The Official "Ask A Teddy Bear" Thread!!!

[TEDDY]

With Peacekeeper complaining about how boring it is at 2:30 IN THE MORNING and my friend Mr. T currentley on vacation, I figure I'd try my luck at informing the general public.

So, go on. Ask me anything.

 

[Lackey]

Why do teddy bears make my naughty parts tingle?

 

[Bathrat]

if ducks could type, would they type coherent sentences, or 'quack quack'?

 

[Klxnt]

How does it feel when you are getting fuzz shoved up your anus?

 

[Nero_Ordin]

what makes mother bears so protective?

 

[Danger Mouse]

Why the hell did the Chinese name a soft toy after an American President??

 

[Klxnt]

They didn't.

 

[TEDDY]

Why do teddy bears make my naughty parts tingle?

It has something to do with events in your childhood. I'm guessing you had issues with your father growing up. When most children were playing catch and watching sports with their fathers, all your father was good for was getting drunk, kicking the family dog, and finding solace in his unemployment check. He never showed you any love, so the only love love you knew was from that of your childhood toy(presumably, a teddy bear).












Oh, that and the fact that your blind grandmother bought you a teddy who was mistakingly manufactured to be (how shall I put this...) Better endowed than most toys.

 

[Danger Mouse]

They didn't.

Yes, they did.

 

[Klxnt]

Japan was making "Teddy" bears before the Theodore thing happend.

This happend later:

The cartoon drew immediate attention. In Brooklyn, NY, shopkeeper Morris Michtom displayed 2 toy bears in the window of his Stionary and novilty store. The bears had been made by his wife, Rose from plush stuffed excelsior and finished with black shoe button eyes. Michtom recognized the immediate popularity of the new toy, requested and received permission from Roosevelt himself to call them "Teddy's Bears


EDIT: how the hell did you get your Join Date like that?

 

[TEDDY]

if ducks could type, would they type coherent sentences, or 'quack quack'?

They would type coherent sentences, but they wouldn't use spellcheck, so their messages would look like a transcript for a Daffy Duck/Donald Duck cartoon, so most people wouldn't understand it anyways.

Besides ducks aren't interested in chatting on the web, just finding illegal porn.

 

[Danger Mouse]

EDIT: how the hell did you get your Join Date like that?

FINALLY, someone noticed!!!



Have a cookie.

 

[CConn]

FINALLY, someone noticed!!!



Have a cookie.

I noticed...I just didn't say.

and how did you do that?

 

[TEDDY]

How does it feel when you are getting fuzz shoved up your anus?

Painful. Very, very painful. Why do you think us teddy bears don't celebrate Thanksgiving? The turkey is a painful reminder of the event for us. For those of you who have no idea what it's like, think diahrea in reverse.

Do you feel like eating turkey now?

 

[Wiseman]

How can I get the girl of my dreams to fall in love with me?

 

[Danger Mouse]

I noticed...I just didn't say.

and how did you do that?

Well, this is a "Ask A Teddy Bear" thread. Lets get him to answer that one...

 

[Klxnt]

FINALLY, someone noticed!!!



Have a cookie.

Thank you... but im Diabetic.

How did you do it though?

Teddy... seeing turky with stuff shoved up his ass just makes me all the more eager to eat it.

You see, most turkeys are gender confused. I think they enjoy the ass shoving.

 

[TEDDY]

what makes mother bears so protective?

Maternal instincts, I guess. All moms want to protect their children from the dangers in life.


But if you want to talk over protective, try messing with the children of some suburban, mini van driving Soccer Mom one day and see how you fair. Man, those chicks don't play around.

 

[Danger Mouse]

Thank you... but im Diabetic.

How did you do it though?

Teddy... seeing turky with stuff shoved up his ass just makes me all the more eager to eat it.

You see, most turkeys are gender confused. I think they enjoy the ass shoving.

Easy. I'm one of those early ones. Right after the concept of World Wide Web was launched, I signed up with SHH.

 

[TEDDY]

Why the hell did the Chinese name a soft toy after an American President??

Actually, the teddy was originally of Russian decent, created in the late 19th century by a lady working in as a textile/clothing maker.

It was later brought overseas in the early 20th century, where the name Teddy stuck. The Chinese nor the Russians named the bear after Rosevelt. It was an American that did that.

Personally, I don't mind being named after a President. It's kinda cool, in a way.

 

[Klxnt]

You look poorly made, like a hobo's creation.

Where did you come from?

 

[TEDDY]

How can I get the girl of my dreams to fall in love with me?

One word:

MONEY!!!

Not saying that all women are gold-diggers, just saying that it helps.




Oh, and it also helps if your extremly well endowed. JUST ASK BOB!

 

[Wiseman]

One word:

MONEY!!!

Not saying that all women are gold-diggers, just saying that it helps.




Oh, and it also helps if your extremly well endowed. JUST ASK BOB!

What if I already have her tied up in my basement, can I still give her money to love me?

 

[TEDDY]

Well, this is a "Ask A Teddy Bear" thread. Lets get him to answer that one...

...Click your heels together three times and say the magic word?
















...Oh, and it helps to have Mob connections who know where all the MODs live.

 

[Klxnt]

What if I already have her tied up in my basement, can I still give her money to love me?

If you have a knife to her throat, you can give her dog poo and she will still love you.