Alternate parody ending to Spider-man 2...


Mar 27, 2004
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I just found this short spoof that I wrote in 2004 before the film got released and got a chuckle out of it. Thought I might share it with you guys.
P.S. Since it was written in '04 it has some elements of speculation that didn't turn out to be true and other stuff that was ''in'' at the time :woot:

Spidey *enters doc ock’s hideout at the docks*: This is it, Ock! I will take you out now!
Doc Ock: That’s you who will be taken out.
Spidey: :whatever:
Doc Ock: Think about it... I’ve beaten the crap out of you in our last fights. What makes you think you have a chance now?
Spidey: Well...this is the final fight and the good guy always wins.
Doc Ock: Hmm, you have a point there.
Spidey: Anyway...I will kick your ass now.
Doc Ock: Haha! Even if you kick my ass, you can't stop my evil deeds completely! I’ve launched my evil fusion thingy and now everyone will die.
*both start to fight*
The inteligent mechanical tentacle 1 (In the inteligent mechanical tentacle language): Hey guys! I’m tired of this. Maybe we could let the old fart fight on his own?
The inteligent mechanical tentacle 2 (In the inteligent mechanical tentacle language): Yeah! He hasn’t paid us in weeks.
The inteligent mechanical tentacle 3 (In the inteligent mechanical tentacle language): More like ‘never’.
The inteligent mechanical tentacle 4 (In the inteligent mechanical tentacle language): Hell yeah! Screw him!
Doc Ock *tries to move the tentacles*: Go! Up, up and away tentacles! Schazam!
Spidey: What a loser...
Doc Ock: Alright! I will fight on my own now.
After 5 seconds...
Doc Ock: *thinks* ****! He’s beating the crap out of me. I know what to do! *speaks* Spider-man stop! I’m innocent! The tentacles controlled me! I didn’t know what I was doing!
The inteligent mechanical tentacles 1, 2, 3, 4 (In the inteligent mechanical tentacle language): Oh, puh-lease!
Doc Ock: I always thought you will save me, Peter Parker. Thank god for you!
Spidey: Are you done…ripping-off other villain’s lines?
Doc Ock: More or less…yeah
Spidey: Good. *rips the tentacles off* Now I should kill you…
Doc Ock: I’m innocent!
Spidey: But you did lots of horrible things...
Doc Ock: But I’m innocent…and besides...Spider-man doesn’t kill people...
Spidey: Oh, right...I forgot…Damn!
Doc Ock: Ha!
Spidey: But I know a guy who can kill you. *picks up his spider-cell phone* Frank?
The Punisher: Frank is dead. Call me…The Punisher…
Spidey: Yeah, whatever… Listen, Frank…
The Punisher: Call me the Punisher!!! What do you want?
Spidey: I need some help here.
The Punisher: But I just started my final battle with John Travolta...
Spidey: I don’t care! Get your ass over here!
The Punisher: But it’s supposed to be a long fight and we just started…
Spidey: Then end it!
The Punisher: Sorry, John. *shoots and kills John Travolta* Man, this movie will suck with such an ending...Ok, web-head. I will be at the docks in 30 minutes.
Spidey: Ok.
Doc Ock: 30 minutes? What are we going to do ‘till then?
Spidey: I have an idea!
After 30 minutes...
The Punisher: I’m here! Where are you, web-head? *looks* Spidey? What the hell?
Spidey: Ha! I won...again. Who's the chess master!
Doc Ock: Cheater!
Spidey: Hey, Punisher, I want you to kill this guy.
The Punisher: No probs! *shoots and kills Doc Ock*
Spidey: Yay!
The Punisher: This will cost you 10 bucks.
Spidey: :huh:
*Curt Conners enters the docks*
Curt: Hey, everyone! *starts to transform into The Lizard*
Spidey: What are you doing?
The Lizard: D’oh. I’m transforming into The Lizard. I’m supposed to do that at the end of the movie.
Spidey: Not here! In your lab or somewhere like that.
The Lizard: But Sam told me that...*looks* Sam!?!
Sam Raimi *rolling on the floor laughing*: Hahaha! April’s fools!
The Lizard: Oh…crap… *goes away*
Spidey: What now? Maybe we could get a few drinks at the pub?
The Punisher: No can do, bug boy. I’m supposed to play basketball with the X-Men.
Spidey: Oh… Maybe tomorrow?
The Punisher: Nope. Tomorrow I’m going to the movies with Elektra.
Spidey: Isn’t she dead?
The Punisher: …hmm…she…um…
Spidey: What?
The Punisher: She…err… *runs away*
Spidey: Hmm…why do other heroes never hang out with me? Oh, well... Maybe the Hulk will want to go. *picks up his spider-cell phone* Hey, Hulk! Want to go to the pub?
The Hulk: Rooaar!
Mary Jane: Oh, Hulk...You are so big...handsome...HOT...and green...I LOVE green...
Spidey: Hey! Is that MJ with you? Hulk?
The Hulk: Hulk SMASH!
Spidey: Hey, hey don’t smash MJ...
*meanwhile at the completely silent Osborn Mansion*
Harry *talks with a mirror*: Dad? Is that you? Answer me! I can’t take this anymore! *trashes the mirror and discovers a secret room*
Harry: WTF? I thought I will find a Goblin lair or something and find out that my dad was a bad-ass villain but instead...I find a room where he hid his porn collection? And...who are you?
Stan Lee *reads a Playboy magazine*: Oh, hello! I’m Stan Lee.
Harry: WTF are you doing here?
Stan Lee: Well...I had to have some kind of cameo in this movie... :whatever:
Harry: This movie sucks...
Sam Raimi *rolling on the floor laughing*: Hahaha! This will be the best movie ever!
Bruce Campbell: This is more fun than the Evil Dead films!
*meanwhile at Pete’s house*
Peter *reads a newspaper, stops and thinks*: ****! I completely forgot about the fusion…whatever it was…

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