Would anyone be interested in critiquing a passage?

Since the last Superman story I posted on any fan fiction website was met with some feelings of lackluster, I've scrapped the story and I'm going for a new angle to hopefully get a much better story fitting to the characters. Character development is my goal. Would anyone be willing to read 1,000 word passage as for the first part of a chapter?

 

Is anyone interested in a critiquing a new 1000 word passage?

 

Thank you for taking the time so far and reading this thread everyone! I return to ask for not just one, but several people to help critique a passage a new three thousand word passage I promised to give to readers of my fan fiction. If anyone is interested in a Superman fan fic let me know.

 

I need a beta for an ongoing Superman Returns sequel, Superman: Man of Steel. This is a 2,200 word chapter, but it is so far the most interesting of the story. If anyone is interested, please PM me to do so.

-Iron Lunged