Did you watch this year's Grammys?
No. I can't really stomach things like that. Everybody's too nice. You cannot have a room with 5,000 people, who are all fans of each other. That's not real.
Have you ever gone?
I've never been to the Grammys because I've never been nominated. It seems like it would be a very, very long ceremony to me. It's, like, four hours. There can't be that many f****** awards for music, can there?
What did you think of Kanye West's statement that Beck should "respect artistry" and give his Album of the Year award to Beyoncé?
He's a character, I'll give him that. And I love his track "Black Skinhead." But somebody needs to buy that dumbass a dictionary so he can look up the word "artistry." Beck can play the banjo, for f***'s sake. Nobody plays the banjo! Get him a dictionary from me, I'll f*****' sign it and give it to him so he can look it up.
Have you heard any other music that you've liked lately?
Do you know that track by Alt-J, "Left Hand Free"? That is a great track. But Alt-J can f*** right off as far as I'm concerned. It's a great tune, and I paid 79 pence for it, but I am in no way a fan of Alt-J.
Why not?
I don't know. One of them's got a mustache, and that's unacceptable.
You recently said that you didn't want to live in a world where Ed Sheeran was headlining Wembley Stadium. Unfortunately, he is. Should we be worried about your well-being?
Am I going to take my own life, is that what you mean? No. He's all right, Ed. He took it with good humor, which is how it was meant. I was bemoaning the fact that the biggest rock bands in England can't even sell out Wembley, and yet pop music can.
Do you listen to much pop?
No. It's f***** awful. Modern pop music is bland nonsense. There isn't even a word yet that's capable of describing it. If it was a color, it would be beige. Do you know what color beige is?
I do, yeah.
It's like a milky brown. Not for me.
What about Taylor Swift? She's a pop star, but many people praise her talent as a songwriter.
[Laughs] Who says that? Her parents?
Lots of people.
Who's "people"? Name these people. You're f***** lying. She seems like a nice girl, but no one has ever said those words, and you f****** know it.
