Bastard Moderator from Hell

[Supergirl]

BLOODY BRILLIANT! I missed you

 

[Holly Goodhead]

l dont understand these..are they real?

 

[Supergirl]

Most are based on encounters with you Tovie

 

[Holly Goodhead]

Are not.

 

[Supergirl]

Some are ?

 

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 14
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

8:00pm (Sunday Night)

I grace Hype once more with my presence before heading to bed for the wonderful Monday charade I call work.

Logging in, I notice the usual 5 PMs I have sitting in my mailbox.
Opening them I see the following:

1- From Angel titled - When will me meet?
2- From sNiCkeRdOOdle titled - Y DO U NOT ANSWAR MAH MESAEGS?!????!
3- From SphincterBoy - I found you great porn!
4- From WasteOfSpace - I am being stalked!
5- From TimeWarnerExecutive - Great Deal

Reading Message 1 from Angel...
Malice, when are we going to meet? I so love your voice on Skype. I need you Malice!

Replying...
Angel, I do wish that we could meet in person soon, but one of the US Government agencies (which I have explained previously I work for) has decided to send me on a l little jaunt to England for about a month of investigational work. We can of course continue our lovingly chats on Skype while I can. I cant talk more at the moment, I must head to the airport.

Malice
(Hook line and sinker...............................)

Reading Message 2 from sNiCkeRdOOdle
(wait....I realize I actually OPENED IT! I promptly delete it and continue on.)

Reading Message 3 from SphincterBoy
(PORN! Yes I haven’t seen good porn in some time)
Surprise! No Porn!
HAH!

Promptly I open the Admin WebPage and simply DELETE the user and ban his IP, SubNet, UserName, Email and a few other modifications to the WebCode I have added.
How DARE him disgrace the name of PORN!

Reading Message 4 from WasteOfSpace
Help! I am being stalked by SphincterBoy

I smile and then think....hum...this could be fun...

I then create a new account called SphincterBoy, registered to me...unknowing to everyone else of course...and start "stalking" SphincterBoy even more....MUAHAHAHAH

Reading Message 5 from TimeWarnerExecutive
We at TimeWarner would love to offer a deal to you about Web Hosting
Pease contact me...

I file this away in a folder titled "executives to maul in the future"

More Satisfied customers!

More to Come....................

 

[Malice]

I look forward to your comments...heading to bed all...have a good night.

 

[Drakon]

Damn it feels good to have you back.

 

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 15
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

7:34am (Monday morning)

Stumbling in the front door to the office, I somehow manage to make it to the elevator. (Like I will use the stairs to get to the 2nd floor). Instead of dropping off my laptop and backpack at my desk, I immediately bolt to the breakfast area hoping there is something left of my beloved liquid life left in one of the leaded pots. Eureka! Someone was kind enough to actually leave half a pot. Pouring myself a cup in the Styrofoam cup, my ambrosia steams to my satisfaction. Sipping the nectar of the gods I sigh happily.

I slowly wander to my cubicle caressing my cup ignoring all the morning people who are skipping around the office yelling, "Hi John! How are you?"

I drop my bag on my extra chair, turn my PC on and then unpack my laptop and turn it on. I finish my first cup of nectar and proceed to refill...needing my morning fuel.

9:43am (same morning)
I finally arrive at my desk from having my 7 cups of ambrosia; I sit down thinking its time to actually do my job. So I immediately open CNN.com and start reading the news, while drinking number 8.

10:28am (same morning)
Opening a browser I now decide Hype needs my attention. Opening one of my five web browsers, I click on the Hype bookmark and go to the forums.
Getting the PM popup, I hit cancel, not bothering to read PMs right now.
I venture directly into the lions den, Hype Community.

Seeing 192 people in the forums, I growl to myself, thinking I need to dish out some authority.

I open Community and see that EVERY thread is new to me since I last logged in yesterday. Damn its active!

The first Thread is titled - SHH Hotties, which would you Bang!?
Excitedly I pop in the thread and I see comments like this...

HEATHENS! Stop your sinful desires and turn to the light of God ....
Blah Blah Blah

*CLOSE* with a note...
Closed because we don’t need this religious crap around here...go bother the newsgroups....

I feel the above thread was a severe diversion from the real reason we are on the boards...the porn...I mean the enjoyment of others in the Comic Movie Community!

The second Thread is titled - Who will win the World Series?
I don’t bother reading, I simply post in it.

Damn you all, you all know the Astros will win.

The third Thread is titled - Our Planet Earth, we are killing it!
This thread by its title immediately grabs my attention, grinning evilly; I click on the link to enter it.

I see the first post is from a new user called "Mother Druid"
Fearing the name, I read on....

Dearest community of fellow Humans, we need to think, we need to act, we need to move forward or our dearest home, our cradle in the universe will perish because of us. Please ...... *IGNORE*

I immediately ignore the rest of the essay and hit the reply button.

Dearest Mother Druid, although we at SHH! appreciate your ludicrous rantings, please take your Dirt Munching, Tree Hugging views elsewhere so we can go on our merry way pouring battery acid and used motor oil in our sewers.

Thanks for your concern,
Yours Truly, Malice and the rest of the SHH! Users
*CLOSED*

More to come..........

 

[Ultimate_Superman]

I wish I were more like Malice

 

[Malice]

any thoughts on my latest 3 installments?

 

[Drakon]

Honestly--

You're a tad rusty. Not the same flair as they had before your departure. You're getting back with it, though.

 

[Malice]

OH NO!
TheTick has arrived!

 

[Equinox]

OH NO!
TheTick has arrived!

 

[Venom_uk]

Whey hey! It's back. up:

 

[Malice]

Anyone have any "requests" ?

 

[Speedin Bullet]

Anyone have any "requests" ?

I think you should go on a killing spree that leaves none alive. But I always love those kinds of happy endings.

 

[Drakon]

Speedy!!!! Long time no see, bro! Glad to see you back. This a permanent thing?


As for requests--you should do the one thing you haven't covered yet--interaction with Non-Mirko staffers.

 

[Speedin Bullet]

Speedy!!!! Long time no see, bro! Glad to see you back. This a permanent thing?

You should know by now.....No one leaves the Hype! I will always come back from time to time to shake things up.

 

[Malice]

BMFH is still growing....most likely an episode will be out tomorrow.

 

[The Evolutionist]

Dude, Malice, nice to see you back. These are good, but Drak's right, you're a little rusty.

 

[Webmistress]

I have requests, darling... but I don't think I can talk about them here....

 

[InsomniacFreak]

I look forward to your comments...heading to bed all...have a good night.

Aha! Evidence that someone has indeed stolen the login to Malice's Hype account. The Malice I remember from almost one year ago would never be so cordial....

Geez man, Welcome back. Good stuff. Thought you took that "Bisexual Moderator from Hell" comment literally or something.

Keep em coming.

 

[twylight]

Aha! Evidence that someone has indeed stolen the login to Malice's Hype account. The Malice I remember from almost one year ago would never be so cordial....

So you noticed too?

OH NO!
TheTick has arrived!

It was fated to happen.


I'll join with the rest of the cheers at having you back. I missed the BMFH series.

 

[The Lumberjack]

Finally, the much awaited return of BMFH series. I thought this was lost forever.