Untitled for now

[SapphirePrima]

So you guys I haven't written something and posted it online for a long time. I'm kind up in the air about how I feel about this one. If you guys could read it and give me some feedback that would be nice. Postive and negative is welcome. I have great idea where I want to go with this but I'm not liking how I started off with this so far.





Lordina had a lovely voice just like all her sisters. Her sisters would use their voices to seduce men into the seas and kill them. They lived near a small island off the coast of South Africa. Lordina unlike her sisters, for some reason couldn’t turn into her beast form so she never really killed a man. Yet, she was fascinated with humans in general. Yes we all know this clique story. She falls in love with a man but can’t be with one but finds an old witch doctor to fix her problem but owes her something in return. But our story isn’t about her; it’s about her granddaughter and her journey to figure out what she is.
************************************************************************
Christie waited impatiently for Max to come. He said he would here an hour ago and he didn’t even call. Maybe they were over. I wasted what, months of her life with this guy and he’s gonna end it like this? Christie thought nervously.
“Can we peees leave Christie?” Sadira whined. Her nose was beginning to run and her eyes were getting puffy.
“No” Christie said annoyed.
“Whhhhhhy?” Dira said whipping her nose.
Christie pulled a Kleenex from her purse and whipped Dira’s nose. The poor girl seemed to be having allergy problems to something and it was the spring was almost over. Her puffy eyes and runny nose should have been gone by now. Christie couldn’t help but pity her little sister. By the age of 6 she had pop bottle glasses that made her already big eyes look 10 xs bigger. Her shoes never seemed to be tied and her clothes never seemed to fit. Her allergies just made her seem more of a freak.
“Because I’m waiting for someone” Christie said. “Why don’t you go over there on the monkey bars or something?” She said trying to get Dira to go away.
“But I wanna go home. Erin said that I shouldn’t be outside right now, anyway” the little girl whined.
Every now and then random men would take a long hard glaze at Christie and move on. When Christie was 13 it bother her but by the time she turned 15 she liked the attention.
“We’ll leave in a little bit. Okay? I’m just waiting for this person” Christie said looking around. “So go have some fun while I wait” Christie said.
Instead of running off Sadira sat next to Christie on the bench.
“Who are you waiting for?” she asked innocently.
“None of your business”
“But I wanna know”
“Well I don’t want you to know”
Dira’s nose began to run again. She wiped it with her sleeve.
“Why do you always do that? I have tissues!” Christie said disgusted. Christie worried that her little sister would become so klutzy freak that would have no friends. She already seemed to have gotten the bad end of the gene pool. She felt kind of guilty she got all the good qualities of the family. She had the soft face, beautiful skin, and a amazing body with no exercise old at the age of 16, but she never looked a thing like Sadira at 6. She was kind of frumpy and never had reason to smile. She got picked on a lot and had a horrible set of teeth. The only good thing Dira had going for her was that she was pretty smart.
“I dunno” Sadira said innocently kicking her feet “Guess what Christie”
“What?” Christie said annoyed.
“My birthday is next month… and I already know what I’m gonna wish for on my birthday candles” she said snorting her snot.
“You’re not supposed to tell” Christie said rolling her eyes. Christie suspected that Dira was planning on telling her what she was wishing for asking for approval.
“But you won’t tell anyone so it won’t count. Can I tell you?”
“Sure, knock yourself out” she said sarcastically
“I’m gonna wish that I look more like you. If I look like you I wouldn’t get picked on, people would like me more” Dira said looking down, kicking her feet again.
“Dira…you should be happy the way you look…One day you’ll probably even be prettier than me. Everyone loves you the way you are. Why’d you want to look like me anyway? All you get is unwanted attention and a lousy boyfriend” Christie said partially hoping for the truth. Maybe just maybe Dira was a ugly duckling soon to hatch. Christie lied all the time but this time she was actually hoping for the truth.
“I think that if I look like-“Dira started but was cut off by a harsh voice.
“…Uh Christie...” Max gruffed.
“Max!!!!!!! I thought you stood me up!” Christie got up and hugged him but he edged her off. Dira looked at the couple confused.
“Yeah, ummm you wanted to talk” He said uninterested not looking at her but looking at Dira. “Why is she here?” he asked.
“I’m stuck babysitting. Dira go on the monkey bars or something” She ordered.
Dira looked sad but walked away slowly.
“What’s up wit that kid? Should she even be outside?” He asked.
“She’ll be fine. But she’s not what where here to talk about…” Christie said looking him in the eyes but he seem to avert her gaze. “What’s you’re problem?” Christie said still trying to get him to look at her.
“I dunno why don’t you tell me yours?” He said annoyed sitting down.
“I don’t have the problem you won’t talk to me” She said looking down at him.
“Don’t try to pull that this is my fault you’re the one who’s always lying” Max said getting angry.
“I have never lied to you” Christie said which was lie. She lied about a lot of things lately. For the past few weeks Max wasn’t the only person she kissed. She also lied to her momma about what she had been doing with people like Max.
Christie sat next to Max but he scooted from her.
“Christie I know you’re lying” he said.
Christie reached for his hand but he pulled away. “Don’t touch me” he growled.
“So, are we over?”
“Hell yes! Why would you even question it?” he said
“So who told you?” She said
“I didn’t need anyone to tell me when I saw you” he said.
“Well I made a mistake” she said quietly.
“Well you made the wrong one. So don’t call me, and don’t talk to me. You can keep all the things I gave you. I don’t want them back” he said.
“Can’t I get one more chance?” She said etching closer to him whispering in his ear.
“No, didn’t I say don’t touch me?! What is your problem? Just because you’re pretty you think you can get away with kissing up on me and every other guy in the city?!” He said getting up and pushing her.
Christie couldn’t believe. She was getting dumped. She wasn’t the one doing the dumping. She never thought it would come like this. She and Max had this conversation many times but she never thought it would have gone this far.
He walked away. Christie watched flabbergasted.
“I hate you!” she yelled.
He flicked her off.
Christie watched him walk away and began to cry. Maybe she should have been a good girl and never kissed Eric, Rio, and Jonathan. But it felt so good. The attention felt so good, that touch they all had felt good. Maybe too good.
Dira sat on the edge of the sandbox and looked at the long scratch on her hand. While she was on the swing she fell off. The scratch wasn’t fully bleeding but it had specks of blood throughout the incision. Christie was on the bench and looked like she was crying. Dira sat and waited for Christie to stop crying. When Christie was crying she didn’t like to be bother she got kind of vicious. The Max boy was walked past and quickly looked at her and shook his head. Dira whipped her nose with her sleeve.
***
“Christie why are you late? Where’ve you’ve been?” her father yelled as soon as she and Dira came through the door.
“I told Sadira to the park because she begged me to go” She lied. Dira did not oblige even though she begged 20 times to go home.
“It’s 9:30! And you’re telling me that you spent all that time at the park?” He quizzed her.
“Yes” she said starting for the steps.
Sadira watched as her father looked dumbfounded as her sister seemed to end the conversation.
“Where are you going? This conversation isn’t over!” He yelled
“Where does it look like I’m going? To Bed. I’m not hungry” she said stopping rolling her eyes.
Her dark brown eyes seemed to have on her father where he never did have control over the situation. Much like her mother before they were married.

​

“I just put Sadira in bed” Erin said to her husband. “I don’t know what we’re going to do with Christie. She seems to get worse everyday” she sighed sitting down.
“I’ll deal with her” Gerald told Erin. Though in reality Christie’s independence was growing too much for him to handle. He couldn’t even think of a good punishment for her. He worried that Christie’s bad habits would rub off onto Sadira. Yet everyday Sadira remained the awkward little girl that she was. He hoped that she stayed that way forever. With Christie’s constant hormonal rebellions and disrespect maybe marrying Erin wasn’t such a good idea. Sadira didn’t give her any problems but Christie on the other hand was a wild cannon. Sometimes he wished that Alena never died she proably would have been able to handle it.
“Don’t worry about it Gerald, things will get better” Erin whispered into his ear kissing him on the cheek.
He didn’t say a word.

​

​

 

[Abaddon]

Could use some more exposition but not bad.

 

[SapphirePrima]

Thanks, the next part should answer majority of the questions. I'm just trying not to make it seem so choppy.