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What Hallmark cards don't say


Staff member
Feb 15, 2001
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My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...I noticed your cat.


Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...She moved in with me.


Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"


Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.


How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?


I've always wanted to have
someone to hold, someone to love.

After having met you ..I've changed my mind.


I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.


Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...would you take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.


Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!


When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.


We have been friends for a very long time .. let's say we stop?


I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.


Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?


Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.

Don't ever change, I want to forget you just the way you are.
People who appreciate the value of a Hallmark card lack real connection. You write your own cards with your own thoughts. What is so fancy about a 4 dollar card anyway? It's not like it really cost you.
You were given this unique card for 2 reasons.
1) It symbolizes good fortune and a bright future for the owner no matter how rough present times may be.
2)your wifes having an affair.
Sorry about the Herpes.

I really didn't think those things were serious! I have the number to a great Doctor, so don't Fret!

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