Bastard Moderator from Hell

[Equinox]

And its been a long time since Malice posted his latest chapter of BMFH!!!

Post dammitt

 

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 16
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

Dearest Kind Sir,

It is my unhappy duty to inform you, that your son, StinkyButt, has been banned in action for being a moron.

I was present at his demise, because I was the one that banned him. Your offspring, the seed of your loins should simply put, be illegal and punishable by death to the entire family in a most greivous fashion.

Please get a vasectomy, it will only benefit us in the long run. Dont make me send TheTrick to do it for you.

Your Truly,
Malice

Sitting back, I deem I have started earning my positive karma. Lately I have been a little negative in this department. Yesterday, I did a bad thing, I actually answemred numerous questions in the Technical Support forum in a complete and consice fashion. I should ban myself for this, but alas, the world needs me, and needs my eternal greatness.

*RING*
*RING*

I pick up my cell phone and realize its Mirko.

Mirko: "Hi Malice, how goes it?"

Malice: "OK Mikro, whats happening?

Mirko: "Well, I wanted to chat to you about the problem we seem to have with you and some users who are complaining about you something about rude Private Messages."

Malice: "Mirko, you know better than to listen to these dweebs, they are simply chimps. They are mostly those I end up banning anyways."

Mirko: "I trully dont think you should be thinking that way, a matter of fact, I believe that you....

Malice pulls up his Instant Messenger, then sends a messenger to a user called "HiddenMayhem". Malice types in, Network Code Red, Execute immedately.

Malice: "Sorry to interrupt, but it seems both ComingSoon and SuperHeroHype are having massive network problems."

Mirko: "Really?"

Malice: "Yup, let me execute a number of my administrative scripts... Let me call you back."

I smile, light up a cigarette and wait a few minutes, I then send the user "HiddenMayhem" a message, Network Code Green, Execute immediately.

I then grab the Cell Phone and call Mirko.

Malice: "I resolved the issue. The network should be ok now. There was a clog in the Input/Output registries that were causing slow response to database calls. Thus causing the whole system to simply lag."

Mirko: "You rock man, you simply rock."

Malice: "I know, I have to go, later man..."

Another happy customer!

 

[Supergirl]

Hehe Other than a few typos... don't ban me... it was great

 

[Malice]

I have a wireless keyboard...and it produces ALOT of typos...I fixed many of them....

 

[Supergirl]

Ah, gotcha. I have one too, and I have to correct myself several times on some posts

 

[Equinox]

HAHAHAHA..Cool chapter Malice

Where is the BAFH?

 

[X-Chick]

Damn, you are bastard.

 

[X-Chick]

You need to update. I've had a ****ty week and I could use a good laugh right now.

 

[bored]

evil people in positions of power are hilarious, sometimes.

 

[X-Chick]

This should turned into a movie...or even better, it should be for real.

MC can write the script, since he's pretty good at that. Malice and Mirko play themselves, of course. Every idiot newb that pisses me all off can be the ones who Malice is mean to.

 

[Malice]

I am not paid to be mean, only efficient.

 

[X-Chick]

But you were mean before. What happened? It's like you left and came back different. I liked the meanness. It was hot.

 

[Malice]

But you were mean before. What happened? It's like you left and came back different. I liked the meanness. It was hot.

Um, not any different.
I can be more mean in the future though.

 

[Equinox]

I can be more mean in the future though.

Be nice or I will ban you

 

[X-Chick]

I like it when he's mean.

I'm a masochist, though...and a sadist.

 

[Malice]

*wink*

 

[X-Chick]

Can I be like Angel and send you dirty PMs?

 

[Malice]

Can I be like Angel and send you dirty PMs?

Only if it includes naked pictures of you...

 

[X-Chick]

Nobody has been that lucky yet. In fact, very few have even seen pictures of me fully clothed.

 

[Drakon]

Like me, for example. I feel like she's like Kit from Nightrider or something.

 

[Kimber Henry]

Nobody has been that lucky yet. In fact, very few have even seen pictures of me fully clothed.

lm not going to lie, l want to rub my face in your amazing breasts.

 

[DuckDuckDouche]

bump

 

[Phantasm]

Quite an impressive attempt, Mr. Malic. The voice that comes off through these snippets of writing is the best thing about this.There is quite an amount of character that finds its way to all segments and that continuity is great.

An anjoyable read on the whole. Tho bits detailing the same events get a tad bit repetitive. Maybe initiating new angles of your life and the Hype might make it more interesting.

And is there any truth to what this narration reveals or is this all figments of your imagination?

 

[Sensi]

Yes, it was quite interesting. I,too, wonder i how much is the truth.

 

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 17
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

The day after Memorial Day strikes and the alarm goes off.

Malice leans forward and turns off his IPOD by Malice Alarm Clock with 6 12 inch woofers and a 12,000 watt amplified built in.

Eyes closed, he wanders the hallway to the coffee pot and fills up his coffee cup and downs the whole cup, scalding temperature and all. He promptly fills up a second cup, this time actually putting in sweetener and cream.

He wanders over to his desk pressing the powerup button to his laptop and starts his pc/server next to him, showing the next episode of 24 that he recently "saved" to his hard drive.

Opening Firefox and Thunderbird he thinks its time to get back to work.
Thunderbird says: You have 23,632 new messages.
<Select-All>-<Delete>

Mail taken care of.

After logging into SHH he scan his PMs. Smiling, he had no PM's. What a great day.

Immediately a trillian box popups about from the user "fancyfred"

FancyFred: Malice Help! I am getting harrassed here at work!

Malice: I will take care of it FF, what is the perpitrators name?

FancyFred: His name is sNiCkeRdOOdle

Malice: I got it!

Closing the box, I decide, its time to start my latest programming project.
Malice runs the file C:\scripts\KaZaApush\Kazaa_push.exe

Immediately a new popup asks "What username wants Kazaa?:" I type in FancyFred and sNiCkeRdOOdle

The windows closes and I see the network monitoring software logging quite a bit of data. A new window pops up: 'FrancyFred and sNiCkeRdOOdle now have KaZaA installed and are running as supernodes for Child Porn."

Tada! I sure hope they are not at work.

I know FancyFred will be happy I solved his sNiCkeRdOOdle problem.

*Wink*