When Insults had Class

[Kessel Day]

a friend of mine sent me these:

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He (Ernest Hemingway) has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend . . . if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second . . . if there is one." - Winston Churchill in reply.

 

[Kaleb]

I fart in your general direction.

 

[Jakomus]

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

This one wins.

 

[Ronny Shade]

*Insert Cyrano DeBergerac quote*

 

[Daisy]

Ooo... this is my favorite:

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

 

[Tangled Web]

My favorite is what Lloyd Betsen said to Dan Quayle:
"Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy, I knew Jack Kennedy, Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy!"

 

[Kessel Day]

I fart in your general direction.

Monty Python?

 

[Kaleb]

Monty Python?

yip

 

[JLBats]

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend . . . if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second . . . if there is one." - Winston Churchill in reply.

My favourites.

 

[jaguarr]

Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchill: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."



jag

 

[JLBats]

Churchill was lightening fast. I miss his warm touch and soft caresse.

 

[TwoMinutesHate]

"You're a smelly pirate hooker! Why don't you go back to your home on ****e island?" - Ron Burgundy

 

[jaguarr]

Oscar Wilde was one of my favorites:


I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability. - Oscar Wilde

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. - Oscar Wilde

Only the shallow know themselves - Oscar Wilde

To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity. - Oscar Wilde

One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. - Oscar Wilde

Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years. - Oscar Wilde

He had so many great ones.

jag

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Churchill was lightening fast. I miss his warm touch and soft caresse.

the way the sunlight played on his fine, cornsilk hair...

 

[Tangled Web]

Churchill was good, but why didn't he get re-elected?

 

[logansoldcigar]

Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchill: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."



jag

therre is another attributed to churchill and aster:

Astor" Winston, you're drunk"
Churchill" yes madam, and you're ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober"

 

[JLBats]

Churchill was good, but why didn't he get re-elected?

His overall lack of a soul.

 

[jaguarr]

therre is another attributed to churchill and aster:

Astor" Winston, you're drunk"
Churchill" yes madam, and you're ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober"

I get the feeling he loved to f**k with her. LOL!

jag

 

[Pyro Max]

Churchill was good, but why didn't he get re-elected?

They had to take him out back and shoot him. He had gotten too dangerous. He began eating everything and everyone. It was quite frightening. Most people prayed for the return of the blitzcreig if only to possibly take out the leader whose appetite was soon going to render himself with no one to lead. Their were talks of sending him to Ireland to squash the impending rebellion there. The idea had real merit, unfortunate churchill ate everyone involved with the project. in the end churchill had grown so large that the only buildings he could enter were airplane hangers. One night back in 52 while churchill slept he let out a huge fart. This was the break the rebel alliance needed. Luke skywalker flew his exwing up churchills rectum and ignigted the fart with his trusty bic saber. Needless to say luke didnt survive, but neither did churchill. you can still aquire a good portion of pure churchill fat for about 2.50 a pound U.S.

thanks for asking

 

[JLBats]

They had to take him out back and shoot him. He had gotten too dangerous. He began eating everything and everyone. It was quite frightening. Most people prayed for the return of the blitzcreig if only to possibly take out the leader whose appetite was soon going to render himself with no one to lead. Their were talks of sending him to Ireland to squash the impending rebellion there. The idea had real merit, unfortunate churchill ate everyone involved with the project. in the end churchill had grown so large that the only buildings he could enter were airplane hangers. One night back in 52 while churchill slept he let out a huge fart. This was the break the rebel alliance needed. Luke skywalker flew his exwing up churchills rectum and ignigted the fart with his trusty bic saber. Needless to say luke didnt survive, but neither did churchill. you can still aquire a good portion of pure churchill fat for about 2.50 a pound U.S.

thanks for asking

This is like reading awesomeness that has been converted to text.

 

[Spider-X]

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln.

Bush

 

[Hooligan32]

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception." - Groucho Marx

"The thing that amazes me about America is the way that parents obey their children." - Oscar Wilde

 

[bored]

"If I were more like thee, I'd throw myself away." -Shakespeare

 

[Abaddon]

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend . . . if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second . . . if there is one." - Winston Churchill in reply.

Oh ****!

 

[Iceman]

They had to take him out back and shoot him. He had gotten too dangerous. He began eating everything and everyone. It was quite frightening. Most people prayed for the return of the blitzcreig if only to possibly take out the leader whose appetite was soon going to render himself with no one to lead. Their were talks of sending him to Ireland to squash the impending rebellion there. The idea had real merit, unfortunate churchill ate everyone involved with the project. in the end churchill had grown so large that the only buildings he could enter were airplane hangers. One night back in 52 while churchill slept he let out a huge fart. This was the break the rebel alliance needed. Luke skywalker flew his exwing up churchills rectum and ignigted the fart with his trusty bic saber. Needless to say luke didnt survive, but neither did churchill. you can still aquire a good portion of pure churchill fat for about 2.50 a pound U.S.

thanks for asking

R.I.P. Luke