Bad Jokes Created by YOU!!

[Lord Valumart]

So, at some point or another everyone has created a terrible joke. Be it poor for it's basic lack of being funny, needing too much back ground information or being far to forced, you made it up and you have to live with knowing about it.

I offer up my rather bad one as an example:

Arnold Schwarzenegger was having computer troubles so he called the helpline. He was asked what the problem was and he repiled "hassles with Vista, baby"

Once again I'm sorry for this...

So, what have you got?

 

[Metamorpho1977]

I worked for Lowe's and I had a customer come up one time asking if we had door jambs and I said yeah we be jambing.

 

[HerbLazer]

Q:What do you call a priest with binoculars?
A: A Boyscout

 

[enterthemadness]

Knock Knock
You: Who's there?
Me: Enter...
You: Enter who?
Me: ENTER THE MADNESS BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
You: SHUT YOUR LYING MOUTH.
Me:

 

[Duke]

What do vampires take for bad coughs?





Coffin (coughing) drops!

 

[JAK®]

How do you make a battery go flat?

Step on it.

 

[Bat-Gasm]

I actually thought mine was pretty good.

Q: What do you call a french fry that likes to smoke pot?

A: A BAKED potato!

 

[Exploding Boy]

An octopus walks into a restaurant and says: "Can I have a table for eight?"

 

[Warhammer]

What's a hitman's favorite drink at a bar?

Te-killa!






x100

 

[GuruGeorge]

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why.

 

[redhawk23]

What do you call the Batmobiles exhaust?

Nocturnal Emissions.

bad. so bad.

 

[Q45]

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why.

...so good

 

[bullets]

Knock Knock

Whos there?

The Police!

The Police who?

The Police. There's been a terrible accident and we need to speak to you.

 

[Timstuff]

Q: If Megan Fox can't get good acting gigs, should she do porn?
A: No, because porn requires you to screw the people who are in front of the camera.

 

[Angry Monkey]

Q:What do you call a priest with binoculars?
A: A Boyscout

t:




me: would you like your items in a bag?
old lady: why need a bag when I am one?

 

[Ipodman]

Q: If Megan Fox can't get good acting gigs, should she do porn?
A: No, because porn requires you to screw the people who are in front of the camera.

Oh snap

 

[TEDDY]

Yo Momma is so fat... SHE'S FAT!!!


TEDDY!!!

 

[Asteroid-Man]

What do you call a white man giving people rides for cash?
A Taxi Driver.

What if he's Black?
He's still a Taxi Driver, you ****ing racist.

 

[SPIDER-MAN-ROX]

The teacher asked the little boy what he wanted to be when he grew up & he said that he wanted to be a blow job, the teacher replied that you can't be a blow job, you have to get a blow job & then you would be be paying others for a blow job & then the boy replied that he would just open his own business & be a little *********** like his mother.

 

[Duke]

It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.

At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."

"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Alright," the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.

"Thanks," he says, and leaves.

An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says "Hi, I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Okay," the bartender says and goes in the back again. He comes out with another cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it and leaves with a 'thanks'.

An hour later a third vampire comes in and sits at the bar. "Hi," he says to to the bartender. "I'm a vam..."

"I know, I know," the bartender interrupts. "You're a vampire and you want a cup of blood right?"

"Um, no," the vampire answers. "I AM a vampire, but I'd just like a glass of hot water please."

"Sure" the bartender says. He pours him a glass of hot water. As he gives it to the vampire he says "You know, there were two vampires that came in before you that wanted blood. How come you're just asking for water?"

Without answering the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used band-aid.

"Tea time."

 

[bullets]

There's a store in MA called Iparty that sells all sorts of party supplies. I went up t the customer service girl and asked "Where can I find the Itunes? "

 

[DarkSovereignty]

I've made a habit of saying "You just blew my mind, and i didn't have to buy you dinner first" to my friends. idk, i find it funny lol.

 

[Just one more]

Saw a Hardware store missing the "H", commented that it must be where pirates get their tools.

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

This was from my 4 year old son.

Lil Terrific: Knock Knock

THE MR. TERRIFIC: Who's There?

Lil Terrific: YO FACE!!

 

[Sentinel X]

Where can a girl find cookies?....Internet.

Get it? Internet...In her net...get it? get it? ...I'm so proud of myself.