Bastard Moderator from Hell

[Malice]

I am swamped today, and will be out of town this weekend...
I dont think I will be able to post the next installment of...

The BMFH!

 

[Supergirl]

That makes me sad

 

[Malice]

Who knows...I might post one...but VERY doubtfull...

 

[Boy Wonder '04]

I just came back and read the rest malice! Hahaha! Cool!

 

[InsomniacFreak]

I am swamped today, and will be out of town this weekend...
I dont think I will be able to post the next installment of...

The BMFH!

Note to Dew K. Mosi or SHH!! pssttttt. Malice is away and he left us all hung out to dry for the weekend, longing for the next chapter of his unfinished BMFH story.

So, if you have the power (and the guts) go ahead and upload that damn spinning CINO avatar to him. He deserves that for even PRETENDING not to know what the hell CINO meant in the first place. Do it. I dare you.

 

[Master Chief]

I WANT THE F**KING AVATAR AND MY POST COUNT DELETED!

 

[InsomniacFreak]

I WANT THE F**KING AVATAR AND MY POST COUNT DELETED!

You have a practically naked chick in your avatar dude. Ever think that maybe Malice doesn't want to remove your avatar?

 

[Master Chief]

You have a practically naked chick in your avatar dude. Ever think that maybe Malice doesn't want to remove your avatar?

Well I'm giving him permission, even though it is not needed, that he can remove it and insert the Catwoman avatar.

 

[InsomniacFreak]

I suppose you want the CINO forum back too huh?

 

[Master Chief]

I suppose you want the CINO forum back too huh?

YA LoL teh CAtw0man m0ViE wuz teh b3st m0v1e uv teh summa!!!!1!!!!!!!11!~!!!111!1!!111!11!1~1!!!one!!

herre Iz ma t0p t3n l1st omg lol:

1. CAtw0man
2. F1ght ClUB
3. 0nc3 up0n a tim3 in teh w3st
4. teh 9th configuation
5. 2001 a sp4c3 odysey
6. citzin cane
7. predtor 2
8. avP2
9. 5h4tt3red gl4Ss
10. sw0rdf1sh

omg LoL dat is teh b3st list eva!!1!11!

 

[Socrates]

Haha.

 

[Spidey-Bat]

I suppose you want the CINO forum back too huh?

they were destroyed?!?!?!



THERE IS A GOD!!!

 

[Drakon]

Sad thing is, this guy isnt even kidding. This is a real "Day In the Life of Malice". What, you dont think he got that name because it SOUNDS cool. do you?

 

[InsomniacFreak]

Yeah, Malice has returned, hopefully refreshed from his little vacation, and ready to entertain us with more tales from the BMFH.

 

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 6
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

7:45am
Malice arrives at his place of employement turns on his desktop and laptop, then heads out to get his coffee. Along the way he is greeted by a "chipper morning person."

"Hello say Barbara."

Malice waves while thinking, damn I wish I could ban your chipper worthless non-technical project manager ass."

Coffee, once again, Malice lovingly caresses his beautiful disposable styrofoam cup. Pouring in the Black Gold, he sniffs it, just like the Folgers commercials.

"Hi!" yells another extremely chipper co-worker.

Looking annoyed, Malice nods, and grumbles something unintelligeble, promptly leaving the room.

8:00am
Malice actually starts some work.

8:07am
Annoyed by user stupidity, Malice logs into Hype for the first time after being on a 4 day holiday. The little box pops up saying I have 32 new PMs.

*groan*

Why me?

 

[Supergirl]

Nice lead in Malice Can't wait for part 7

 

[The Lumberjack]

This is one of the fewstoryies I've read on the Hype that is actuallyworth the time to read, and then some. Seriously funny stuff here. Bring on part 7.

 

[Malice]

Sorry for the short segments..I cant seem to find the time to really sit down and write...
A good page or two...

So I try to start writing it in the morning...and just add a sentence or two over the course of the hour...hoping I get something by the end of the day...

 

[Socrates]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 6Malice waves while thinking, damn I wish I could ban your chipper worthless non-technical project manager ass."

Haha.

 

[BlueTights]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 1
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

8:00am

I sit at my work comp logging into Hype, and see the usual 5 PMs I got from the previous night...

I click on the PM list and see the ones I recieved:

1. Malice! I need you Help!
2. Malice! I need your Admin Assistance! Troll in Superman!
3. Please change my name
4. I found Porn! Ban this guy!
5. Quick Question

I look a the list and think....wholly crap! Porn! I immediately click on the 4th link and hope for some good porn! There is nothing like seeing good porn while at work and drinking a good coffee. (If you havent tried it, you must!)

I immediately click on the link and the pm text that is like 3 sentences long becomes a jumble until I see the glorious underlined symbol of the almighty, a hyperlink. A hyperlink to porn, God save the Queen.

I click the link, and get taken to an obscure corner of Hype.... Scouring the thread, I search with baited breath.... Then I find it...wait
DAMN! Mirko got to it first and edited out the picture! Damn Him! That is My job to collect all questionable material for a later date! Damn Him!

Closing that window I go back to the remaining four PMs, deleting 1 and 2 without reading them I got to he name change. Feeling nice and magnanimous, I open it up to see a guy with 3 posts wants a name change.

I proceed to IP ban him for stupidty for wanting a name change when he could simply reregister with a new name. Stupidity has no place being on my board.

To the last PM I go, I again feel nice and open the persons question PM. I open the PM to find a freaking copy of War and Peace. I quickly send him a link to the Comments and Support forum without ever reading the pm, then deleting it of course. I cant have it clogging up my PM capacity when someone might be about to PM me something juicy!

8:10am
I actually proceed to do my real job.

8:13am
I pull Mozilla back up and start looking thru Community. (I dont read anything else, because everyone else is a bunch of freaking Comic book geeks...Why would anyone get into a freaking Arguments about whether Spiderman had Organic Webshooters or the classic web-fluid ones. How lame)

I open Community to see the usual crap...

More to come...

bloody brilliant...

 

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 7
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

8:07am
Annoyed by user stupidity, Malice logs into Hype for the first time after being on a 4 day holiday. The little box pops up saying I have 32 new PMs.

*groan*

Why me?

Well here I go...

I look at the PM List

1. Login Problem!
2. Help!
3. Why did you Remove my Post?
4. Malice you Rock!
5. I hate you!
6. I want your child!
7. Malice the Phallus!
8. Eat Me!
9. Problem Mal, take a look...
10. Behaviour in the Elektra forums
11. Troll Alert!
12. I wanna be a Mod!
13. .......
14. Discrimination of SHH! Its Terrible!
15. Why?
16. 
17. I love the Front Page!
18. What is Mirkos phone Number?
19. Woman Threads!
20. Are you Looking for a new Mod?
21. I want the old VB2 back
22. Porn!
23. The Front Page is Crap!
24. Formal Complaing about Snipe!
25. Help!
26. Malice, the Mods needs your help
27. Buy Viagra cheap!
28. I need more Smilies!
29. Absolutely uncalled for insults. This thread requires attention!
30. Mail! Too Much Mail!
31. FAQs, they suck.
32. 3LAKTRA RULES!111!!1 OMG WTF
33. CS! Rules!

*cry*

I immediately straighten my back and decided to dig into it.

PM1 - Login Problem!
Malice, I am logged in with a new account (MobyDick), I cant seem to get into my old account, Moby. Can you help? I dont wanna loose my 32,000 posts!
You seem to be logged in just fine! Enjoy the new account!
Karma +1

PM2 - Help!
Help! I cant seem to get an avatar working.
Looking, I see that this user has 6 posts....DELETE!
Karma +1 (I didnt really help with this one)

PM3 - Why did you Remove my Post?
Malice, I just want to know why my post was removed from the Community forum. Can you give me an answer?
Can you give me a Link to the thread?
Karma +2 (I get good Karma, I have started the user out in finding a solution to their dilemna)

PM4 - Malice you Rock!
I simply wanted to state this... You did a great job with the upgrade. Despite the little problems, it works great!
I reply, What freaking problems? it was flawless, everything that happened happened because I scripted it that way! Go bother someone else!
Karma +3 (I defended my actions, I am so blessed!)

PM5 - I hate you!
I hate you!
What else is new....Go blow a goat.
Karma +4 (Self-defence in my book is a big karma booster.)

PM5 - I want your child!
You rock!
I casually reply, so, what your real name and phone number?
Karma +5 (Procreation! Procreation! Procreation!)

PM6 - Malice the Phallus!
Blah, Blah Blah
(I cut it all out....its like three pages long, no sense in including it)
I reply intelligently, Wow! You like, rhymed!

PM7 - Eat Me!
F**K you!
Dont even bother, DELETE!

PM8 - Problem Mal, take a look...
Malice, please look at this LINK....we have some problems with a user.
Truthteller
What a dependable guy TT is. I immediately, forward it, cutting out the headers to HWD,
HWD, can you take a look please? I am swamped!
Karma +6 (Its great to help people out!)

PM9 - Behaviour in the Elektra forums
There are a few people making trouble in the Elektra forums...handle it.
I reply, "Handle it? Sure...stop being so damn sensitive."
Bans the user who PMed him for 1 week.

I feel I have done my job for the day...time to clean up!

PM10 - Troll Alert!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM11 - I wanna be a Mod!
I am responsible! Honest!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM12 - .......
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM13 - Discrimination of SHH! Its Terrible!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM14 - Why?
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM15 -
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM16 - I love the Front Page!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM17 - What is Mirkos phone Number?
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM18 - Woman Threads!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM19 - Are you Looking for a new Mod?
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM20 - I want the old VB2 back
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM21 - Porn!
I prompltly, "handle the situation"....adding it to my online collection, want the address?

PM22 - The Front Page is Crap!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM23 - Formal Complaing about Snipe!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM24 - Help!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM25 - Malice, the Mods needs your help
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM26 - Buy Viagra cheap!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM27 - I need more Smilies!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM28 - Absolutely uncalled for insults. This thread requires attention!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM29 - Mail! Too Much Mail!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM30 - FAQs, they suck.
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM31 - 3LAKTRA RULES!111!!1 OMG WTF
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

PM32 - CS! Rules!
Dont even bother reading it. *DELETE*

Another plethora of satisfied customers!

 

[Spoon]

Now that's efficient service.

 

[JTIZZLEVILLE]

haha, that's awsome. you are my hero Malice.

 

[Covenant Elite]

Great job. But I sent you one of the PM'd you deleted. :-P

 

[BlueTights]

haha, that's awsome. you are my hero Malice.

indeed