town where they say 'POP" as opposed to Soda?

but since you asked No, theirs
more people sleeping around than saving themselves for marriage...that and cheating is pretty common now a days. it seems to just be about getting laid and lack there of "love".

 

[AndThePickles]

pickles are you in some hick town where they say 'POP" as opposed to Soda?

but since you asked No, theirs
more people sleeping around than saving themselves for marriage...that and cheating is pretty common now a days. it seems to just be about getting laid and lack there of "love".

I've lived in extremely populated areas on the East Coast my whole life.

Did you even read the opening post? This has nothing to do about people saving themselves for marriage. There are still plenty of people getting married, and the fact that it is now so often rushed is likely why a lot of the marriages do involve cheating and don't last.

 

[terry78]

pickles are you in some hick town where they say 'POP" as opposed to Soda?

but since you asked No, theirs
more people sleeping around than saving themselves for marriage...that and cheating is pretty common now a days. it seems to just be about getting laid and lack there of "love".

They say "pop" in Chicago, man. That's the Midwest. We keeps it real, unlike that fake wackness on either coast, ya heard?