Kevin Roegele
Do you mind if I don't?
- Joined
- May 2, 2000
- Messages
- 23,882
- Reaction score
- 76
- Points
- 73
It was the week of 1999. I was in Rosarito beach for Spring Break, staying with my mom at some hotel. I wanted to stay at him over the break and 'study' pictures of Princess Leia on my computer, but my mom forced me out out the house, yelling, "Get your fat, pasty ass in the car!"
My mom dragged me into an over-50's club, and while she was flirting desperately as middle-aged divorcees do, I could hide my embarassment no longer. I ran as fast as I could out the door, and across the road I saw....amazingly....Natalie Portman step out of a limo and into an expensive looking club.
Stunned, I knew I had to get in there. I had to see her...touch her. But how? The bouncers merely laughed at me. My attempts to slip past with a Jedi Mind Trick failed. So I went round the back of the building and climbed through the window of the women's restroom. The girls in there screamed at me and ran out, but I was so used to that it was like water off a dick's back.
I burst into the club, sweating. Amongst the heaving crowds was Queen Amidala, somewhere. Just had to find her under the lasers and smoke. I thought I had found her, until I grabbed at a girls shoulder and she turned and spat, "Get off me, you fat pig!" Another girl looked like her from behind, but was not the one, and threw her wine over my Chewbacca t-shirt.
Finally I glimpsed Natalie Portman on the dancefloor. But could I be brave enough to go on....? I've never been on a dancefloor before, and being 10 stone over weight, my doctors advised me not to, for the safety of others. Yet still I pressed on, and I was mere metres from Padme herself.
The music was so loud, and I had no idea what to say, what to do. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder and thought of the sexiest line I could.
"I like Star Wars...." I managed to splutter, before she turned round and accidentally elbowed me in the face. As I fell to the floor, I took two girls and a guy down with me in a heap. Natalie didn't notice and continued dancing with her friends. The people I fell on crawled out from under me, shouting obsceneties. A bouncer appeared, grabbed me, and marched me out.
I can't take this, I thought to myself as I sat on my hotel bed that night. I need to have a better story than this. If only Natalie had spoken to me, if only I'd danced with her, if only I wasn't mordbidly obese....!
Then it struck me. I'll put all that in my story, and post it on the Superhero Hype! messageboards! "Ha!" I laughed to myself, "those suckers will believe every word...."
My mom dragged me into an over-50's club, and while she was flirting desperately as middle-aged divorcees do, I could hide my embarassment no longer. I ran as fast as I could out the door, and across the road I saw....amazingly....Natalie Portman step out of a limo and into an expensive looking club.
Stunned, I knew I had to get in there. I had to see her...touch her. But how? The bouncers merely laughed at me. My attempts to slip past with a Jedi Mind Trick failed. So I went round the back of the building and climbed through the window of the women's restroom. The girls in there screamed at me and ran out, but I was so used to that it was like water off a dick's back.
I burst into the club, sweating. Amongst the heaving crowds was Queen Amidala, somewhere. Just had to find her under the lasers and smoke. I thought I had found her, until I grabbed at a girls shoulder and she turned and spat, "Get off me, you fat pig!" Another girl looked like her from behind, but was not the one, and threw her wine over my Chewbacca t-shirt.
Finally I glimpsed Natalie Portman on the dancefloor. But could I be brave enough to go on....? I've never been on a dancefloor before, and being 10 stone over weight, my doctors advised me not to, for the safety of others. Yet still I pressed on, and I was mere metres from Padme herself.
The music was so loud, and I had no idea what to say, what to do. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder and thought of the sexiest line I could.
"I like Star Wars...." I managed to splutter, before she turned round and accidentally elbowed me in the face. As I fell to the floor, I took two girls and a guy down with me in a heap. Natalie didn't notice and continued dancing with her friends. The people I fell on crawled out from under me, shouting obsceneties. A bouncer appeared, grabbed me, and marched me out.
I can't take this, I thought to myself as I sat on my hotel bed that night. I need to have a better story than this. If only Natalie had spoken to me, if only I'd danced with her, if only I wasn't mordbidly obese....!
Then it struck me. I'll put all that in my story, and post it on the Superhero Hype! messageboards! "Ha!" I laughed to myself, "those suckers will believe every word...."
D
out of
That was fast.
