Bastard Moderator from Hell

[Malice]

Guys..take the conversations to other threads.

 

[InsomniacFreak]

Sorry Malice. Will Do.

 

[The Navigator]

Sorry Malice. Will Do.

Sorry.

 

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 12
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

8:00am - Saturday Morning
Rolling out of bed, I take my zombie steps to the automatic coffee maker.
Pouring my mug of liquid life, I moan in complete ecstasy as I slurp it down loudly.

Wandering to my computer, I again wake it up from its Torrent Porn downloading slumber.

Opening Firefox, I (as always) get the PM notification.

I quickly delete all but one, a PM from Mirko.

Who said you can tutor a new admin?

Malice,

I am not at all comfortable with you bringing someone in off the street and giving them admin rights to the board. I do not approve. I have removed the announcement. Call me immediately.

Mirko​

Shaking my head, I immediately open a new PM.
New Admin Justification

Hey buddy, I have some info I neglected to tell you about earlier.
First of all, I ran a complete background check on TheTick. I got his Social Security Number, Home Email, Home Physical Address, Job Information, and I even know how much makes an hour. You know me, I have my sources. my background check came up perfect.

TheTick is perfect for the job.

Let me get him in the door and you will not be disappointed. You know me.

Remember, the time I hacked the Police Database and wiped out that charge of Drunk Driving? I was there for you buddy. Then there was the time that one of the Las Vegas newspapers got a good picture of you in the Brothel, who was it that made sure noone ever got wind of it?

It was me buddy. We wouldnt ever want things like that to jeopardize SHH or CS would we!?

Trust me, he checks out, and my checks are much more concrete then those dumb NSA checks that you need to work for the gorvernment.

Malice​

After I fire that PM off the Mirko, I quickly open a new one to me new Protogee...

Title: Congratulations! You are my new Apprentice!

Dearest TheTick,

You PM to me got me all excited. I deemed your attitude appropriate to someone that wants to become a world famous Moderator/Admin of a board of this size.

You may be wondering why I picked you since your note was grossly inadequete to my 1000 word requirements. Well, it was spunk, it was attitude that brought you to me!

You remind me of someone else that is great, ME!

I can teach you tehcnical things and how to get what you want. But you had what I needed, raw angst! Raw Passion, Raw attitude!

The world can be yours!

Would you like to join me in world domination?

Malice
​

 

[The Navigator]

You have your finger in many pies, eh, Malice?

 

[Malice]

You have your finger in many pies, eh, Malice?

Me?

Not at all. I am just your faithful non-public servant.

 

[The Navigator]

Hehe...

 

[superman_blaze]

Woo

 

[Supergirl]

Bout damn time

and thanks Malice

 

[fever red]

My cup of evil runneth over!

 

[The Navigator]

...yeah. Sure it doth.

 

[Cloud Strife]

Your a lone wolf Malice , you don't need another Admin. cramping your style.

 

[Malice]

Its not as good as the Bastard Operator from Hell...but hey...its my own take on it...

 

[Cloud Strife]

Where's chapter 13 ?

 

[Malice]

Where's chapter 13 ?

Coming...letting inspiration strike

 

[Drakon]

Coming...letting inspiration strike

Ill strike you!!

 

[InsomniacFreak]

Here's what to do to keep these episodes coming. Just ignore Malice completely or else spam the hell outta his thread. Either way seems to work best. See he tells you to shut up, then he feels bad for ignoring you in the first place, then he writes a scene. I have seen into the mind of evil. I know how it works.

Thanks, Malice. Nice of you to join us. That was a little on the efeminant side though. "You got excited from a PM? He had what you needed? ....Spunk?....Raw Passion?!?!?!?!?! " I um, don't know what to make of all that. (Bi-sexual Moderator From Hell?)

 

[Cloud Strife]

Sadly ,Malice was made in Mirko's factory of forum flunkys.Derived to obey every commmand

 

[The Evolutionist]

Are we ever to see episode 13?

 

[InsomniacFreak]

B U M P (Ban Unfit Moderator Please)

Malice has abandoned "the children of the thread" without seeing to their humourous welfare. What gives?

 

[Maxwinner]

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WHY DOESNT IT WORK! I CANT SEND PM'S OR MAKE NEW TREADS AT MAHJ COMP, ITS PHHHUUUUKKKIN WIERD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Cobblepot]

Goodstuff, never read it before.
I'll have to check this more often.

 

[Bathrat]

tagged.

 

[eyez0nme]

bumped

 

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 13
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

12:52pm
Malice pulls up his Ford SportTrac in the driveway from his weekly taunting of the homeless kids.

Walking in his office, he wiggles the mouse bringing the mighty PC back from its morning slumber. He quickly clicks Thunderbird, Firefox and Azureus to get a status of all his goings on.

Looking at Azureus, he sees his uploading of the new Microsoft source code for Windows Vista to all the warez sites around the world is going smoothly. Noone can find him. After bouncing his signal off four satellites, hacking 3 hi-tech companies, spoofing an Indian IP address, and then originating from his neighbor's open wireless connection, it continues smoothly.

Looking to Thunderbird he simply sees he has neglected his email for some time. l it will take some work to clean it all out. So Malice decides to remedy the situation. He employs his email registration scripts to register everyone who emailed him in the last 3 days to a series of medical websites for people with Genital Herpes and The Clap.
*DELETE*

Lastly, its time to check out Hype. Opening the browser it quickly points out I have only 2 PMs. How odd...

Opening them I see the following

1 - Reply from Mirko titled - Dude, you are the man.
2 - Reply from TheTick titled - You have got to be kidding

Opening the one from Mirko is see the following
Malice....John, I do trust you, and you know we should not be talking about things like this on an open line, about my past that is. Back to the subject.
TheTick, I trust that you have sufficiently have checked his background. My problem is this, you failed to talk to me about this. This is my site, not to be rude. Plus, he only has like 10 posts, what kind of signal are we sending to those that don’t have a few thousand posts?

I lean back in my chair thinking carefully as to what I wish to say, plotting the next 25 chess moves....

I reply..

Mirko, you and I know this site could not exist without me. I bring a certain "fun" aspect here. I am not threatening you, not at all. We are the best of friends and the fact I have detailed footage of your indiscretions should not at all diminish your authority in this matter. I will leave this to you and your wonderful judgment.

Your Friend,
Malice

I smile and send the message knowing what the outcome will be, so I promptly read the next message from TheTick:
You have got to be kidding. I am new here, and I think you are a stuck up, self-righteous *******. You are playing a New User gag on me, funny...ok, I give in. Have your laugh.

Why would I want to join you and running Hype?

Smiling I reply.
TheTick,

I picked you because I see something in you, a stupid anger I can mold into something that you can prophet from. Don’t grow up to become a garbage man like your father.

Join Me,

TheTick I am Your Father.

To Be Continued............