My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire...I noticed your cat. Sorry! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it...She moved in with me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... "What the hell was I thinking?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband. ~~~~~~~~~~ How could two people as beautiful as you Have such an ugly baby? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you ..I've changed my mind. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...would you take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Happy birthday! You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ We have been friends for a very long time .. let's say we stop? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So we're having you put to sleep. ~~~~~~~ So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Don't ever change, I want to forget you just the way you are.